Treated Inequally

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Salam..

I'm quite young and my mum treats me inequally. She treats my brothers like royalty and whenever they do something wrong she doesn't shout at them as much as she shouts at me. I'm the eldest in my family and I have another little sister but she just swears at me and shouts at me so much and when it comes to my brothers she never ever sees them in the wrong. It upsets me so much because in Islam boys and girls are supposed to be treated equally. The other day she made a comment like "Boys are more important than girls, so my sons come first." That made me so upset I was in tears, its not fair. All i can do is pray to Allah and I really do try to make her happy but we always end up arguing and me in tears. I feel like I'm adopted and my mums mind is so backwards.. What should I do? Please help.. :(

Wasalam..
 
Salamualikum.
It happens TRUST me flex. She still loves ya marn, YOU tell me who's MAM won't love them? OFCOURSE she loves ya but erm it's kinda a fact the oldest one and the youngest one gets more love LIKE am ze youngest and at time when em mam was alive i used to get ENOUGH love aww i miss me mam :(
Ma'assalama
 
I geuss this is a punch that has been passed down for generations. It's not fare, but you shouldn't hold it against her. For all you know she passed down a softer punch, and that's already something.
 
lol! happens a lot! thats what me an my mum argue about, but my dad used to spoil us girls! its the mentality they have it doesnt mean she loves you any less trust me, they were brought up like that culturally believing men need special treatment!
 
I feel the same way about myself..I am the youngest in the family tho.. It seems like my mom likes my older brother more than she likes me.. I got kicked outta school for something stupid.. and since then my mom liked my brother more.. and I remember the day she was so proud of my older brother because he got accepted to University.. and now when my Brother is in trouble.. she comes to me for help.. this made me really mad.. because when I went through all the struggles in my life.. NO ONE HELPED ME except myself.. My dad's in Egypt.. my mom and brother hardly help me.. I had to turn myself into a man.. and now they see me suceeding and yet still dont help me.. I became an optimistic person from a pessimistic person.. and now since I'm so positive.. I feel like my mom and brother wanna pull me down or something.. like they are jealous that im enjoying my life.. ahhh man so much stress... so much stuff to say... but dont wanna get any further than this..
 
:sl:
Brother in Islam, Don't let jelousy get to you. For at least you have a family :)
Forgive your mother because paradise is under her feet. I am sure that she loves you. Make duaa for her and us all :)
:w:
 
I dont really have a good relationship wit my brother..and I use to be jealous.. not anymore because my life became better.. and I dont rely on my brother and parents to do anythin for me.. To be honest they always say negative things.. and that makes me think they wanna pull me down or something.. My brother isn't religious.. he drinks smokes etc..
 
:sl:
Thats sad :( May allah giude your brother. Ameen.:)
You can't lose ties with him for that reason brother. Forgive and forget allah will reward you inshallah. :) Make duaa for us all.
:w:
 
Maybe it's time you emphasised with her more? Maybe you have done so already.

But realise, who is she? A mother, she is a woman herself, once a girl, for her to say that indicates she thought that herself before. Imagine how she must have felt as a child, maybe she was the only child, but I doubt it Allah knows best. Maybe her scars have not healed and the only way she can cope with what happend is by doing the same?
 
sister-aisha said:
:sl:
Brother in Islam, Don't let jelousy get to you. For at least you have a family :)
Forgive your mother because paradise is under her feet. I am sure that she loves you. Make duaa for her and us all :)
:w:
Click to expand...

umm sis cn i juz correct u a lil :-[ there is no hadith dat says "paradise is under ur mothers feet" its juz like a sayin.. a gud sayin :D

n i agree its all culture.. n stupidity..
 
Al Habeshi said:
Maybe it's time you emphasised with her more? Maybe you have done so already.

But realise, who is she? A mother, she is a woman herself, once a girl, for her to say that indicates she thought that herself before. Imagine how she must have felt as a child, maybe she was the only child, but I doubt it Allah knows best. Maybe her scars have not healed and the only way she can cope with what happend is by doing the same?
Click to expand...

Actually bro, shes the eldest of 5 brothers and 2 sisters and my grandma always loved her and treated her good and with justice.. i dont know why she does this
 
This is a very sad situation for you.

Keep in mind that whatever she says boys are NOT more important than girls.

