To be happy with a woman is to understand her first

[CosmicPathos]

This type of a 'white' lie is actually allowed in Islam to create love between the husband and wife.

interesting .... can I get the sources ... I thought Islamic marriage was about honesty and truthfulness even if the results are bitter....

I am sure its a fiqhi matter to permit white lie to save marriage but is it derived from the fact that actions are judged by intentions? if that is so then why did not Bilal (ra) "white lie" to his cruel master that he is ready to disbelieve in Allah so that he would stop torturing Bilal (ra)?

 

[Italianguy]

This type of a 'white' lie is actually allowed in Islam to create love between the husband and wife.

Really!!? I didn't think anyone was allowed to lie, for any reason...big or small? Isn't a liitle white lie just as bad as a huge lie?

Sorry i didn't mean to come off as rude or tact. I guess I wouldn't understand? I wasn't able to speak to my wife to much before marriage. So no reason or chance to tell a liitle "white lie" to inniciate love.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

If a woman is indeed fat, why does a man has to lie to her to say "no you are not fat" to get her favor .... the whole foundation of love is based on lies, how would it go forward ....

because then that little lie would cause your wife/husband to be flattered and more lenient towards you (as compliments tend to soften the heart) and hence they will treat you the same in return...its like a cycle

its like when you argue with someone you have to lie sometimes otherwise the situation will escalate. when you lie, they will understand it as something else (in a good way). so so its those "misunderstandings" that make the relationship flourish and healthier.

 

[Chechnya]

Really!!? I didn't think anyone was allowed to lie, for any reason...big or small? Isn't a liitle white lie just as bad as a huge lie?

if your wife asks you something - like do you find me attractice and your thinking "no, have you seen yourself?" - then you can lie to save her feelings and say " oh you look my beautiful, my darling...the light of your beauty makes my eyes hurt" ;D

 

[CosmicPathos]

because then that little lie would cause your wife/husband to be flattered and more lenient towards you (as compliments tend to soften the heart) and hence they will treat you the same in return...its like a cycle

its like when you argue with someone you have to lie sometimes otherwise the situation will escalate. when you lie, they will understand it as something else (in a good way). so so its those "misunderstandings" that make the relationship flourish and healthier.

Ok I understand what you are saying but how can I deny reality. I understand that we should also use wisdom. So in this case, if a wife is really fat, a husband should stay silent or tell the reality as it is ... i dont understand why would he have to lie just to flatter them? he can use kind words to explain that "no dear wife, you have to really work on your weight as its not healthy for you and I do not want to deceive you by saying that you are not fat ..." I think that is more conducive to propagating healthy relationship than deceiving the wife .... i dont know ... I cant imagine Islam permitting lies ...

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

interesting .... can I get the sources ... I thought Islamic marriage was about honesty and truthfulness even if the results are bitter....

Another example is a man’s speaking to his wife, or a woman speaking to her husband, with regard to matters that will strengthen the ties of love between them, even if that is accompanied by exaggeration. Asma’ bint Yazeed said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Lying is not permitted except in three cases: a man’s speaking to his wife to make her happy; lying at times of war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1862; he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. See also Saheeh Muslim, 4717).
​

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/2424

 

[Italianguy]

if your wife asks you something - like do you find me attractice and your thinking "no, have you seen yourself?" - then you can lie to save her feelings and say " oh you look my beautiful, my darling...the light of your beauty makes my eyes hurt" ;D

I guess I don't have to worry about the ......fat thing:embarrass My wife is only 97 pounds 102 at max;D

But thanks for the line bro!;D I will use that one next time I am in trouble for somethinghew;D......like stealing a somosa when she's not looking:shade: Especially when she made them for somebody else;D

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Ok I understand what you are saying but how can I deny reality. I understand that we should also use wisdom. So in this case, if a wife is really fat, a husband should stay silent or tell the reality as it is ... i dont understand why would he have to lie just to flatter them? he can use kind words to explain that "no dear wife, you have to really work on your weight as its not healthy for you and I do not want to deceive you by saying that you are not fat ..." I think that is more conducive to propagating healthy relationship than deceiving the wife .... i dont know ... I cant imagine Islam permitting lies ...

