The Pangs of Divorce

[EllyDicious]

I agree.


Hey hey, I never talked about forced marriage. I simply meant a marriage where your friends or parents arrange a meeting between you and someone compatible.

Forced marriages are wrong of course. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).

Then I have misunderstood the difference between 'forced' and 'arranged' marriage.

 

[CosmicPathos]

NO. You can discover flaws BEFORE getting married. That's why people need to stay in a relationship to see if they are compatible with each other, then they can decided whether they want to get married or not.

But in Islam this is haraam, so clearly there's no other choice but to get married.

We have tawakkul in Allah and we believe whatever happens, happens for the best. We dont need to stay in filthy, satanic, abhorrent relationships before marriage to gauge the other person. Only immoral people need to do that.

 

[Cabdullahi]

You claim to be a law student yet you know jack about reality.

Why is my love for cartoon non-comparable to my love for a human? Who are you to judge the intensity of MY love and what I love? So you are saying that some man's love for a woman is superior to my love for a cartoon? .

cartoon vs woman who's better lets find out??

companionship
woman is known to be one of the best companions a man can have
cartoons disappear when the Tv is switched off.

therefore woman wins!

 

[Asiyah3]

NO. You can discover flaws BEFORE getting married. That's why people need to stay in a relationship to see if they are compatible with each other, then they can decided whether they want to get married or not..

Why is the divorce rate so high in the West when most couples spend so much time dating and living together before marriage?

 

[EllyDicious]

Only immoral people need to do that.

Who are you to judge people who stay in relationships before marriage?
You told me not to be judgmental, yet you are being 100times more than me.

I'm not surprised why some religious men are the most hypocrite people on earth! They tell you something is wrong but still they keep on doing the same mistake.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Why is the divorce rate so high in the West when most couples spend so much time dating and living together before marriage?

Sorry to say sister, but that is not a valid argument. Divorce rate during the times of Saahaaba was also high. We cannot use argument against them which also applies to us.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Who are you to judge people who stay in relationships before marriage?
You told me not to be judgmental, yet you are being 100times more than me.

I'm not surprised why some religious men are the most hypocrite people on earth! They tell you something is wrong but still they keep on doing the same mistake.

well if you can tell me that my love for cartoon is disgusting, I can tell you that too.

Some non-religious women are the most hypocrite humans ever come to life.

 

[CosmicPathos]

cartoon vs woman who's better lets find out??

companionship
woman is known to be one of the best companions a man can have
cartoons disappear when the Tv is switched off.

therefore woman wins!

I still insist that cartoon is better. For me at least. At the time being.

 

[Asiyah3]

Who are you to judge people who stay in relationships before marriage?

Ever heard of a 'freedom of opinion'?

 

[EllyDicious]

Why is the divorce rate so high in the West when most couples spend so much time dating and living together before marriage?

Because in the West people don't take time to know each other more. They get married thinking that marriage has no responsibility, thinking that marriage is a field with flowers.
Many of the relationships in the west are immature and are based on sex. I'm against these relationships. People over there don't like to be responsible but they forget that marriage has great responsibility and when they find out about it, they are not able to handle it the right way.

Also, people over there are lazy to try and work out a marriage. They think divorcing is the best / easiest choice.
I don't agree with this, but that's the way they mostly are.

THat's why I say it's important for people to know each other more before marriage.

 

[Asiyah3]

I still insist that cartoon is better. For me at least. At the time being.

Why? if I may ask.

 

[EllyDicious]

Ever heard of a 'freedom of opinion'?

Sure. But when I was expressing my free opinion, he was telling me not to judge. So I told him the same thing back.

Simple.

 

[Cabdullahi]

but bro, can one really call that "love" which has developed in like few months and has not even been explored ... perhaps there might be a certain important aspect of that person which the other person could not gauge before marrying her just because they could not hang out ... You would only discover flaws "AFTER" marriage, not before marriage, as that is the only chance to then interact with that person freely.

As you probably know prevention is better than cure and islam is all about prevention......and hence hanging out is not allowed and i didnt say love forms in mere few months...love forms after marriage after a long period and lastly you dont need to hang out with someone somewhere in isolation to tell them something important...unless you wanna get them into bed asap?

 

[Cabdullahi]

Why? if I may ask.

It's a wind up.....he's just playing....no guy will love cartoon more than women...his body wont let him never!

 

[CosmicPathos]

As you probably know prevention is better than cure and islam is all about prevention......and hence hanging out is not allowed and i didnt say love forms in mere few months...love forms after marriage after a long period and lastly you dont need to hang out with someone somewhere in isolation to tell them something important...unless you wanna get them into bed asap?

hmm but it seemed from what you said that love can be developed in few moments of knowing the other person and hence we can call islamic marriage a "love marriage." Lets not be apologetic to bend over our backs to justify what we believe in to these ppl.

 

[EllyDicious]

It's a wind up.....he's just playing....no guy will love cartoon more than women...his body wont let him never!

Of course he's playing.
And he pretty much knows I'm right. It's just that his ego won't let him tell me I'm right.

 

[Asiyah3]

They get married thinking that marriage has no responsibility, thinking that marriage is a field with flowers.
Many of the relationships in the west are immature and are based on sex. I'm against these relationships. People over there don't like to be responsible but they forget that marriage has great responsibility and when they find out about it, they are not able to handle it the right way.

Also, people over there are lazy to try and work out a marriage. They think divorcing is the best / easiest choice.
I don't agree with this, but that's the way they mostly are.

Great points.

Because in the West people don't take time to know each other more.
THat's why I say it's important for people to know each other more before marriage.

I don't think that is the right solution considering the statistics despite the years spent getting to know the partner. On the contrary, even though in the East people don't date before marriage, I see their relationships are much more successful and stable probably for the reasons you mentioned.

 

[Asiyah3]

Sorry to say sister, but that is not a valid argument. Divorce rate during the times of Saahaaba was also high. We cannot use argument against them which also applies to us.

True, I only used the divorce rate to show that the time might not be the solution.

 

[EllyDicious]

Great points.


I don't think that is the right solution considering the statistics despite the years spent getting to know the partner. On the contrary, even though in the East people don't date before marriage, I see their relationships are much more successful and stable probably for the reasons you mentioned.

Also, you may spend a lot of time with your partner, yet you don't love him or are very superficial about this relationship.
It depends on the person, really.

Personally, I'd like to know someone before getting married but this doesn't mean that I want to break up or that I want to have many partners.

I think life in the west has gone in degradation. Half of the families are divorced while women have 100 partners.
I'm against this kind of life, but still I wouldn't stay with someone I was forced to marry.

 

[Dagless]

Personally, I'd like to know someone before getting married but this doesn't mean that I want to break up or that I want to have many partners.

I think life in the west has gone in degradation. Half of the families are divorced while women have 100 partners.
I'm against this kind of life, but still I wouldn't stay with someone I was forced to marry.

Can't you see one will lead to the other?

You want to get to know someone before getting married (on a very long term basis it seems since you think people in the west don't get to know each other for long enough :|) but you are against the kind of life where women have 100 partners.

If you get to know someone but you don't like them then you will move onto someone else. It is unlikely you will settle on the first or even the second or third... because you're human. Humans get bored, and the grass is always greener etc.

You can't have it both ways.