Were you physically attracted to your spouse before marriage?

[Salahudeen]

I'm just interested to know this, because many people I've talked to wern't and they said it develops after marriage, I'm just wondering if there's any truth in that. Poll is there, jazakAllah khair.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

Yes I was, Alhamdulillah.

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

Lets just discuss this in the brothers' section. So much to discuss on marriage topics..:giggling:

...oh yes, i am single, if that helps...

 

[Predator]

On the subject of attraction ,from a male perspective , how important is it for a Man to be attracted to the woman he plans to marry and that it shouldnt be a like a bitter pill given by his parents to swallow ?

 

[Muhaba]

There should always be some attraction. The person you're marrying should appeal to you in some way. It's not necessary for them to be very beautiful or handsome because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

so if you're okay with the person and like their personality, then marry them. but if not, that is, they are attractive but you don't feel any attraction to them, it may simply be because you are not happy with the idea of parents suggesting someone. In that case, you should think of it as just that, your parents introducing you to a person just as someone else may do so. for example, a friend may introduce you to someone or you may meet someone at college, which is really the college introducing you to someone. and so, you shouldn't make an issue out of parents introducing you to someone. it may be something you are not used to but it's normal and nothing to worry about.

if the person is attractive and their personality is likeable, you shouldn't refuse just because it's an arranged marriage. insha-Allah with this mindset, you will open up and see the person in true light and eventually, before or after marriage, you'll develop attraction. But if you look at the subject with a closed mind (if you see it as something inappropraite, something that can't possibly work) you'll never give the person a chance and will never see the person in true light. you'll feel dislike towrd the person for no reason and the results will not be good. this is simply because current day society has taught us that we should ourselves find a spouse and recommendation by parents is not the way to find a spouse. but is wrong, because even in the wester society, someone is always recommending someone. friends will introduce them, ppl go on blind dates, ppl use datng agencies, etc. If such work then why can't you meet your spouse through parents / family?

on the other hand, if the person is not attractive or their personality is not likeable, then it might be better for you to not marry them because you may never develop attraction, and the marriage will be doomed.

 

[glo]

I think if you like somebody or find them beautiful in terms of personality etc, then you will find them physically attractive too.
Any imperfections may still be there, but become insignificant and unimportant.

And there is much more to marriage than being physically attracted to each other. (That's from a female perspective)

 

[cuezed]

I never met my wife before the nikah

 

[glo]

I never met my wife before the nikah

How did you feel when you first met her?
And how did you mature together as a couple after your wedding?

 

[Cabdullahi]

people want something similar to what they see on TV...what they see on TV is a concentrated form of what the carnal self desires.....everything that the carnal self desires is magnified and made more apparent....its very visually appealing and that's what the people want.

 

[SFatima]

I agree with the above comment. Beauty standards have been massively corrupted by the fake plastic media, and we all are victims to it to some extent :/

When I was little, and we did not watch tv much, I always used to like people who were nice to me, and not people who looked so beautiful and well dressed. With time, into my late teens, exposure to media increased and it was evident from all the people around me, that appearance was the first thing everybody noticed, to the extent that girls would swoon over a certain person just because he vaguely resembled a famous western figure

I'm glad I was not over exposed through the media at a young age where you only get to see good looking people and you mistakenly start assuming that there is a beauty planet out there where everyone can find a beautiful looking person, the rest are just weird and if you cant find a very beautiful looking person you're a looser

Anyhow, ahum I'm single so i'll just pass the question but I do hope that many people do start liking their spouses if they are good practising muslims , cuz Allah would put love in their hearts.

 

[ardianto]

I'm just interested to know this, because many people I've talked to wern't and they said it develops after marriage, I'm just wondering if there's any truth in that.

Assalamu' alaikum.

If you feel happy with your wife, you would love her and would always attracted to her, even if she is phisically unattractive.

One biggest dream of human is meet someone who makes them fall in love, then get married. However, not every man/woman is lucky like this. So, what they do is try to find someone who can accept them, and they try to accept their spouses, they do not care about special feeling. Later they feel enjoy with their spouse, the love raise in their hearts, and they always want to do intimacy with their spouses.

There are many happy marriage that started without special feeling. But, it will not happen in forced marriage.

 

[Muezzin]

people want something similar to what they see on TV...what they see on TV is a concentrated form of what the carnal self desires.....everything that the carnal self desires is magnified and made more apparent....its very visually appealing and that's what the people want.

Women who look like such perfect idealised fantasies tend not to be marriage material, as firstly, they tend not to actually exist and secondly, because people without flaws are not people.

