This is Love- Marriage is where the story begins, not where it ends.
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cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn
which lamb?
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Jazaak Allah Khair Sis Zaria for your input! 
and Jazaak Allah Khair to all of you who took time to read what has been posted in this thread.
I wanted to ask a couple of questions.
Do classical Arabic speaking persons understand the true nature of love better than a uni-lingual English person who only speaks English?
Is your ability to love increased the more languages you speak?
Languages open up the sphere of learning other realities, and therefore this increases understanding
understanding something is the opposite of not understanding it, therefore, understanding something builds a familiarity on the subject, and an interest in it can lead to a love of the subject. No?
- cOsMiC
and Jazaak Allah Khair to all of you who took time to read what has been posted in this thread. I wanted to ask a couple of questions.
Do classical Arabic speaking persons understand the true nature of love better than a uni-lingual English person who only speaks English?
Is your ability to love increased the more languages you speak?
Languages open up the sphere of learning other realities, and therefore this increases understanding
understanding something is the opposite of not understanding it, therefore, understanding something builds a familiarity on the subject, and an interest in it can lead to a love of the subject. No?
- cOsMiC
~Zaria~
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^Good points ukthi,
There have been many studies that show that lanuguage affects the way we actually think about things.
Does it affect how we Love?
I personally, (in a completely unevidenced way : ) ) dont think it would....to any great extent......
The fact is that 'romantic' love (we'll call it such, as theres no english word to encompass this meaning : ) ) cannot in itself, be fully understood from just a single word.
So whether we call it 'love', 'ishq', 'hubb' ......no matter how many ways we may wish to call it - its an emotion (as all other emotions) that needs to be FELT to be TRULY understood.
e.g I will not be able to perfectly describe to someone what anger is - if they have never experienced it for themselves.
Think about it - how can you fully explain how anger actually feels?
Same too for love.......
Emotions are what makes us human.......whether you are Russian, African, Mexican or English.
It requires no degree.
It is felt by the literate and illiterate alike.
What changes its experience to the beholder - is the nature of his/ her HEART.
A hardened heart (corrupted by this dunya) - may not be able to feel the INTENSITY of love, as the one whose heart is softened......
No matter the language....: )
:wa:
There have been many studies that show that lanuguage affects the way we actually think about things.
Does it affect how we Love?
I personally, (in a completely unevidenced way : ) ) dont think it would....to any great extent......
The fact is that 'romantic' love (we'll call it such, as theres no english word to encompass this meaning : ) ) cannot in itself, be fully understood from just a single word.
So whether we call it 'love', 'ishq', 'hubb' ......no matter how many ways we may wish to call it - its an emotion (as all other emotions) that needs to be FELT to be TRULY understood.
e.g I will not be able to perfectly describe to someone what anger is - if they have never experienced it for themselves.
Think about it - how can you fully explain how anger actually feels?
Same too for love.......
Emotions are what makes us human.......whether you are Russian, African, Mexican or English.
It requires no degree.
It is felt by the literate and illiterate alike.
What changes its experience to the beholder - is the nature of his/ her HEART.
A hardened heart (corrupted by this dunya) - may not be able to feel the INTENSITY of love, as the one whose heart is softened......
No matter the language....: )
:wa:
TrueStranger
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~Zaria~
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How would you describe the love/hate relationship between Mughith and Barirah?
:wa:
From the ahadith that we have available - it would be speculation on my part to try and adequately describe the relationship between Mughith and Barirah....
Why did Mughith love Barirah so?
Was it her beauty?
Her piety?
Or that he did not wish to break a marriage?
And why did Barirah reject the love of Mughith?
His character?
Appearance?
Her love for another?
Who knows......
I think that their story demonstrates that Islam does not enforce people to enter/ remain within a marriage.....as shown by prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam)'s response to the situation.
الله العالم
TrueStranger
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Not forcing people to enter or remain in a marriage is just one lesson we could learn from this story. It's true that no one really knows as to why he loved her or why she hated him. However, the Prophet (PBUH) was astonished at the love Mughith had for her and the distain Barriah had for Mughith (The Prophet said to Abbas: ‘O Abbas! Are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?)
