There are two men in love with me

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Xcoolamandax

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One I'm going to inshallah marry this summer. The other is a man I know who thinks he has fallen in love with me. I've explained the situation to him and made sure not to lead him on or make him think that I have any feelings for him but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm not sure what to do now.
 
Peace Mercy And Blessing of Allah be upon you.

Respected sister, it is haraam for a man to propose to a woman who has just received a marriage proposal. It is all up to you. If you are already going to be married to someone then its preferable to go with the first person itself.

Love is blind but you got Allah to help you. Make Ishtihara prayer so that Allah can guide you to make the right decision.
 
Xcoolamandax said:
I guess I did...haha....:omg:. I guess I just don't want to hurt this other man that much.
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Well what can i say really, you will have to face the music and be honest with him and then move on or you could choose not to tell him and say you want to stop communicating because its haraam to talk with opposite gender when it has crossed all limits.

Btw have both these met you in person? because u cannot really properly fall in love with somebody until you have met them so explain that to him also.
 
cat eyes said:
Well what can i say really, you will have to face the music and be honest with him and then move on or you could choose not to tell him and say you want to stop communicating because its haraam to talk with opposite gender when it has crossed all limits.

Btw have both these met you in person? because u cannot really properly fall in love with somebody until you have met them so explain that to him also.
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Yes sister, I have met these people in person. I'm leaning on the side to just stop talking to him.
 
If you don´t give him direct answer that you will marry someone else but let him wait in false dreams, you will hurt him very deeply.

Sorry to him. You are going to marry someone else, not him? Telling what is situation is honesty, not hurting others.
 
Xcoolamandax said:
Yes sister, I have met these people in person. I'm leaning on the side to just stop talking to him.
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well look at it this way sister. put yourself in his shoes, would you want to be played like that? sister harb is right dont lead him on false dreams that he will be with you one day.. your going to set him up for so much hurt btw how would your fiance feel if he knew you were in contact with another man? how would you feel if he was contacting another sister and in two minds about whether to marry you or not? have you ever heard that saying. ''what you sow, sow shall you reep''

i have heard countless of stories where the same thing was done on them after they intentionally hurt somebody.
 
:sl:

Sister, since you've decided to marry this person, stay away from the other completely. No talking, no texting, no meeting, no emailing. Ever.

How do you think your to-be would feel knowing there is another man after you? Erase this other guy. Even if he comes at you saying he's having the toughest time in the world and needs 'a shoulder to rest on', it's not your problem. Don't give him sympathy. Be true to your husband to be always. He should have protective jealousy of you and by you even giving an ounce of sympathy to this other guy, it can damage your relationship with your husband.
 
You're right brother. I will break off all contact with him. I love my husband to be not him.
 
Xcoolamandax said:
You're right brother. I will break off all contact with him. I love my husband to be not him.
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change your number and email address and every single thing so you dont feel tempted to contact him again other wise you will
 
Leaning on the side isn't going to do anything, it'll only making things worse because he is waiting for a response from you while you seem to be hoping for things to miraculously work out without actually making any effort. Without having to make myself seem in any suspicion, I must point out that there must be more to this issue because you don't just happen to fall in love without a cause or reason.

Nevertheless, if you are intending to marry one then make clear your intentions completely clear to the other but do not under any circumstances lie, give false hopes, lead him on or even mislead him with ambiguity with regards to where you stand. If he is in love than you must be honest, sincere, truthful and I emphasise that you must, must make your intentions completely clear in a polite and understanding manner. Otherwise, after marriage, you will walk from the frying pan into the fire because to watch someone you love get married to someone else is be a very, very deeply hurtful thing to experience. Don't give your marriage a bad start and don't leave behind any bad memories that can be easily prevented.
 
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Alpha Dude said:
:sl:
Even if he comes at you saying he's having the toughest time in the world and needs 'a shoulder to rest on', it's not your problem. Don't give him sympathy..
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I mean this in a purely general context. sis Amanda, by you, i dont mean you..:)
what if you took them to this point? i mean its really not nice to play with someone and then walk away like its none of your business. you have to pay for what you did to them. dont you owe them that you marry them in such a case?
 
Xcoolamandax said:
I guess I did...haha....:omg:. I guess I just don't want to hurt this other man that much.
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You'll hurt him anyway. If you talk to him before you get married make sure you are clear that you love another person who you will marry. Once he knows you love someone else I doubt he'll hang around. Be firm and don't lead him on in any way.
 
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Malaak said:
I mean this in a purely general context. sis Amanda, by you, i dont mean you..:)
what if you took them to this point? i mean its really not nice to play with someone and then walk away like its none of your business. you have to pay for what you did to them. dont you owe them that you marry them in such a case?
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If she is married to somebody, no other guy has any right to any sort of comfort from her.

She only has to tell this other guy clearly, politely that there is nothing for him and it can never be and that she is to marry somebody else. Then cut all contact. Not doing so will only lead to problems with her husband. If this guy contacts out of the blue and says his mother passed away (example) and needed somebody to comfort him and she was all he had, the best thing to do is to ignore him. He has no right to her. We don't let our feelings get in the way of what is right by sharia. If she made a mistake in the past, she has to repent and move on. We don't let our past keep dragging us down.
 

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