Urgent advice needed please

[Snowflake]

wa alaykum us-Salaam
Speak to a reliable and knowledge shiekh.

as mentioned, you need a plan. ok so you remove her from the house...stuff happens where she may have to go back. in that case, the mother-in-law may act twice as worse? think of the possible consequences of your actions and if you do anything, dont leave any room to put her in more trouble/danger.

can the husband not do anything?

i think the mother-in-law needs help. really :hmm:

Al hamdulillah, there is no risk of harm from anyone of them. Also just rang masjid and got go ahead from them mashaAllah.

That's good, she can go back, take a divorce and marry in her relatives who'd wanted her hand before. You mentioned that she's from Pakistan and I think people in Pakistan are understanding and they'll give them a second chance.

Strangers might empathise bro. But most relatives just like to see tamasha. Plus Pakistan has nothing to offer to decent human beings.

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

Plus Pakistan has nothing to offer to decent human beings.

tsks. Generalization.
Not all are the same. I am counting on Pakistan because it is her home country and she will find a way out there. iA

 

[Snowflake]

Dear sister Scents of Jannah,

I don't mean to be rude. But you have named this thread as "urgent advice needed". But it seems to me you are not looking for advice. You only want confirmation that what you are going to do is right. But I feel that you would go ahead and do what you think even if everyone here says you shouldn't. Moreover, none of here have witnessed this sister's struggle as you have, therefore we are in no position to give any advice.

Which makes me wonder why you started this thread in the first place. We surely sympathise with the oppressed sister and can do no more from where we are than offer our sincere du'as that Allah :swt: would give her a better life in this world and an even better one in the next.

Of course I want confirmation. I am taking a wife away from her husband. That is a big thing for me which makes me fear Allah. So whether you call that asking for advice or wanting confirmation, it's the same thing as far as I'm concerned. Please don't make a habit of questioning people's intentions just because their use of wording might not be perfect. JazakiAllah for your duaas for the sister.

 

[Snowflake]

It would be a good idea for her to go back. Spend time with her family.

No the people from Pakistan are not understanding. Their backwards. That's the reality of it. Second chances are far and few between. Especially for sisters. People (families/guys) have this funny mentality that once a sister is divorced then she isn't worth considering for marriage. Their are sisters out there who have re-married but they are a few.

No disrespect to the sister but if she wanted to get married (after divorce) from Pakistan then people will look to see if she has permanent residence in the UK. If she has then there is a good possibilty of marriage. This is the sad reality. ALLAH(SWT) knows best.

InshaALLAH it works out good for the sister.

I agree. She wants to go to visit inshaAllah. I hope it happens for her soon. But we don't want divorce for her brother. I am hoping that the mother-in-law realizes she is ruining her son's life, has wrong ideas as to a daughter-in-laws rights, and that she is interfering where she shouldn't. I like to think that a change is possible inshaAllah. InshaAllah will do best to prevent divorce.

 

[Snowflake]

tsks. Generalization.
Not all are the same. I am counting on Pakistan because it is her home country and she will find a way out there. iA

Of course not all are same, that's why I said strangers might empathise but not relatives. Not in this case anyway. But it's true that as a system/country Pakistan has nothing to offer.

 

[cat eyes]

Dear sister Scents of Jannah,

I don't mean to be rude. But you have named this thread as "urgent advice needed". But it seems to me you are not looking for advice. You only want confirmation that what you are going to do is right. But I feel that you would go ahead and do what you think even if everyone here says you shouldn't. Moreover, none of here have witnessed this sister's struggle as you have, therefore we are in no position to give any advice.

Which makes me wonder why you started this thread in the first place. We surely sympathise with the oppressed sister and can do no more from where we are than offer our sincere du'as that Allah :swt: would give her a better life in this world and an even better one in the next.

what would you do if your own sister was treated like that by her MIL?

 

[cat eyes]

i don't know how things work in u.k but shes been living in u.k for two years now after her third year, she should be able to apply for a 5year stamp after but she will need her husband with her because they will ask for her husband but anything is possible with help of Allah. if she gets the 5years, she is entilted to passport depending how long shes been living in the country. i don't know, it will be tricky because i know u.k has strict policy

 

[Alpha Dude]

Don't forget to pray Istikharah salah. It's a delicate situation. InshaAllah the outcome is beneficial for all concerned. Be careful though, since any miscalculation and negative consequence of any action you take might lead the sister to blame you later on.

 

[Snowflake]

Abdul Wahid;1365208] sister



Yes do get in contact with an imam/scholar. I do agree that some have advice that isn't the best so I wouldn't look to contact anyone that has come originally from the sub-continent. There are quite a few sheikhs bought up here who have great understanding and knowledge. If you have the phone number of any Masjids then contact them, ask a few different imams for advice. Anyway it shouldn't put you off cos I think you know what you want to do.



