Ugrent Advice Required

[AnonymousPoster]

Aslam walaikum,

I really need help on a serious issue. I am a student at the London School of Economics and Political Science studying a degree (first year so I am 18yrs old) Recently, I receieved a proposal from a family in regards to my marriage and I accepted. My parents are organising an 'engagament' party for later on this year as they are very happy with this proposal. The problem is that my fiance wishes to talk to me...something which I understand is not encouraged in Islam. However, as he is very decent and understands...we wish to get married. Sadly, my parents have stated that I cannot get married until after I finish my degree...however I feel that by continuily talking to him (as his parents encourage us to do so) I am commiting wrong. So we have decided to have a secret nikkah performed (but shall not register the marriage as we do not want our family's getting upset)...so...when I get married after I finish my degree my parents will be happy and in the meanwhile I shall not be commiting any wrong.

As my fiance lives abroad he will be coming here next week so we can perform out nikkah. I am frantically searching for mosques who will do this.

We tried the East London Mosque however they seem to think we have some kind of illicit relationship, thus we are performing a nikkah. Their feedback has not been helpful at all, and now I am urgently looking for a mosque. I feel saddened that they are not willing to perform such a noble deed of a nikkah...and that they are making us feel extremely uncomfortable.

For some reason they are also charging a £100 fee (thats what the Imam said) and as a student I dont really carry around that much cash...Another sad thing is that the imam said we have to bring 2 male witnesses, but as my fiance is coming from aborad he doesnt know anyone here. I do not speak to any male guys...other than family (who I cannot confide in)...so I am extremely depressed at the moment...we asked the Imam to get 2 make witnesses from prayers however he said we cannot be trusted For osme wierd reason the Imam at the East London Mosque seems to think we are both corrupt people...even though we just want to form a beautiful relationship in the form of marriage...trying as hard as we can to not commit any sins along the way...shouldnt they be encouarging marriage...if I did not understand my Islamic rules...I am sure this would have led to me commiting zina or other such actions (AstagfurAllah). imsadSo I am very distraught at the way the Imam is approaching our need to be married...He even asked my fiance if we had a physical relationship imsadeven though he lives abroad...

The imam is making me feel like the only reason I want to get married to him is to sleep with him :'(Something which is corrupting our reason of getting married for the sake of Allah (swt). I feel extremely lost...because I would have thought that Imams are available to help their fellow muslim borthers and sisters...if anyone knows an Imam or a mosque which will be able to perfrom a simple islamic nikkah (no registration)...pleaseee urgently let me know.

May Allah help us all,
Your sister in Islam

 

[Umu 'Isa]

:wasalamex
Thread approved.

 

[syilla]

ukhtee...i think right now you should follow your parents advice not your future hubby to be.

how noble is your intention is, remember if you're still not married your parents come first then only your hubby to be.

After you become a wife, then only you hubby come first. and maybe you can disregard your parents advise.

 

[Kittygyal]

Salamualikum.

Dua'ah = Best thing ever

Ma'assalama

 

[Grace Seeker]

Is there a way in which the talking your future husband wishes to do with you can be allowed to take place without being seen as a wrongful type of act? For instance, if he is in another country, I take it all of your talking is either over the phone or on the internet. What if you were to copy all of your correspondence to another person, just as if you had a chaperone present during any visiting you might otherwise do during your engagement?

If you are already engaged in such behaviors that both you and he believe to be wrong (even if his parents encourage it, that does not matter if you believe them to be wrong before Allah) maybe you are not being as righteous as you would like to see yourselves as being. And doing something secretly that you know is not what your parents wish is just more behavior that substantiates that, for your attitude, if not your very actions are not honoring to your parents, either set. Perhaps these are the things that the Imam sees and effect the way he views your request.

 

[sevgi]

u need to speak to ur parents and tell em what u are going thru abt speaking to him and that u guys are gna get imam nikah...

it is not allowed in islam to get married without the permission of ur parents.

 

[princessamber30]

u need to speak to ur parents and tell em what u are going thru abt speaking to him and that u guys are gna get imam nikah...

it is not allowed in islam to get married without the permission of ur parents.

aaww I do feel for you sister, hmm regarding this topic I read on a website called www.ask-imam.com that a secret nikkah is valid...especially if you are doing it to prevent zine etc...ah well I guess like most topics there is much debate.

 

[princessamber30]

aaww I do feel for you sister, hmm regarding this topic I read on a website called www.ask-imam.com that a secret nikkah is valid...especially if you are doing it to prevent zine etc...ah well I guess like most topics there is much debate.

hmm another point to sister anonymous-i wonder if it counts that because her parents have agreed to the enagagement, in theory they are agreeing to the marriage...i wonder if that will make the secret nikkah vaild

 

[princessamber30]

sister, this is what i read on the website stated above, so surely the nikkah should be valid?


'A Nikah is performed with a proposal (Iejaab) by the male or female and acceptance (Qubool) by the male or female in the past tense and in the presence of two male Muslim witnesses (Hidaaya vol. 2).

It is Sunnat that the marriage be announced and performed in the Masjid and the bride be represented by her Mahram (father, brother, etc.). The bride gives consent to her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of two witnesses to perform her marriage at the Masjid. At the Masjid, the Wakeel represents the bride in the presence of the two witnesses and the stipulated dowry. The witnesses must be two trustworthy and pious male Muslims who are not her ascendants e.g. father, grandfather or decendants e.g. son, grandson, etc.

The Mahr (dowry) is the woman's right and should be stipulated prior to the marriage.

If the marriage was performed anywhere, including in the Mosque according to the above procedure, the Nikah will be valid.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

 

[RespectAll]

As-salaamu `alaykum,

Are you Hanafi? - if you are then 'secret' nikahs are valid according to the hanafi fiqh. Though scholars do not recommend it.

You don't need to go to the masjid to do a nikah. You need two male witnesses or two female witnesses and one male witness (who are muslim and sane), and in their presence your husband-to-be can ask you: 'will you marry me?' and then if you agree, say 'yes' the nikah will be done. However, I do recommend you consult with your parents before hand.