Waswas or conscience. Please help me

[OmAbdullah]

thanks once again for many replies..

you know once my mind was thinking more n more and telling me u must leave him right now with firm intention and dont talk to him anymore (because that is my fear and weakness) if not then ur doing shirk, yes becuz u love him more astaghfirullah otherwise leave him right now. if you cant leave him then its wht u chose and this grave sin will be counted on u. saying its waswas nonsense etc are excuses which dont count in your case as you are indeed nt able to leave him cuz u Want to stay with him so badly u cant leave him cuz it kills u inside thts wht i believed. i was suffering i was going mad really.
and i just couldnt do it. im still with him as u see..wud Allah count that sin now?

i just dont know how to get out of this loop. it has become impossible.

About the istikhara issue:
you know when you do it fr sm task, then you hear always u must be sincere not inclined etc..
when you go against wht Allah tells you then if you dont do it you do a sin. to remove that sin you must also remove that task. if marriying for eg was the sin u did then you must leave that in order to get Forgiveness. because that was done against Allahs wish. as wen you do sins feel sorry and bad abt it but not wanting to leave it..
you will ask but why i say Allah told me nt to do it when at the end it worked out etc..as u said thats Wht Allah guided you too...but Allah counts the inner intentions. and intentions and feeling is that i really dont want to leave him i just cant imagine it. but of course i dont want to do a sin or choose someone over Allah..but it seems so wrong to keep wht i wanted and ask forgiveness. it is so Unsincere and hypocrital. like you know u wont leave him n cant do it but askin him to forgive you or sth..but if Allah wud talk to us and tell me do this now i cudnt disobey no one cud of course..and i got into moment of desperatness where i just wanted to find peace and no fear anymore and knw im nt doing a grave sin. so i pray to Allah to help me frm heart cuz one isjust restless. and then later when i get such signs of course one thinks its frm Allah tht moment. like by coincidence i hear sm surah on tv or i read sth online or a hadeeth comes across me..as its frm Allah wanting to help me. like once i read this hadeeth:
And on the authority of Wabisah bin Ma'bad (may Allah be pleased with him) who said,
"I came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and he (peace be upon him) said, 'You have come to ask about righteousness.' I said, 'Yes.' He (peace be upon him) said, 'Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels at ease and the heart feels tranquil. And wrongdoing is that which wavers in the soul and causes uneasiness in the breast, even though people have repeatedly given their legal opinion [in its favour].'"

A good hadeeth transmitted from the musnads of the two imams, Ahmed bin Hambal and Al-Darimi, with a good chain of authorities.
When i see such things of of course i panic for sm time becuz i see myself that i actually dont want to leave my husband and wud do anything to stay with him but how can i ignore Allah. even though i hear tht Allah doesn give signs or talk to us i feel that it doesnt make me feel much better, because my intention is bad. i already made up my mind i don wanna follow it and thtswhy i feel so guilty and sin on me. why would Allah forgive me then..

to say i must obey my husband and love him etc etc which are all correct things of course i know..but how can i follow them while i have to first remove a graver sin? how can i follow these rules when the marriage was itself a sin. If what i feel is im doing a sin then wont Allah count what we think and what smhow makes sense to our mind? wont he hold us accountable according to tht and every person according to what his conscience tells him?

i really dont knw wht to do anymore..

Assalaamo alaikum sister,

May Allah take away your trouble, aameen.

I must explain to you that you and we all Muslims are ordered to keep the verses of Quraan in their context and understand them that way. So it is wrong to take a verse out of its context and fix it on your circumstances.

About the Hadeeth, We are ordered to take and consider all texts about a problem and not to take decision from only one Hadeeth or one verse. For e.g. in the above Hadeeth, the Prophet salla Allaho alaihi wa sallam gave some points to recognize a good deed and an evil deed, but this is not the only point to be considered. In the Holy Quraan and Sunnah all types of good and bad deeds are very clearly mentioned. You will never find in the Quraan and Sunnah that giving love to a legal husband is sinful and/or that such lawful love should become guilt for you. This application of the Holy Quraan and Sunnah is very abnormal!!!

There may be some other sin which makes you feel guilty but Satan is trying to apply it in wrong direction because U are giving lift to Satan. You must think sincerely and find out the sin which is making U upset and say astaghfaar, Allah will forgive U insha Allah.

But U are not answering my questions, Are u regular in prayer making every day, if not then that is kuffar which will take U to Hell for ever!

