Update on my life

[gs450la]

Hope everyone is doing well and wanted to wish everyone a blessed Ramadan Mubarak!

I also wanted to look for my previous post, but decided I would just make a new thread to update everyone.
I finished my MCAT and got my result recently, it wasn't so good and I am going to have to retake in September 2nd.

My sister has been having days where she is more forgiving/nice but she wants something in return. She has started to at least listen to me sometimes and let me do some of the errands my 51 year old dad does (so that is a relief for his health). However, her angry and violent behavior still remains and we are trying to get her into counseling. She refuses to go the school that is near our house and says she will be homeschooled if she doesn't get to go where she wants. She still uses violent profanity and is very anxious unsecure whenever she is asked any question. She continues to spend a majority of time in her room and is disrespectful to mom and dad. She has said that she is no longer a believer in Islam and no longer wants to go to sunday school/fast during Ramadan. (THIS SCARES ME SO MUCH) it scares my parents as well, but she is at the stage, where saying soemthing to her 20 times would have no effect. my parents are even frightened of her (the damage she will do, threats of suicide, running away) so they can't reprimand her for anything. In honesty, she runs our house (she demands food at 2AM in the morning, she gets it from dad), water in her room, clothes washed at 12 AM by my dad. We fear her for her actions and under US law, she can practically kill us and get away with it ( she has tried to stab me twice and has severely beaten my 9 year old brother, my father and mother). She calls my mom and dad a B*tch, and uses the F-word and constant profanity all the time. She is constantly threatening to bust our walls/doors, break our electronics and has vandalized our homes many times whenever we say "No".

If we call the police, she will say that we are hard Pakistani parents and are trying to raise her in a strict Muslim environment when that is not the case. She knows she can milk my dad for anything (seriously!) because he is afraid of her actions and doesn't want to see her unhappy. She doesn't even care that we are fasting. So we are in a huge dilemma. She needs psychiatric care/counseling immediately, but it is a challenge getting her to go. Please pray that she gets the help she needs. School starts September 7th and she will physically refuse to go the school that she is placed in next year. So my dad might have to quit his failing business to work at home with her, I'm praying that doesn't happen.

My mom has had enough and says that my dad made her bad and she can't deal with anymore stress. They have been fighting for the past two years over my sister and now she has had enough and can't take it anymore. She says he has given her confidence and power to rule and divide the house. He never helped in discipling her an chose the easy way out by spoiling her. She has now devleped anxiety and insecurity about herself because of this. I found out the other day that she has been having an affair with another man as my father is now pretty much my sister's slave and she has no companionship as I am busy. I saw her text messages and heard a phone conversation. I was crushed and I know it is wrong and haraam, but she says it is not my business. It really hurts though. She says that her marriage to my dad is over because he is a controlling and different person than her and she wants to part ways. She has also been getting expensive procedures to make her look younger and thinner.

My dad is stressed out enough over my sister and also found out that my mom is having an affair. he has not confronted her about it, but she has been abusive and cold to him. He says he has had enough and he can't deal with my mom after 22 years. They both want to divorce and part ways. A big part of me says that this will be good for us as it will get rid of the fighting that goes on ( I might be able to focus on studying, my 9 y.o. brother might be able to escape). She says that he has cost her daughter and destroyed her. He says that my sister was mentally unstable because of my mom.

My mom has totally lost it though, she says she just wants to focus on her life and wants to spend money on making herself feel better. Her mom had the stroke about a month ago and is healing very slowly and with a lot of pain, but she just wants to focus on herself and her aesthetic treatments/procedures.

Our business is financially suffering because of all this stress. My dad is spending less time on it because he is always trapped with these antics. His health has suffered, everyone's mental health has suffered because of this stress. He says he wants to sell our home because the payments are too high and we can't get a re-finance on our home. He just wants to divorce my mom and lead a separate life. My mom wants the same and I think it would be good. I am just worried about how much more this will destroy my sister psychologically.

