Alhamdulillah, All Praise is only for the Lord of the Worlds, The Beneficient, The Majestic, The Disposer of Affairs, The Most Merciful - Allah Subhaana wa ta'aala...
As this blessed month draws to an end, and we look forward to spending Eid with our families. To celebrate our Ramadhan. To do good deeds and tell good stories... I want to share one here, before Eid, if I may...
...It doesn't seem that long ago now, when I look back to last year Ramadhan, and Eid day, speaking with the msn team we have, of whom, Ersin was the life and soul who kept us all together. I remember us all giving eachtother Eid greetings and sharing our days experiences with family to echother. It was a blessed day, and one that will remain with me for as long as my mind and heart are sound...
...This year, since just before Ramadhan, Ersin logged off, and never logged on again.
Most of you are aware of brother Ersin and his condition, his daily struggles, and the difficulties he had to endure on a daily basis. It may be that being on specialised breathing equipment - and having very very limited movement in his body (just his head and his hands) that coming online became too much for him. It may be that it became so difficult that he was even unable to say goodbye to us.
I have shed many tears because I miss him greatly, as do all of us in the team. Even now I am heavy and my eyes are hot and wet. And it pains me that I will not be able to say Eid Mubarak to him, or to speak to him again.
I am now fearing the worst has happened, which I know is actually a mercy from Allah. But this heart of mine feels too much - because this boy, who is half my years in age - taught me so much. I am indebted to him. He came into my life as a light, at a time when all seemed like darkness.
He infected me with with a truth that I was otherwise, unable to see. He inspired me to be a better man, to believe that I could. He would PM me on another website and always ask if I was ok, if there was anything I needed to talk about. His maturity was something I could never really figure out - all I can really think is that this boy, was truly close to Allah.
I don;t know what has happened to him, none of us do... and not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. It's tearing me apart. I've tried to stay strong. I've tried to be there for the rest in MSN, and I am ashamed to say that as the weeks progressed through Ramadhan, I found myself keeping away from the group more and more.
I am now, at this moment on MSN and two members are letting another infrequent member know about Ersin. We all became emotional and I was reminded of this thread.
We do not know if we will ever speak to Ersin in this world again. It feels like a spear has been driven through all of us. I discovered that I am not as strong as I think I am, that I am soft and all too easy to for me to break down. And I have broken down. because my brother is ??? we do not even know.
Please brothers and sisters, please make a dua for him tonight, that Allah forgives him and increases his good deeds immeasurably, and that if we are not to speak to him again in this world - then let Allah unite us with him in the next, in heaven.
Pray that Allah makes it easy for his parents, and easy for him also - and that if he is alive - then for him not to worry about us as we are worrying about him.
I don;t think I can carry on, i have reached my limit. I'm sorry.
No matter where we came from, or where we want to go, in the end... Innalillahi wa'inna ilaihi ra'jioon.
. Maybe he's taking time out for Ramadan is all.