Akhi, you use wisdom when you tell her. If she asks you, "Do I look fat?" and you're like "Yeah, you're getting really big." that's going to make her feelings get hurt real bad. When she asks you, tell her that which will not hurt her feelings and create love and affection between you, even if you need to exaggerate a bit. "How was dinner?", -> "Baby, you cook like a five star chef!" is a lot better than, "Erm, I think the chicken was too dry, a tad too salty, and the rice wasn't done right."

Later on, you can tell her nicely in a way that she should try working on loosing weight etc.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Another example is a man’s speaking to his wife, or a woman speaking to her husband, with regard to matters that will strengthen the ties of love between them, even if that is accompanied by exaggeration. Asma’ bint Yazeed said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Lying is not permitted except in three cases: a man’s speaking to his wife to make her happy; lying at times of war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1862; he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. See also Saheeh Muslim, 4717).
​

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/2424

jazakAllah for that. I need time to ponder on that.

 

[Italianguy]

Akhi, you use wisdom when you tell her. If she asks you, "Do I look fat?" and you're like "Yeah, you're getting really big." that's going to make her feelings get hurt real bad. When she asks you tell her that which will make not hurt her feelings and create love. Later on, you can tell her nicely in a way that she should try working on loosing weight etc.

Finally a bro helping the ....bro's out Not that the women didn't try....we just didn't listen:embarrass.........wait a second.....did I just admit that?? What are you doing to us dude

 

[Chechnya]

I guess I don't have to worry about the ......fat thing:embarrass My wife is only 97 pounds 102 at max;D

But thanks for the line bro!;D I will use that one next time I am in trouble for somethinghew;D......like stealing a somosa when she's not looking:shade: Especially when she made them for somebody else;D

anytime next time your in trouble with the missus for stealing a samosa, come to me and il supply a new line ;D

 

[Italianguy]

anytime next time your in trouble with the missus for stealing a samosa, come to me and il supply a new line ;D

Thanks;D Remember though.....I am the Italian guy We Italians speak the language of love;D We got lines, that last for days....plus women just like hearing us talk

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

jazakAllah for that. I need time to ponder on that and to accept it. imsad

Look at it in context -> Family and marriage is a very sacred bond/relationship in Islaam. It is the foundation of a good society. For that to be achieved there needs to be a good relationship between the husband and the wife. This relationship is very important to preserve society (which in turn is one reason why adultery is haraam).

The harms of this relationship breaking up are greater than the harms of the husband exaggerating to his wife what he thinks of how she looks or cooks etc. There is much benefit in creating love and affection between them. Therefore, in order to preserve the love and closeness between a husband and a wife, they are allowed to say minute white lies to create love and affection between each other.

Of course this isn't a free ticket to lie to each other. As explained in the link, it's just small exaggerations. Allaah knows best.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Ok I understand what you are saying but how can I deny reality. I understand that we should also use wisdom. So in this case, if a wife is really fat, a husband should stay silent or tell the reality as it is ... i dont understand why would he have to lie just to flatter them? he can use kind words to explain that "no dear wife, you have to really work on your weight as its not healthy for you and I do not want to deceive you by saying that you are not fat ..." I think that is more conducive to propagating healthy relationship than deceiving the wife .... i dont know ... I cant imagine Islam permitting lies ...

its not deception its avoiding trouble. imagine that you really did tell her that she was fat, tell me what the result of that would be?

as previously mentioned, if she really is fat, then later on in an appropriate time you tell her that she needs to work on it and even then there needs to be wisdom applied there. you dont say it straight up you need to sugar coat it. flatten her first by saying some thing like: you know you look great and all but.... then you go in for the kill.
what ever you do NOT mention in directly (she'll pick up on it, and she'll probably slap you). tell her in such a way that you avoid any offensive word, but at the same time she gets your message loud and clear. in other words, so be indirect about how you say it to her.

 

[Taqiyah]

Salam,
there seems a lot of teaching and learning going on for both guys and ladies over here, so I just thought I should mention some of the flaws of all the men I have ever observed throughout my life, including my absolutely annoying brothers:heated: uhmm...ok where should I start coz I have a feeling I am gonna be worn out bad after this:exhausted:exhausted
# Males stop believing house work is some innate female responsibility!:raging::raging:seriously that kills me.
# Stop thinking women are either backbiting or putting on Henna when they come together:heated:Or backbiting while putting on hennamg:
# Let your guards down for once and enjoy life-I won't bite:Evil:-stop being so defensive all the time. Flaws don't kill arrogance does:heated:
# Stop thinking women are the strange ones and males are the reference point for how human being should think and act:raging:Whoever made you the judge?
# Stop being aggressive and rude to feel like the ultimate macho man

