Assalamualaikum brother Abz2000
:wa: brother ardianto and to all who sincerely follow Allah :swt: 's guidance,
:jzk: for the reply,
True love comes from empathy, the feeling that you feel care to the others and want to do something good for them without expect a compensation. In example, if you give your food to the hunger person without you expect thank.
I know it is possible to an extent - depending on different variables such as upbringing (role model influence), seeing a picture bigger than oneself, self sufficiency, spending patterns, sympathy due to having been in a similar position etc.
Though the example you gave appears to point more to pity than love.
I used to also give when I could before I was practicing Islam of my own accord but not as confidently as I do now, and I recall feeling like I'd done a big thing when I'd give a decent amount (according to circumstances), which I rarely feel now since it feels more like a duty to give with the certainty that all wealth is Allah's wealth anyway.
I did also go through selfish phases where I took as much as I could regardless of how (dog eat dog mentality) so I can say that yes I learned to give, and it had a lot to do with seeing my mum keep a mosque pot for coins since I can remember even though we'd walk to shopping in order to save the bus fare etc, and also due to the fact that she'd give poor relatives large amounts, and also collect for their marriages or concrete houses or tin roofs etc.
But my peer influences also didn't leave me with any qualms about sticking anything I decided I liked in my jacket when hanging out at shops with school friends, doing dodgy deals which I won't mention had no issues other than the risk getting caught, and the idea of sticking up a local newsagent was no big issue other than the sentence it would carry.
The difference I noticed after starting to take serious interest in Islam is that there are set standards to go by, some good things became normal instead of special, and others became scary and later became abhorrent as time passed.
If a male came knocking on my door to sell something or to beg at Jumu'ah time, I wouldn't even think twice about buying or giving, but now, if I catch them in my family estate during the time when males are usually at the mosque on Friday, I admonish, threaten, or punish them because I see it as a grave crossing of a red line.
I can definitely say that multiple external influences regularly swayed my way of thinking and emotions in the past, but Islam gave me stability and consistency, it's way beyond mere emotion.
I remember surah al insaan:
8. And they feed, for the love of Allah, the indigent, the orphan, and the captive,-
9. (Saying),"We feed you for the sake of Allah alone: no reward do we desire from you, nor thanks.
10. "We only fear a Day of distressful Wrath from the side of our Lord."
And I remember this:
26. And render to the kindred their due rights, as (also) to those in want, and to the wayfarer: But squander not (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift.
27. Verily spendthrifts are brothers of the Evil Ones; and the Evil One is to his Lord (himself) ungrateful.
28. And even if thou hast to turn away from them in pursuit of the Mercy from thy Lord which thou dost expect, yet speak to them a word of easy kindness.
29. Make not thy hand tied (like a niggard's) to thy neck, nor stretch it forth to its utmost reach, so that thou become blameworthy and destitute.
30. Verily thy Lord doth provide sustenance in abundance for whom He pleaseth, and He provideth in a just measure. For He doth know and regard all His servants.
31. Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin.
32. Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).
33. Nor take life - which Allah has made sacred - except for just cause. And if anyone is slain wrongfully, we have given his heir authority (to demand qisas or to forgive): but let him nor exceed bounds in the matter of taking life; for he is helped (by the Law).
34. Come not nigh to the orphan's property except to improve it, until he attains the age of full strength; and fulfil (every) engagement, for (every) engagement will be enquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).
35. Give full measure when ye measure, and weigh with a balance that is straight: that is the most fitting and the most advantageous in the final determination.
36. And pursue not that of which thou hast no knowledge; for every act of hearing, or of seeing or of (feeling in) the heart will be enquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).
37. Nor walk on the earth with insolence: for thou canst not rend the earth asunder, nor reach the mountains in height.
38. Of all such things the evil is hateful in the sight of thy Lord.
39. These are among the (precepts of) wisdom, which thy Lord has revealed to thee. Take not, with Allah, another object of worship, lest thou shouldst be thrown into Hell, blameworthy and rejected.
This model works for everyone if everyone follows it rather than hoping that some people might have some empathy.