How would you describe his behavior (running after her in the public, tears running down his beard)? And was it one in which the prophet (PBUH) disapproved of or an understandable behavior which showed the complexities of love. I would not be wrong to say Mughith was head over heels for Barriah. I'm truly amazed at people who think that the correct "love" that should exist in a marriage is one which requires a spouse to love their partner for the Sake of Allah.
Do you think the love a mother has for her child is due to her ability to love for the sake of Allah?
CosmicPathos
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where did you get that from? Islam only calls marriage half of faith (and Islam does not say that love is half of faith! note the difference between marriage and love!), Islam does not say your manhood will be incomplete without a wife. Remember, Adam was created complete and then hawa was created from his completed rib.
I am complete without a wife. Dont insult men and women.
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~Zaria~
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^ JazakAllah khair for the response.
Certainly the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) was astonished at the extremes of emotions that the couple felt for each other.
However, I dont think we can compare the love that Mughith felt for his wife - to the lust we see today.....
Remember: the two were practically forced into marriage to each other by their 'owners' (as they were slaves at the time).
There was no chance of an irrational, hormone-surged romance preceding their union (as is in many cases today).
I imagine that the pain felt by Mughith was that of a husband losing his wife (and from what I understand, the mother of his child).
To someone who loves his spouse, and possibly could not understand her intense rejection of him - this was understandably a painful, heart-wrenching point in his life.
My ukthi, a marriage that is initiated in the correct manner (i.e. without the prolonged, pre-marital engagements/ meetings/ 'getting-to-know-each-other-better' scenario) - does not provide the opportunity to be based on intense love.
Think about it.
Within the marriage, one prays that Allah (subhanawata'la) fills the hearts of the individuals with love, mercy and kindness towards each other.
The love grows within the marriage.....for each other, as well as for the pleasure of Allah (subhanawataála).
In fact, our lives should be lived that whatever we do - it is with the intention of drawing near to Allah, and to gain HIS pleasure.
Not just in love for your spouse.....
But everything.....
When you leave home for work: 'My intention O' Rabb is to obtain halaal rizq to support my family - gaining YOUR pleasure.
When you commence any activity: 'O Allah - I am performing such and such.......for YOUR pleasure.
In fact, every act in our lives can be an ibaadat.....if we just change our intentions.
And so too, loving your spouse - for the sake of Allah - is the highest form of love.
It is based on something beyond the beautiful face and smile......beyond every other material aspect......
This type of love does not give room to the phrase:
"I cant live without you" <-- Yes, you can! Because your life and death is meant for Allah alone!
It does not allow for thoughts of suicide or major depression at the loss of the loved one (as is in many cases today).
It is a love felt for each other that brings you closer to Allah......not further away out of distraction.
It in no way precludes loving each other, as individuals.......it is taking it a step further - by adding the intention of seeking Allahs pleasure in the process.
:wa:
Certainly the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) was astonished at the extremes of emotions that the couple felt for each other.
However, I dont think we can compare the love that Mughith felt for his wife - to the lust we see today.....
Remember: the two were practically forced into marriage to each other by their 'owners' (as they were slaves at the time).
There was no chance of an irrational, hormone-surged romance preceding their union (as is in many cases today).
I imagine that the pain felt by Mughith was that of a husband losing his wife (and from what I understand, the mother of his child).
To someone who loves his spouse, and possibly could not understand her intense rejection of him - this was understandably a painful, heart-wrenching point in his life.
My ukthi, a marriage that is initiated in the correct manner (i.e. without the prolonged, pre-marital engagements/ meetings/ 'getting-to-know-each-other-better' scenario) - does not provide the opportunity to be based on intense love.
Think about it.
Within the marriage, one prays that Allah (subhanawata'la) fills the hearts of the individuals with love, mercy and kindness towards each other.
