unwed mother

[Zahida]

Oh my dear sis, the more you remain in contact with this idiot(forgive me) the more he will torture you and make your life miserable..........you are only twenty eight and very well educated with a good job. Sis concentrate on your child and your future don't get too involved with this guy.

If you leave him alone or do not respond to him..........he will back off and maybe this will change his attitude InshaAllah. You have to be strong and show him you are strong by ignoring him this will soon change him.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yeah. But he keeps on insisting that I'm the one who has mental illness especially whenever I try to explain the situation and start discussing the "baby" matter.

Obviously he's in denial!! :enough!::skeleton:

 

[جوري]

I'm now 28 years old and currently working as an environmental consultant and my work is really affected.

Last week he told me to make way to remove the baby otherwise, he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him. Is it true that he can take the baby with him according to islam? why? he's refusing to have the baby then he will take it?

Greetings,

I found this on our hadith thread active on this forum:


*The Prophet (SAWS) said: 'If anyone separates a mother from her child, Allah will separate him from those he loves on the Day of Resurrection'. (Tirmidhi, Darimi)

So, he shouldn't Islamically speaking take your child from you.. but can he?
this guy sounds like a dunce, I don't know his side of things, but already he has committed cardinal sins and is asking you to commit even bigger cardinal sins by aborting a precious life ( he is not the creator of life to demand it be taken away for no just cause). He seems like a juvenile retard who is threatened that his life is heading for disarray so he is trying to guilt and/or instill fear in you in the process.... You don't need this kind of stress when pregnant in fact I'd just advise you to migrate to a different city and just get out get out get out.. I don't know how to scream that at you enough, this is a very bad situation you are in.. You should start acting like a mother (please) think of your child and how you'll support and give him/her a decent life... This isn't the sort of man you want for a father for your child.. honestly it will just be a vicious cycle.. you break the cycle right now by deciding for better..

be a good mother
give your child a good education a good upbringing
if you want to study Islam you must do it by proper schooling not by the words of an idiot who thinks murder or prying children from their mothers or cheating on his wife or committing adultery is Islamic!

and Allah swt knows best!

peace

 

[Zahida]

Thankyou Glo................

This guy sounds like a complete freak what kind of man tries to tell you that you are mental when you are carrying his child??????

To be honest sis Pipay you are better off without him, and the sooner yu make that decision the better it is for you and your unborn child. You do not need this tension and stress whilst you are pregnant or infact afterwards....................

Also think about the effects of all of this after your baby is born. You just need to take time out and STOP being a target of his negative attitude by removing yourself from the situation. Give it a try sis, and see the outcome. Things could only get better.

If they don't then at least you will have peace of mind. I hope you understand what i mean but in this situation i wold advise time out, a short break from him and then see how things go................. All the best sis.We all have you best interests at heart but the ball is in your court.

 

[pipay]

thanks to all your advices. right now i'm looking for another place, might be around the same area i'm staying right no or a little bit far because i cannot travel and carry things that much as i am still at the process of recovery coz last week i had a premature contraction, so the doctor adviced me to take a complete bed rest. i'm planning not to tell him about this and i will try to go home (to my country) next month without his knowledge. i think it would be better if i stay with my family even though it's still early coz i'm really scared with my premature contraction. hopefully this will work.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/peace

... i will try to go home (to my country) next month

yes , that's a good decision ; but talk to your doctor before the flight if it's safe to make the journey .

 

[glo]

I agree, pipay's friend.
Go home - where there are people to love you and support you, and where you can relax and concentrate on yourself and your baby!

Everything else can be dealt with in good time ...

(((hugs to you and baby)))

Peace

 

[جوري]

thanks to all your advices. right now i'm looking for another place, might be around the same area i'm staying right no or a little bit far because i cannot travel and carry things that much as i am still at the process of recovery coz last week i had a premature contraction, so the doctor adviced me to take a complete bed rest. i'm planning not to tell him about this and i will try to go home (to my country) next month without his knowledge. i think it would be better if i stay with my family even though it's still early coz i'm really scared with my premature contraction. hopefully this will work.

that a girl.. now you are thinking like a mother.. not having this guy in your life isn't something awful.. think about it as a true blessing.. the only person we collectively feel sorry for here is his wife, as she obviously didn't get a choice and certainly doesn't know the kind of man he is-- you do and you have a choice..

I hope things work out for you (we'll be thinking of you) and I hope this deal hasn't soured you on Islam and Muslims, he isn't a representative of Islam!

peace and all the best

 

[ragdollcat1982]

I'm now 28 years old and currently working as an environmental consultant and my work is really affected.

Last week he told me to make way to remove the baby otherwise, he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him. Is it true that he can take the baby with him according to islam? why? he's refusing to have the baby then he will take it?

Personally I think you should surrender the child for adoption. When I was 17 I got involved in a relationship with an abusive man who because I would not have an abortion punched me in the stomach and caused me to go into preterm labor. I was 5 months along and delievered a stillborn girl. Your obligation is to your child and then yourself. Giving what I have been thorough I would tell him the child died (God forgive me) so that my child would be protected.

