I hadn't gone on msn for a whole day now.. too much chaos had stirred up. I switched off my phone, and broke off any contact i had with the world.. just for today.
I pondered over everything that had happened.. 4years was a long time.. yet it had gone by so quick..
Reflections
Allah says: Verily, We have created man in toil and struggle. [Sûrah al-Balad 90: 4]
“Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and by good by way of trial, and to Us is your return.” [Sûrah al-Anbiyâ’: 35]
Anyway, lets see. I accepted the phase 1 gyal, because i felt sorry for her. She cared for me, but i didn't want to hurt her - so i accepted her. But then i hurt her again, because i faced a calamity in life...
Then i turned to Allaah for a little while, due to my weakness, lets see what Allaah says in the Qur'an:
If you disbelieve, then verily, Allah is not in need of you, He likes not disbelief for His slaves. And if you are grateful (by being believers), He is pleased therewith for you. No bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another. Then to your Lord is your return, so He will inform you what you used to do. Verily, He is the All-Knower of that which is in (men's) breasts (hearts.)
And when some hurt touches man, he cries to his Lord (Allah Alone), turning to Him in repentance, but when He bestows a favour upon him from Himself, he forgets that for which he cried for before, and he sets up rivals to Allah, in order to mislead others from His Path. Say: "Take pleasure in your disbelief for a while: surely, you are (one) of the dwellers of the Fire!"
[Qur'an 39: 7-8]
Don't tell me you never saw that in the plot..?
I actually turned to Allaah at that moment, and He helped me soo much. I cried to him then, because my heart was so innocent.. yet when the good came, i turned away.
You saw it infront of your own eyes, i turned 180 degrees around and forgot Allaah, but not only that - i mislead others from His path too!
What happened after?
I tried to get popular. I failed, but carried on striving to.
And by Him Who created male and female;
Certainly, your efforts and deeds are diverse (different in aims and purposes);
As for him who gives (in charity) and keeps his duty to Allah and fears Him,
And believes in the best [reward],
We will make smooth for him the path of ease (goodness).
But he who is greedy miser and thinks himself self-sufficient.
And denies the best [reward],
We will make smooth for him the path for evil;
[Qur'an Al-Layl (the Night) 92: 3-10]
Don't tell me you never saw that either?
I strived hard to go down the road of evil.. so Allaah made that road easy for me, but all it did was cause loss and destruction to my ownself, aswell as mislead others away from the path of Allaah.. and cause them destruction too.
So I carried on wandering in the darkness.. of misguidance, thinking that what I was doing is good. I thought I was winning.. yet I still felt harsh inside, in a constant state of anxiety. Insecurity. Distrust. Loss. No matter how much I got, I wasn't pleased with it.
Allah says: “But he who turns away from remembrance of Me, his will be a narrow life, and I shall bring him blind to the assembly on the Day of Resurrection.”
[Sûrah TâHâ: 124]
Thats exactly how i felt.. i felt as if i needed more, even when i had what others would love to have!
I remembered how simple life was when everything was normal, when i never ran after this deceptive world so much, when even the small things even seemed fun.. when everything was so innocent...
Remember it was his first time, and we know the first time is the best.. like we discussed in the previous heart break series.
wat if your first one ends up being some nasty thing? lol? you still like her better then others? .... mayb you'd like that memory and cherish it, but you would find someone better later, and you'd cherish that person perhaps more then the memories.
mg: (the boi in da story, i mean)