The love grows within the marriage.....for each other, as well as for the pleasure of Allah (subhanawataála).
In fact, our lives should be lived that whatever we do - it is with the intention of drawing near to Allah, and to gain HIS pleasure.
Not just in love for your spouse.....
But everything.....
When you leave home for work: 'My intention O' Rabb is to obtain halaal rizq to support my family - gaining YOUR pleasure.
When you commence any activity: 'O Allah - I am performing such and such.......for YOUR pleasure.
In fact, every act in our lives can be an ibaadat.....if we just change our intentions.
And so too, loving your spouse - for the sake of Allah - is the highest form of love.
It is based on something beyond the beautiful face and smile......beyond every other material aspect......
This type of love does not give room to the phrase:
"I cant live without you" <-- Yes, you can! Because your life and death is meant for Allah alone!
It does not allow for thoughts of suicide or major depression at the loss of the loved one (as is in many cases today).
It is a love felt for each other that brings you closer to Allah......not further away out of distraction.
It in no way precludes loving each other, as individuals.......it is taking it a step further - by adding the intention of seeking Allahs pleasure in the process.
:wa:
TrueStranger
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Sister Zaria, there is nothing wrong with loving for the sake of Allah, and so far no one has given a clear definition of what it means to “Love for the Sake of Allah”, especially when it comes to a spouse. What exactly are you giving up or struggling against for the Sake of Allah? What have you forsaken for the sake of Allah?
I clearly understand what it means to forsake something or someone for the Sake of Allah. People give up their wealth, children, and their own lives for the sake of Allah. They are losing something/someone to which they're naturally inclined towards, so they could gain the Pleasure of Allah. One cannot measure the psychological struggle and the worldly costs they face as a result of Loaning to Allah a beautiful Loan, and therefore they could only be truly rewarded by Allah.
It’s unrealistic to put your hereafter in the hands of a spouse. If one loves someone for the sake of Allah, then would they Divorce each other for the Sake of Allah? Or would they stop loving each other for the Sake of Allah?
Hatred, jealousy, and pain also develops from within marriages. The companions of the Prophet (PBUH) married, divorced, and remarried. They did not divorce because they were not able to love each other for the Sake of Allah, for verily they have sacrificed more for Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (PBUH) than anyone alive today. They were realistic and knew that personality, behavior, and our natural inclination to like/love some more than others exists ( as long as it is not Haraam)
You have to remember that I’ve never compared Mughith’s love with lust. Lust is lust, and love is love. To take some normal aspects of love and label it lust is unrealistic. There are plenty of men who divorce their wives and do not experience the pain of Mughith or show the love he had for Barira in public or in private.
There is nothing wrong with saying that “one can not live without someone else”. I could honestly say that I would not know what to do with myself if I lost either one of my parents today. However, that expression does not translate to “I will kill myself”. If one experiences “major depression”, then it’s an unfortunate fate that has befallen them, and they should remain patient and seek the Help of Allah, and the righteous around them.
The prophet (PBUH) lost his beloved wife Khadija and his uncle Abu Talib in the same year, and that year today is referred to as the Year of Sadness. On top of that the boycott the Quriash has imposed on the Muslims had adverse consequences on the wellbeing of believers. It's completely normal to have certain emotions, as long as they are not accompanied by Haraam activities and behavior.
I could understand where you are coming from, however, I might not agree with you. If a woman or a man wants to marry an individual that is blind, poor, unhealthy, extremely not of their liking…etc for the Sake of Allah then May Allah reward them in this world and the hereafter. If Barira had taken the Prophet's (PBUH) advice and married Mughith for the Sake of Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (PBUH), then I would have recognized their love and marriage as one that exists for the Sake of Allah. But, sadly that did not happen.
Please let's not say that one is "Loving someone for the Sake of Allah”, when one has not forsaken anything.
I clearly understand what it means to forsake something or someone for the Sake of Allah. People give up their wealth, children, and their own lives for the sake of Allah. They are losing something/someone to which they're naturally inclined towards, so they could gain the Pleasure of Allah. One cannot measure the psychological struggle and the worldly costs they face as a result of Loaning to Allah a beautiful Loan, and therefore they could only be truly rewarded by Allah.
