unhappy convert

[greenisforAllah]

my brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am writing here because I need help and I don't know where else to turn.

I converted to Islam about two years ago and it's been the biggest battle of my life. Ironically, I have had almost full support from my Christian and my atheist/agnostic/sometime-here-sometime-there friends and family. My problem lies in -- and I am so so sorry to say this (more than you can imagine) -- the Muslim community that I have been exposed to since then.

I think the root of the problem lies in the fact that i was dating a Muslim man and we very much in love and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i knew he only wanted to marry a muslim woman BUT that is NOT the reason i converted.

Long before I met him I visitied Indonesia which stemmed my initial interest in Islam. when i came back i started studying Islamic studies and learned more and more about Islam. At that point, however, i was still very much anti-religion...not because i didn't believe in God but because i found institutionalized religion to be so hypocritical based on the experiences i had had.

But once i started dating Mr. Man, he opened the world to me with his value system and his love of God and that got me thinking: maybe I shouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water! yes, there are many many many injustices in the Muslim community and in the Hindu and the Jewish and, i know first hand a thousand times over, that Christians ain't no better; should I turn my back on the truth because some "believers" disgust me? NO!

Ay, and there's the rub: I am just not sure anymore!

The truth is ever since i converted it's been a struggle. I am constantly under a microscope: "did she just do it for him?"....even at our wedding the Imam grilled me on it! It seems that if I don't fit the form (wear higab, pray, fast, memorize qur'an, YELL out everywhere i go etc) PERFECTLY!!!! I am a hypocrite, a fake, a convert-for-profit. everything i say or do or ask has become a sure sign of my insincerity.

Worst of all, my husband has fallen into the bandwagon. He has become worst of all...but probably that's just my perception of it because to have a husband that thinks you're lying about your religion...well that hurts like hell!

sooooo, that's the background.

the question now is, what do i do? The situation has become intolerable. How can i convince people that i am truly a muslim (actually this has become a catch-22, ie. if i'm not seen praying: I'm not a real Muslim....if I'm seen praying "I'm just praying to shut people up!")

I know that Muslim (or is it just Arab (my husband's family is Egyptian) families) women have the back up of their fathers and brothers and uncles when facing difficulties in their relationships with their husbands. my family lives on another continent and they wouldn't dream of getting involved in this...and honestly i don't want them to worry AND more importantly, i don't want them to start doubting my decision to become a Muslim.

I'm in Cairo at the moment, i wouldn't know if there's an Imam or someone who might help.

shukran, thank you, gracias, danke, merci and all the best blessings on anyone who takes the time to read this, who answers, who maybe just thinks twice about judging a convert.

 

[The_Prince]

my brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am writing here because I need help and I don't know where else to turn.

I converted to Islam about two years ago and it's been the biggest battle of my life. Ironically, I have had almost full support from my Christian and my atheist/agnostic/sometime-here-sometime-there friends and family. My problem lies in -- and I am so so sorry to say this (more than you can imagine) -- the Muslim community that I have been exposed to since then.

I think the root of the problem lies in the fact that i was dating a Muslim man and we very much in love and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i knew he only wanted to marry a muslim woman BUT that is NOT the reason i converted.

Long before I met him I visitied Indonesia which stemmed my initial interest in Islam. when i came back i started studying Islamic studies and learned more and more about Islam. At that point, however, i was still very much anti-religion...not because i didn't believe in God but because i found institutionalized religion to be so hypocritical based on the experiences i had had.

But once i started dating Mr. Man, he opened the world to me with his value system and his love of God and that got me thinking: maybe I shouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water! yes, there are many many many injustices in the Muslim community and in the Hindu and the Jewish and, i know first hand a thousand times over, that Christians ain't no better; should I turn my back on the truth because some "believers" disgust me? NO!

Ay, and there's the rub: I am just not sure anymore!

The truth is ever since i converted it's been a struggle. I am constantly under a microscope: "did she just do it for him?"....even at our wedding the Imam grilled me on it! It seems that if I don't fit the form (wear higab, pray, fast, memorize qur'an, YELL out everywhere i go etc) PERFECTLY!!!! I am a hypocrite, a fake, a convert-for-profit. everything i say or do or ask has become a sure sign of my insincerity.

Worst of all, my husband has fallen into the bandwagon. He has become worst of all...but probably that's just my perception of it because to have a husband that thinks you're lying about your religion...well that hurts like hell!

sooooo, that's the background.

the question now is, what do i do? The situation has become intolerable. How can i convince people that i am truly a muslim (actually this has become a catch-22, ie. if i'm not seen praying: I'm not a real Muslim....if I'm seen praying "I'm just praying to shut people up!")

