Salaam everyone
I don't know where to start or end as this is a bit of a complex situation. Anyway here it goes.....
When I was eleven I was taken back to pakistan for a cousin wedding and at the same time my mother and father got me engaged (seeing as I am the oldest of five brothers and have one older sister) to my mum sister daughter (mum niece), at the time I didn't know any better so I went along with what I was told even though I disapproved of my parents choice. Years went by and in them years my sister also got married to my mum sister son (nephew), you see my mum has five sister from whom all have plenty of offspring so my mum can matchmake every one of her children to her sister children. My mum starting making her niece jewellery and clothes for the wedding after my sister got married and as time draw closer for me to getting married I grew more and more rebellious and opposing that I do not wish to get married to my mum niece, I had made this clear to my family but my mum thought she could try sweet talking me and pampering me so that I agree but I still stuck to what I wanted.
In the year 2004 it was planned that I was due to go pakistan to go get married to my mum niece, also my mum arranged for my younger brother wedding to take place on the same day as mine but the only difference was that he was getting married to my dad niece and she is from england but they still planned to do the wedding in pakistan to save cost. I had met someone that I wished to get married to and my family disapproved of my choice as they wanted their choice (mum niece) just to keep the izzat (honour) within the extended family.
When push came to shove, I destroyed my passport so that they couldn't take me abroad but yet they tried to make arrangement for another passport to be issued but I stopped that from happening too as I alerted the authority (passport office) that my family were forcing me to get married hence I do not wish to go abroad or have my passport issued. I informed the extended family members to talk to my parents and make them see sense but my mother stated that she will not be taking on board what anyone says as she is my mother and knows what is best for me.
As the month arrived for me to go, my parents got more anxious as they wanted me to go with them and as they knew I am doing everything I can not to go they started saying that my grandmother is my her death bed and wishes to see me so that by using this tactic I would go, I knew this was a lie as it is often what parents in my extended family would say to their kids to get them to go abroad. So I started to play the same game they played with me and I told them that the passport office would issue my passport two weeks set from the date they had there tickets booked from. The plan worked, my family went pakistan and were waiting on me. Yet they had my mum uncle to keep an eye out for me so that I do do everything to go.I was scared of my uncle because he was twice the size of me and would often hit me if I didn't do things that they wanted. my parents hadn't given up hope on me, instead they told my uncle to have me ready by the phone so that they can carry out a nikah over the phone! I hestitated as my uncle had me right where he wanted and had his family recorded the act of phone marriage via camcorder, the phone rang, I answered and it was my father saying that the moulana is going to speak to me next and I was to follow what is said, but somehow the line started to crack up and the phone cut of but they rang again, the moulana asked who do I appoint as my nikah guardian/brother, I gave my father name three time and the phone cut of again. by this time everyone around me thought the nikah was done, they started congratulating me and I just quickly ran out the door but apparently after I left my father had called again asking for me as the nikah was still to complete, when he realised I was not there, they were in a state of shock because they didn't want there izzat to go down infront of everyone so my father completed the rest of the nikah for me on my behalf and they made out to everyone I was now islamically married to the girl and they still think I am when I know I'm not as I didn't say complete the nikah ceremony. They arrived back to england and my father did not speak to me for two years. As they wanted my mum niece to come out to the uk, they sent my younger brother who just returned with his wife to go back to pakistan and use his nikah papers to get her out to the uk. This was done by erasing his wife name on the nikah paper and they wrote the niece name on there to make out that he is married to the mother niece (yeah I know stupid move) and the niece and my younger brother took pictures together as bride and groom to prove to the british ambassy that they are married and it worked, the niece came out to the the uk but before she came I got married to the girl of my choice without my parents consent but I carried on to live at my parents house and my wife lived at her parents house, I told my family they didn't believe me that I got married. When the niece came out to the uk in feb 2006, my mum sent her to my room thinking I would do husband and wife acts with her, I was furious and told her that keep out my way I'm a married man. But still my mum kept insisting that she bring roti up to me and wash my clothes etc as they believe she is my wife.They even both my mother and niece used black magic on me so that I accept the niece as my wife but it didnt work. Relatives came down congratulating the niece on our so called marriage that did not take place, when the relatives would approach me I would tell them the truth that I am not married and basically my mum got everyone to believe that she my wife, even my brothers and sister call her sister in law. So I took my nikah paper and showed it to everyone in my family,my mum still didnt give up hope and starting having khataam so that my wife disappears from the picture and her niece and I could work things out.As she knew nothing was having its effect on me my mum gave me an ultimatum that either I choose her and her niece or homewrecker (that what she calls my wife and far worse), I choose my wife in june 2006 she kicked me out the house for the sake of keeping her niece happy and said that my wife would have affairs and would treat me with no respect and that I would be at her mercy (mother) within two months time asking for her forgiveness but alhumdillah that did not happen. I am now with my wife, yet my wife also believed that I may have cheated her by marrying the niece because everyone had given the niece the status of being my wife rather than her, I showed her the film that was recorded by my uncle family on the day that the phone marraige was to occur, she would believe me but then again she still kept getting doubts. I made up with my father (after he seen the niece true colours as she was treating him like crap when the mother when to pakistan) and he talks to my wife and she asked him what was the truth, he confirmed that I was married to the niece (yes he still believes the marriage was valid), my wife heart broke. I told her that ask my father how did the nikah take place, once he told her that he said the marriage vows on behalf of me she was so relieved as she knew that it is invalid.
