What do you do....

[Sharif]

Jazak'Allah khair brother sharif for the webinar, lol i assumed that you were a coach Mash'Allah cos your posts seemed quite calculated, i pray that Allah swt rewards you with Jannah for your efforts Insha'Allah and that you Insha'Allah succeed with the marriage revolution.

ma salama.

jazaaki Allaahu khayr Eeman,

How did you find the webinar? What did you learn and discover?

I must tell you that I have this gut level feeling that you are meant to do some amazing things in this life, insha'Allah. Not many people have been tested and filtered out to become true jewel--amazingly exceptional--the ones who are born to be leaders, even if they don't know it at the beginning.

In every one of your posts, I see "transformation." Look around you. Just like Sr. Megan, we need sisters who would become totally outstanding and take our sisters from this mediocre state to living life with total ihsaan--pure excellence. When I read your posts, the question that pops up in my mind is "When?" It's not a matter of "if" anymore; it's just "when."

Do you think planning one day ahead of time is not doable? I just don't buy that from you. From others? May be. From you? No!

Millions of sisters "dream" of becoming like Khadeejah and 'Aa'ishah, but only handful have the courage to do anything about it. You can LEAD those handful. Think you can't do it? You cannot possibly NOT do it.

The only place that I wish for you in aakhirah is jannat al-firdaus. <-- That's just not a repeated sentence. You cannot settle for anything else. I mean it with all my hearts. You just cannot! Absolutely not!

 

[Eeman]

Brother Sharif i really did enjoy the webinar Masha'Allah, sister Megan I pray that Allah swt bestows Jannah upon her for her efforts Insha'Allah was great and as she was going along with everything i was following the action guide with her instructions and filling it out as i was going along later on i ealised something that i myself was quite baffled about.

as you could guess the decision that we were asked to write down about the future which we still need to make was regards my husband,

then mocing on to stage 2: my top 3 values were 1: love: (i will give my own definitions to them as sister megan suggested) love has alway been something that i have Alhumdullilah had and still do have plenty to give to abundance and i want to give love to everyone especially those who have not had love in their lives this makes me feel happy and complete!
2:health= as in health and imaan i am more concerned with spriritual health and my imaan of course.
3:success= success at being a good muslimah, a woman, a good wife and a good mother. Insha'Allah.

so then moving on to number 3 regards the negative motivators for me the top 3 were:
1: anger = cos i believe that is the root of everything, saying things and doing things that you know will cause only harm and no benefit and of course displease Allah swt. I must stress out that it has nothing to do with the explanaition sister megan gave Alhumdullilah i have never had or been through such troubles.
2:guilt: cos right after anger if i do not control my tongue or action this is what i straight away automatically feel.
3:frustration: which i know clashes sometimes cos at times i keep things bottled in and just starts to bug me inside since people dont understand why i keep my peace and what is the reason and misinterpret it.

so now going back to the decision that needs to be made i sat down and i wrote each stage out...

does this support my purpose in life in pleasing Allah swt?

does it support what i am passionate about and always have been?

does it support my top 3 values?

and what are my negative motivational factors that drive me into making bad decisions.

so now what i was baffled about in the end was that it seemed to be after analysing both parts of the decisions that i can make that staying with my husband seems like the better decision to make! :skeleton:
which has made me even more confused now.
or have a totally got the whole concept wrong?

 

[Sharif]

does this support my purpose in life in pleasing Allah swt?

Does it? Really? Pleasing Allaah by what? Pleasing Allaah through what? By being a victim? By being in this trap forever? I think it's time that you look into the future a littler further.

does it support what i am passionate about and always have been?

What have you always been passionate about? Truly?

I don't know what that is, but my question is: how is your current situation going to support you in your true passion?

does it support my top 3 values?

Does it? I don't see how.

Love? Health? Success? <-- I don't get it. How?

and what are my negative motivational factors that drive me into making bad decisions.

Hmm... I'm not sure if you got it correctly. It could be ANY decision: either good or bad, doesn't matter. The negative motivational factors are what you want to avoid at any cost!

So, then, by staying where you are now:

I don't see how you'll be less angry, guilty or frustrated. You want to become the martyr and take in and digest everyone else's anger, guilt, and frustration for the rest of your life? The "door mat" for everyone?

How will staying in this situation make you less angry?

The "guilt" of not moving on to a better stage in life will probably eat you alive!

Frustration? Do you think you'll be less frustrated or more frustrated by staying in this?

so now what i was baffled about in the end was that it seemed to be after analysing both parts of the decisions that i can make that staying with my husband seems like the better decision to make! :skeleton:
which has made me even more confused now.
or have a totally got the whole concept wrong?

You obviously didn't get the "whole" thing wrong. I'm afraid something else is holding you back. I just don't see how on earth could you possibly rationalize staying in this situation. Maybe up until now in your life, you've done that--making excuses for everyone else.

No more! I say: "no more!"

Allaah opens up doors of opportunities. They don't stay open for long. It's up to us to walk through them!

 

[Eeman]

salams everyone,
so i did my istikhara again last night cos i absorbed in what brother shrif said and maybe i interpreted the whole thing wrongly and AGAIN i had a dream that i was catching my husband cheating on me!!!
I dont understand what thats supposed to mean???? and i am really left speechlless today.
so i called him and once AGAIN kindly asked him for my talaaq this time he said he'd give it Insha'Allah so lets see Insha'Allah by next week if i get it or not.
Gosh its going to be one hell of a journey getting my life back together and starting from scratch but you know th weirdest thing i am no longer scared anymore Alhumdullilah, i am quite looking forward to it.
one thing i must say i will miss is the feeling and the sense you get as a woman knowing that your single, i'm not looking forward to that at all, not in the sense of being single and on my own, cos i have been on my own for the past year that wont make a difference but just knowing that i'm no longer married to anyone and no one's izat lol i dunno how to explain it its wierd.