I know that Muslim (or is it just Arab (my husband's family is Egyptian) families) women have the back up of their fathers and brothers and uncles when facing difficulties in their relationships with their husbands. my family lives on another continent and they wouldn't dream of getting involved in this...and honestly i don't want them to worry AND more importantly, i don't want them to start doubting my decision to become a Muslim.

I'm in Cairo at the moment, i wouldn't know if there's an Imam or someone who might help.

shukran, thank you, gracias, danke, merci and all the best blessings on anyone who takes the time to read this, who answers, who maybe just thinks twice about judging a convert.

salam, sister you dont have to prove your a muslim to anyone but Allah, one of the biggest sins a muslim can commit which can lead to the hell-fire is questioning whethor a muslim is actually a muslim, this is walking a very thin red line, so these muslims you mention are in a very dangerous area with their actions and should really be careful.

just keep your prayers, fast in ramadan, follow Islam the correct way, dress modestly etc and you have nothing to fear, you are not trying to prove yourself to them, Allah is watching and he knows what you are and what your not.

notice your complaints are about the muslims, not the religion, and that says it all, that you did make the right decision, because it isnt Islam that is putting you off, it is certain muslims.......and trust me i was born muslim and i love Islam with all my heart and i have often written and talked in the defense of Islam, even with all of this many many many muslims have always put a foul taste in my mouth but i always remember Islam is perfect, not the muslim.

 

[Woodrow]

Sometimes us reverts do feel like that. but, the key is we did not do it to please any earthly person. What comes may come and that is their problem not ours. Allah(swt) is our only master and the only one we need to explain to. We try to do all we can do, and pray that Allah(swt) will accept our sincerity. Inshallah

Make Du'a for those that seem to have difficulty in accepting you and pray that they will be given the vision to see the gift Allah(swt) has brought to the Ummah.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

i would like to offer my sympathies first and foremost, i hope you find Allah strengthening you and granting you much needed patience.

Secondly sis i want you to fully understand that you know your islam was for Allah before anyone else. You knowingly believe Allah is the only one who deserves to be worshipped and Muhammad sallallahi alaihi wasallaam is the messenger who baught Allahs religion with its latest commands. So i really hope you dont let the pestering of others make you doubt on the authenticity of this beautiful religion.


My sister i want to direct you to the event of Umm Habiba, the daughter Of Abu sufyan who was a leader of the qureysh during the time of the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam. Umm habiba had reverted to islam at the hands of Muhammad sallallahi alaihi wasallaam with her husband and migrated to abysinia to avoid persecution. During this migration her husband got involved with christians and converted to christianity, audhubillah! Umm habiba was torn, Everyone knows how much a man influences his wife, and how he longs and cares for him. You can understand her hardship at this moment. But subhanAllah this beautiful sahabiyaat remained patient for the sake of Allah and stayed steadfast on islam. After much hardship (and try to understand umm habiba wasnt a young woman) the prophet offered to marry her and take care of her. This was the reward for her patience.


How my sister your husband is a muslim, and he is still with you, i think you should remain patient and attempt to practise your islam together. I hope you can brush this off as a rough patch, and if it gets harder then have the patience of Ayyub and Yaqub Alaihissalaam!



The solution lies in understanding and compromise, perhaps talking to your husband and setting his heart to rest by divulging the love of islam you have to him will help better this situation?



i hope this helps even slightly, may Allah grant us all hidayaat (guidance)



assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

 

[Md Mashud]

Tell those who criticise you, who gave them the permission to judge. Do they think they can take God's role in the matter?

Naudubillah. Be strong and be open about their wrongdoings.

 

[UmmSqueakster]

wa alaikum assalam sister,

Is this what they say in Egypt? Wow, I never got that when I visited :heated:

Some resources that may be helpful for you:

WOE and MM2E - 2 yahoo groups of mainly american converts married to egyptian men. Several live in Egypt and inshaAllah can provide you support and in real life friendship
Believing as Ourselves - This is an excellent book for converts who are troubled. inshaAllah it may help to know you're not alone. Maybe your family could order it for you and send it to egypt.
Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand the Muslims - I'm sure that's something most converts have thought at some point in time.

 

[Medina83]

sister

I empathise with you I really do...
For me it has been a lot of suspicion about my motives from both family and from some muslims i have met but not all.