It’s unrealistic to put your hereafter in the hands of a spouse. If one loves someone for the sake of Allah, then would they Divorce each other for the Sake of Allah? Or would they stop loving each other for the Sake of Allah?
Hatred, jealousy, and pain also develops from within marriages. The companions of the Prophet (PBUH) married, divorced, and remarried. They did not divorce because they were not able to love each other for the Sake of Allah, for verily they have sacrificed more for Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (PBUH) than anyone alive today. They were realistic and knew that personality, behavior, and our natural inclination to like/love some more than others exists ( as long as it is not Haraam)
You have to remember that I’ve never compared Mughith’s love with lust. Lust is lust, and love is love. To take some normal aspects of love and label it lust is unrealistic. There are plenty of men who divorce their wives and do not experience the pain of Mughith or show the love he had for Barira in public or in private.
There is nothing wrong with saying that “one can not live without someone else”. I could honestly say that I would not know what to do with myself if I lost either one of my parents today. However, that expression does not translate to “I will kill myself”. If one experiences “major depression”, then it’s an unfortunate fate that has befallen them, and they should remain patient and seek the Help of Allah, and the righteous around them.
The prophet (PBUH) lost his beloved wife Khadija and his uncle Abu Talib in the same year, and that year today is referred to as the Year of Sadness. On top of that the boycott the Quriash has imposed on the Muslims had adverse consequences on the wellbeing of believers. It's completely normal to have certain emotions, as long as they are not accompanied by Haraam activities and behavior.
I could understand where you are coming from, however, I might not agree with you. If a woman or a man wants to marry an individual that is blind, poor, unhealthy, extremely not of their liking…etc for the Sake of Allah then May Allah reward them in this world and the hereafter. If Barira had taken the Prophet's (PBUH) advice and married Mughith for the Sake of Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (PBUH), then I would have recognized their love and marriage as one that exists for the Sake of Allah. But, sadly that did not happen.
Please let's not say that one is "Loving someone for the Sake of Allah”, when one has not forsaken anything.
Flame of Hope
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Really? Then you are not in need of a wife.
CosmicPathos
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Really? Then you are not in need of a wife.
And that is indeed a victory. Self-dependence.
Salam.
Rhubarb Tart
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If the writer was referring to lust why did he write about love? We are not machine that can simply switch on our emotions for sake of Allah (swt). To be honest, "love for sake of Allah (swt)" has been used to restrict couples in empty shield marriages. And divorce wouldn't be halal if we could love that person for sake of Allah(swt).
The prophet(pbuh) wouldn't grant a woman a divorce because she didn't like her husband. He would have told her go back and love him for sake of Allah(swt). But he didn't.
Now let be real, apart fair tale stories (the clue is in the name), most novels and movies don't have couple fall in love straight away. The couple have instant attraction, then they get to know each other and even have struggle within their relationship and THEN they fall in love. And it not technically blind love to the point they neglect everything around them (the world doesn't evolve around their partner). When western people speak in these terms it is often in metaphors. The difference we meant go through similar process within marriage framework and we meant some attraction at the very least before marriage.
The article addresses people in cold manner like people dont have feelings and their own perception. Everything will be fine if you do it for sake off Allah (swt), it don't matter whether you like their personality or appearance, just marry, we'll eventually "learn" to love if you do it for sake of Allah (swt). Sorry but human beings are complex and will always be complex. And doing it for sake of Allah (swt) will not guarantee that they will love for sake of Allah(swt) too. It's Allah (swt) choice whether he put the love between the two partners. And sometimes, he doesn't or take that love away, which why there are divorces.
The prophet(pbuh) wouldn't grant a woman a divorce because she didn't like her husband. He would have told her go back and love him for sake of Allah(swt). But he didn't.