 

[yasirslm]

Well it is but soon after babies are born attraction blows away as attraction goes to babies^o)

 

[Qurratul Ayn]

^ I'm sure that's not the case! Lol

Anyways, it's the inside what counts the most. Truly. My friend once said to me, if the inside is ugly, then the outside most definitely is ugly.

 

[جوري]

You've to be attracted to the person you marry no? attraction itself isn't a catch all term.. it is a matter of preference, personality, compatibility etc. all make for a solid partnership.. You can't have intimate relations with someone you're not attracted to, it would be like rape.. unless you're doing it for charity in which case it isn't fair to either party..
Please let me emphasize that there's no 'universal' for attractive. I find brad pit and that former James bond guy and Tom cruize utterly repulsive many people obviously drool over them I can't understand why but those are the laws of attraction so everyone will have an ideal and I read somewhere that for women it is usually someone that resembles their father (not look wise) but personality & character if they'd a good relationship with dad.. So obviously it is all more complicated than all that.

 

[yasirslm]

^ I'm sure that's not the case! Lol

Anyways, it's the inside what counts the most. Truly. My friend once said to me, if the inside is ugly, then the outside most definitely is ugly.

Agreed...:statisfie

 

[Salahudeen]

You've to be attracted to the person you marry no? attraction itself isn't a catch all term.. it is a matter of preference, personality, compatibility etc. all make for a solid partnership.. You can't have intimate relations with someone you're not attracted to, it would be like rape.. unless you're doing it for charity in which case it isn't fair to either party..
Please let me emphasize that there's no 'universal' for attractive. I find brad pit and that former James bond guy and Tom cruize utterly repulsive many people obviously drool over them I can't understand why but those are the laws of attraction so everyone will have an ideal and I read somewhere that for women it is usually someone that resembles their father (not look wise) but personality & character if they'd a good relationship with dad.. So obviously it is all more complicated than all that.

Attraction eventually fades though with age, but by that point the relationship is based upon more than attraction you think ? and intimate relations occur on the basis of something much more deeper than physical attraction ?

I remember a speaker saying once in a lecture, even if you marry the most beautiful person in the world after 5 months of looking at them every day you will not be able to see the physical beauty like you saw it when you first looked at your partner, because you will become de sensitized to their looks, they will just look normal/average to you.

Which makes me wonder if attraction ever goes beyond the realms of physical boundaries, i.e you want to be intimate with your spouse not cos of how they look, but because you love them so much and the person they are (i.e their personality) makes you want to be intimate with them even if their not physically attractive. Do such things occur in a marriage??

Is it ever possible to be so in love with someone you have no regard for how they look because your so in love with the person? Everything about them appears beautiful even if society considers it to be ugly, i.e they're over weight etc. You still find your partner beautiful in every way because of the immense love you have for them.

Or is this something that simply varies from person to person??

 

[جوري]

Attraction eventually fades though with age, but by that point the relationship is based upon more than attraction you think ? and intimate relations occur on the basis of something much more deeper than physical attraction ?

I remember a speaker saying once in a lecture, even if you marry the most beautiful person in the world after 5 months of looking at them every day you will not be able to see the physical beauty like you saw it when you first looked at your partner, because you will become de sensitized to their looks, they will just look normal/average to you.

Which makes me wonder if attraction ever goes beyond the realms of physical boundaries, i.e you want to be intimate with your spouse not cos of how they look, but because you love them so much and the person they are (i.e their personality) makes you want to be intimate with them even if their not physically attractive. Do such things occur in a marriage??

Is it ever possible to be so in love with someone you have no regard for how they look because your so in love with the person? Everything about them appears beautiful even if society considers it to be ugly, i.e they're over weight etc.

I don't think attraction is just a physical thing or even has to be a physical thing as I closed on my post above it is more complicated, it is psychological amongst other things and certainly not a universal formula.
I am sure it won't be so mysterious when you find the one in shaa Allah.. things seem much more complicated in theory than when put to practice.. you've a long road ahead of you and no two people's experience runs the same course..

 

[Salahudeen]

^There could be attraction between both that is not based on physical aspects at all, i.e its based upon how they make each other feel. And I think this is what it develops into, in a marriage, attraction that has nothing to do with physical features. That's why people are able to stay in relationships when both people have lost their physical traits because the attraction has transcended that maybe.

 

[جوري]

^There could be attraction between both that is not based on physical aspects at all, i.e its based upon how they make each other feel. And I think this is what it develops into, in a marriage, attraction that has nothing to do with physical features. That's why people are able to stay in relationships when both people have lost their physical traits because the attraction has transcended that maybe.

Yes...You're correct.. in shaa Allah you find what you're looking for (all around)