I have noticed that suspicion coming from other muslims hurts a hell of a lot more than family who understandably cant get their head around the whole thing at all and are looking for a fall guy...this in my case being a muslim man , the relationship ended amicably between us, but people think i converted to get him back, even though he is no longer in my life and he is married again and all. I wear the hijab and a lot of muslims who see a white girl in hijab in west europe assume she is doing it for a man. Quite a few muslims actually interrogated me on how and why i became a muslim...this being like i walk into a shop and the person is a muslim and starts asking me questions ...i have no idea who this muslim shop assistant is :hmm:

It sure is a struggle, but try to have patience without being walked over.
The important thing is that Allah swt knows why you became muslim, He guided you to it, and no one can take that away from you with their ignorant comments. I find when people mess with your head so much you cant take it anymore the best thing to do is say 'Allah ahlam' and nothing else. Otherwise everything you say/do to defend yourself will be manipulated by people to suit their own pre-made conclusions and suspicions.

Don't feed them with defending yourself
Just look unbothered and say Allah ahlam and they cant claim to know better than Allah swt.

Works for me all the time.
And you keep the moral highground and are not dragged into a fight thus protecting yourself from sinning also :sunny:

 

[The_Prince]

i found a good article for you as well which i just found, it is exactly written for people in your situation:

A Warning to New Muslims





Bism’Allah Alr-Rahman Ilr-Raheem (In the name of GOD, Most Gracious, Most Merciful)



Many of us fairly new Muslims enter Islam in a state of naiveté. We enter Islam committing forbidden deeds, we enter Islam taking the advice of unknowledgeable and misguided born-and-raised Muslims; and this is all because we simply just don’t know any better. We’re ignorant.



You may be convinced, upon converting that your worst enemies in faith can be the people you once called your brothers and sisters in your previous religion. You’d be surprised, how sometimes even your own fellow Muslim who are misguided or ignorant may misquote something or give you the wrong facts, thus making them an even bigger adversary to your faith.



What the new Muslims generally need to do for themselves is use their logic. Upon converting, it’s not blameworthy to commit sin when you’re in the state of ignorance. However, there will be those several so-called brothers and sisters in Islam who will label anything that is generally acceptable as being “HARAM!” (Forbidden). A good example is you’ll have those odd one or two people who generally everyone else at the mosque will usually avoid, and in most cases, it’s for a good reason why they are being avoided. Such individuals will see you in jeans and a t shirt and automatically jump at you calling you a “KAFFIR!” (Disbeliever) for wearing clothing that is foreign to that of their country (i.e./ Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Sudan…etc). Such people who will try and tell you that such actions are forbidden or make you a disbeliever; what you need to do is ask them to present you with proof. Where you can be presented with such proof is from the Qur’an and authentic Hadith sources. On a level of reliability, the Hadith should be nothing less than authentic, and Hadith should never contradict the Qur’an. It would also be best to understand that of what the Qur’an says before taking Hadith into consideration. On the whole, our logic should tell us what’s right and wrong; and going to those who are knowledgeable on matters that are of doubt is always best for clarification, as long as there’s proof presented.



In simple words with the above being said, everyone should be able to agree that every single action not associated with worship is permissible onto us, unless it’s prescribed and/or proven as forbidden. However, all actions associated with worship are forbidden until proven to be prescribed as obligatory or recommended.



One example would be where some brothers/sisters will tell the new convert to start praying Sunnah (recommended prayers) and many of these new converts will start to pray Sunnah without understanding the significance behind these prayers. A new Muslim should always seek to understand every religious action they take before they uphold it in their lives and they should also be certain of its obligatory and/or recommended position in faith and practice of worship. Also, many believers will come across some individuals who are either knowingly or carelessly following heretic practices in faith. An example of that is how certain Shia’ will pray to their 12 Imams, or how Suffis will spin themselves in circles until they pass out and fall in a trance and supposedly end up in a state of stronger faith. Also, a devil-in-disguise cult calling themselves the Al-Ahbash (Habashis) who invoke Ali and Hussein by saying, Ya Ali, Ya Hussein (O’ Ali, O’ Hussein) during supplications, and they also try and change the direction of the Qiblah (which is supposed to be facing Mecca). Those who study their Qur’an know there is nothing in the Qur’an, which prescribes such practices nor are there any authentic Hadith that recommend such actions either. These people are misguided and/or ignorant.



