Was it wrong to ask for a picture?

[Rebel]

I've asked about her religious commitment and her character and I am pleased with them and I cannot travel to see her therefore a picture remains the only viable option.

Wow... you sounded like a completely different person there. You shoulda said all that from the beginning to prevent me - and others who are influenced by Hollywood dramas (!) - from misjudging you.

I'd like to see a picture of the girl before I meet her because I might meet her and not like her

That ^ part of your post did sound quite shallow at first. I personally know and have heard of many people who marry someone just for their looks (specially those who prefer arranged marriages) and your post gave the impression that you were one of them.

Also I don't remember saying I'd reject her if I didn't like the picture, her appearance is one of the things that I will take into account when making my decision. It's not the sole factor in my decision it's one of many factors that will help shape my decision.

Hmmm:

I don't wanna meet her and get her hopes up and then let her down.

Ah, well. I sincerely apologise for the misunderstanding and although I am totally against arranged marriages, and don't necessarily agree with your way of finding a wife, I wish you all the best.

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

hummm it would have been helpful if he could have explained the reason in his answer also as all shaykh's are mean't to do..

Inshallah i can explain Pic are haram in islam
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said, “I heard theMessenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:‘Whoever makes an image in this world will be told to breathe the soulinto it on the Day of Resurrection, and he will never be able to dothat.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim).
He [Ibn ‘Abbaas (mayAllaah be pleased with him)] also narrated that the Prophet (peace andblessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every image-maker will be inthe Fire, and every image that he made will be made to appear to himand will torment him in Hell.” Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “If you must do that,then make trees and things that have no soul.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaariand Muslim).
the Prophet (peace andblessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “The angels do not enter anyhouse in which there is an image,” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, Bid’al-Khalq, 2986), and whatever the angels do not enter had no goodnessin it. inshallah that will help

i don't see what would be the problem in exchanging picture's. it might be insulting to a person with no confidence and low self esteem but id have no problem in it giving my pic.

the problem is that photos are haram that is the problem

we live in a different generation now. in the old days men were meeting the women with the intention of marrying that woman. meeting a woman these days its important that you like them thats just the way we are now and its really not easy to reject that woman after meeting because she will make a false hope out of it when she will hear him talk and his personality and things like this and then she will want his number and everything and it won't be easy for him to say no will it... its just a different century we live in today and we have to be more careful about meeting people whom we don't even want to marry. getting rejected all he time puts you off marriage

New generation old generation dont matter islam is for All times and perfect Alhumdulillah so when we see an ayah or hadith that say somthing is haram it was haram then and is now.... And im sure his intention is to marry her if she is what he wants so there is no problem there... never did i say or did the scholars say not to meet her/him he said no PHOTOS... Islam is beautiful Alhumdulillah so since it isnt easy to say no doing somthing haram is ok now?..again with time islam is for All times we have no right to say other wise
ٱلۡيَوۡمَ أَكۡمَلۡتُ لَكُمۡ دِينَكُمۡ وَأَتۡمَمۡتُ عَلَيۡكُمۡ نِعۡمَتِى وَرَضِيتُ لَكُمُ ٱلۡإِسۡلَـٰمَ دِينً۬ا*ۚ فَمَنِ ٱضۡطُرَّ فِى مَخۡمَصَةٍ غَيۡرَ مُتَجَانِفٍ۬ لِّإِثۡمٍ۬*ۙ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ۬ رَّحِيمٌ۬ (٣)

This day,5 I have perfected your religion for you, and completed my
Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Al-Islaam as your Deen.
(Qur’aan 5:3).
So inshallah this benefits one must like what he sees in order to marry and be happy that is well know but there is a way like there is a way to do everything in islam so May Allah help u and make it easy for u to please him Ameen

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

^ I'm confused, is the scholar saying you are allowed to look at any part of her body before marriage?? or is he talking about after marriage?

LOL sorry but inshallah this will clear up everything about this
Question: Is it permissible for a man to look at other than the face and hands of the woman he wishes to propose to, such as looking at her hair and her neck?