I am so miserable and stressed right now. My parents are both hard-working immigrants from Pakistan who came here 15 years ago with dreams, now everyting is falling apart. They are both in their 50's and all the savings and work they have put into life is coming to an end. It is very heartbreaking. Right across the street, there is another guy who has half the education my parents do, a bigger house for less money than what we originally paid and he seems to be enjoying life every day. He seems to be minting money (playing music loud, and enjoying every possible ammenity). It makes me think that some people are just born with luck in their future.

I appreciate those du'as and advice on my situation. I honestly don't know what to do. I am 20 years old, but feel like a little child after dealing with all the stress. I hope that not even my worst enemy has to deal with this as it seems so overwhelming. I almost wish I could turn back the hands of time, but that is impossible to do.

Thanks and best regards,
Ehsan

P.S. sorry for typos, I am very tired at the moment and just need to vent.

 

[aadil77]

I thought your sister was just one of them rude and ill mannered kids, but it sounds like she has actually lost her mind. Why let your family break up because of her, get authorities involved and throw her into a mental institute. Stop fearing the police like typical desi's, the worse (best) that will happen is that she'll get taken away. How old is she now? if she's in her teens I'd pick her up and throw her out the house along with all her belongings, its time you give her some hell, don't let your whole family suffer because of her. If your dad is too sympathetic towards her then sort her out yourself.

About your comment on the guy with the big house - Allah tests every person, that with all his money with not save him from Allahs tests

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

She needs psychiatric care/counseling immediately, but it is a challenge getting her to go.

she doesn't need this. not unless there really is something up...but to me this sounds like an out of control teenager.

So my dad might have to quit his failing business to work at home with her, I'm praying that doesn't happen.

this is what is destroying your family. every thing she demands you give it without asking or without her working for it or earning it.

with due respect, your dad needs to toughen up. i think that is the key to it...any efforts will be useless unless whoever gives her her own way figures out a way on how to subdue her behavior. he needs to use what ever he gives her as "bargaining tools." i think its best if advise him first, rather then trying to change your sister.

what is the relationship with her, as her brother? will she listen to you?

what are the methods your family uses to try stop her behavior? giving her everything she demands will NOT work.

 

[Snowflake]

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles brother. I personally don't feel your parent's divorce can damage your sister anymore. I also don't think your sister is to blame for everything. When Islamic teachings are absent from family dynamics and relationships, then we cannot entirely blame one person for their ill conduct.


I don't know why I feel compelled to say this, but it is the Truth. On the Day of Judgement you will accuse your parents of neglect, because on that Day every single human being will be concerned with saving themselves.

Allah, subhana wa ta 'ala says in the Quran, "The Day man will flee from his own brother, his mother, his father, his wife, his children: each of them will be absorbed in concerns of their own on that Day." [Sural al ‘Abasa, 80:34-37]


So my advice to you my brother is to stop letting your family ruin you. I don't know what to tell you to say to your parents. They know their deen, their limits and duties. They are also old enough to know if they have neglected it. But do remind and advise your parents gently, and then leave it. Other than that you are not responsible for the actions of two sane adults. My heart goes out to your siblings and especially your little brother. I understand you feel responsible for their welfare. But to be of any good to them you have to be good to yourself. The environment you're in now isn't healthy for your psychological and mental well being. You need to do two things to be successful in life and inshaAllah change your life around. If that means moving out, then so be it.


1) You need to learn the deen - without the deen there is nothing but destruction and failure.
2) You need a stress free environment to concentrate on your studies for better future prospects.


Then you can be in the position to offer your brother and sister a healthy Islamic environment to live in.But once again, I must add, that at the end of the day, you can only try, but ultimately everyone is responsible for their own actions. So whether you succeed or fail in making a difference to anyone else's life, be sure that you do everything according to Allah and His Rasuls (saw) teachings to succeed in your life in both worlds. I don't know what else to say to be honest. I hope others can give you better advice than I have inshaAllah. May Allah grant you help and ease. Ameen.



:wa:

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i know someone who has been in your situation for the past 10 years.

and the girls only gotten worse...