SubhanaALLAH. Wonderful Hadith. As long as you know what your doing InshaALLAH then it should be OK.

Hamdulillah, spoke to mosque who agreed I should go ahead. May Allah reward you akhi. Ameen. Now that tiny doubt which was making me fear Allah has been removed. They were really busy, but agreed to find someone to advise MIL. InshaAllah, that will be arranged later.

:hmm: Tricky situation. She has been here for 2 years now. Has she not got her stay in the UK? I think when you come over - you have 2 years to do pass some tests. Not sure. Find out from her because if she does leave and divorce was the option taking by either party then she will probably be sent back to Pakistan by immigration. That's only if she hasn't got her citizenship. Before doing anything sister find out because I'm sure the sister would want to stay in the UK for the forseeable future. At the moment she is living with her husband and he provides/supports her. That's what immigration think. If she is in the process of completing the tests then let her complete it before doing anything. Its important if she wants to live here permanently then to stick it out for a bit longer. that People back home can laugh all they want. They don't realise what goes on. They think life is easy here. Try to remind the sister that would she want to remain a slave or have people laugh at her. How long are the people going to laugh at her?

She has been given indefinite stay but still has to receive her passport. They hadn't even submitted her paperwork and there were four days left within which to do it. Luckily one of her relatives who works for immigration took the paperwork off her husband and done it for her. We're hoping her future is with her husband inshaAllah. People can change, so we pray Allah has mercy on them all and divorce is prevented inshaAllah.

The husband has a duty towards his wife. If he can't fulfil it then the sister has options. Try to speak to the imam about this too.

InshaAllah bro. Mosque was busy today. But once the sister is with me, in time I will ask for someone from the mosque to advise MIL & husband inshaAllah.

Its been a waste of 2 years for the sister. She can still get out of it. MIL's normally have trouble with their daughter in laws which is why it is often said by scholars that the husband and wife should move out to a residence of their own if possible especially if the MIL is causing trouble between them.

Take into account what I have said above about immigration. Speak to the sister. You need to play it cleverly. Plan it properly. Don't do nothing yet without speaking to the sister about her status here in the UK. Has she got permanent residence or not?

The husband isn't really a bad guy. He's just under his mother's control. I don't know how the MIL has so much influence over him, or why she'd even want to. His ex wife (his own cousin) had said to him to get their own place, but he said he can lose his son and her but will never leave his mother. Now he is saying the same thing to this sister. He said he is helpless. In a strange way I actually feel sorry for him sometimes. The sis recently got indefinite stay. I'm not sure exactly what the terms and conditions for that to remain valid are. InshaAllah, we will discuss all that when we bring her here.


:wa:

 

[Snowflake]

i don't know how things work in u.k but shes been living in u.k for two years now after her third year, she should be able to apply for a 5year stamp after but she will need her husband with her because they will ask for her husband but anything is possible with help of Allah. if she gets the 5years, she is entilted to passport depending how long shes been living in the country. i don't know, it will be tricky because i know u.k has strict policy

She got indefinite stay recently. Hopefully that secures her stay here. But it might depend on certain conditions. I don't think it will be a problem inshaAllah : )

Don't forget to pray Istikharah salah. It's a delicate situation. InshaAllah the outcome is beneficial for all concerned. Be careful though, since any miscalculation and negative consequence of any action you take might lead the sister to blame you later on.

MashaAllah wise words. InshaAllah outcome will be good as no one is thinking about divorce here. Just hoping to fix a problem inshaAllah.

 

[cat eyes]

the conditions over here in ireland is that you have to be living with the actual spouse to get passport.. but these are recently new laws that have come out.

inshallah i will keep her in my duas and you also ukhti. proud of you. your so brave mashallah

 

[Cabdullahi]

better to get a Zimbabwean passport than and Irish one

 

[manaal]

what would you do if your own sister was treated like that by her MIL?

I'd handle it the same way. I can say that for sure 'cos I did save my sister from what was going to be a disastrous marriage, long story. But I'm not as brave as sis Scents of Jannah to do it to an outsider.
Anyway, I cleared it up with her, so all's ok. :thumbs_up

 

[Snowflake]

Just quickly popping in to say the sister is now at my house mashaAllah.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam
MashaAllah may allah reward you.

 

[Nájlá]

May Allah reward you sis...

Honestly you did the right thing.

But what is the sister planning to do next?

 

[Snowflake]

Ummu Sufyaan;1365768]wa alaykum us-Salaam
MashaAllah may allah reward you.

Nájlá;1365881]May Allah reward you sis...

Ameen.. jazakumullah khayrun both

But what is the sister planning to do next?

