Were you physically attracted to your spouse before marriage?

[dysphoricrocker]

Salaam.

I am not married but i shall give my opinion.

I think for most men, looks and physical beauty do matter. By most, i think it's pretty much almost all of us. Afterall, our beloved Prophet did say that one of the things to look for in a spouse is beauty.

But thing is, beauty could have different meanings to different people. For example, people would think this particular woman is pretty, but i may not feel the same. Every man has their own preference when it comes to physical beauty. It would be a lie to say we, men, do not look out for beauty in a woman.

 

[Hulk]

I read that we are attracted to people who look like our parents, if I remember correctly those that resemble our mum's face because we have been inclined to it since young. So don't be surprised if you find couples that look alike! There was even one time when a pair of long lost twins almost got married!

 

[marwen]

Not exactly On Topic, but I wanted to say we should not concentrate only on physical attraction, and not ignore it of course. We should also concentrate on permanent values (caracter, deen, intelligence) which will not fade with time.
[Don't look at me like that, I have no intention to kill this thread ;D]

This link contains beneficial stuff in_sha'_Allah, :
Qualities to look for in a spouse.

 

[Samiun]

I like it how most members voted for option #1, come to think about it, that must have been a blessing to get such beautiful/handsome + religious husband/wife.

 

[SFatima]

Please let me emphasize that there's no 'universal' for attractive. I find brad pit and that former James bond guy and Tom cruize utterly repulsive many people obviously drool over them I can't understand why but those are the laws of attraction so everyone will have an ideal and I read somewhere that for women it is usually someone that resembles their father (not look wise) but personality & character if they'd a good relationship with dad.. So obviously it is all more complicated than all that.

hate all these superficial men , and then if all these bradpits toms and other glamorous beauties were so beautiful inside, they wouldn't be getting divorced ever so often as if they didnt even like each other in the first place. That is the biggest give away of their fake relationships, and to just consider the amount of emphasis they place on looks and attraction , is plain ugly.

 

[ardianto]

I read that we are attracted to people who look like our parents, if I remember correctly those that resemble our mum's face because we have been inclined to it since young. So don't be surprised if you find couples that look alike! There was even one time when a pair of long lost twins almost got married!

Bro,

my Islamic teacher said, we should not looking for a wife who look like our mother.

 

[marwen]

my Islamic teacher said, we should not looking for a wife who look like our mother.

I don't know where I saw this
;D

Edit: It made me laugh sorry, but Good advice !

 

[ardianto]

I don't know where I saw this

I have seen a girl who look like my mother when she was young.

 

[Hulk]

Bro,

my Islamic teacher said, we should not looking for a wife who look like our mother.

I didn't mean that we should look for a wife that looks like our mother but that studies show that we have a natural inclination for the opposite sex who's face looks like our mum. Thank you for sharing what your ustaz said maybe if you can give a bit more info it would be great. Thank u akhi

 

[ardianto]

I didn't mean that we should look for a wife that looks like our mother but that studies show that we have a natural inclination for the opposite sex who's face looks like our mum. Thank you for sharing what your ustaz said maybe if you can give a bit more info it would be great. Thank u akhi

you're welcome.

My ustadz said, there's a sunnah for men to avoid looking for a wife who has face like their mother, because I will make them feel 'hesitate' to do intimacy.

I got this lesson when I was 10-11, more than 30 years ago. I do not where is my ustadz now. If he still alive, may Allah give him good health. If he has passed away, may Allah grant him jannah.

 

[Hulk]

Thanks akhi, I did wonder about that myself. I mean like if they don't realise that their spouse resemble their mother maybe it might not give them any issue but if someone tells them that might actually make an issue. haha.

 

[MustafaMc]

hate all these superficial men

I agree ... but within reason, you shouldn't be too harsh on us though because I believe that is how Allah (swt) created us. It is odd to me that all of the male birds are more beautiful than the females, but with humans it is the woman who beautifies herself to attract the men. To a certain point a man and woman should find the other reasonably attractive to the other. Excuse the corny phrase, 'Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.'

The outer beauty (eyes, face, skin color, body shape, muscle tone, etc) initially attracts, but it is the inner beauty (faith, honesty, integrity, kindness, strength of character, humility, intellect, etc) that helps to maintain a marriage.

 

[ardianto]

Was I physically attracted to my wife before I married her?. Yes!. But not her beauty that made me love her. This is why she chose me.

I am a type of man who attracted to personality first, then beauty. I guess, men like me are very rare.

 

[Muhaba]

I agree ... but within reason, you shouldn't be too harsh on us though because I believe that is how Allah (swt) created us. It is odd to me that all of the male birds are more beautiful than the females, but with humans it is the woman who beautifies herself to attract the men. To a certain point a man and woman should find the other reasonably attractive to the other. Excuse the corny phrase, 'Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.'

The outer beauty (eyes, face, skin color, body shape, muscle tone, etc) initially attracts, but it is the inner beauty (faith, honesty, integrity, kindness, strength of character, humility, intellect, etc) that helps to maintain a marriage.

It is a cultural thing. i hear there are south american tribes where the man beautifies himself to attract the female and even goes to live in the wife's house & tribe after marriage!

 

[ardianto]

It is a cultural thing. i hear there are south american tribes where the man beautifies himself to attract the female

If "the man beautifies himself" means make him look attractive, that's happen universally, sis. Not only in some South American tribes.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i feel frustrated lol

i read this thread hoping to find facts ie:

"Yes i married, was attracted/wasnt attracted before, found/didnt find attraction after" kinda statements

instead this is turning into a philosophy class ;D

 

[ardianto]

If I and my wife were not attracted to each other before, we would not get married. I mean, she would get married with someone else, I would get married with someone else too. We could not lie to ourselves and to each other that emotional closeness that built in our friendship made us fell in love. This is why we made promise to live as husband and wife.

 

[Muhaba]

i feel frustrated lol

i read this thread hoping to find facts ie:

"Yes i married, was attracted/wasnt attracted before, found/didnt find attraction after" kinda statements

instead this is turning into a philosophy class ;D

brother, i assure you, the attraction will develop if you let it. if not, it will be dead. but there should be something there at the start. if you absolutely dislike her (personality or looks), then there may never be anything to develop.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

brother, i assure you, the attraction will develop if you let it. if not, it will be dead. but there should be something there at the start. if you absolutely dislike her (personality or looks), then there may never be anything to develop.

no i hear that


i meant i was hoping this thread would have more personal experiences rather then random theories

 

[Hulk]

Bro I think you should ask old husbands! I think most of us here are young and thus our perspective is only so far.