Very uncomfortable

AnonymousPoster

AnonymousPoster

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There is something my husband wants me to do for him, and it is tearing me up inside. I know that it is haram what he wants me to do, and even if it wasn't I wouldn't want to do it anyways.

He wants to have another girl with us, when we engage in intimate relations.

He says he is only thinking of me, he wasnts to make me feel good, and that it might help to have another person there.

But I KNOW that it cannot be accpetable in Islam. I've tried telling him that, and telling him how much it hurts me to even think of it. I can't stand the thought of him touching another girl, and the thought of him doing it right in front of me, while touchingme too....

Sometimes he says that I'm right, it is haram, and he won't bring it up again, but he does anyways. Now he tries hinting at it without saying it exactly, and tries to get me to agree to it. He just smiles saying I'll come around, when I almost in tears by the thought of it.

What do it do? I am right, right? that it is haram? He shouldn't even be thinking of it, right? Please help, its tearing me up inside.

its really hard, because as his wife, I'm suppose to satisfy is "needs' but I can't help myself, when he mentions it while we are.... 'you know" i get all worked up and can't.... "you know" PLEASE I NEED HELP
 
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister jazakallah for sharing this with us as i know it must have been very hard for you. This is not as uncommon as you may think. The society we live is very sexualised where pornography is rampant and homosexuality, infidility, promescuity are all becoming accepted as the the norm.

It is clear your husband has got some major sickness with his sexuality. In order for him to suggest such a thing he must be speaking to that women and must have had relations with her.

Sister only Allah knows what you must be going through whenever he mentions such a terrible thing. It is clear from what you tell us that your husband is well aware that what he is wanting is beyond a major sin.

Sister I don't like to make fatwas against him or what you should do in your situation but in my own personal opinion you cannot possibly stay with someone like that because he will constantly mention it again and again and it will always linger in his head.

I would urge you rather than relying on our opinions to immediatley see a learned and experienced scholar so that he may tell you what your next steps should be as he would know best what you should do as he is best qualified to advise you in these situations.

You should do so immediatley without hesitation. If you are not sure of where to find one then i could try and locate one for you in your town and you can contact them.
 
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This is a sort of sexual fetish. Threesome. Sorry to bring that name up. But that is how guys think today. A sad reality. These fetishes are nourished while openness in society continues to grow to the extent that morals become annihilated in this tormenting storm of logic, rationality and self-worship.

This fetish is so sick that it is even haram for a husband with two wives to engage in intimate actions with both wives at the same time .....
 
it is even haram for a husband with two wives to engage in intimate actions with both wives at the same time
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That is what I understood, so the fact that it is an unknow women is just as bad or worse.

I do not think he has a specific girl in mind, but I know he could easily find one. He often goes out, to bars :( and drink :( and dances :( then comes home to tell me how good he was, because of all the girls he turned down.

Hamza, I would appreciate help in finding a scholar, however, I am a limited member, so cannot pm you to tell you where, and I do not feel comfortable announcing it in public. I will try to find one, and when I am able to pm, i I need I will ask for help.

Thank you for your help. Salam'alakum
 
AnonymousGender said:
That is what I understood, so the fact that it is an unknow women is just as bad or worse.

I do not think he has a specific girl in mind, but I know he could easily find one. He often goes out, to bars :( and drink :( and dances :( then comes home to tell me how good he was, because of all the girls he turned down.

Hamza, I would appreciate help in finding a scholar, however, I am a limited member, so cannot pm you to tell you where, and I do not feel comfortable announcing it in public. I will try to find one, and when I am able to pm, i I need I will ask for help.

Thank you for your help. Salam'alakum
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My sister if he goes out as you say to drink and dance with women and comes up with such a fantasy then surely he is having relations with other women.

You are a very tolerant women to put up with all the haraam that he does. May Allah save you from such a man. Ameen
 
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AnonymousGender said:
That is what I understood, so the fact that it is an unknow women is just as bad or worse.

I do not think he has a specific girl in mind, but I know he could easily find one. He often goes out, to bars :( and drink :( and dances :( then comes home to tell me how good he was, because of all the girls he turned down.