Some converts into Islam end up converting through what may seem at first, either a good friend or even someone they dated (shamefully enough). Many of these converts will do as their friends do, but sometimes a good friend isn’t always the best example. There’s such Muslims who don’t drink, who don’t smoke cigarettes, and who don’t do drugs, but yet they will associate with people who are under the influence of any of those substances and they would also go to clubs and/or bars with those people. Just because it’s your good friend who is knowledgeable in Islam and helped you convert doesn’t always mean they are the best example, and if you have to seek other friends to better yourself, then you may just have to do that. Also, don’t feel shy that you’d offend this friend if you challenge them at what they do wrong and try to correct them and present them with proof that what they are doing is improper.



Some of you may have been (unlawfully) romantically involved with a Muslim and through their influence you may have converted. Dating is a forbidden act and it’s mentioned in Surah Al-Ma'idah (Book/Chapter of the The Feast) of the Qur’an 5:5 “...(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. ...”



Others may have converted and then met what appeared to be a suitable member of the opposite sex for marriage. Once you pursue this individual, you may be fooled to believe that they may be more knowledgeable, just because they may have been born and raised with the religion. Don’t make that mistake. You might find people spoon-feeding you their own watered down version of Islam and trying to convince you that this is Islam. One example might be a convert male might be involved with a sister who doesn’t dress modestly, who likes to dress in revealing clothing, and not wear hijaab (head scarf). We find in Surah Al-Azhab (Book/Chapter of The Parties) of the Qur’an 33:59 “O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close round them (when they go abroad). That will be better, so that they may be recognized and not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” Also in Surah Al-A'araf (The Book/Chapter of The Purgatory) Qur’an 7:26 it says, “O you Children of Adam! We have bestowed on you raiment to cover your shame as well as to be an adornment to you. But the raiment of righteousness, that is the best. Such are among the Signs of Allah, that they may receive admonition.” You may also want to refer to Surah Al-Noor (The Book/Chapter of Light) of the Qur’an 24:31. It’s written clearly that a man and woman in Islam should be covered modestly while in public. However, some of these sisters will try and excuse themselves from such an obligation to wear hijaab by claiming that these verses you present them with are “mistranslated” or “misinterpreted” in the English language and are not parallel to their meaning in the original Arabic.



In Surah Al-Nesa' (Book/Chapter of the Women) of Qur'an 4:34 God has said, "Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected." Many born-and-raised misguided male Muslims will try and use the underlined part of this verse to go on a power trip with their wives by taking advantage of this verse and manipulating it onto their wives. The women who will particularly fall victim to this are usually the converts or the less educated born-and-raised sisters in Islam. However, there’s many more quotes and verses from the Qur’an and Hadith, with instructions to men to treat their women well.



To mention a few:


“And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may live in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; Verily, in that are signs for people who reflect.” [Surah Al-Rum (Chapter/Book of the Romans) of Qur’an 30:21]



“Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments…” [Surah Al-Baqarah (Chapter/Book of the Cow/Heifer) of Qur’an 2:187]



"Ye who believe! It is not allowed you to be heirs of women against their will, not to hinder them from marrying, that you may take from them a part of that which you have given them, unless they have been guilty of evident lewdness. But deal kindly with them, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye have a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good." [Surah Al-Nesa’ (Chapter/Book of the Women) of Qur'an 4:19]



Finally, the prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “The best of you is he who is best to his wife.”



The above have been examples as to how a convert can be taken advantage of and may be erroneously informed by these so-called born and raised Muslims. On the other hand, there are riches worth of information out there that one can find if they seek for answers from the right sources and right people. Overall, it is our responsibility to find answers, and it is our responsibility to correct anyone who misinforms us.





May God (Allah, subhana’hu wa ta’ala) guide us and bring us all to salvation.



Ameen.


(http://answering-christianity.com/noor_adeen/warning_to_new_muslims.htm)

 

[rubiesand]

Wa alaikum assalam Sister,

Two years is a long time to be the focus of hostile scrutiny and gossip. And it would have been very easy, after enduring all that, for you to come here and charge your tormentors with the same thing you are accused of: hypocrisy, for demanding perfection from you, while being flawed themselves. But you didn't do that. And that is a testament to your strength of character and your goodness. Goodness, I believe, that will prevail in time, because that is the nature of things.