I wonder if it's one of those situations where there is nothing you can do that will be enough for her.

Some people spend their lives chasing the good opinion of others.
Try to be confident in yourself and live your life for you and those who appreciate you.
 
Al Habeshi said:
Maybe her scars have not healed and the only way she can cope with what happend is by doing the same?
Click to expand...

I often felt neglected for other reasons... you know i realised that true happiness are within yourself and since i started practising.. I dont look for friends to make me complete.. I dont depend on my siblings.. Expectation not met kills a person... I know it was doing that to me.. It was doing no harm to anyone else but me..

People here are giving some good advice.. especially the sister who said to make her aware of how she should treat u... its really easy to say that talk to ur mum, but if you dont have that kidn of a relationship, how do u do it..?

Build up the moment.. help her in the kitchen... when she is reading or finished prayers and has a moment say something like "mum i need to talk to u" u would be surprised.. i started talkin to my mum on serious topics from the age of 20.. alhumdullilah.. am the youngest so it was quite difficult because the age difference between me n mum is 13 years more than my mum and my sister...

I pray for uu.. crying alone doesnt feel nice but try to be happy inside.. look at the better things in life.. seek refuge in Allah! even if everyone in this world denies you, He will be there.. ! pray to him and turn to him in times of loneliness..
I wish you feel happy soon.. InshaAllah! *hugs from your sister* :cry:

Salamaleykum
 
I think you should try to talk to her about it. However, that doesn't mean that she'll get where you're coming from. My umm was the only girl and she told me that she felt that my grandmother was always harder on her than my uncles. One day my grandmother told her it was because she expected a lot of my mother, especially since (at the time) my mother had children while my uncles didn't. I guess different people have different ways of showing their love to different people. I'm sure your mother loves you.
 
Wa'Alaykum AsSalaam sis..

InshaAllah sis, like someone mentioned before talk to your mum and tell her how you feel, while remembering she's your mother, whom the Prophet :arabic5: commanded we respect, love and cherish even more than our fathers. Take care that you don't hurt or offend her sis, as she is entitled to your respect. Remember that she not only nourished you in her womb, but went through pain and suffering, bringing you up to the person you are today. Mothers love us even before we were born n both of our parents have a right over us to be treated with extreme kindness at all times as we can never repay them for their kindness for the support they provide us with, when we are weak and in need of help.

"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final goal." (31:14)

Sometimes some of the things our parents do may not make sense to us, and perhaps does seem wrong...but it is important that we realise, they are our parents, who do love us than anyone possibly can regardless of how they may show it. Whether you realise this or not, your parents would never want to hurt you or make you feel the way you are now as they care for you too much to do so. We should make sure that we are not giving them reasons, to be displeased with us. As indeed in pleasing them, you also gain the Pleasure of Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala). Even a smile brings happiness to your parents and each time they are happy you are rewarded for it! ..SubhanAllah how beautifully easy Allah has made it for us to gain his Pleasure yet we make it hard on ourselves to even do little things which make such a difference.

Especially if you have siblings who are younger than you, being the eldest you've got to realise how they too need attention, love and care as you received it when you were younger. It is difficult for your parents to always share this love for you all, at the same time, equally. Even if it seems like that they care for your brothers more, you have to understand, especially being the eldest - that they care for you too, even if they don't show it. By understanding this you can help your parents in loving your younger brothers and sisters. Arguments etc will only take place if you have a lack of understanding in how your parents feel, try to put yourself in their shoes.

Remember sis, not everyone has parents...we should be thankful for all our blessings, sometimes we don't realise how great of a blessing something is without loosing it. I'd say to you sis, make Du'aa to Allah to improve your's and your mother's relationship and try your best to be good to her as much as you can, and indeed Allah is aware of all that we do.

Culture and things do play apart, but sis its your test, n you've been tested through this way as you can bear it. Indeed Allah does not overburden any soul... so patiently just continue doing all that you know is right & Allah will help you.

"O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer: for Allah is with those who patiently persevere." (2:153)

WaSsalaamuAlaykum...
 
The reason parents think sons are more important than daughter is because...once the parents become old.. they can rely on sons better.. because another man is gonna take ur daughter away..and she is not gonna work to pay her parents...Men do most of the working so..the parents can rely on their son to give them money.. once they are old..

^^Not sure if I wrote it clearly..
 

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