Hamza, I would appreciate help in finding a scholar, however, I am a limited member, so cannot pm you to tell you where, and I do not feel comfortable announcing it in public. I will try to find one, and when I am able to pm, i I need I will ask for help.

Thank you for your help. Salam'alakum
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if he tells you that he turned down so many girls in the bar, then there is more to story. He is trying to gain attention from you, it seems. Wallahu Aaalam.
 
What kind of husband requests such things? Its absolutely disgusting and as far as im aware these kinds of acts are totally forbidden in Islam.

As for him going out in bars drinking etc, i cant believe what im reading sis. Why put up with someone who drinks an how do you know what he gets up to when he is out, u just believe everything he says?

Allah Hu Akbar. May Allah SWT guide us all
 
I appreciate your offer Hamza, but while I'm unsure of my husbands actions, email another (male possibly) is out of the question. Insha'Allah I will continue down the right path. If it isn't too much to ask, can you post your advice here, so I do not tempt fate as it were by contacting another male?

I really do beleive he hasn't actually had relations with another woman, though maybe I'm deluding myself. I am afraid. I appreciate any and all advice.

There is something, that worries me. Though I am afraid even talking about it is wrong,

I found an email (a string of emails acctually) between him and an ex-girlfriend. He tells her things like, he misses her, he loves her, she is the pretties and sexiest girl he's ever met, that he can't wait to see her, he asked her where sheis living, and said he plans to visit her. In fact, the place she told him was the place he said he wanted to move to after I graduate. When she asked about his love life, he said he had nothing serious (that he was too busy lately) but we had been married for a year and a half. When I found it, I confronted him, at first he tried to deny it, then he said he was just trying to make her feel better, because she walks with a limp now, but i saw none of that in the emails. He asked for her number, and from some of what was written they talked alot on the phone.....

.... I'm am scared, it hurts, but.... he makes me feel guilty for doubting him.
 
Troubled Soul said:
What kind of husband requests such things? Its absolutely disgusting and as far as im aware these kinds of acts are totally forbidden in Islam.

As for him going out in bars drinking etc, i cant believe what im reading sis. Why put up with someone who drinks an how do you know what he gets up to when he is out, u just believe everything he says?

Allah Hu Akbar. May Allah SWT guide us all
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I do (try to) beleive everything he says, because he reminds me that suspision is a sin, that trust is important, and he makes me feel guilty for doubting him. When I have trouble with it, he swears to Allah that he hasn't cheated on me, and that I am a terrible person for making him have to swear.
 
AnonymousGender said:
I found an email (a string of emails acctually) between him and an ex-girlfriend. He tells her things like, he misses her, he loves her, she is the pretties and sexiest girl he's ever met, that he can't wait to see her, he asked her where sheis living, and said he plans to visit her. In fact, the place she told him was the place he said he wanted to move to after I graduate. When she asked about his love life, he said he had nothing serious (that he was too busy lately) but we had been married for a year and a half.
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Alarm bells should have been ringing at this point. You are a good person and from what i can gather up, he is taking advantage of you

No offense intended (Sorry!)
 
AnonymousGender said:
I appreciate your offer Hamza, but while I'm unsure of my husbands actions, email another (male possibly) is out of the question. Insha'Allah I will continue down the right path. If it isn't too much to ask, can you post your advice here, so I do not tempt fate as it were by contacting another male?

I really do beleive he hasn't actually had relations with another woman, though maybe I'm deluding myself. I am afraid. I appreciate any and all advice.

There is something, that worries me. Though I am afraid even talking about it is wrong,

I found an email (a string of emails acctually) between him and an ex-girlfriend. He tells her things like, he misses her, he loves her, she is the pretties and sexiest girl he's ever met, that he can't wait to see her, he asked her where sheis living, and said he plans to visit her. In fact, the place she told him was the place he said he wanted to move to after I graduate. When she asked about his love life, he said he had nothing serious (that he was too busy lately) but we had been married for a year and a half. When I found it, I confronted him, at first he tried to deny it, then he said he was just trying to make her feel better, because she walks with a limp now, but i saw none of that in the emails. He asked for her number, and from some of what was written they talked alot on the phone.....

.... I'm am scared, it hurts, but.... he makes me feel guilty for doubting him.
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Sorry sister i was wanting to help you find a scholar so that your issue can be resolved properly and promptly.