Just writing these ticked me off..don't think I can go on without causing some real damage in the basement where all my bros are right now:raging::raging:so I beta stop add more when I calm down

 

[CosmicPathos]

Salam,
there seems a lot of teaching and learning going on for both guys and ladies over here, so I just thought I should mention some of the flaws of all the men I have ever observed throughout my life, including my absolutely annoying brothers:heated: uhmm...ok where should I start coz I have a feeling I am gonna be worn out bad after this:exhausted:exhausted
# Males stop believing house work is some innate female responsibility!:raging::raging:seriously that kills me.
# Stop thinking women are either backbiting or putting on Henna when they come together:heated:Or backbiting while putting on hennamg:
# Let your guards down for once and enjoy life-I won't bite:Evil:-stop being so defensive all the time. Flaws don't kill arrogance does:heated:
# Stop thinking women are the strange ones and males are the reference point for how human being should think and act:raging:Whoever made you the judge?
# Stop being aggressive and rude to feel like the ultimate macho man

Just writing these ticked me off..don't think I can go on without causing some real damage in the basement where all my bros are right now:raging::raging:so I beta stop add more when I calm down

I'll just comment on one.
"# Males stop believing house work is some innate female responsibility!seriously that kills me."

Sure, a Muslim male should offer a helping hand in the chores of the house but what is then his Muslim wife's responsibility? Should she also offer him a helping hand in his job? For example if hes a doctor, should he also expect his wife to act like a volunteer and organize his patient's paper work? Come on please ....

 

[Ali_008]

Ok I understand what you are saying but how can I deny reality. I understand that we should also use wisdom. So in this case, if a wife is really fat, a husband should stay silent or tell the reality as it is ... i dont understand why would he have to lie just to flatter them? he can use kind words to explain that "no dear wife, you have to really work on your weight as its not healthy for you and I do not want to deceive you by saying that you are not fat ..." I think that is more conducive to propagating healthy relationship than deceiving the wife .... i dont know ... I cant imagine Islam permitting lies ...

There are some instances in which Islam permits lying, if that serves a greater purpose or wards off a greater harm:

These cases include the following:

1- When a person is intermediating in order to bring about reconciliation between two disputing parties.

2- When a man speaks to his wife, or a wife to her husband, concerning matters that will increase the love between them.

3- War.

It was narrated from Umm Kulthoom bint ‘Uqbah that she heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “He is not a liar who brings about reconciliation among people, conveys good words and says good things.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2546; Muslim, 2605

It was narrated that Asma’ bint Yazeed said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Lies are not appropriate except in three cases: when a man speaks to his wife to please her, telling lies at times of war, and lying in order to bring about reconciliation between people.”

Shaykh al-Albaani said: it is hasan.

Source

 

[Taqiyah]

I'll just comment on one.
"# Males stop believing house work is some innate female responsibility!seriously that kills me."

Sure, a Muslim male should offer a helping hand in the chores of the house but what is then his Muslim wife's responsibility? Should she also offer him a helping hand in his job? For example if hes a doctor, should he also expect his wife to act like a volunteer and organize his patient's paper work? Come on please ....

Salam,

Bro not every female is someone's wife and not every male is someone's husband. Clearly there are tons of unmarried males that still seem to believe that its just not natural for them to do that why?? Everyone in my house including myself go to school but my brothers would never clean after themselves leave alone wash the dishes or cook a meal for the family.:heated:That is just so annoying. Btw I know a lot of Muslim couples that both have equally prestigious jobs so in that case women should still do both the housework and go to work at the same time instead of diving it half and half? There is nothing embarrassing about cleaning your environment and cooking something for yourself and the ones you love.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

if your wife asks you something - like do you find me attractice and your thinking "no, have you seen yourself?" - then you can lie to save her feelings and say " oh you look my beautiful, my darling...the light of your beauty makes my eyes hurt" ;D

Thats mean brother, may I advise you NOT to say that ever. It will kill whatever love she has for you seriously.

 

[Uncle Jee]

are you for real :hmm:

Yes, if you threaten to beat wife she will probably laugh or say bring it on. As wife probably has a little anger to take out on the man too.

If you threaten to beat brother or father then they think twice. Only do if you are capable of doing so otherwise things can get messy.