I can think of nothing better then seperation.












but ofcourse the family i know has never truelly gone deep into the religion.
If you take the brave steps to change your family, and your environment... then perhaps Allah will change your circumstances.




Honestly... the parents shouldnt have to suffer so much!

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

salam

Your father should divorce your mother immediately. There is absolutely no excuse for her action and what makes it worse is that she blames it on him! Subhallah! Her action is appalling and a lot worse then what sister has ever done. I don’t why your sister scares your mother so much, when your mother is still continuing the affair. This is a major sin.

I am sorry you have to through this during Ramadan. But I suggest you take yourself away from the situation like sister Scents of Jannah suggested. I think your sister is mentally ill. This is way beyond adolescence phase.

 

[Alpha Dude]

She's not mentally ill. Just self-absorbed, arrogant and highly pampered. No amount of counselling from 'professionals' is likely to 'cure' this.

InshaAllah she sees sense. I don't think there's much that can be done about her state. Some things in life she will just have to work out for herself the hard way.

May Allah guide everyone in your family and protect the innocent, ameen.

 

[Danah]

All of what I can say is may Allah ease your life and end your problem with peace. Maybe if they got divorce things will be better, but where your sister will live with?
Your father will keep on spoiling her and obey her orders, so if she will live with him he has to be more serious about it.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Aslaamu`Alaaykum Brother

I am sorry to hear about your situation esp in the month of Ramadhaan, And Ramadhaan Mubarak to you too.
The best advice i can give you is wake up for Tahajjud Salaah and raise your hands and cry and speak to Allaah as your friend/your companion/your creator to help you through this time of hardship. As ive mentioned before many times in other posts the best believer is who smiles through the time of hardship and i know its really really hard in your situation.

This life is test and we surely will have hardships in life that feel as we cannot deal with it anyone(Allaah does not burden us with what we cannot deal with) but trust in Allaah and dont lose hope for this loadsaaa patient is needed brother. Also you can check my Signature and ill share some Quranic verses.

"If a good befalls you, it grieves them, but if some evil overtakes you, they rejoice at it. But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqun (the pious - see V.2:2), not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allah surrounds all that they do." [Al Imraan chapter 3 verse 120]

Also Bro
Alllaah says in surah At-Tawbah verse 51
"Say: 'Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our protector': And on Allah let the Believers put their trust."

In Surah Ash Shu`araa verse 217:"And put thy trust on the exalted in Might, The Merciful."


Allaah also says in Surah Al Baqara verses 155-157

"Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return":- They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance."

Insha`Allaah they help and if i said anything wrong forgive me and hope you recieve more advice on your parents and how to deal with them inshaAllaah

May Allaah ease your affairs between your family and keep you patient in all situations,Ameen

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam

 

[gs450la]

It always fills my heart with peace whenever I hear from all of you brothers and sisters.

I want to thank you for your dua's, words of advice, and even just taking the time to read my troubles. Perhaps I have sinned before, but I am making every effort possible to be a good and better human being/muslim. I am trying to shed the positivity out to the world as much as possible. I volunteer, pray more regularly, and try to sin as less as possible. I have genuinely made a turn around in my life within the past couple of years due to the troubles.

Now to answer the questions. I wholeheartedly agree that my father has spoiled my sister and her behavior is largely as a result of his actions. He tried to protect her from my mom's strict teachings and gave her "another option" at all times. He gave her food from McDonalds/Rubio's at any time of day and he has made himself her servant. He bought her $100 clothes whenever she wanted. However, now she has gotten so entangled with friends at school that we don't even recognize her (she is always at home with them) that we hardly see her. So we don't know what other influence is around her.

