^plz stop blaming your sister all the time. I read above that your mother was having an affair. I hardly think that was your sister's fault. when does a parent start having affairs because of a child? I think your parents are the cause of their own problem. As for your sister, I'm unsure whether she has a psychaitric problem or whether she has behaviorial problems caused by your parents' marital problems. If it's a psychiatric problem, then she should be taken to a psychiatrist who can give her medicine, etc. If it's a behaviorial problem then it should be dealt with appropriately. If your father doesn't know how to deal with it, then he should get guidance from someone.
I hope your problems are solved.
I am in no way making any excuses for my mother. However, my father isn't the world's greatest husbands either. It was an arranged marriage and they have had disagreements all the time. They would make up however, and when I was younger, being the naieve person that I am, I tried my best to sway them away from divorce. My father didn't like to socialize much and would always accuse my mother of having affairs when I was younger (like 5 or so). However, their problems lessened after the birth of my sister. My mother's career had suffered at the same time and we moved to another state. My father's parents came to live with us and there were a lot of problems around that time (2002). My father's attitude towards my mom had completely changed and he would always try to act as a superior to her decisions. In addition, he would give money to his relatives and speak to them over the phone secretly. This led to a breach of trust between the two. He would spend less and less time with my mother. We moved to a new home and my sister started to grow older. She knew that my parents weren't always on the same page and took advantage of the situation by trying to manipulate the rift in her favor. She knew my dad is the type of guy she could threaten and he would do anything for her. Together they made a team and would go out to eat, would go out shopping, to the park whilst telling my mom that they were going to regular school and Islamic school.
This started roughly three years ago, when my mom found out about these outings she was furious as her trust was violated. A specific instance, my sister was supposed to go to sunday islamic school, mom got her ready and sent her with dad thinking that that's where they were going. However, it was later found after the principal of the islamic school called that she never went to sunday school. My mom was worried and called dad to find out that they had lied to her and he went to go buy her $100 clothes. She was furious and got angry at both of them. Ever since then, my sister has been manipulating the disagreements in her favor and has caused countless distress between them. She threatens suicide and my dad thinks she will follow through, and gives into her commands. Whenever she wants anything, she asks him and he gets it for her. Thus, my father is to blame for not working with my mother and being honest. He is letting my sister exploit and abuse him at the age of 52. He does her laundry for her every Sunday night at 12AM, she doesn't have the decency to get her own clothes to get ready in the morning and he even takes car of that for her. That's a lot of work and I am so utterly concerned about his physical health.
Not trying to blame my sister entirely, but at the same time, she has crossed the limits and is now playing the situation to make things go in her favor. My father is too gullible and foolish to fall for this, as he thinks she is suicidal and will follow with suicide if her demands are not met. Whenever we go out somewhere to a Pakistani party, or just outside in general, my mother pleads with her to go, and she refuses still. We haven't been able to go on a family trip in ages. After the whole drama with the school, she has immense hatred towards my mother and me. And refuses to talk to us. Whenever I ask her how she is, she just ignores me. Whenever my mom asks her, she also ignores us.
Yesterday, my mom turned 50 and she didn't even come downstairs to wish her a happy birthday. She didn't give my mom a hug or didn't even cut the cake. She said foul things to my mom on her birthday and said she would never give her any attention or importance in her life. This really hurt me and my mother very much.
Again, I don't make excuses for my mom, but I can see how she would have felt compelled to go through with the affair. My sister has taken up all of my dad's time, and has made it virtually impossible for my parent's to have any semblance of the marital relationship that is typical in society. She wants 24/7 time with my father and wants him to give up his responsibilities to my brother and I, as well as mom, in addition to his responsibilites as a professional. The bank has forced us to sell our home (that we have lived in for 5 years) and our financial condition is so poor that I am sometimes unable to justify paying for necessities. By the grace of Allah, we had been doing so well up until things started to get ugly in our house, that I had full health insurance, a nice car, and money to spend on education. But now I am finding myself giving those up due to my father's inability to work to his full potential. I am truly sad about losing the house, but at the same time, we aren't a family anymore. That's what makes a house a home as long as its filled with people who love and care about each other. So I guess it's the right thing to do. Honestly, my sister and mother don't see eachother for days. LOL
I am saddened and worried about the health of my father, as my sister is being so selfish, that she won't let me pick her up from school even. Thus, my dad has to make 4 trips back and forth every day to take care of her dropping issue. She says that I make her sick. I honestly have not said or done anything to her eventhough I have a huge rage towards her for the way she has changed our family dynamics. If I ask her to pick up the gum that she threw on the floor, she takes it as an insult. I ask her to follow the law by wearing her seatbelt, she refuses. She takes it all as an insult and says I'm telling her what to do. I believe in being truthful and following the law/rules...my sister doesn't hear any of that and does whatever she wants to do regardless of how it harms and makes others feel. She uses so much profanity towards parents and myself that she has even influenced my 9 year old brother to be defiant and to use profanity. I don't want this cycle to continue and ruin his life.
Whatever country you live in, there are always laws and rules of civility that you have to follow. I want my sister to hopefully realize that one day. However, it's not too late for my brother, and I don't want him to be impacted/influenced by her to such a degree that he is doomed for misery.
I admit, my sister has anger issues and a very low self esteem in that she always gets paranoid about subtle things about how people will view her. She doesn't want to show her friends her parents or where she comes from. She is currently in therapy and hopefully it will shed light on the problem and yield positive results, that is my number one prayer.
It has definitely been difficult and overwhelming for me to deal with these things and I am doing my best to cope. I have been hoping and praying that things work out for the best. I have been trying to be the best person/muslim possible (by praying 5 times a day). I have even tried to convince my 9 year old bro to pray with me, though he has been showing more resistance lately due to influence from my sister.
Sorry for the long novel, lol! I just wanted to vent, again your prayers are mcuh needed and appreciated!
May allah bless you all,
Ehsan
My sister is literally blackmailing us as much as she wants...she has made life miserable for us, completely.