Sister thats how people who cheat work. They make out like they are so innocent and when confronted they make you feel so guilty like how could you even think of accusing them.

Sister think about it if he can drink, go clubbing and tempt you into doing such evil do you think he's not capable of cheating on you or has'nt cheated on you? You even caught him out. The fact that he makes it out that he resisted those women is another sign of someone who cheats. Trust me i know because many people who i know are players and i am constantly trying to give them dawah but they avoid me now for that very reason.

The fact is sister you don't want to believe he is cheating on you and i don't blame you because its terribly painful. But now is the time to face reality and do something about it. That is why i suggested talking to the scholar because he will suggest the next best move so that you can come to an immediate solution to this problem.

You deserve true happiness with someone who will lead you towards doing good deeds and Jannah not someone who is wanting to lead you towards destruction by tempting you to commit such evil which is beyond words.
 
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AnonymousGender said:
I do (try to) beleive everything he says, because he reminds me that suspision is a sin, that trust is important, and he makes me feel guilty for doubting him. When I have trouble with it, he swears to Allah that he hasn't cheated on me, and that I am a terrible person for making him have to swear.
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.......Mind games sis. Mind games
 
We are both Muslims. He is Arabic, and I am Caucasion, I was raised a christian, but found peace and answers in Islam, (hamdul'Allah)

Sorry sister i was wanting to help you find a scholar so that your issue can be resolved properly.
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I know, and I appreciate it, I just want to make sure I stay on the correct path.

Sister thats how people who cheat work. They make out like they are so innocent and when confronted they make you feel so guilty like how could you even think of accusing them.

Sister think about it if he can drink, go clubbing and tempt you into doing such evil do you think he's not capable of cheating on you or has'nt cheated on you? You even caught him out. The fact that he makes it out that he resisted those women is another sign of someone who cheats. Trust me i know because many people who i know are players and i am constantly trying to give them dawah but they avoid me now for that very reason.

The fact is sister you don't want to believe he is cheating on you and i don't blame you because its terribly painful. But now is the time to face reality and do something about it. That is why i suggested talking to the scholar because he will suggest the next best move so that you can come to an immediate solution to this problem.

You deserve true happiness with someone who will lead you towards doing good deeds and Jannah not someone who is wanting to lead you towards destruction by tempting you to commit such evil which is beyond words.
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I live in Southern Maine, I would love for you to help me find a scholar, only, I am afraid my husband will not let me go, it is like pulling teeth when I need to go shopping, go to school and go to work.
 
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We are both Muslims. He is Arabic, and I am Caucasion, I was raised a christian, but found peace and answers in Islam, (hamdul'Allah)
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I cannot believe he married a revert Muslimah and is now damaging her ... I am assuming he was born into a Muslim family and hence always been a Muslim. I feel sad to see such inter-racial marriages. I always seem to feel that born-Muslims try to take benefit of revert sisters (mostly White) and in the long term damage them. There are exceptions. But rarely. May ALLAH help you sister.
 
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Thank you. My thought is your husband is not following the basic of Islam, is he really Muslim by himself in his role model?

I am amazed that he is not doing correct things in front of new revert like you, Sister. From my understanding, he is not gonna to stop his haraams due to his habits and pleasures. :hmm:
 
So, what can i do, what you say makes me want to run for it, but how? I have to do things right, I'm afraid of what will happen.
 
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salams ukhtee...

i think now you should think is good and best for you. show good example...and never never ever let him ask u to do haram things. at the end of day is you're risking your ownself on the judgement day. inshaAllah when he sees you trying to become a better muslimah he will think twice before asking u to do such thing
 
AnonymousGender said:
I know, and I appreciate it, I just want to make sure I stay on the correct path.



I live in Southern Maine, I would love for you to help me find a scholar, only, I am afraid my husband will not let me go, it is like pulling teeth when I need to go shopping, go to school and go to work.
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Jazakallah khayran, well im in the UK so not aware of Maine, but around Auburn? Augusta? Bangor? Bath? Biddeford?Brewer? Brunswick? Caribou? Lewiston? Old Town? Orono? Portland? Presque Isle? Rockland? Saco? South Portland? Waterville? Westbrook?
 
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