According to my father (who is usually the one who drops/picks her up at her outings), her friends are good and well-mannered, much different from her. They value their education and are "normal" in his eyes. He admits that he has spoiled her, but says he also spoiled me and I didn't turn out that way. He says that she has a genetic mental abnormality that causes her to loose control of her anger, be insecure, and have little confidence. My mom also has the inability to listen to others and she speaks loud/looses control of her anger. My mom is very rude with a majority of the people she comes into contact with and is very lazy. There is a big resemblance between them in a lot of ways (mannerism, voice, inability to listen) so he thinks this is a genetic psychiatric problem. I'm not entirely sure, but I can't just deny the possibility that exists as it is possible.

However, at this stage, even if he tries to (which he has) cut her off of things (she does run away, she grabs a knife and threatens to slit her wrist). Then the police gets her and she says that her parents hit her (which they have in the past). Thus, our problems get even worse.

If this is at all a good thing, she doesn't wear clothes that are overly vulgar. She only wears skinny jeans, because she is a whitewashed pakistani who listens to emo music. She doesn't like Pakistani/Indian food and would prefer Mexican/American food so maybe that has to do with it. She just tries to disassociate from our culture/religion as much as possible. Last year, she would at least fast, now not at all. She is also a tom-boy and buys boys clothing (has more friends that are boys as well). Maybe this is a result of a closer connection with dad, and very minimal contact with mom?

The reason I mentioned my neighbor is that he is also a fellow Pakistani Muslim (from a similar background) and he and his wife drink, use profanity and wear vulgar clothes yet it seems they have everything that we need. My parents are always fighting because the outside lights don't work, the sprinkler spills water to the car, or something or the other. This also contributes to unrest in the house. Because my mom (who hardly lifts a finger) curses my dad and says he doesn't do a thing in the house.

We are honestly always fighting and I think counseling would help. But you guys are right, that no matter how much I try, the decision to change will be others, not mine. I can only help myself. Please pray that I am able to do so. My grandmother just seems to be getting sicker. My mom, in addition to having the affair (which just ended) is facing criminal charges for assaulting a few individuals. School starts september 7th for my siblings, I am worried about the hell my sister will put my dad through. Honestly, I love my dad in spite of what has happened and I want to be a good son and help him as much as possible. If I knew he would be alright, I would have no issue going and leaving all on my own.

to Muslimah, thanks for the verses, I will read more into them as I have time.

Are there any types of special dua's I should make during ramadan? I have been so busy I didn't get a chance to pray taraweeh at masjid yesterday...so I will just pray at home today.

Also, are these hakim's like Khan Baba, worth trying? Maybe they can make a special dua or a potion of some sort for my sister ( I know it sounds crazy!) But I thought I would ask..

Thanks,
Ehsan

 

[cat eyes]

sorry to hear about this brother but your sister is mentally ill and she needs help as soon as possible before she does any harm to herself and others.

i disagree with the members who say she does not need any help SHE DOES this is not normal behaviour for a young girl her age.

the fact that she wants to be alone is a clear sign of depression. alarm bells should be ringing here

the way she gets angry and stuff.

i think you should take this to a scholar inshallah about your parents.
:wa:

 

[Alpha Dude]

Are there any types of special dua's I should make during ramadan? I have been so busy I didn't get a chance to pray taraweeh at masjid yesterday...so I will just pray at home today.

Brother, your post is full of pain. May Allah make things easy for you, ameen. Make dua at the time of iftar, there's a greater chance of acceptance at that time.

 

[Alpha Dude]

As Scents of Jannah mentioned, there are fundamental problems in the household that stem from the lack of regard your parents show for Islam. InshaAllah we can all see the importance in raising pious children.

this is not normal behaviour for a young girl her age.

Agreed that this is not normal behaviour yet I don't think this is an illness as such. Allah knows best whether any counselling by psych would benefit. Kids these days are too smart, they'll just twist and use everything the psych says somehow for their own gain.

Then again, maybe it is an illness? Perhaps she has the 'spoilt brat' syndrome.

 

[Snowflake]

I agree with sis cat eyes. There is something much much deeper going on with your sister than just being spoilt. Spoilt children do not threaten others with knives. The worst they do is shout and throw child-like tantrums to get their own way. Your father, mother and sister seem to be triangle. The reasons for each of their behaviour seems to be linked to the other. Something is bothering your sister, and the only way she feels she can deal with it is to lash out and create situations that aren't normal. Maybe because she can't identify with normality. She is still a kid in many ways and we can't blame her alone. She need professional help.

As for your parents, please consider this verse.. Allah subhana ta 'ala says in the Quran: "Believing men and believing women are the protecting friends of each other: they enjoin right and they forbid wrong." Qur`an 9/71

The Prophet (saw) said, "When you see an evil act stop it with your hand. If you can't, then speak out against it with your tongue. If you can't, then at least hate it with all your heart. And this is the weakest of faith." Sahih Muslim, Book 1, Number 79


This beautiful verse and hadith applies to us regardless of what our relationship is with another muslim is. We must also tell our parents when they are wrong - when they transgress the limits set by Allah subhana wa ta 'ala. We must tell them because we want to save them from Allah's punishment and displeasure. Not to humiliate them. You must also call them to learn the religion and stress to them the importance of implementing it in their lives. Normally Islam instructs us to advise others with kindness. However I don't know if you are allowed to be a bit more stern with your own mother with regards to her conduct. I am not saying your mother committed adultery as in physically. Astaghfirullah. Only Allah knows that. But if a woman goes out wearing perfume where non mahrams will be able to smell her perfume is considered as an adulteress act then you can imagine the seriousness of this matter. Again you must be firm in your advice, and certainly not try to justify her behaviour by blaming circumstances. You should also enlighten your father as to what he is supposed to do when he knows his wife is engaging in lewd behaviour. This is not from me. But from Allah, exalted be He, in the Quran.

..Wa allaatiy takhaafoona nushoozahunna fa'idhoohunna wahjuroohunna fiy al-madhaaji'i wadhriboohunna fa in ata'nakum falaa tabghoo 'alaihinna sabeelan inna Allaha kaana 'aliyyan kabeeran."
(...And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate rebellion, admonish them, avoid them in the sleeping place and hit them. If they obey you, do not desire and further way to (harm) them. Surely, Allah is Knowing, Great.) An-Nisaa:34

Now that you have done what Allah commanded, start thinking about yourself. Moving out doesn't mean you cannot still care of your father. Your father may seem old to you, but he isn't. He is only 51. Please stop feeling responsible for something they have brought upon themselves. When we make mistakes, you can be sure life will teach us lesson we will never forget. No person or teacher can do that job better. So advise and then let everyone deal with their mistakes themselves. Wallahi, I'm not being harsh. I don't know how else to say all this. But please forgive me if I've unintentionally hurt your feelings. Think about yourself, your deen, future and akhirah brother. Fulfil the rights of your parents. But don't destroy your life. Islam doesn't require that from you. May Allah be with you.


wa alaykum assalam.

 

[Snowflake]

Are there any types of special dua's I should make during ramadan? I have been so busy I didn't get a chance to pray taraweeh at masjid yesterday...so I will just pray at home today.

Also, are these hakim's like Khan Baba, worth trying? Maybe they can make a special dua or a potion of some sort for my sister ( I know it sounds crazy!) But I thought I would ask..

You can make dua to Allah anyhow you like brother. Whatever words you beseech your Creator with, He listens and answers. Just make dua as it comes form your heart inshaAllah.

But be wary about going to anyone who gives taweez and the like. Allah is yours and mine as much as He is anyone else's. If we weren't dear to Allah he wouldn't give us the right to worship Him. salah is the greatest form of worship and Allah has given all of us that right. Then why not the right to ask for His help?

As Scents of Jannah mentioned, there are fundamental problems in the household that stem from the lack of regard your parents show for Islam. InshaAllah we can all see the importance in raising pious children.
Agreed that this is not normal behaviour yet I don't think this is an illness as such. Allah knows best whether any counselling by psych would benefit. Kids these days are too smart, they'll just twist and use everything the psych says somehow for their own gain.
Then again, maybe it is an illness? Perhaps she has the 'spoilt brat' syndrome.