Now let be real, apart fair tale stories (the clue is in the name), most novels and movies don't have couple fall in love straight away. The couple have instant attraction, then they get to know each other and even have struggle within their relationship and THEN they fall in love. And it not technically blind love to the point they neglect everything around them (the world doesn't evolve around their partner). When western people speak in these terms it is often in metaphors. The difference we meant go through similar process within marriage framework and we meant some attraction at the very least before marriage.
The article addresses people in cold manner like people dont have feelings and their own perception. Everything will be fine if you do it for sake off Allah (swt), it don't matter whether you like their personality or appearance, just marry, we'll eventually "learn" to love if you do it for sake of Allah (swt). Sorry but human beings are complex and will always be complex. And doing it for sake of Allah (swt) will not guarantee that they will love for sake of Allah(swt) too. It's Allah (swt) choice whether he put the love between the two partners. And sometimes, he doesn't or take that love away, which why there are divorces.
cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn
which lamb?
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Although I can see where you are coming from, i have to say that "For a Muslim woman, her ultimate focus in life ought to be her husband" is wrong. Every human being's main focus in life should be Allah, not another person. In regards to the rest of your comment, which is correct, the question then becomes WHY should a woman obey her husband, please him, keep him happy, help him, serve him and advise him? WHY should a muslim husband strive to take care of his wife, provide for her, protect her, show her kindness and treat her with respect?
Because he needs her and she needs him in order to walk the straight path. By her being his support she makes it easier for him to walk that path, by him protecting and caring for her he makes it possible for her to do this(to be his support). Hawa was created for Adam, so that he may dwell in tranquility with her and her in him. It is a duality. Allah created everything in pairs. The goal is Jannah, not each other, we all die alone and stay in our own grave. If a woman sets her ultimate goal to be her husband, she will have a very rude awakening when the angel of death comes ... What the article mentions is, To love for each other's sake and do things for each other's sake is to serve another creation for their sake, not for the sake of the creator. In other words, it is a form of shirk. Because the spouse is being put before Allah, and nothing comes before Allah. Let me clarify by saying that, this may not be your intention or anybody elses, but it is a very fine line that should be in constant check.
Please read on as i am covering some other points you brough up in your response as well that were brought up by other sisters too
. They did not have a love hate relationship, this hadith is being used out of context. As far as know, Barira was a slave who was freed by Aisha (ra). As a slave, barira did not have a choice as to whom she married, she was forced into the marriage with Mughith who was also a slave. When Barira was freed, she was given a choice of whether she wanted to stay or not and she opted to stay alone. Why? Well, if she stayed, she would be under the authority of a slave, and if you understand slavery you know that a slave owns nothing. Anything he has belongs to his master, so a free woman married to a slave makes for incompatibility, that doesn't mean it is not possible, but it makes it very difficult. If a slave can own nothing, this means he cannot give anything to his wife without his master's permission, so what purpose then, would her freedom serve? She would live the same life. That is a choice she was given and she opted out. Rasullallah (s.a.w.) did try to intercede on behalf of Mughith, but she still declined.
The story does illustrate emotion, Mughith was sad to lose someone he loved, because love does exist. As sister Zaria said, the love that Mughith felt for his wife is not comparable to the love spoken of today, which is what the article is focusing on. Lust and love are indeed confused and we also have the problem of attachments to dunya, a spouse is part of this dunya at the end of the day. Emotions are TOOLS, they are MEANS to and end but are not the end themselves. Without emotions and desires we would have no drive to do anything. The fluctuation of your Imaan is a perfect example. When your imaan is high, your love for Allah is intense, when it is low, your Love for Allah is less intense. When it is higher, and you feel more love, you are more driven to do good deeds etc. Correct? However we cannot solely depend on the means, for instance when you know your imaan is slacking, you make an effort FOR HIS SAKE, to improve your imaan. You forsake your own personal desires (diciplining onself, like restraing from food when u fast or limiting distractions), and that is why bani Adam is different from all creation, we have the ability to choose. Therefore are capable of sacrificing for Allah's sake.