 

[جوري]

Personally I think you should surrender the child for adoption. When I was 17 I got involved in a relationship with an abusive man who because I would not have an abortion punched me in the stomach and caused me to go into preterm labor. I was 5 months along and delievered a stillborn girl. Your obligation is to your child and then yourself. Giving what I have been thorough I would tell him the child died (God forgive me) so that my child would be protected.

In islam there is a hadith that states '' la tamarado fa tamrado fa tamoto'

lying about an infliction that God didn't obtrude upon you is truly a sin. It isn't good to right a wrong by way of another wrong, and also she is 28 not 17, how could you even suggest she give her child up for adoption?

I don't even know how a 17 year old could give her child up let alone a 28 year old.. what is more important, pursuing an education, making money or taking care of a human life that God entrusted in your care? Every child that is born is meant to be.. They are not some commodity to be exchanged, aborted or spoken of as if they don't exist...

This whole thread is seriously starting to upset me!

 

[ragdollcat1982]

In islam there is a hadith that states '' la tamarado fa tamrado fa tamoto'

lying about an infliction that God didn't obtrude upon you is truly a sin. It isn't good to right a wrong by way of another wrong, and also she is 28 not 17, how could you even suggest she give her child up for adoption?

I don't even know how a 17 year old could give her child up let alone a 28 year old.. what is more important, pursuing an education, making money or taking care of a human life that God entrusted in your care? Every child that is born is meant to be.. They are not some commodity to be exchanged, aborted or spoken of as if they don't exist...

This whole thread is seriously starting to upset me!

From a non Muslim prespective adoption is a viable alternative to abortion or for a woman who cannot care for her child for whatever reason. I was raised by my aunt and uncle from birth until 14 because my mom was a drug addict and my father a drunk. Both were teenagers who could not care for themselves much less me. Children are not commodities and I have never beleived that. Ideally I think that the child should stay with natural parents or placed like I was with my maternal aunt and her husband with blood relatives. It sounds to me that she is afraid for her childs safety/life and adoption would be viable to protect that childs life if she is that afraid. Her obligation is to her child and its welfare, sometimes we have to do things and make sacrifices for our children. Had I been raised by my birth parents I would not have had a chance in life, I would have most likely been severly abused or dead by now. When I was 14 my aunt passed away and I was given back to my mom and she was still into drugs. It was at 17 that I met a man and became pregnant. I had every intention of raising my child myself,but my ex did not want to pay child support ordered me to get an abortion and I refused, so he punched me in the belly and caused me to go into preterm labor. Loosing my daughter has had a profound effect on me and now that I have a son I would do anything to protect them including giving them to people who would care for them so they would not be harmed. Moses (PBUH) mother did just that thing when she put him in a basket in the river to keep him from being slaughtered like the other Hebrew males by the Eygyptians. I can imagine how difficult that must have been for her.

 

[glo]

Personally I think you should surrender the child for adoption. When I was 17 I got involved in a relationship with an abusive man who because I would not have an abortion punched me in the stomach and caused me to go into preterm labor. I was 5 months along and delievered a stillborn girl. Your obligation is to your child and then yourself. Giving what I have been thorough I would tell him the child died (God forgive me) so that my child would be protected.

That's such a sad story!

I have a friend who is now in her early 40's.
When she was about 16 she became pregnant.
Her parents took her to the doctors and between them they put pressure on her to have the child aborted (which in the end she did).
She says that nobody, but nobody gave her the option to bear the baby and either keep it or put it up for adoption ... imsad The only option presented to her by parents and health professionals was to get rid of it!

 

[ragdollcat1982]

That's such a sad story!

I have a friend who is now in her early 40's.
When she was about 16 she became pregnant.
Her parents took her to the doctors and between them they put pressure on her to have the child aborted (which in the end she did).
She says that nobody, but nobody gave her the option to bear the baby and either keep it or put it up for adoption ... imsad The only option presented to her by parents and health professionals was to get rid of it!

So sad that in America especially that children are viewed as property not blessings.

 

[جوري]

From a non Muslim prespective adoption is a viable alternative to abortion or for a woman who cannot care for her child for whatever reason. I was raised by my aunt and uncle from birth until 14 because my mom was a drug addict and my father a drunk. Both were teenagers who could not care for themselves much less me. Children are not commodities and I have never beleived that. Ideally I think that the child should stay with natural parents or placed like I was with my maternal aunt and her husband with blood relatives. It sounds to me that she is afraid for her childs safety/life and adoption would be viable to protect that childs life if she is that afraid. Her obligation is to her child and its welfare, sometimes we have to do things and make sacrifices for our children. Had I been raised by my birth parents I would not have had a chance in life, I would have most likely been severly abused or dead by now. When I was 14 my aunt passed away and I was given back to my mom and she was still into drugs. It was at 17 that I met a man and became pregnant. I had every intention of raising my child myself,but my ex did not want to pay child support ordered me to get an abortion and I refused, so he punched me in the belly and caused me to go into preterm labor. Loosing my daughter has had a profound effect on me and now that I have a son I would do anything to protect them including giving them to people who would care for them so they would not be harmed. Moses (PBUH) mother did just that thing when she put him in a basket in the river to keep him from being slaughtered like the other Hebrew males by the Eygyptians. I can imagine how difficult that must have been for her.