But right now, you are unhappy and don't know what to do. How to convince them? But why should you have to? You have as much right as anyone to be Muslim and have your Islam accepted by the community. And who told you that you are just praying 'to shut people up'? Who dares to presume such a thing! Just give me five minutes in a locked room with that person! Kidding of course, I wouldn't hurt a fly, and neither would you I'll warrant, but sometimes, and maybe that time has come for you, it's necessary to stand up for yourself and in no uncertain terms, let people know you won't put up with being treated as you have been. Prepare your words in advance, I'm sure you can pack a verbal punch, and next time someone tries it on, let them have it right between the eyes. As you said, the men in your family are not there to stand up for you, so it's going to have to be you on this occasion.

 

[Muezzin]

Tell those who criticise you, who gave them the permission to judge.

I agree. Shame on those who treat you this way. If anything they should be helping you out, not questioning your motives!

My own advice probably sounds really weak and rubbish seeing as I've not really been in that position, but... the best I can think of is just to run your race. Ignore the naysayers, and just be a good Muslim, which is what you obviously want to be.

Like I said, that does sound really idealistic and, by extension, unrealistic, but it's really the only thing I can think of.

 

[InToTheRain]

Contrary to Judging you so Harshly they should give you time to settle and take it one step at a time. Mohammad(SAW) recieved revelations over a period of 20 years, even Allah(SWT) didn't demand that they learn the whole Qur'an overnight, and implement it the next day! Even though it is His right as our Creator to do so. Rather He, The Most Merciful, gave them time to adjust.
But these people they demand off you to perfectly implement Islam? Subahhan'Allah....

What they are questioning is your Imaan and that is not something Tangible, they have no right to question it as only Allah(SWT) knows its value.

Sister what you do is for Allah(SWT) and He is aware of what you do. May you find comfort in the remembrance of Allah(SWT).

 

[Sheba]

No one knows anyones heart and faith except God Alone. I realise that you are unhappy, but by meeting this man God chose good to come out of it by introducing you to Islam. The religion is perfect but very often the people who "claim" to practice it are not...in fact many are far removed from the purity of God's religion!

You should not need to prove your faith to anyone other than God. However, a good approach would be to study the Quran. Let them see you are serious in your religion and knowledgeable about it. Talk to them on verses from the Quran and see what happens from there. In my experience most Muslims do not read the Quran and are ignorant regarding God's message.

Show them, through example the beauty of the Quran...you never know maybe they will even benefit from the reminder.

Remember, One with God is a majority.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

i hope my message is read...inshAllah.

asalamu alykum, peace be upon you sister in islam.

May Allah make it easy for you and keep your heart steadfast in islam (ameen)

Before i begin, may i just say this hadith;

“Allaah has shared out your attitudes among you just as He has shared out your provisions. Allaah gives worldly provision to those whom He loves and those whom He does not love, but He gives religion only to those whom He loves. So whoever is given religion, Allaah loves him…” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3490; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 714).

i doubt my message would be read because the other users have probably given a better answer, but if u do read this then i wanted to say that ur not alone in this, infact i myself am not in that much of a different position from you. And i was born and raised a muslim!

for example, im a brother, and at home my parents say to me that i grow my beard and dont trim it (because trimming the beard isn't allowed), and they make a big fuss about it and say "you dont know anything about islam" and with other issues involving religion we have differences in opinions etc.... im left alienated, but i learnt that regardless of how displeased they r of me, Allah comes first, and there is no obdience if theres disobdience to Allah, and iv learnt that i dont need to prove to my family how good a muslim im trying to be because only Allah knows whats in the hearts. So if I cant win people by what iv learnt, then I can always win them by showing the true muslim character (inshAllah) and practicing islam in its entireity.

with that said, i want to state a few points which inshAllah may be of benefit to you, because the listed below also help me too;

1. First and foremost sister, you do not have to prove your religion to anybody except Allah. Because there is nobody who knows what is in the hearts of people except Allah because as Allah says in al-quran;

Those men,-Allah knows what is in their hearts; so keep clear of them, but admonish them, and speak to them a word to reach their very souls.
[Surah An-Nisa 4:63]​

Allah will not call you to account for thoughtlessness in your oaths, but for the intention in your hearts; and He is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing.
[Al-Barakah 2:225]​

and in a hadith;

This hadith has been transmitted on the authority of Abu Huraira with some addition (and it is this):"Verily Allah does not look to your bodies nor to your faces but He looks to your hearts," and he pointed towards the heart with his fingers. (Muslim Book 032, Number 6220)​

Many people may question your deen and actions and everything about you, But always remember that your duty is to Allah.