The love a mother has for her children is not the same as the love she has for her husband, although it is similar in some ways. The love for her children makes her sacrifice her comforts, wake up ever hour to suckle them, deal with tantrums, needs, and when they are older dealing with them mouthing off after she sacrificed so much for them, just to name a few things. What a mother has for her children is mercy and compassion, and Allah has much more mercy and compassion for us than a mother for her child. Every emotion we have is a way for us to be closer to Allah. If we lose something such as a loved one, it is a time to reflect and realize that you truly only have Allah, that is an opportunity to turn to him. Our naffs tends to get attached to anything related to dunya, and when we have pain, such as in the case of Mughith, it is usually because of something we cannot accept, because of that attachment. Mercy, Love, compassion, Patience, those are all attributes of Allah swt, he created us, and with those feelings and emotions, directed the right way with dicipline, we can get to know him more and more if we reflect upon them.
In the article, the author says "That’s where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of sabr, patience, perseverance, and sacrifice. The building of selflessness. The building of love.And the building of your path back to Him."
How exactly does this happen? The building of love? The building of your path back to him? Well those of us who have been married before can attest to the amount of sacrifice one makes in a marriage. You forsake SO MUCH in a marriage. The problem is when the forsaking happens for the other person INSTEAD OF ALLAH. Which was one of the main points of the article, and why I shared it. That is where we bring up the subject of unrealistic expectations, disappointments, chasing after a wordly perfection that does not exist etc which all lead to divorce..
If you forsake your comforts for the sake of Allah, you do it to shape your character, because that brings you closer to him and ultimately increases your love for him, therefore it is for his sake. A woman serves her husband and obeys him FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH not for him. A man provides for her and protects her FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH not for her. If they do this for each other, at some point they will begin the bickering (which worsens with time) because they are both human and ungrateful. Doing all of this for the sake of Allah swt, is Loving them for the sake of Allah. There will be no disappointments, fighting or distractions to steer one away from Allah and the straight path. It doesn't instantly happen this way of course, especially not this day in age, but we must remember that is the goal here, that is what marriage is all about. Purification of the heart, building of the character, learning things like mercy, compassion,patience/sabr,forgiveness, selflessness, LOVE and the list goes on, that is all learned in marriage, that is why it is half of your deen.
As I stated before, we have to look past our own naffs/ego to begin to grasp this. I find this to be an extremely important subject because the divorce rate is extremely high, even amongst muslims, and the amount of new marriages is very low. People of my generation and the genration after mine (late 80's here) seem to not have a clue as to what marriage is about anymore, they have lost respect for it and the family unit. SO, it isn't about personal opinion really, I wanted to have this discussion with you all
and I'm happy to see participation Alhamdullilah! If I offended any of you, please forgive me, it wasn't my intention.
- cOsMiC
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Rhubarb Tart
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If it is about our desires, why did the prophet (pbuh) allow a woman to divorcé her husband because she did not like him? Why didn’t he tell her to go back to her husband? Why were there high divorce rate amongst the companions (peace be upon them)? Why did they not condemn each other from following their own desires? Why is there a different set of rules for them but for us, we are being selfish?
Again, you just like the author speak about human being in cold way. Like marriage is about playing a particular “role” and everything will be fine. Contentment within marriage is vital for it to work. Previous generations before us were expected to stay within a marriage. Divorce was looked down upon for them; it didn’t matter whether they were content within that marriage, whether their partner treated well. Even if, one of the spouses was beating the other, the victim was still expected to stay in that marriage.
Again, you just like the author speak about human being in cold way. Like marriage is about playing a particular “role” and everything will be fine. Contentment within marriage is vital for it to work. Previous generations before us were expected to stay within a marriage. Divorce was looked down upon for them; it didn’t matter whether they were content within that marriage, whether their partner treated well. Even if, one of the spouses was beating the other, the victim was still expected to stay in that marriage.