But now this is the problem..... the niece tells people that she is the wife and I am working away from home that is why I am not with her but when they confront her (after I tell them that I am not married to the niece explaining what has happened) saying what I have told them, she claims that my wife is the soutan (adultress) having an affair with her husband. people begin to feel sorry for and stupidily tell her to read specific ayats of the quran so that Allah endures suffering on my wife and me just in the same way she had to suffer. My wife is really hurt as she thinks people would label her as an adultress although at times she tries to have some assurance by saying she doesnt care what people of this duniya think, the final analysis is between her and Allah but then I know at times she is deeply distressed. The niece is due to receive her permit next year feb time, my mum has told her to work and earn money so that when she gets her permit her parents that are in pakistan wish for her to get married again but still she holds a very special position in my mum heart and will have a strong bond with my mum even when she does leave, so what do I do considering my mum would not be able to forgive me and accept my wife (seeing as there janaat under the feet of a mother) and how do I make my wife feel better? overall what do you think I should do to improve this situation
I don't know where to start or end as this is a bit of a complex situation. Anyway here it goes.....
When I was eleven I was taken back to pakistan for a cousin wedding and at the same time my mother and father got me engaged (seeing as I am the oldest of five brothers and have one older sister) to my mum sister daughter (mum niece), at the time I didn't know any better so I went along with what I was told even though I disapproved of my parents choice. Years went by and in them years my sister also got married to my mum sister son (nephew), you see my mum has five sister from whom all have plenty of offspring so my mum can matchmake every one of her children to her sister children. My mum starting making her niece jewellery and clothes for the wedding after my sister got married and as time draw closer for me to getting married I grew more and more rebellious and opposing that I do not wish to get married to my mum niece, I had made this clear to my family but my mum thought she could try sweet talking me and pampering me so that I agree but I still stuck to what I wanted.
In the year 2004 it was planned that I was due to go pakistan to go get married to my mum niece, also my mum arranged for my younger brother wedding to take place on the same day as mine but the only difference was that he was getting married to my dad niece and she is from england but they still planned to do the wedding in pakistan to save cost. I had met someone that I wished to get married to and my family disapproved of my choice as they wanted their choice (mum niece) just to keep the izzat (honour) within the extended family.
When push came to shove, I destroyed my passport so that they couldn't take me abroad but yet they tried to make arrangement for another passport to be issued but I stopped that from happening too as I alerted the authority (passport office) that my family were forcing me to get married hence I do not wish to go abroad or have my passport issued. I informed the extended family members to talk to my parents and make them see sense but my mother stated that she will not be taking on board what anyone says as she is my mother and knows what is best for me.
As the month arrived for me to go, my parents got more anxious as they wanted me to go with them and as they knew I am doing everything I can not to go they started saying that my grandmother is my her death bed and wishes to see me so that by using this tactic I would go, I knew this was a lie as it is often what parents in my extended family would say to their kids to get them to go abroad. So I started to play the same game they played with me and I told them that the passport office would issue my passport two weeks set from the date they had there tickets booked from. The plan worked, my family went pakistan and were waiting on me. Yet they had my mum uncle to keep an eye out for me so that I do do everything to go.I was scared of my uncle because he was twice the size of me and would often hit me if I didn't do things that they wanted. my parents hadn't given up hope on me, instead they told my uncle to have me ready by the phone so that they can carry out a nikah over the phone! I hestitated as my uncle had me right where he wanted and had his family recorded the act of phone marriage via camcorder, the phone rang, I answered and it was my father saying that the moulana is going to speak to me next and I was to follow what is said, but somehow the line started to crack up and the phone cut of but they rang again, the moulana asked who do I appoint as my nikah guardian/brother, I gave my father name three time and the phone cut of again. by this time everyone around me thought the nikah was done, they started congratulating me and I just quickly ran out the door but apparently after I left my father had called again asking for me as the nikah was still to complete, when he realised I was not there, they were in a state of shock because they didn't want there izzat to go down infront of everyone so my father completed the rest of the nikah for me on my behalf and they made out to everyone I was now islamically married to the girl and they still think I am when I know I'm not as I didn't say complete the nikah ceremony. They arrived back to england and my father did not speak to me for two years. As they wanted my mum niece to come out to the uk, they sent my younger brother who just returned with his wife to go back to pakistan and use his nikah papers to get her out to the uk. This was done by erasing his wife name on the nikah paper and they wrote the niece name on there to make out that he is married to the mother niece (yeah I know stupid move) and the niece and my younger brother took pictures together as bride and groom to prove to the british ambassy that they are married and it worked, the niece came out to the the uk but before she came I got married to the girl of my choice without my parents consent but I carried on to live at my parents house and my wife lived at her parents house, I told my family they didn't believe me that I got married. When the niece came out to the uk in feb 2006, my mum sent her to my room thinking I would do husband and wife acts with her, I was furious and told her that keep out my way I'm a married man. But still my mum kept insisting that she bring roti up to me and wash my clothes etc as they believe she is my wife.They even both my mother and niece used black magic on me so that I accept the niece as my wife but it didnt work. Relatives came down congratulating the niece on our so called marriage that did not take place, when the relatives would approach me I would tell them the truth that I am not married and basically my mum got everyone to believe that she my wife, even my brothers and sister call her sister in law. So I took my nikah paper and showed it to everyone in my family,my mum still didnt give up hope and starting having khataam so that my wife disappears from the picture and her niece and I could work things out.As she knew nothing was having its effect on me my mum gave me an ultimatum that either I choose her and her niece or homewrecker (that what she calls my wife and far worse), I choose my wife in june 2006 she kicked me out the house for the sake of keeping her niece happy and said that my wife would have affairs and would treat me with no respect and that I would be at her mercy (mother) within two months time asking for her forgiveness but alhumdillah that did not happen. I am now with my wife, yet my wife also believed that I may have cheated her by marrying the niece because everyone had given the niece the status of being my wife rather than her, I showed her the film that was recorded by my uncle family on the day that the phone marraige was to occur, she would believe me but then again she still kept getting doubts. I made up with my father (after he seen the niece true colours as she was treating him like crap when the mother when to pakistan) and he talks to my wife and she asked him what was the truth, he confirmed that I was married to the niece (yes he still believes the marriage was valid), my wife heart broke. I told her that ask my father how did the nikah take place, once he told her that he said the marriage vows on behalf of me she was so relieved as she knew that it is invalid.
But now this is the problem..... the niece tells people that she is the wife and I am working away from home that is why I am not with her but when they confront her (after I tell them that I am not married to the niece explaining what has happened) saying what I have told them, she claims that my wife is the soutan (adultress) having an affair with her husband. people begin to feel sorry for and stupidily tell her to read specific ayats of the quran so that Allah endures suffering on my wife and me just in the same way she had to suffer. My wife is really hurt as she thinks people would label her as an adultress although at times she tries to have some assurance by saying she doesnt care what people of this duniya think, the final analysis is between her and Allah but then I know at times she is deeply distressed. The niece is due to receive her permit next year feb time, my mum has told her to work and earn money so that when she gets her permit her parents that are in pakistan wish for her to get married again but still she holds a very special position in my mum heart and will have a strong bond with my mum even when she does leave, so what do I do considering my mum would not be able to forgive me and accept my wife (seeing as there janaat under the feet of a mother) and how do I make my wife feel better? overall what do you think I should do to improve this situation
ffended: It isn't his fault- he was 11 years old when he agreed! And he made it crystal clear that he didn't want to marry her! He is a victim just as much as his cousin is.