2. its a test from Allah because in a hadith Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said;

Narrated Abu Huraira Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials." (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 70, Number 548)​

and in another hadith;

“If Allaah loves a people, He tries them, and whoever has patience will have patience, and whoever is anxious will be anxious.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1706).​

Allaah is Good and accepts nothing but that which is good. So the way of Allaah with His slaves is to test them with calamities and tribulations, so that the believer may be known from the hypocrits and so that the truthful may be distinguished from the liar, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”
[al-Anbiya’ 21:35]​

and also;

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.

And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allaah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:2-3]​

So sister, a muslim should NEVER despair, if Allah has put you in the trial that you are going through then that means Allah knows you have the strength to handle it because as Allah says in al-quran;

Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability; for it is (the benefit of) what it has earned and upon it (the evil of) what it has wrought.....
[Al-Bakarah 2:286]​

3. All the hardship that you are going through is means to bring you closer to Allah as our beloved prophet (peace be upon Him) said;

Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." (Bukhari; Volume 7, Book 70, Number 545)​

4. A muslim should never despair, the helper and protector of the believers is Allah, so the prophet (peace be upin him) said;

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2999).​

5. NEVER will Allah forget the good that you do!;

"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision)”
[al-Nahl 16:97]​

and also;

“then whoever follows My Guidance he shall neither go astray, nor shall be distressed."
[Ta-Ha 20:123]​

lastly...your religion, your life and your death, everything you do should be for the sake of Allah alone, because Allah put you into these calamities so only He can get you out of it. those people who question your sincerety and religion need guidence themselves so dont listen to the ones who speak without knowledge because you are not accountable to them. two things might inshAllah help you stay on the straight path with patience and perseverance are;

Say: "Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds:
[Al-Anaam 6:162]​

1. To help you to be patient is to read the seerah (biography) of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and the trials and hardships that he endured. You should also ponder the reward for those who are patient in this world and in the Hereafter. One of the most useful books on this topic is ‘Uddat al_Saabireen by Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him). [Note: an abridged translation of this book is available in English under the title “Patience and Gratitude”, Ta-Ha Publishers, London, UK]

2. From a saying of Abdullah bin Mas'ood (May Allah be pleased with him)-

Whom so ever wants to follow a path, should follow the path of the ones who have died, because the living could fail in their trials. These are the companions of the Muhammad (saw). They were the best of this ummah, their hearts had the most taqwa (fear and hope), they had the deepest knowledge and they were the least superficial.

don't incline towards those who call you to other then the worship of Allah, if you have read my post then i hope you have benefitted from it and may Allah give you strength and guide you to jannah, ameen inshAllah.

walykum salam wa rahmatullhi wa barakatuh

 

[Abdul-Raouf]

Just dont mind/hear what they question...

Obey and Fear ALLAH...Dress modestly..Pray sincerely.. Fast in Ramadhan...Ask ALLAH for peace in ur life.....

Be silent and patient....

u dont even need to reply a single word when they question u like dat...

 

[YusufNoor]

my brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am writing here because I need help and I don't know where else to turn.

I converted to Islam about two years ago and it's been the biggest battle of my life. Ironically, I have had almost full support from my Christian and my atheist/agnostic/sometime-here-sometime-there friends and family. My problem lies in -- and I am so so sorry to say this (more than you can imagine) -- the Muslim community that I have been exposed to since then.

I think the root of the problem lies in the fact that i was dating a Muslim man and we very much in love and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i knew he only wanted to marry a muslim woman BUT that is NOT the reason i converted.

Long before I met him I visitied Indonesia which stemmed my initial interest in Islam. when i came back i started studying Islamic studies and learned more and more about Islam. At that point, however, i was still very much anti-religion...not because i didn't believe in God but because i found institutionalized religion to be so hypocritical based on the experiences i had had.

But once i started dating Mr. Man, he opened the world to me with his value system and his love of God and that got me thinking: maybe I shouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water! yes, there are many many many injustices in the Muslim community and in the Hindu and the Jewish and, i know first hand a thousand times over, that Christians ain't no better; should I turn my back on the truth because some "believers" disgust me? NO!

Ay, and there's the rub: I am just not sure anymore!

The truth is ever since i converted it's been a struggle. I am constantly under a microscope: "did she just do it for him?"....even at our wedding the Imam grilled me on it! It seems that if I don't fit the form (wear higab, pray, fast, memorize qur'an, YELL out everywhere i go etc) PERFECTLY!!!! I am a hypocrite, a fake, a convert-for-profit. everything i say or do or ask has become a sure sign of my insincerity.