Rhubarb Tart
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the wife of Thabit Ibn Qais (one of the companions), she went to the Prophet, she said he had no flaws in his character, but she wanted to divorce him. The Prophet asked if she would return her dowry, she said yes, and so he said her seperation was valid. (Bukhari) What was her reason? Was it a 'real' reason? Was the fragrance of paradise forbidden for her - I doubt it, and God knows best. There is a great deal written to disincentive women from seperating from their husbands, though from the actual example of the early Muslims we see that the right of a woman to do so were maintained, which included a woman who seperated from her husband because he wasnt able to perform in an intimate manner, to which the Prophet did not object.
ardianto
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Assalamu'alaikum.
What's difference between live single and live as married person?
Live single is like drive a car alone. You can go anywhere you want.
Live as married person is like drive a car with two steering wheels, one controlled by the husband, one controlled by the wife. Just imagine if the husband want to turn right, and the wife want to turn left.
This is why quarrel always happen in marriage, even marriage without quarrel actually is abnormal. Marriage is a unity of two persons with two different personalities which they have different will, different want.
If the husband and wife could not able to make compromise and handle those difference, the marriage would be ended in divorce. But if the husband and wife could build an understanding between them, Insha Allah, they would feel closer with each other, and love the spouse more than before.
This is why, marriage is not the end of love story, but the beginning of love story.
What's difference between live single and live as married person?
Live single is like drive a car alone. You can go anywhere you want.
Live as married person is like drive a car with two steering wheels, one controlled by the husband, one controlled by the wife. Just imagine if the husband want to turn right, and the wife want to turn left.
This is why quarrel always happen in marriage, even marriage without quarrel actually is abnormal. Marriage is a unity of two persons with two different personalities which they have different will, different want.
If the husband and wife could not able to make compromise and handle those difference, the marriage would be ended in divorce. But if the husband and wife could build an understanding between them, Insha Allah, they would feel closer with each other, and love the spouse more than before.
This is why, marriage is not the end of love story, but the beginning of love story.
Scimitar
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what exactly is your point? in one breath I am reading "victim is expected to stay in marriage" and in another breath I am reading women are not expected to stay with their husbands?
For the record, divorce is still looked down upon. I don't know when it became fashionable, didn't even realise divorce was a fashion.
Scimi
Jedi_Mindset
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I want to marry for the sake of Allah subhana wa'a ta'ala for the sake of imaan - not love attachments. Love builds up between a husband and wife when they are married and live together - thats the barakah and thats not the so called romantic love from shaytaan.
Is that so difficult to grasp brothers and sisters?
Is that so difficult to grasp brothers and sisters?
CosmicPathos
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It is sad to see that whole Islamic discussion of "love and marriage" ignores the impact neurons, physiology, genes and hormones play in this process. We do not ignore these physical things when we study disease, but why do we ignore these things when we talk about love and marriage. There are biologically determined and biologically driven desires, with plethora of other enviornmental factors acting on them, which determine which woman falls for a man and what she looks for in him and what he says that'd turn her off and all the 'mind games/tests" he'd have to pass before they can be intimate and vice versa. And all of this does not follow any "logic." It's the way it is.
Discussion of "love" and "marriage" without reference to some biological and psychological principles is futile.
Discussion of "love" and "marriage" without reference to some biological and psychological principles is futile.
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MysticSoumeya
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I've read your posts with lotsa interest. The unmarried ones are pretty scared and full of all kinds of clichés written here and there. The fact is that we never fully know a person even if we know her/him for years and years. Life has that talent to unveil our different shades of personality throughout the various stages of our existence. There are couples who fell in love and married and live a very happy marital life, others who started a romantic relationship that faded away after their marriage. We all know perfect strangers who succeeded to build that Mawaddah that characterizes succesful marriages. Unfortunately, there are too many married people who are trapped in a spree of misunderstanding, difference and pain.
We are all different. There is no predifinite rule. It all depends on what Allah has written for us and our ability to cope with marital adversity.
We are all different. There is no predifinite rule. It all depends on what Allah has written for us and our ability to cope with marital adversity.