It's too early to say yet. She seems confused. She will be staying with her aunt from today. One minute she talks as if she doesn't want to ever go back, then she says things which show hope. I am so sad for the husband. His main fault is not defending his wife. But other than that they can be very happy, when the MIL goes out of the country. But he does foolish things like telling the sister not to tell his mother that he took her out! May Allah help him. Ameen. But mashaAllah, in front of us he never let any blame come to his mum, but as soon as we were out the door, we overheard him tell her this was all because of her doing. That poor man! May Allah give hidayah to that woman. And bless this couple's marriage. Ameen

 

[Abdul Wahid]

I agree. She wants to go to visit inshaAllah. I hope it happens for her soon. But we don't want divorce for her brother. I am hoping that the mother-in-law realizes she is ruining her son's life, has wrong ideas as to a daughter-in-laws rights, and that she is interfering where she shouldn't. I like to think that a change is possible inshaAllah. InshaAllah will do best to prevent divorce.

She has been given indefinite stay but still has to receive her passport. They hadn't even submitted her paperwork and there were four days left within which to do it. Luckily one of her relatives who works for immigration took the paperwork off her husband and done it for her. We're hoping her future is with her husband inshaAllah. People can change, so we pray Allah has mercy on them all and divorce is prevented inshaAllah.

Yes I think divorce should not be talked about and is a last option. InshaALLAH the MIL realises her wrong-doings. Well done sister. You know what your doing. It's a tricky situation. You have gone in there with an open mind.

The husband isn't really a bad guy. He's just under his mother's control. I don't know how the MIL has so much influence over him, or why she'd even want to. His ex wife (his own cousin) had said to him to get their own place, but he said he can lose his son and her but will never leave his mother. Now he is saying the same thing to this sister. He said he is helpless. In a strange way I actually feel sorry for him sometimes. The sis recently got indefinite stay. I'm not sure exactly what the terms and conditions for that to remain valid are. InshaAllah, we will discuss all that when we bring her here.

ALLAHS(SWT) knows best but he needs to stand up for himself and his wife if he wants his marriage to progess successfully.

Just quickly popping in to say the sister is now at my house mashaAllah.

MashaALLAH. May ALLAH(SWT) make it easy for her and reward you. Ameen.

It's too early to say yet. She seems confused. She will be staying with her aunt from today. One minute she talks as if she doesn't want to ever go back, then she says things which show hope. I am so sad for the husband. His main fault is not defending his wife. But other than that they can be very happy, when the MIL goes out of the country. But he does foolish things like telling the sister not to tell his mother that he took her out! May Allah help him. Ameen. But mashaAllah, in front of us he never let any blame come to his mum, but as soon as we were out the door, we overheard him tell her this was all because of her doing. That poor man! May Allah give hidayah to that woman. And bless this couple's marriage. Ameen

I think the brother knows what has gone wrong and I think the imam would be a great help when he goes to visit him. Ameen to the duas.

 

[Snowflake]

Abdul Wahid;1366324]Yes I think divorce should not be talked about and is a last option. InshaALLAH the MIL realises her wrong-doings. Well done sister. You know what your doing. It's a tricky situation. You have gone in there with an open mind.

It didn't quite go how I wanted bro. All I can say is I went in there with a clean heart and no bad intention. So when I got accused left right and centre, I told them as I can't prove my intention, it'll be me V them on the Day of Judgement and Allah, Himself will clear the matter for me inshaAllah. But pleased to say, that I learnt a lot from this experience and if I'm ever in a similar position again, I'll do a better job of it inshaAllah. Thank you for your support bro. May Allah's kindness, forgiveness, mercy and blessings be upon you. Ameen.

ALLAHS(SWT) knows best but he needs to stand up for himself and his wife if he wants his marriage to progess successfully.

I don't know how he will learn to do that. His last marriage broke up for the same reasons. Allah please give mother and son hidayah. Ameen.

MashaALLAH. May ALLAH(SWT) make it easy for her and reward you. Ameen

.
Ameen. I still fear Allah I may have done something wrong - as in the way I did it. Perhaps being too truthful isn't right. I felt sorry for the MIL as she is kinda old. I don't hate her. I just hate her thinking and actions. May Allah forgive me.

I think the brother knows what has gone wrong and I think the imam would be a great help when he goes to visit him. Ameen to the duas.

Yes, he knows but he feels helpless. I'm not sure if they would speak to an imaam now, as he had told his wife to never speak to anyone about what goes on in their house. Also some other things have come out which make me think he'll never take her back if he knew she disclosed them to us. Anyway, the sister's relatives plan to send her to Pakistan to visit her parents in the coming months, and hopefully by then the MIL & hubby will have had enough time to dwell on what they have been doing, and inshaAllah learn from it. Ameen.



:wa: