what a mess...!

[Confucius]

salamualikum brothers and sisters...

i think i need some advice about a kinda stupid situation im in...if any of u guys can give me advice i can act upon il be v.greatful insha'allah

okay, recently me and my sister-in-law, (who is lovley) had a little argument...it was over something v.silly, but it caused her to shout at me and say some not so nice things in a not so nice way....which is fine cos sometimes living in the same house we get on each others nerves but reccently ive been getting alot of negative comments off her about me to my sisters...who sadly came and told me so u can imagine there being slight resentment in my heart...insha'allah i pray that Allah (SWT) saves me frm ghiba...

nwy so this silly dispute WOULD have been forgotten but it affected me cos my other sister-in-law started giving me sympathy....and if ne of u have been in a situation where ur emotional and someone gives sympathy it makes u feel worse...nwy everything just caught up with me....and i cried and cried and cried. and i cudnt stop myself.... im not an emotional person...i cry on average...err once in like a year...when i need to blow off the emotional pile..(i dunno maybe thats weird...me being a girl after all..?)

nwy...i rly am a private person and cry alone in a room so no one notices but sadly the argument reached the ear of my mum...my elder sis in law told my mum what my younger sis in law said to me...so mum got kinda frazzled and she demanded an explanation and u can imagine my sisters wanted to know what happend .... and just explaning it to them made me cry more and it was so stupid cos i wasnt crying cos i felt sorry for myself but i was crying cos i felt i deserved it cos i in my past hurt people in much greater ways and i felt i deserved everything i got...and tbh i wanted it to be worst cos i was a bad person myself in the past i used to hurt people's feeling and be so arrogant (naudhu'ubillah) and i just kept thinking...i deserve everything and more and i dont need sympathy....which made me cry more and my sisters were all hugging me ...which was nice of them but i felt rly sad cos im a bad person myself and sometimes i talk in ways that hurt people unintentionally....or people are intimdated by my speech and the fact that im slightly educated which always leads them to the conclusion that im arrogant and i think im better than them...

nwy i ended up saying stuff i think i shudnt have...i told my sisters i wish i was dumb, deaf and blind, so no one could say bad things about me because of their own insecurity and so i cant be accused of being arrogant and snobby...alot of the time when i try and advice people/family sincerely they take it in a negative way and it always is thrown back in my face...and i HATE it...so i just sometimes wish i was alone or something...away from it all...

nwy i rly dont know what to do now...out of my own awkwardness i hvnt yet spoken to my sis in law....not that im angry with her....but i feel awkward..like a criminal ..lol..if that makes sense. i feel..i dunno...normally im a chatty person but now id rather be among those who control their tongues...nwy like i said...i hvnt spoken to her yet....i kinda avoid her..i even avoid loooking at her...out of my own cowardice and i dunno what to say it her!

im not angry...and i pray im not being arrogant...i dont think myself above her...but the fact that i cried has made this rock come between us....i dislike anyone knowing i cried lol...im v.pivate about that....nwy i just rly dnt know what to talk to her about. ive lost all ideas of conversation....and i know its a sin for believers not to speak..so HELP me plzzzzz...i need advice what to do! i dont want to sin..and i know this situation is bad...but i cnt help it...i rly do feel awkward and just want to hide away from her!!

nwy ne advice wud be much appreciated....jazakallah

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

lol may Allah forgive us all for our mistakes. Ameen !

Sis i think first thing is to not think of yourself as a prideful and bad person lol, hey everyone hurts someone now and then(audhubillah) may Allah lessen the amount in which we do this.

basically sis just ask your sis in law for forgiveness, even if she dont ask you for it coz thats what nice poeple do hehe and get on as one big family. ask Allah to giv u sabr n strength, and last but not least be a good muslimah/mu'minah/mujahidah

and make dua i act upon the advice i just gave you too!

:wasalamex

 

[Confucius]

is it a sin not to speak to sum1 beacuse u feel a bit awkward? im sadly the type of person whom it takes a while before i can normal again after a dispute..i hate being like this....i fear its arrogance...if i was humble i wouldnt have found it hard to speak to her again....i do speak to her when she speaks to me...but i dnt initiate the convo..is that okay? or is it still sinful??? i rly dont know what to talk about!! and asking forgiveness ... well err what do i say? 'forgive me for crying and being stupid?' there isnt nething to forgive on either side cos...it was even sumthing serious...its just me being emotional...grrrrrrr

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

is it a sin not to speak to sum1 beacuse u feel a bit awkward?

Sahih Bukhari
Volume 8, Book 73, Number 91:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:

Allah's Apostle said, "Do not hate one another, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert each other, and O, Allah's worshipers! Be brothers. Lo! It is not permissible for any Muslim to desert (not talk to) his brother (Muslim) for more than three days."
​

im sadly the type of person whom it takes a while before i can normal again after a dispute..i hate being like this....

mashaAllah at least you've come to understand that it aint right and are tryin to change, may Allah help you

i fear its arrogance...

maybe knowing the effects of arrogance will help :::

Ibn Mas'ud reported that the Messenger of Allah said: Whoso has got pride in his heart to the weight of an atom shall not enter Paradise. A man enquired about a man who likes that his dress shall be fine and his shoes shall be fine. He said: Allah is beautiful and likes beauty. Pride is (a cause of) disclaiming the truth and despising the people.
[Muslim]​

Im sure you love your sis in law sis, i dont think its pride!!

if i was humble i wouldnt have found it hard to speak to her again....i do speak to her when she speaks to me...but i dnt initiate the convo..is that okay? or is it still sinful??? i rly dont know what to talk about!! and asking forgiveness ... well err what do i say? 'forgive me for crying and being stupid?' there isnt nething to forgive on either side cos...it was even sumthing serious...its just me being emotional...grrrrrrr

lol sis let me just post a few more beautiful statements of our beloved prophet saws

:::

Abu Kabsha Ameri reported that the Messenger of Allah said: By the one in whose hand there is my life there are three things had i been an oathtaker, i would have taken oath about them: no wealth diminishes on account of charity, and no man pardons an oppression seeking thereby the pleasure of Allah but Allah will increase honour therewith on the Resurrection day and no men opens the door of begging for himself but he opens the door of poverty for himself
[tirmizi]​

so forgive your sister inshaAllah oh and one more thing

oh and a few words from the lord whos watchin ova you sis, he'll help you check this out:

"Nor do I absolve my own self (of blame): the (human) soul is certainly prone to evil, unless my Lord do bestow His Mercy: but surely my Lord is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful."
Surah Yusuf Verse 53

​

so lets make istighfaar to Allah subhanahu wata'ala on a regular basis


i hope this helps inshaAllah


Allahu a'lam

 

[Khayal]

Dear Sister I don't have any experience about In-laws BUT if I were in your place, I will forgive and forget about my sister in law. It happens a lot of times b/w real sisters too, so....don't make it BIG DEAL...just go to her and give her a luvly gift with a Big Hug and don't argue ( even if its not ure fault )thats all...you'll see the diffrence, InshaAllah....

 

[- Qatada -]

:wasalamex


Maasha Allaah so true ^


Tafsir Qur'an Fussilat 41:34

[وَلاَ تَسْتَوِى الْحَسَنَةُ وَلاَ السَّيِّئَةُ]

(The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal.) means, there is a huge difference between them.


[ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ]

(Repel (the evil) with one which is better,) means, `when someone does you wrong, repel him by treating him well,' as `Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "There is no better punishment for one who has disobeyed Allah with regard to you, than your obeying Allah with regard to him.''

[فَإِذَا الَّذِى بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِىٌّ حَمِيمٌ]

(then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.) means, `if you treat well those who treat you badly, this good deed will lead to reconciliation, love and empathy, and it will be as if he is a close friend to you and he will feel pity for you and be kind to you.' Then Allah says:


[وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلاَّ الَّذِينَ صَبَرُواْ]

(But none is granted it except those who are patient) meaning, no one accepts this advice and works according to it, except for those who can be patient in doing so, for it is difficult for people to do.


[وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَآ إِلاَّ ذُو حَظِّ عَظِيمٍ]

(and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion) means, the one who has a great portion of happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. `Ali bin Abi Talhah reported that Ibn `Abbas explained this Ayah: "Allah commands the believers to be patient when they feel angry, to be forbearing when confronted with ignorance, and to forgive when they are mistreated. If they do this, Allah will save them from the Shaytan and subdue their enemies to them until they become like close friends.''


[وَإِمَّا يَنَزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَـنِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ]

(And if an evil whisper from Shaytan tries to turn you away, then seek refuge in Allah.) means, the devils among men may be deceived by your kind treatment of him, but the devils among the Jinn, when they insinuate their evil whispers, cannot be dealt with except by seeking refuge with the Creator Who gave him power over you. If you seek refuge with Allah and turn to Him, He will stop him from harming you and bring his efforts to naught. When the Messenger of Allah stood up to pray, he would say:


«أَعُوذُ بِاللهِ السَّمِيعِ الْعَلِيمِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ، مِنْ هَمْزِهِ وَنَفْخِهِ وَنَفْثِه»

(I seek refuge in Allah the All-Hearing, All-Knowing, from the accursed Shaytan and his evil insinuations, breath and impurity.)'' We have already stated that there is nothing like this in the Qur'an, apart from the passage in Surat Al-A`raf, where Allah says:


[خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ وَأَعْرِض عَنِ الْجَـهِلِينَ - وَإِمَّا يَنَزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَـنِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ إِنَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ ]

(Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish. And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytan, then seek refuge with Allah. Verily, He is All-Hearer, All-Knower.) (7:199-200) and the passage in Surat Al-Mu'minun where Allah says:


[ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ السَّيِّئَةَ نَحْنُ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا يَصِفُونَ - وَقُلْ رَّبِّ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ هَمَزَاتِ الشَّيـطِينِ - وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ رَبِّ أَن يَحْضُرُونِ ]

(Repel evil with that which is better. We are Best-Acquainted with the things they utter. And say: "My Lord! I seek refuge with You from the whisperings of the Shayatin. And I seek refuge with You, My Lord! lest they should come near me.'') (23:96-98)

​

 

[bint_muhammed]

i kno how ur feeling and this may sound really bad but when i have an argument with someone i cant be the first one to apologise! i dont fight a lot its just once in a while and i try so hard to say sorry or whatever but i cant!does this make me arrogant?

 

[Snowflake]

sneak up to your sis in law from behind.. throw your arms around her neck and say, "I'm so sorry, I love you and I didn't mean to hurt you..sorry !"


trust me she'll melt like butter in your mouth :thumbs_up

but for God's sake don't give her a heart attack! sneak noisily lol :-\

 

[Confucius]

well, im on a tariq where part of my aim is to attain humility, and my sheik says arrogance is that if you think u are higher than some one...so if u feel u desreve to be apoligised to first etc this is arrogance cos a humble person wud see themselves so low that even when pple say bad stuff to them or treat them in a bad way they feel their own personal opinion of themselves is worse..so non can insult them...instead they wud believe what ne one insults them with...do u get me?
And its rly amazing because we've all heard of the hadith of Rasulallah (SAW) on the 'atoms weight of arrogance' but the way i see it is we dont have an atoms weight of arrogance in us..we have BUCKET FULLS of arrogance...and also i was thinking...the way i act and the way we act is arrogant cos if it took Allah (SWT) that long to forgive a minor sin we do..like if we err...i dunno did something minor and Allah decided not to forgive or like us for the next 3 months ...it wud be his perfect right...but it will propbably mean the whole of mankind will go Hell.....
then why are we so unforgiving???? I think on the day of judgement we will need to account to Allah (SWT) what caused us to refrain speaking to our brothers/sisters for so long.... how can we justify it??....and personally i wudnt have an answer to give....
ive just adpoted the method of giving the person im angry with or feel resentment towards a gift.
but someone who i dunno what to talk to about...i dunno what to do...my sis in law i give her cookies and cakes to eat and stuff...but i tell my nephew to give it to her..lol...i rly am awkward dunno what to say! :s ...ne suggestions?

its still a self struggle. but my sheik tells me to take humility one step at a time...so all i have to do now is see myself as lower in status in the sight of Allah (SWT) compared to ne human being.....which is okay to do...insha'allah...with guidance...

 

[Snowflake]

nuj;692964]well, im on a tariq where part of my aim is to attain humility, and my sheik says arrogance is that if you think u are higher than some one...so if u feel u desreve to be apoligised to first etc this is arrogance cos a humble person wud see themselves so low that even when pple say bad stuff to them or treat them in a bad way they feel their own personal opinion of themselves is worse..so non can insult them...instead they wud believe what ne one insults them with...do u get me?

welll.. arrogance, like pride is bad and we should constantly seek Allah's
@}~>~ protection against it. But we shouldn't believe what everyone says either, cuz some people just say things out of jealousy and nastiness.

And its rly amazing because we've all heard of the hadith of Rasulallah (SAW) on the 'atoms weight of arrogance' but the way i see it is we dont have an atoms weight of arrogance in us..we have BUCKET FULLS of arrogance...and also i was thinking...the way i act and the way we act is arrogant cos if it took Allah (SWT) that long to forgive a minor sin we do..like if we err...i dunno did something minor and Allah decided not to forgive or like us for the next 3 months ...it wud be his perfect right...but it will propbably mean the whole of mankind will go Hell.....

we should keep repenting even when doing a good deed... cuz the shaytaan will try to make us feel proud and arrogant.. But Allah subhana watala knows we're weak He is Most Kind and Forgiving. So keep seeking His help. :statisfie

then why are we so unforgiving???? I think on the day of judgement we will need to account to Allah (SWT) what caused us to refrain speaking to our brothers/sisters for so long.... how can we justify it??....and personally i wudnt have an answer to give....

we won't have any excuse, will we?

ive just adpoted the method of giving the person im angry with or feel resentment towards a gift.

know what? If someone gave me a gift for that reason, I'd hate it. Sincerity is more important. Gifts can't compensate for letting the person genuinely know how sorry you are. It just seems an easy way out.

but someone who i dunno what to talk to about...i dunno what to do...my sis in law i give her cookies and cakes to eat and stuff...but i tell my nephew to give it to her..lol...i rly am awkward dunno what to say! :s ...ne suggestions?

is the last thing you wanna give her a cookie? We dunno when our time will come, so what if you never got the chance to say sorry? We should always hasten to a do a good deed. Imagine how much Allah swt will be pleased with you. Give her a 'sorry' card if you can't say it to her face :statisfie

its still a self struggle. but my sheik tells me to take humility one step at a time...so all i have to do now is see myself as lower in status in the sight of Allah (SWT) compared to ne human being.....which is okay to do...insha'allah...with guidance...

do you feel that apologising first will make you look low in her eyes?

Then don't think what she thinks. Think how you will look in Allah's eyes. At the end that's the only thing that will matter. Everything else will end.

 

[Khayal]

ive just adpoted the method of giving the person im angry with or feel resentment towards a gift.

Dear sister, you are not apologizing to her, nor are you putting yourself down, BUT you are teaching a her lesson by behaving good, even if it's not your fault. You are still winning because of your good behavior , its not like you are being insulted.

the gift shuld have been given by yourself not through your nephew...it makes a big diffrence....

but someone who i dunno what to talk to about...i dunno what to do...i rly am awkward dunno what to say! :s ...ne suggestions?

No need to tell a long story or clear things up, just say with a smiley face that whatever happened, happened, and forget about everythig...haan don't forget a big hug...(hmmm i am not a very talkative person, so i told you what i would do. )



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