Response: That which is apparent to me, and Allaah knows best, is that this is permissible without a previous agreement. He (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said that which means:

((If anyone’s heart settles on proposing to a woman, then he can look at that which will lead him to marry her)), [Translators note: This is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn ‘Abdillaah (radhi-yallaahu 'anhu) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:

((If any of you has proposed to a woman, and if he is able to look at that which will lead him to marry her, then he should do so))]

As regards a previous agreement, then it is not permissible to look at more than the face and hands.

Shaykh al-Albaanee
Fataawa Muhimmah li-Nisaa. al-Ummah – Page 138

 

[ardianto]

Also I don't remember saying I'd reject her if I didn't like the picture, her appearance is one of the things that I will take into account when making my decision. It's not the sole factor in my decision it's one of many factors that will help shape my decision.

Yes, don't make a decision to marry or not marry her only from the picture.
Always remember, inner beauty is better than outer beauty.

I've asked about her religious commitment and her character and I am pleased with them and I cannot travel to see her therefore a picture remains the only viable option.

I am not scholar, I don't know are you allowed to phone her or not. But if you are allowed to phone her you can phone her if you want to know further about her.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Wow... you sounded like a completely different person there. You shoulda said all that from the beginning to prevent me - and others who are influenced by Hollywood dramas (!) - from misjudging you.



That ^ part of your post did sound quite shallow at first. I personally know and have heard of many people who marry someone just for their looks (specially those who prefer arranged marriages) and your post gave the impression that you were one of them.



Hmmm:





Ah, well. I sincerely apologise for the misunderstanding and although I am totally against arranged marriages, and don't necessarily agree with your way of finding a wife, I wish you all the best.

I accept thank you, I would never marry just for looks that's a recipie for disaster lol

I'm abit lost on the other methods of finding a wife, what other ways are there. I don't want to have a boy friend/ girl friend type of relationship and don't know any other way

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

I accept thank you, I would never marry just for looks that's a recipie for disaster lol

I'm abit lost on the other methods of finding a wife, what other ways are there. I don't want to have a boy friend/ girl friend type of relationship and don't know any other way

Do it islamicly that is the best way no one should tell u otherwise in islam u meet her with a wali if u like u can then talk or have someone from ur family talk to her to see how religous she is mother sister aunty etc but again what ever u do do it islamicly bf/gf no talking and hanging out before marrige no May Allah allow u to please him Ameen
do whats right

 

[cat eyes]

Inshallah i can explain Pic are haram in islam
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said, “I heard theMessenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:‘Whoever makes an image in this world will be told to breathe the soulinto it on the Day of Resurrection, and he will never be able to dothat.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim).
He [Ibn ‘Abbaas (mayAllaah be pleased with him)] also narrated that the Prophet (peace andblessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every image-maker will be inthe Fire, and every image that he made will be made to appear to himand will torment him in Hell.” Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “If you must do that,then make trees and things that have no soul.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaariand Muslim).
the Prophet (peace andblessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “The angels do not enter anyhouse in which there is an image,” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, Bid’al-Khalq, 2986), and whatever the angels do not enter had no goodnessin it. inshallah that will help


the problem is that photos are haram that is the problem


New generation old generation dont matter islam is for All times and perfect Alhumdulillah so when we see an ayah or hadith that say somthing is haram it was haram then and is now.... And im sure his intention is to marry her if she is what he wants so there is no problem there... never did i say or did the scholars say not to meet her/him he said no PHOTOS... Islam is beautiful Alhumdulillah so since it isnt easy to say no doing somthing haram is ok now?..again with time islam is for All times we have no right to say other wise
ٱلۡيَوۡمَ أَكۡمَلۡتُ لَكُمۡ دِينَكُمۡ وَأَتۡمَمۡتُ عَلَيۡكُمۡ نِعۡمَتِى وَرَضِيتُ لَكُمُ ٱلۡإِسۡلَـٰمَ دِينً۬ا*ۚ فَمَنِ ٱضۡطُرَّ فِى مَخۡمَصَةٍ غَيۡرَ مُتَجَانِفٍ۬ لِّإِثۡمٍ۬*ۙ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ۬ رَّحِيمٌ۬ (٣)