Allahu alam brother. I reckon there's something more because I've seen young girl's behaving exactly the same and worse, but when they were given counselling all sorts of things came out that no one had ever guessed might be the problem. Whatever it is, we pray to Allah to give this family understanding of the deen. Ameen.

 

[Muhammad]

Assalaamu Alaykum brother,

I'm sorry that I cannot reply to your post in detail at this moment, but I am very sad to hear of the extreme difficulties you are going through. I just wanted to comment on this part:

Also, are these hakim's like Khan Baba, worth trying? Maybe they can make a special dua or a potion of some sort for my sister ( I know it sounds crazy!) But I thought I would ask..

I'm not sure what kind of 'hakim' you are referring to, but by the sounds of it, you must stay away from such people. Do not place your complete trust in any human being because only Allaah (swt) has the power to change things, and Allaah (swt) commands us to ask Him for what we need, not rely on others to be sort of 'middle-men' - this paves the way for corruption of the pure Tawheed that Islam teaches. In addition to du'aa, one idea is to try and recite Qur'an over your sister because problems like black magic and the evil eye are cured in this way, not by using 'potions' made by people claiming to have special powers. But getting your sister's cooperation will probably be difficult...

Insha'Allaah I will try to provide more information later, unless someone else does so first.

May Allaah (swt) rectify the affairs of your family and guide you all, Aameen.

 

[gs450la]

Thank you all for your insight. I think my sister's problem is psychological. It is not at the stage anymore where we can accomplish anything by just being blunt and straightforward with her. We have to sugar-coat things now. I hope the problem can be remediated with counseling. We have to be very tactful with her.

I must get back to studying now and I will continue to make dua's. I will also be hoping for your dua's and will pray for all of us. I hope allah (SWT) showers blessing on all of you.

However, I have read the responses, and once I have time I will try to see more.

Hope Ramadan is going well for everyone thus far!

Regards,
Ehsan

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^is she insecure? other than your family problems, does she have any other personal issues going on? maybe your family problems are simply a way which she express her real troubles...i mentioned this in your other thread, but your whole family environment, what is it like? is it violent/aggressive/unpeaceful? what is her relationship with your parents? i think both extremes from your parents are affecting/confusing her. everything needs to be considered and looked at in relation and in proportion with one another.

i think her behavior is a whole lot of things just added up into one disastrous problem. as people mentioned, there needs to be some sort of Islamic environment happening.

 

[aadil77]

theres a limit to how much disrespect parents should tolerate, your sister has crossed that limit more than enough times

you should kick her out now - cause she's gonna walk out anyway once she's independant enough, save yourself the trouble and get rid of her now

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hope everyone is doing well and wanted to wish everyone a blessed Ramadan Mubarak!

I also wanted to look for my previous post, but decided I would just make a new thread to update everyone.
I finished my MCAT and got my result recently, it wasn't so good and I am going to have to retake in September 2nd.

My sister has been having days where she is more forgiving/nice but she wants something in return. She has started to at least listen to me sometimes and let me do some of the errands my 51 year old dad does (so that is a relief for his health). However, her angry and violent behavior still remains and we are trying to get her into counseling. She refuses to go the school that is near our house and says she will be homeschooled if she doesn't get to go where she wants. She still uses violent profanity and is very anxious unsecure whenever she is asked any question. She continues to spend a majority of time in her room and is disrespectful to mom and dad. She has said that she is no longer a believer in Islam and no longer wants to go to sunday school/fast during Ramadan. (THIS SCARES ME SO MUCH) it scares my parents as well, but she is at the stage, where saying soemthing to her 20 times would have no effect. my parents are even frightened of her (the damage she will do, threats of suicide, running away) so they can't reprimand her for anything. In honesty, she runs our house (she demands food at 2AM in the morning, she gets it from dad), water in her room, clothes washed at 12 AM by my dad. We fear her for her actions and under US law, she can practically kill us and get away with it ( she has tried to stab me twice and has severely beaten my 9 year old brother, my father and mother). She calls my mom and dad a B*tch, and uses the F-word and constant profanity all the time. She is constantly threatening to bust our walls/doors, break our electronics and has vandalized our homes many times whenever we say "No".

If we call the police, she will say that we are hard Pakistani parents and are trying to raise her in a strict Muslim environment when that is not the case. She knows she can milk my dad for anything (seriously!) because he is afraid of her actions and doesn't want to see her unhappy. She doesn't even care that we are fasting. So we are in a huge dilemma. She needs psychiatric care/counseling immediately, but it is a challenge getting her to go. Please pray that she gets the help she needs. School starts September 7th and she will physically refuse to go the school that she is placed in next year. So my dad might have to quit his failing business to work at home with her, I'm praying that doesn't happen.

My mom has had enough and says that my dad made her bad and she can't deal with anymore stress. They have been fighting for the past two years over my sister and now she has had enough and can't take it anymore. She says he has given her confidence and power to rule and divide the house. He never helped in discipling her an chose the easy way out by spoiling her. She has now devleped anxiety and insecurity about herself because of this. I found out the other day that she has been having an affair with another man as my father is now pretty much my sister's slave and she has no companionship as I am busy. I saw her text messages and heard a phone conversation. I was crushed and I know it is wrong and haraam, but she says it is not my business. It really hurts though. She says that her marriage to my dad is over because he is a controlling and different person than her and she wants to part ways. She has also been getting expensive procedures to make her look younger and thinner.

My dad is stressed out enough over my sister and also found out that my mom is having an affair. he has not confronted her about it, but she has been abusive and cold to him. He says he has had enough and he can't deal with my mom after 22 years. They both want to divorce and part ways. A big part of me says that this will be good for us as it will get rid of the fighting that goes on ( I might be able to focus on studying, my 9 y.o. brother might be able to escape). She says that he has cost her daughter and destroyed her. He says that my sister was mentally unstable because of my mom.

My mom has totally lost it though, she says she just wants to focus on her life and wants to spend money on making herself feel better. Her mom had the stroke about a month ago and is healing very slowly and with a lot of pain, but she just wants to focus on herself and her aesthetic treatments/procedures.

Our business is financially suffering because of all this stress. My dad is spending less time on it because he is always trapped with these antics. His health has suffered, everyone's mental health has suffered because of this stress. He says he wants to sell our home because the payments are too high and we can't get a re-finance on our home. He just wants to divorce my mom and lead a separate life. My mom wants the same and I think it would be good. I am just worried about how much more this will destroy my sister psychologically.

I am so miserable and stressed right now. My parents are both hard-working immigrants from Pakistan who came here 15 years ago with dreams, now everyting is falling apart. They are both in their 50's and all the savings and work they have put into life is coming to an end. It is very heartbreaking. Right across the street, there is another guy who has half the education my parents do, a bigger house for less money than what we originally paid and he seems to be enjoying life every day. He seems to be minting money (playing music loud, and enjoying every possible ammenity). It makes me think that some people are just born with luck in their future.

I appreciate those du'as and advice on my situation. I honestly don't know what to do. I am 20 years old, but feel like a little child after dealing with all the stress. I hope that not even my worst enemy has to deal with this as it seems so overwhelming. I almost wish I could turn back the hands of time, but that is impossible to do.

Thanks and best regards,
Ehsan

P.S. sorry for typos, I am very tired at the moment and just need to vent.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brothr jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issues with us again. My brother everything you have described about your sister seriously indiciates that she may be possessed. I have seen very similar behaviour from people who have been possessed. You need to urgently get hold of a properly qualified and experienced Islamic Scholar who deals with ruqya and not any old "peer" and at least establish whether or not your sister has any effects from sihr or posession and that way you can at least have some peace of mind that it is definatley not posession. Don't let her know that someone is coming around for the purpose of checking her just let him come in and see her.

Once the scholar comes around your house and sees your sister he will be able to establish straight away whether or not she has any effects of posession. After you have done this then get back to us inshallah