Moses' mother was given divine comfort even though it was difficult, she knew that since Allah swt made a promise he'd fulfill it...

We are not talking about prophets or their mothers here, we are talking about everyday human beings. Who engage in sexual activity and think that there is no responsibility to come with it. Your mother had an obligation toward you, having you should have meant that she'd sober up act like a mother and your father getting a job to support his young family. Them being the way they are isn't an excuse for adoption.. forgive me but they are just bad people.

I believe the lady above loves her child, after all it is a creature that has been growing beneath her heart for nine months, and Allah swt placed it in that safe place to create amongst other things a deep bond between the two, no one has a right to pry them apart no matter what the reasons.

I don't believe in giving a child up for adoption but I do believe in the Islam enforced 'sponsorship' I don't wish to speak of charitable acts but practically everyone I know is sponsoring a child in some poor country even with as little as 70c a day, she could put her story in one of those programs if she really can't afford it, and I know she'd receive aid in no time, but I believe that aside from very basic things all a child needs is love and nurture...

I am sorry about your losses, but I am not sorry about my opposing your point of view, though you are entitled to your opinion.

peace

 

[ragdollcat1982]

Moses' mother was given divine comfort even though it was difficult, she knew that since Allah swt made a promise he'd fulfill it...

We are not talking about prophets or their mothers here, we are talking about everyday human beings. Who engage in sexual activity and think that there is no responsibility to come with it. Your mother had an obligation toward you, having you should have meant that she'd sober up act like a mother and your father getting a job to support his young family. Them being the way they are isn't an excuse for adoption.. forgive me but they are just bad people.

I believe the lady above loves her child, after all it is a creature that has been growing beneath her heart for nine months, and Allah swt placed it in that safe place to create amongst other things a deep bond between the two, no one has a right to pry them apart no matter what the reasons.

I don't believe in giving a child up for adoption but I do believe in the Islam enforced 'sponsorship' I don't wish to speak of charitable acts but practically everyone I know is sponsoring a child in some poor country even with as little as 70c a day, she could put her story in one of those programs if she really can't afford it, and I know she'd receive aid in no time, but I believe that aside from very basic things all a child needs is love and nurture...

I am sorry about your losses, but I am not sorry about my opposing your point of view, though you are entitled to your opinion.

peace

I can understand your opposition to adoption. I use the story of Moses to illistrate that sometimes mothers do things to protect their children no matter how hard it was. My mom only cared about herself and was not going to sober up for any one. My aunt God bless her saved me from being made a ward of the state. My mom was high on drugs when she went to the hospital to have me and because of that I was to be made a ward of the state and my aunt flew up and said oh no your not, as she believed family takes care of its own. She believed it was her Christian duty to care for her niece. She was my mom not my birthmother. Mom is still a drug addict and dad is still a drunk. I have nothing to do with them now. Children like you said need love and nuturing and I clearly would not have got that from either of my birthparents. The choice of what to do is up to pipay. I was merely offering a suggestion as since she is a Christian adoption would be acceptable.

 

[ragdollcat1982]

M Your mother had an obligation toward you, having you should have meant that she'd sober up act like a mother and your father getting a job to support his young family. Them being the way they are isn't an excuse for adoption.. forgive me but they are just bad people.

I was never legally adopted. All my aunt and uncle had was guardianship so that they could get me medical care , enroll me in school etc. my parents are not bad people just sick people with addictions. I have forgiven them and leave their fate in the hands of God.

 

[جوري]

I was never legally adopted. All my aunt and uncle had was guardianship so that they could get me medical care , enroll me in school etc. my parents are not bad people just sick people with addictions. I have forgiven them and leave their fate in the hands of God.

then your aunt has sponsored you! -- the term 'sickness' implies that they had no hand in the matter, when they did and still do.

anyhow, let's get back to pipay's friend' ongoing problem.

all the best

 

[ragdollcat1982]

then your aunt has sponsored you! -- the term 'sickness' implies that they had no hand in the matter, when they did and still do.

anyhow, let's get back to pipay's friend' ongoing problem.

all the best

I will keep Pipay in my prayers and hope that God will give her the strength to get through this time. I do not hold a grudge against my parents as I believe that drug addiction is a disease. Holding a grudge only eats up a person.

 

[pipay]

sorry to hear your story ragdollcat. I just wish that i could be responsible enough to be a good mother to my baby amidst all the things happening to me.

 

[wafi]

your friend You should make sincere repentance towards Allah, ask His forgiveness as much as possible, and continue doing good deeds and supererogatory acts.

abort the baby in Islam has its own conditions and terms ...but pregnancy from (Zina) is not a valid excuse to abort baby but any co-operation for doing so is not permissible regardless of how serious its results are.

in your friend situation he must take the responsibility ...