Worst of all, my husband has fallen into the bandwagon. He has become worst of all...but probably that's just my perception of it because to have a husband that thinks you're lying about your religion...well that hurts like hell!

sooooo, that's the background.

the question now is, what do i do? The situation has become intolerable. How can i convince people that i am truly a muslim (actually this has become a catch-22, ie. if i'm not seen praying: I'm not a real Muslim....if I'm seen praying "I'm just praying to shut people up!")

I know that Muslim (or is it just Arab (my husband's family is Egyptian) families) women have the back up of their fathers and brothers and uncles when facing difficulties in their relationships with their husbands. my family lives on another continent and they wouldn't dream of getting involved in this...and honestly i don't want them to worry AND more importantly, i don't want them to start doubting my decision to become a Muslim.

I'm in Cairo at the moment, i wouldn't know if there's an Imam or someone who might help.

shukran, thank you, gracias, danke, merci and all the best blessings on anyone who takes the time to read this, who answers, who maybe just thinks twice about judging a convert.

it might feel pretty rough Sis, but i remember a lecture by Mufti Ismail Menk.
in it he discusses how the Prophet of Allah(saws) was also judged in like manner by his fellow Quraysh and later on the Jews and hypocrites in Medina. now, the Mufti says that when this stars happening to YOU! Alhumdulillah! it means that Allah(swt) has accepted your Islam and that you are being given a little taste of what the Rasulullah(saws) went through! SOO, Insha' Allah, you will be able to discuss it with him(saws) in Jannah!

it MIGHT feel a little tough coming from Muslims, BUT if you are a revert just remember all the things that Jesus/Isa(as) said to the Sadducces and Pharisees regarding hypocracy!

take it all with Sabr, and Allah(swt) will reward you EVEN MORE! and make du'a for all those around you. May Allah(swt) guide them all to the straight path! AMEEN

 

[greenisforAllah]

i don't know how to thank you all! may Allah bless you all. Because of your replies, I feel so much stronger, so much more a part of something much much bigger than anything in the world....something I felt I lost.

In all honesty, I believe I've been a total mess (I mean seriously: not a day goes by that I'm not brought to all out sobbing) and instead of turning to God for guidance, I've been wallowing in self-pity. My bad. In my defence (ahh the sin of pride :hiding: ) I have been searching for Muslim friends/support-system/fighters-for-Allah. So I thank you truly from the bottom of my heart.

I have written much more than this in reply, also specific comments to some of the responses, but i didn't have time to finish it. so i'm sending the first part and saved the rest on a document to finish later today or tomorrow. i'm sorry.


I especially want to thank nomadicsoul for passing me the link to my thread!

maa salaama
t

 

[kwolney01]

wow my story is a lot like yours.. I want to convert but I don't want people to think I did it because of him. I always believe that you shouldn't let them bother you..don't let them get to you. Your living for Allah not them. If they don't believe you than forget about them..they shouldn't judge you anyways..only Allah can judge you. He knows whats in your heart. Pray about it. I wish you the best.

 

[YusufNoor]

wow my story is a lot like yours.. I want to convert but I don't want people to think I did it because of him. I always believe that you shouldn't let them bother you..don't let them get to you. Your living for Allah not them. If they don't believe you than forget about them..they shouldn't judge you anyways..only Allah can judge you. He knows whats in your heart. Pray about it. I wish you the best.

Peace be upon those who follow the guidance!

to paraphrase Shaykh Khalid Yasin, to uncover the Treasure that is Islam you sometimes have to move the Muslims out of the way!

don't let other people rob you of your reward in Jannah, the sooner that you revert, the more reward will be available for you!

So ACT NOW!! ew, that sounds like a bad commercial...:exhausted


May Allah(swt) make the choice easy for you and may He(swt) grant you guidance and knowledge and Taqwa! AMEEN!

 

[believer]

your journey to Islam is not really an easy one...

at any rate... the message you need to tell those Muslims is "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

and your message for yourself..."Islam is my personal affair with Allah subhannawataallah!... Islam is my religion... I judge no one, and I can only be judged by Allah, my God... the one and only God worthy of praise and worship."

In short... who cares what they think of you... only Allah knows what is in the hearts of men... and this is what matters most. Keep striving for Islam.

Salaamualaikum.

 

[tarek29]

my brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am writing here because I need help and I don't know where else to turn.

I converted to Islam about two years ago and it's been the biggest battle of my life. Ironically, I have had almost full support from my Christian and my atheist/agnostic/sometime-here-sometime-there friends and family. My problem lies in -- and I am so so sorry to say this (more than you can imagine) -- the Muslim community that I have been exposed to since then.

I think the root of the problem lies in the fact that i was dating a Muslim man and we very much in love and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i knew he only wanted to marry a muslim woman BUT that is NOT the reason i converted.

Long before I met him I visitied Indonesia which stemmed my initial interest in Islam. when i came back i started studying Islamic studies and learned more and more about Islam. At that point, however, i was still very much anti-religion...not because i didn't believe in God but because i found institutionalized religion to be so hypocritical based on the experiences i had had.

But once i started dating Mr. Man, he opened the world to me with his value system and his love of God and that got me thinking: maybe I shouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water! yes, there are many many many injustices in the Muslim community and in the Hindu and the Jewish and, i know first hand a thousand times over, that Christians ain't no better; should I turn my back on the truth because some "believers" disgust me? NO!

Ay, and there's the rub: I am just not sure anymore!

The truth is ever since i converted it's been a struggle. I am constantly under a microscope: "did she just do it for him?"....even at our wedding the Imam grilled me on it! It seems that if I don't fit the form (wear higab, pray, fast, memorize qur'an, YELL out everywhere i go etc) PERFECTLY!!!! I am a hypocrite, a fake, a convert-for-profit. everything i say or do or ask has become a sure sign of my insincerity.

Worst of all, my husband has fallen into the bandwagon. He has become worst of all...but probably that's just my perception of it because to have a husband that thinks you're lying about your religion...well that hurts like hell!

sooooo, that's the background.

the question now is, what do i do? The situation has become intolerable. How can i convince people that i am truly a muslim (actually this has become a catch-22, ie. if i'm not seen praying: I'm not a real Muslim....if I'm seen praying "I'm just praying to shut people up!")

I know that Muslim (or is it just Arab (my husband's family is Egyptian) families) women have the back up of their fathers and brothers and uncles when facing difficulties in their relationships with their husbands. my family lives on another continent and they wouldn't dream of getting involved in this...and honestly i don't want them to worry AND more importantly, i don't want them to start doubting my decision to become a Muslim.

I'm in Cairo at the moment, i wouldn't know if there's an Imam or someone who might help.

shukran, thank you, gracias, danke, merci and all the best blessings on anyone who takes the time to read this, who answers, who maybe just thinks twice about judging a convert.

Salam Alekom Sister,

First of all you don’t have to Proof anything to anyone because it is something between you and Allah (swt) BUT you have a problem that you need to do something to solve it, right!?

As far as I understood you have problem that family of your Husband think that you just reverted to Islam because of him and he also begin doubting this as far I understood, right!?

Of course not me or anyone here knows all the details exactly but I just can give some advices and you decide to take them or not due to what you see:

1- Talk to your Husband and tell him all what you feel, he the closest one to you and there should not be any kind of wall between you both, and he should have no doubt in you, tell him that Little doubt is SIN in Islam.
2- Talk to your Husband and his family openly and use Religion, see Islam is simply in your side in what you say and they are Muslims and Egyptians so talk to them ISLAM they will not only be proud of you but they will also will not find anything to answer or even think about that again, it is simple talk to them ISLAM and Sisters and Brothers here can help you in that! 
3- Always Smile  and thank Allah (swt) for everything, actually by choosing Islam this simply means Allah (swt) choose you and this is great Honor and Gift from our creator to you, and as Egyptian  I really wonder how could they not be proud of you !?
4- Try to find someone who can help you in those things with your husband and his family from his family someone whom you can rely on him and whom they will listen, maybe sister of your husband, his mother etc…
5- There is Centers in Cairo were they teach Islam to non Arabic Muslims were they also teach Arabic Language where you can find a lot of sisters, friends with whom you can take advices! I can give address of one of those centers in Nasr City if this is not far for you, but after I return to Cairo (one week)!

Anyway the best way is to talk to them is by ISLAM and believe me this you can USE in a lot of situations and this will not only solve your problems but will also make them respect and appreciate you more and especially your husband!

BEST ADVICE: the best thing is to have something in common between you and your Husband and what is better then sharing each other the Love to ALLAH (swt)!?

You can go together to Omra or even Hajj if possible, pray together etc…. and by this you will win both Life and after life!

May Allah (swt) guide us all!
Peace