This day,5 I have perfected your religion for you, and completed my
Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Al-Islaam as your Deen.
(Qur’aan 5:3).
So inshallah this benefits one must like what he sees in order to marry and be happy that is well know but there is a way like there is a way to do everything in islam so May Allah help u and make it easy for u to please him Ameen

great thanks for giving the hadith for why it's not allowed..
of course Allah swt order's are for all time.. not once did i object to that in my post however i did mention that human's are changing that is the problem.. we are forced to live with the times or its not easy to find a spouse now for example the brother is having problems.. he don't know what to do or what way to go about it! picture's are haraam and he lives far away from her. so what is he left with. he wants to get to know her for a year so i mean is this allowed? you see what i mean?.. people expectations are changing then what do we do.

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

^^^^ yes sis times are different and maybe a bit harder but we now have cars planes etc they didnt have those back then no matter what situation we are in no matter how hard we think it is islam is not a burden on anyone and the harder you work to compiling with the rules of Allah the greater the reward .. And yes getting to know her talking to her meeting with her and the likes is haram without her marham there no ifs ands or buts simple matter he can meet her then if he likes what he sees can talk to her so long as a wali is there i posted this on another form but will post it here as well

Question: What is the view of the religion concerning [pre-marital] relations?

Response: If the questioner means by "before marriage," before consummation of the marriage but after the contract, the there is no harm in such relations since she is his wife by virtue of the contract, even though they have not decorously consummate the marriage. However, if it is before the marriage, such as during the period of engagement or otherwise, such contact is forbidden and impermissible. It is not allowed for a man to enjoy a nor related woman's company, either by speech, look or private company.

It is confirmed that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:

((A man cannot be alone with a woman except in the presence of [one of her] mahram. And a woman cannot travel except with a mahram)).

In sum, if that contact or association is after the marriage contract, there is no harm in it. If it is before the marriage ceremony, even if it is after proposal and acceptance, it is not allowed. Such behavior is forbidden for him since the woman is a non-relative and non-wife until they conclude the marriage contract.

Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
taken from fatwa online

 

[aadil77]

Sis if we both like each other the families will allow us to get to know each other before we got married. We're not gonna get married the next day ;D it's a long process, probably get to know her for about 1 year.

That sounds like a ridiculously long period to me. Of course get to know each other within limits, but don't prolong it brother or you might have problems arising out of nowhere.

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

^ I know brother, I just don't like it when people label other people as something and it isn't true.

If someone pointed the finger at you and accussed you of doing a major sin when you wern't doing it, wouldn't you feel hurt that this person accussed you of being guilty of something you're not.

Yea it would but that is becasue we are human .. truth be told him/her saying somthing that isnt true cant really hurt us we know the truth and Allah knows

 

[Rasema]

^ I know brother, I just don't like it when people label other people as something and it isn't true.

If someone pointed the finger at you and accussed you of doing a major sin when you wern't doing it, wouldn't you feel hurt that this person accussed you of being guilty of something you're not.

SQIGGLE

The brother would've told me that I misunderstood him and I would apologise TO HIM.

Sorry you freaked out.

I request forgivness.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

great thanks for giving the hadith for why it's not allowed..
of course Allah swt order's are for all time.. not once did i object to that in my post however i did mention that human's are changing that is the problem.. we are forced to live with the times or its not easy to find a spouse now for example the brother is having problems.. he don't know what to do or what way to go about it! picture's are haraam and he lives far away from her. so what is he left with. he wants to get to know her for a year so i mean is this allowed? you see what i mean?.. people expectations are changing then what do we do.

Sis LOL I don't want to get to know her for a year but I'm assuming that's what she'll want maybe she won't if things work out this is one of the things we'll have to discuss, how long we think we should get to know each other.

But a question that arises is, there's only so much you can get to know about a person before you know them fully and have nothing left to talk about with them lol.