But empathy is different than solidarity. If you help your friend to sell drugs, this is not empathy, but solidarity. Solidarity can lead to something good, can lead to something bad.
This is true in many cases, but the line between solidarity and love can become blurry when it's not fixed for Allah's sake since there are often multiple complicated factors involved.
How about true love?. You can be say you love your drug dealer friend if you are always willing to guide him back to the right path because you believe he can become good person, when other people have left him and not care on him anymore. One sign of true love is willingness to not leave someone.
I've noticed that lack of a strong willed and disciplined fear of Allah can send it all haywire, especially when you know they're going to do it anyway and you know that you're their only reliable contact, you can end up falling into the lesser of evils type of thinking if you've been there before unless you learn to be an adamant fundamentalist who sticks to his solid principles come wind or rain and is willing to spurn them despite the strongest of worldly bonds.
A husband can be called has true love if he still love his wife although his wife has lost her beauty due to accident or illness. A husband with true love always want to give something to his wife and makes her happy. However, if a husband decide to do something wrong like stealing only to satisfy his wife greed on money, this is not true love, but a stupidity.
Again, if not for Allah's sake this so called true love (which i don't personally believe to be soundly true regardless of how strong it is) is often an unreliable standard, firstly because it depends on the individual's standards which are difficult to get to the bottom of and can take a lifetime trying to fathom, and secondly because they are subject to change at any moment since there's no baseline and any wild excuse or clause can be thrown in at any time.
With the Islamic method, you just have to measure a potential spouse by Allah's standards and hope they're genuine and stick to it, and you stick to it, and if they betray you or even begin to fall short, you can check each other with it.
Regarding the stealing for her part, again it depends on the standard, if it's Allah's standard, both of you know where each stands, one won't dare to ask, the other won't dare to do. Otherwise it's a case of: oh please ask me for the moon but not john the baptist'd head, oh well then, if you insist.
In true love the heart still working to distinguish which the good which the bad. If you think what your wife ask from you is good for her, you will not hesitate to give. However, if you think what your wife ask from you can cause something bad for her, you will not give what she want because you don't want something bad happen to her.
Again the good and bad cannot easily become wildly subjective by variables such as personal likes and dislikes, laws signed by politicians (and they're usually more corrupt than the average citizen in any given country these days), and can usually be easily evaluated quite rationally and soundly with Allah's standard.
So the essence of my observation is that sole dependence on the chemical state of the human mind is not a very wise choice, especially given the multiple variables which include local and international influences but nothing internally binding.
Going by utter submission to Allah whilst being aware of the Promised eventual judgement, rewards, and punishments works to build a sound standard that not only transcends the self and the planet, but sets individual internal standards that are easy to evaluate the self and others by and also keep in and bring into check.
Islam is a solid and stable matrix that is balanced in every aspect. It not only works for physical, spiritual and social well being, also keeping the reward and motivation centers on a level higher than worldly life itself, this is also being proven from the fact that people who know it well are finding more reason to adhere to and establish it than to drop it despite the persecutions and short sighted drawbacks, the worse things get, the more motivated and anxious people become to work towards achievement, I see no parallel in todays world.
Feel free to dispute or confirm any parts as these are my personal observations, and the human psychology field has many interesting angles, and every angle is a goldmine for pondering.
Again :jz: for replying, agreeing or even arguing makes a person start thinking about stuff they never thought about before.
Here's a good example where some brothers who talk to others and themselves where there's no easily visible short term reason for disciplining themselves and walking straight, it would seem abnormal in the conditions and circumstances, but even though the reasons can't be seen by everyone, the motivation is strong and ever present.
Try to imagine, would almost a quarter of the earth's population fast for a whole month together at the same time even if they saw the benefits had it not been for the sake of Allah?
Doesn't this constant reminder of Allah's presence teach them to check themselves constantly, even when nobody else is there and nobody else will be harmed by their failings? doesn't this work towards making them more thoughtful and disciplined individuals more prone to make sound decisions and better equipped to take the reins of the future generation?
