Virginity

[Admira]

Hi, I am new here, so I am sorry if this is posted in the wrong section but I need advice.

Things you need to know.
I am 24, a virgin female. I love my religion, I fear and respect Allah. I believe in only him.
I am a Muslim.
I know that sex before marriage is a sin.
I know that sexual acts are also sin before marriage.
I know I am guilty of sexual acts in my past that I deeply regret.
However, I am still a virgin.

I do not feel I want to be. I do not understand how Allah can create a female body to have these shameful desires so strongly, yet have it be a sin to act on them. I know I will not marry a virgin. My husband, who ever he may be, is most likely not a virgin. I am being realistic. And it angers me that our society has grown into these people who just look past that men apparently do not have to be pure like women do. It angers me that when men have sexual interactions it is consider normal and fine, but when women do, then she is not pure, she is not a virgin, she is not up to their standards, yet they are sexual deviants themselves.

It hurts me so much to be a virgin. I know this sounds crazy but I feel trapped and like a little girl. I want to be free and live my life and not worry so much about what will happen in the future. I just want peace of mind.
I cannot control my desires in a healthy manner and I do not want to get married for the sake of having sex. I do not want to be married for a long time.
I want to be free. Is that so awful?

Questions:

1. Why should I keep my virginity for someone who is not keeping theirs for me?
2. What if I keep my virginity for my husband and he cheats on me? Or becomes abusive? I would have kept my virginity all my life for someone awful.
3. Will Allah punish me immediately for loosing my virginity? Will he even consider me a virgin even though I have done past sexual acts.

 

[Muslim Woman]

suppose all men and women become evil in this world . But it won't give u any right to disobey Allah. If u do , u will get ur due punishment on the final day like all others sinners will have.

So , u must remain a virgin till marriage , because ur Lord says so .

If ur hubby cheats on u and does not repent sincerely , he will have to deal it with Allah . U try to be on safe side for ur own sake.

 

[Futuwwa]

Sister, the fact that your society adheres to a double standard regarding chastity does not oblige you to conform to it.

1. You are entirely free to reject suitors who have a history of zina, if that matters to you.
2. Then, if you divorce him, you will have done no sin, and your lack of virginity afterward is no loss. Afterwards, everything you have done has been entirely halal.

As for #3, I cannot speak on Allah's behalf.

 

[Signor]

1. Why should I keep my virginity for someone who is not keeping theirs for me?
2. What if I keep my virginity for my husband and he cheats on me? Or becomes abusive? I would have kept my virginity all my life for someone awful.
3. Will Allah punish me immediately for loosing my virginity? Will he even consider me a virgin even though I have done past sexual acts.

The first two questions are surrounded by possibilities and probabilities........You can answer them by yourself by only thinking "What happened in the past was in my control or whats going on is in my control Now THINK Can YOU hold the Future in your hand."For Sure answer is in negative,all you can do is to strive for good

For the last one,Allah's punishment is on HIS WILL,it could happen immediately or maybe sometimes later or you will be subjected to it in afterlife,Its something we never know.Second part of your question is total nonsense.

Most of your understandings are based on your previous experiences and preoccupied thoughts.If you started moving among the company of pious,it will change your perception towards things.I would advice you to start walking on the righteous path by joining a company of religious practicing Muslims and stop worrying about future.Personal journey can begin by offering Five Salaat on time and only reciting Quran with a good translation.Remember,Allah has created Humans with a Body and a Soul,this is a unique characteristic which distinct it from Angels and Jinns,unfortunately,most of us get stuck in the material aspect and remains in a deluding state(off course your nafs(yourself) do have a right on you but it can only be fulfilled how Allah has ordered us to do).Lastly,Don't be despair from Allah's mercy,HE loves those who come back on his way.

Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Alpha Dude]

Keeping your virginity for your husband alone is a law of Allah.

Marrying a bad man or someone who is not a virgin (there are, contrary to what you think, many about) does not exempt you from following the law of Allah.

If your husband turns out to be abusive, it still does not exempt you.

You will one day pass away and be questioned for all your actions. You can't say to Allah 'I had an affair because my husband abused me' or 'I had pre-marital intercourse because the men were doing it'. Just because other people sin, doesn't mean you should. They will be brought to justice on the day of judgement for their misdeeds even if they (apparently to outsiders) get away with it in this life.

You should be clear that women are not asked to keep chaste for their husbands but they are to do it to please Allah and save themselves from his wrath.

 

[tigerkhan]

the first thing is we have to be chaste and modest for the sake of Allah SWT not for anyone else.
2nd if ur husband did something wrong, he has to answer it so u need not to worry for it.
3rd i think u r generalizing, i know 'many' men who has never been in any haram thing through out all there life.
i remind of a hadith here meaning more or less if u finds some whisper in ur heart to do a sin, definitely it is from saitan...say istaghfar and stay away from it.
if u strongly feeling such desire marry or fast if u cant marry.

 

[CosmicPathos]

It hurts me so much to be a virgin.

you have engaged in sexual acts and you still think you are a virgin? :s

Most guys are not abusive or out there to eat you alive. If you treat your husband nicely, chances are he wont become abusive. Most often men become abusive if they have drug problems or find their wife cheating on with another guy.

If you want to be respected by a man, try to give him respect first by not suggesting that he might become abusive.

And you think you'll become free by letting other men rent your privates? Great.

All the best in life.