Or did you do this marriage without a valid wali, if so, then you must say it clearly to a Muslim learned Judge, he can help U. Islamically, if a father prevents his daughter from marriage without just cause then the daughter can take the help of the Muslim Judge/Ruler and that marriage will not be unlawful.

As I advised U before, read those surahs to expel Satan.

 

[Firdaous1]

It is like everything i do is to stay with him. The fear of separation has become bigger than fear of Allah and his anger.
The separation has become the only way to proove my sincerity anything else wud be just running away from the separation (bcuz thats what my niya is and feeling) evrything i do is running away actually from this fearful separation which has become the number one fear. Thtsy wen i want to make even dua i feel so wrong its like i pray to Allah make me stay with him but with ur blessing and pleasure but that is so contradicting becuz i ask him just bcuz of tht fear of separation again which i cant imagine doing. Tht means i prefer sth over Allah as it seems. Thtsy i will never b sincere as long i want to stay with him n nt able to leave him. All i do even now talkin to u to find a solution or answer is just with niya to hear wht i wish to hear and run away frm that wich i fear which Allah will count as niya. Bcuz i got this proof that wen i ask Allah frm my heart to help me out to lemme see truth nt to let me in sin if i am. But then if sth happens a sign or so which signifies i m indeed in wrong and must leave him i dont accept it.thts the problem.doesn matter if the sign is true or not.i only want to accept wht will be accordin my wishes.i want Allahs pleasure and to follow him but wen it is not wht i hoped then i cant accept it and panic and try to find ways n say it cant b true n so on..this is why i am bad and unsincere bcuz i want 2 follow Allah and i want my thing n this is unsincere vry much bcuz we must accept anything he wants.
This was also the problem wen i did istikhara whr all started.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Firdaus,

(smile) In answer to your wondering, I am a woman.

My dear, I understand that it is a bit of a challenge to find a wise Muslim therapist, but you are Blessed to live in a country where you have a wide choice of therapists (many Muslims in the world don't have such access, you know). A good one will take your faith into account, even if they do not quite share it. However, given the fact that there have been Muslims in Germany for quite a while now, I suspect that you could find one. Try contacting the Association of German Professional Psychologists: http://www.bdp-verband.org/bdp/verband/englisch.shtml , and ask about if they know any Muslim therapists, or therapists who have some knowledge and understanding of your faith.

You might also want to seek advice from a medical doctor. I am not sure exactly what is underlying your present state of mind, but it seems to me that making sure there is nothing in your general health that might be affecting your emotions or thoughts (and quite a range of different medical conditions can affect you this way you know) would be a prudent thing to do.

(gently) I feel your suffering, my dear. Please go and talk with people who can help you.

I hug you and pray for you.


May Allah, the Loving, Help us to find quietness in our hearts.

 

[Firdaous1]

You know its the feeling or fact that i cNt imagine life without him and thats what i am trying to run away frm and this running away is like counted as the sin im afraid of. Running away frm it is Like i said this unsincerity and prefering him.able to leave him or nt able to take that step as this thought is so hard.
One might say thats jus in ur mind and jus ignore it even if u feel so but as i said i feel i really am unsincere cuz wen i didn knw what to do wht is right i asked Allah to help me out and why then sth happens means i read sth or sth like tht in coincidence and it means leave him then i dont want to accept it i feel ss i cant. Thtsy even if i hear that ignore sich signs, i feel my inner self is still bad though. This niya or tht conscience towards Allah.and i feel how will Allah forgive me if this bad inner self is there which i explained to u That im nt able to do it (leaving )
I want to knw one thing also bcuz it confused me about niya in islam. I read as long u intend sth but didn do it it wont count im talkin abt sins etc. Thats one opinion but not if sth happens to prevent u. E.g. i intend to steal but police caught me before i cud steal so it will count i stole even though it didn happen? Bcuz i wanted to do it?
Jazak Allah

 

[Firdaous1]

Welcome to the forum.



Br. Ardianto kept it simple. Even Nabi Adam felt lonely in heaven and he had Allah. Hence the gift of women to man.

You know it's waswas. Treat it that way. Don't give it fuel, give it no further thought.

In syaa Allah.

Wishing you a great stay.


eace:

If i feel i cannot do sth for Allah bcuz i love my husband n cannot leave him bcuz i dont knw how i cud endure this pain nt to kknow him anymore then i am preferin him over Allah i feel that my love to this man is much intense and seperation frm him is so much grieve but for Allah even i cannot do it?
Im feelin as accepting this bad conduct from me and accepted the sin im doing cause i cant do it i really fear seperation tht i wont b able to bear it how can Allah b pleased. How can rules as talaq is least liked frm halal acts etc if im doin a much graver sin that all other things r mere excuses i take. How can i say no i m allowed to b married to him if i know i cant leave him for Allah? I hv made like a conditon that i know only veing able to seperate n endure this pain i fear so much will prove only that i really love Allah most bcuz thats exactly wht i cant do for Allah in my mind n feelings.as long i run away frm it out of not being able from leaving him even for Allah, i hv chosen this person as like more important. How can i lie to myself bcuz i cant deny this feeling. How it is waswas..if a woman wants to leave her husband cuz she likes another man or sth like tht for her the advice she will sin if she divorces if her husband is goos to her is totoally right cuz for her nafs n desires she wanna do a sin.but with me its other way around my nafs wants to keep husband but with a wrong conduct and intention which Allah knws.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Seriously, there is only so many ways and so many times that somebody can say the same thing to you.

Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with your marriage. You don't need to leave your husband in order to prove your love for Allah. That's absurd. In order to prove your love for Allah, you do as Allah has commanded, follow all the rules and regulations of Islam. Not an imaginary rule that you imposed upon yourself which has no basis in Islam.

Sorry for the harshness of tone but you are simply making life difficult for yourself for absolutely no reason.

 

[Firdaous1]

I have thought going to a psychatrist to get some medicin like anti depressant or calming medications to stop the constant thinking. But then i would take sth to numb my conscience nt feelin any guilt and fear etc where is the test then anymore which im experiencing. Wouldnt i jus numb my mind to escape again the thing tht i cant do for Allah. If theres no feelings anymore and numbness then thers no fear of seperating or anything then the guilt would probably go but then what have i done? I have failed the test as well bcuz i jus drugged myself to escape reality? I would still have the sin on my shoulder which i experience now too bcuz at the end its the fact i cant leave him bcuz i dont want the unbearable pain and feelings i Must experience in order to proof Allah.if thers no pain or suffering ther is no test

Wht do u think

 

[Alpha Dude]

Numbing the pain with anti depressants is not a good idea and you'll just be hiding it. Get to the root of your problem.

Personally, my thoughts on your issue are extremely crystal clear. I think you are over-reacting severely and in reality have nothing to worry about. For what reason you are letting something that has no basis get to you so much, I really don't understand. May Allah make things easy for you sister and protect you from evil. Aaameen.

Please see a shaykh and ask about the issue you are having for further guidance. Maybe ring the one mentioned on this website: http://idauk.org/dawah/fatwa.html

 

[Abz2000]

omg this is like something out of the matrix or inception, a whole load of pschological constructs when the reality is what it is.
may Allah assist us in establishing His laws and following the truth which He has prescribed.
sister there's something trying to write off perfect code as errors in your mind and it will affect you in the future as your dna saves it if it doesn't submit to Allah.
we have to learn to have a heart at peace with the law of Allah or it causes huge internal conflicts and missteps in situations presented to us in the future - like those ants that run around in circles when you draw a maze for them with insect chalk.

i'm not saying i'm perfect but i can feel it happening:

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg195/abz2000123/Islam/20151026_030328_zps4rjlgmha.jpg

careful what you put in the king's drinking cup.

 

[Firdaous1]

Numbing the pain with anti depressants is not a good idea and you'll just be hiding it. Get to the root of your problem.

Personally, my thoughts on your issue are extremely crystal clear. I think you are over-reacting severely and in reality have nothing to worry about. For what reason you are letting something that has no basis get to you so much, I really don't understand. May Allah make things easy for you sister and protect you from evil. Aaameen.

Please see a shaykh and ask about the issue you are having for further guidance. Maybe ring the one .

They r not taking email questions at the moment. Please Alphadude. Help me out with a knowledgable Mufti you know. You could find for me urgently. Here i live in germany i did speak to imams but smhow didn feel as they got me. Can u help me with a trustworthy mufti to listen to my issue. Or i cud contact? Online fatwa sites need long time to reply.

 

[Abz2000]

there's a decent online site called onislam.net which gives detailed answers on confusing issues, there's also one called islamqa