With most people I get to know them after a month everything about them then we have no convo left apart from everyday stuff like

"did you watch the game last night"

so it probably won't take long for us to get to know each other inshallah, I am shy though so she might think I'm weird cos I don't talk that much at first :embarrass

do girls generally find quite, shy guys weird?? lol or is it an individual preferance thing, it's different for each girl. I'll just pretend she's my best mate

Me: "salaam fatso did you watch the game last night"

mate: " waslaam skinny lampost, yeh I watched your rubbish team losing"

Me: "my team ain't rubbish,"

mate: "Yes they are"

Me: "No they ain't"

2 hours later

mate: "yes they are"

Me: " No they ain;t"

HAHAHAHA LOOL jus jokin ;D

 

[Najm]

Can't your parents play now-you-see-it-now-you-don't with the picture of the woman?
What I mean is that they give it to you for some inspection, then take it away and give it back to the owner.

... Or you could go to see her and if you don't like her, hope to never see her or her family again.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Thats a good idea ............ be sure the picture is given back though and NOT KEPT!

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Salahudeen]

SQIGGLE

The brother would've told me that I misunderstood him and I would apologise TO HIM.

Sorry you freaked out.

I request forgivness.

Don't need to request my forgivess sis, you never upset me I just wanted you you to understand he wasn't backbiting any 1.

I'm sorry if I offended you in any way it wasn't my intention to do so. forgive me if I did.

 

[Rasema]

Apologies accepted,of course.
Best of health and iman.

 

[cat eyes]

Sis LOL I don't want to get to know her for a year but I'm assuming that's what she'll want maybe she won't if things work out this is one of the things we'll have to discuss, how long we think we should get to know each other.

But a question that arises is, there's only so much you can get to know about a person before you know them fully and have nothing left to talk about with them lol.

With most people I get to know them after a month everything about them then we have no convo left apart from everyday stuff like

"did you watch the game last night"

so it probably won't take long for us to get to know each other inshallah, I am shy though so she might think I'm weird cos I don't talk that much at first :embarrass

do girls generally find quite, shy guys weird?? lol or is it an individual preferance thing, it's different for each girl. I'll just pretend she's my best mate

Me: "salaam fatso did you watch the game last night"

mate: " waslaam skinny lampost, yeh I watched your rubbish team losing"

Me: "my team ain't rubbish,"

mate: "Yes they are"

Me: "No they ain't"

2 hours later

mate: "yes they are"

Me: " No they ain;t"

HAHAHAHA LOOL jus jokin ;D

:giggling: no being shy is not weird its kinda cute actually

ya you can pretend like she is your best mate just don't talk about football or any other sports LOL

 

[AnonymousPoster]

^thanks for the pointer, I'll talk about Islam ;D

Who's your favourite companion that you love listening to stories about?

What's your favourite topic that you love learning bout?

Who's your fav recitor ;D

 

[Humbler_359]

Assalamu Alikum

Brother, I don't think that your family would get someone you wouldn't want. Still see her if you can. If not, I don't know what to tell you.

>>Make sure that she is a practicing and devoted Muslim<<.

Yes, that's what I want to know. Exactly. Done! ;D

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Assalamu Alikum

Brother, I don't think that your family would get someone you wouldn't want. Still see her if you can. If not, I don't know what to tell you.

Make sure that she is a practicing and devoted Muslim.

Rasema, my and my mother differ when it comes to women I'm afraid, when we're out she goes

"what do you think of her shall I approach her for you and find out if she's available for marriage"

and the girls she points out %50 of the time I would like to marry %50 of the time I wouldn't lol

But I never let her approach women for me when we're out I get to embarressed LOL the girl would probably freak out.

wouldn't you if someone women just came upto and started chatting to you and then told you "ahem my son is interested in you for marriage are you available" LOL

but alhamdulilah she always chooses praticing women who are covered head to toe so knows I won't go for someone who isn't Islamic.

 

[Snowflake]

but alhamdulilah she always chooses praticing women who are covered head to toe

Just want to say don't automatically assume all covered sisters are practicing :hmm: