unwed mother

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Please advise me. Do he need to ask permission from his wife and family to marry me?

No he doesnt but he should tell them

What if she didn't agree?

she doesnt need to agree

Is there any cases of "secret" second marriage?

Marriage in sunnah should be announced because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in Musnad ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1072)

What if the first wife came to know that his husband has a second wife?

What if ?

Would that be void?

no

If marrying is not possible, should my baby be a muslim or a christian?

If the marrige is our isnt the baby should be muslim

The best thing for you to do is to become Muslim, because Allaah created mankind to worship Him as He wants. He wants us to worship Him in the Islamic way. The Christian religion was right in its own time (when it first came), but it has been distorted, then Allaah abrogated it with Islam. The Muslims recognize the religion of the Messiah, may peace be upon him, but it was followed before Islam came, by a small group of people. Then Islam came and abrogated it, so it is not right to follow it now.

 

[Tornado]

I have a friend, she's an unwed christian. She got pregnant by a muslim boyfriend. Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?

Tell her to go see her parents/guardians if possible. This is not a light issue = /

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

brother, the child could be named after the father, if the father is known, regardless of wedlock or not.
nowadays there are many ways to prove fatherhood, it is up to her though. see, he has to take care of the child under law, and if he proves this is not his child, the mother will take all the burden or raising it.
thus in this case it is up to her to name him, although in their society I'd say the name doesn't matter that much.

can you show me where it says so Jazak Allahu khayr

 

[Yanal]

If he refuses to marry then?

 

[alcurad]

can you show me where it says so Jazak Allahu khayr

http://www.uslaw.com/library/article/cpcs5Paternity.html?area_id=15

if you meant the child being named, it is not allowed to call a child the name of someone who is not his parent, otherwise the fifth verse, chapter 33(Al Ahzab) says:
"ادعـهم لآبائـهم هـو أقسـط عنـد الله"

YUSUFALI: Call them by (the names of) their fathers: that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if ye know not their father's (names, call them) your Brothers in faith, or your (maula's:clients in PIKHTAL). But there is no blame on you if ye make a mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.

it goes for all children, not just the adopted, that they be named by their 'real/biological' father's name.

the Hadeeth:“The child is to be attributed to the husband and the adulterer deserves nothing.” is not correct, rather it is one of the arabs idioms/proverbs, it is not a religious edict.

allowing the person to get away with it and not supporting the mother monetarily is no a good idea, regardless of wedlock or not, nowadays we have DNA testing etc to prove parentage without a doubt, it should be applied if the person is not supporting his own child.

as for the name, there is nothing that indicates a child cannot be named after his father except a single hadeeth, which is not correct according to some at least, and is taken out of context in the first place, and several more practical reasons for calling the child after his father making it invalid.

NB, it doesn't matter what x scholar or y scholar said if they don't have strong evidence for it.

 

[pipay]

thanks to everybody who has given their advices, it's really a big help.
yesterday, i met him. he is really not willing to take the responsibility.he told me that he really love me but not to the point of having a baby. but i don't have any plans of aborting the baby. what i need is just a financial support! but how?
he told me that in their culture, once his family came to know about the baby, they will never forgive him. how true is it especially in pakistanis? and why? i believe that your family would still be your family forever and they will not throw you out that easily, instead, they must give you proper advices and support you, right?
and if i'm a christian, how can i raise my baby to be a muslim? i don't know that much about it.

 

[pipay]

Hi, well first and formal the baby is not his Islamically due to the fact that the child is illegitimate he is his mother's child only, and abortion is nott haraam before the fetus is noticeably human and Allah Azza Wa Jaal knows best.

Is my baby considered illegitimate?

 

[alcurad]

illegitimate in what way?

and yes, 'desi' culture might be too hot blooded for such things,,depends though.
it is his child, regardless of him saying he didn't want it, if he didn't want, why didn't he leave you be in the first place, I think he should be held responsible.

 

[pipay]

sorry coz i don't know how to make "qoute" in this forum. the first paragraph was sent by somebody, that's why i asked if my baby is illegitimate. anyway, for clarification, i was asking if my baby was illigitimate because we are not married. but when i made some researches, it said that my baby would still be legitimate and entitled for his rights (with his father) even if we are not married. but what are these rights and legitimacy?

 

[glo]

Pipay's friend, do you want to marry that man who forced you to have sex with him??
Why not find a more caring and trusting man to help you raise your child as his own?

 

[pipay]

Glo, actually I really don't know now if I still want to be with him. But since we are on a crisi right now, I must admit that I need financial support at this moment especially to cover my delivery expenses.

 

[glo]

Glo, actually I really don't know now if I still want to be with him. But since we are on a crisi right now, I must admit that I need financial support at this moment especially to cover my delivery expenses.

That's tough situation for you!
Is there no other help you can turn to? Charities or such?

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, if that's okay with you.

Peace

 

[pipay]

thanks glo, i really appreciate it.

i don't know yet if i can ask somebody to help me with this but since he is the father, he should be held responsible with this, especially financially. but for now, i want to be spiritually and emotionally stable so that i can think positively. i know money is only secondary, although we really need it. i never lose hope that one day, there is a brighter future for me and my baby even without him. i don't know if muslims believe in karma, but i do believe. my parents thought me never to make revenge that's why i'm leaving everything to my God. it's up to him what kind of karma he will give to the father of my baby.

i know i love him. but whatever he is doing right now to me and my baby, well, i hope the love remains even if it means separation. but if the time comes for him to realize the proper things to do, i just wish we are still here and ready to accept him. otherwise, i pity him. i never regret of continuing this pregnancy, although people might find it immoral or sinful. i still believe that our god knows how to forgive and i am willing to do anything just to have it.

giving my baby a chance to live, for me, is already a start of my repentance. and i always believe that my baby will give me a new hope, a new light, a new direction.

 

[Muslim Woman]

In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/peace ;

..Suddenly he told me that he is already married and his family will not allow him to marry to a foreign country.

he can't avoid his responsibility like this . He did not take their permission when he had an unethical relatioship with you but now he needs their permission ??? U must take a decision about this guy who is not a God fearing person & looks like he is not repented .

As glo suggessted , u may contact some organistations to help u .

Do he need to ask permission from his wife and family to marry me?

If there is a condition in his marriage contract that he must not take other wife as long as he is married to his first wife , then he needs permission ( not that his second marriage will be invalid without it but to avoid legal punishmet).

Othewise , he can marry u without divorcing the first wife or taking his written permission.

 

[Muslim Woman]

In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace ;

i don't know yet if i can ask somebody to help me with this .

You two are living in which country ? What's the law about this matter ? DNA test will easily prove who is the dad & he must pay all the expenses. Tell / threat him that you will take legal actions if he refuses his duty . Also , u don't need to change your religion to marry him . He must marry you in presence of witnesses but I guess , for the time being he may hide the news from family if he fears that they will stop supporting him financially .

I only hope that we will fear God more & will keep away from committing such mistakes /sins . I am really feeling bad that you are in such a condition and a Muslim is involved in this sin.

 

[pipay]

Originally, he's from pakistan and I'm from philippines. we met here in dubai and we are both working here but living separately. he asked me many times to marry him but i don't know if his intentions are true but suddenly when i said yes, he told me that he is already married and that he cannot marry me. i don't about the laws here regarding this matter.

 

[noorseeker]

Bismillah

he should be a man and take responsibilty

 

[pipay]

Bismillah

he should be a man and take responsibilty

BUT HOW??

And please explain to me how i can raise my baby to be a muslim if i myself doesn't know how.

 

[- Qatada -]

Hi


Like glo said, it might be useful to get in contact with some charities or women organisations. This might be a useful link;

http://www.timeoutdubai.com/community/features


In regard to your baby, in Islam - its the duty of the husband to provide food, drink, shelter and clothing for his wife and children. Maybe you can go to a nearby mosque and ask the Imam there if you can also get some support from any organisations, or if he knows of any sisters who can help you and support you and your child?

In regard to your question about whether Muslims believe in Karma, we believe that God/Allah is One, and that He is Just. He is also merciful to those who turn to Him, and He responds to those who turn to Him.

When My servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every supplicant when he calles on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. [Qur'an 2:186]

​

So whatever wrong or oppression someone does to someone else, they will get an equal recompense for that. So it isn't really karma, but Allah/God's justice to His servants.


If you have anymore questions, please continue to ask.


Remember that your not the only woman to have a child, Mary the mother of Jesus (peace be upon them) also had a child, without any father there to support her. Here's a good article and example from the Islamic perspective on how Mary handled her experience when people looked down upon her;

Mary, the mother of Jesus;
http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/1398/

You might benefit from it, and learn some wisdoms for when you give birth. For example, we learn from the Qur'an that when a woman gives birth, one of the best foods God/Allah inspired Mary to do was to eat dates since they're nutritious.



I hope things turn out well for you, and if you have anymore questions - then please do ask.

 

[Muslim Woman]

In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace

... i don't about the laws here regarding this matter.

U must know about the law of the local country . In Islam , adultery is a major sin & punishment is 100 lashes. Not sure if this is applicable to non-Muslims or
not .

Did u talk to your family about your problem ?