What do you think about Polygamy?

[humbleheart]

Assalam alakum
InshaAllah you all are able to comment.
What do you women and men think about having a husband(as for the woman) and share marriage with another woman;or for the men , how is the idea having more than one wife?
of course we will discuss islamically way , see it as like the marriages of our Prophet sallalahou alayhi wassalam.
Im 20 years old, and consider polygamy because, I love a person who already has a wife ,if Allah grants me this wish , so we both (he and me) look to get married.
Seeing good answers inshaAllah.

 

[جوري]

so long as you and his wife are really in total agreement, then I don't see why the views of anyone else should matter?
It is an allowance not an injunction.. since it works for some and doesn't work for others..

I personally would rather be alone than share a husband, the thought of someone I love being with another woman would be upsetting.. and I think if my husband loves another woman then by all means he should be with her I wouldn't stand in their way, but there would be no need for me as a third person in that picture.. And I am self sufficient as a person not to rely on a husband for support.. in other words if I am married for emotional support not financial or physical support, and the man I am with is in love with another, then in all fairness I would extricate myself out of that situation rather than try to fix it.. ...

 

[aamirsaab]

Women are expensive.

 

[Sampharo]

Women are expensive.

^ ;D ;D ;D

Well my wife has already made it very clear that if I think of another wife I will wake up and will be missing major parts of my anatomy. Didn't want to tell her it is not allowed for the woman to deny God's allowances even in this because of two reasons:
(1) We were joking anyway and I didn't want this to be the response: "Are you serious? Are you telling me this because you're considering marrying someone else actually?!" Noooo I wasn't going there.
(2) She has a really big knife! hew

Islamically speaking marrying more than one is an allowance, it has conditions of fairness that needs to be applied and the Quran and God tells us that we won't be fair, so it's best not to unless there is a reason, like children for example. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 mile pole anyway because frankly I am too much in love with my one wife to ever think I would be with another woman romantically and mentally in a similar way.

Also because the costs of holding up one household are high enough! ;D

 

[Snowflake]

lol@akhi Sampharo

Polygamy is a beautiful sunnah and if my imaginary husband wanted to marry another woman, I'd make sure she's a good one and even better a woman who genuinely needs support.

I'm 100% sure. But one day I was thinking how I'd really, really, really feel about it deep down if I loved him like crazy - as it's always easier said than done. I think there'd be the normal fears like would he forget me if he got another wife(s) etc? But my confidence outweighs the fears by miles. Anyhow, before I could actually dissect my feelings just for the sake of it, a thought popped up in my head saying I might as well get used to it as he will have more than one wife in Jannah anyway. :giggling:

Sisters, you can run but you can't hide. It's going to happen one way or another anyway! Make a sister happy. Enjoin polygamy! Lol ;D

 

[S_87]

if it was a case of him doing it behind my back and then telling me after (and this does happen) id hate him.

otherwise, its not opposed to it, it depends on how its done

so long as the guy can be fair to both you and his other wife then...and also, dont make her your enemy. you dont have to be best friends with her, but to have you both in some kind of mutual understanding will make both your lives easier inshaAllah. speak to her before you marry this guy and hear her out, does she mind? is she going to leave him if he marries again etc?

 

[humbleheart]

I personally would rather be alone than share a husband, the thought of someone I love being with another woman would be upsetting..

At the beginning I was also really really upset when hearing that he got married; but the chance of marrying hie wife was better than me,because i had many disturbing things on my way, like my studies, age etc ( 4 years ago)
I was like in trance, i couldnt concentrate on anything , because what i was thinking all day was about him.
So he told me that he still wishes to be with me, too
and started to ask me the question if i want to marry him as his second wife.
I firstly said " nooo way" and told him also that this would destroy womans psyche...
But at the end i felt that actually NOT being with him would detroy my psyche.
I dont know if you all know, my dear brothers and sisters how much i evaluate this person in my heart...more than any other person living in this earth.
So i read alot about polygamy and get myself used to inform and to make myself ready to this life, and so as like I see and read it is not much different than the single-couple-life, except that he will also have sexual contact and has also to care for his other wife than just for me.
But i dont think that those things matter that much; I love him from what he is in his heart, which is so pure, and he wants tointimate our Prophet al salatu wa salam in all his deeds and behaviour towards us both women insha Allah, he wouldnt prefer someone more than the other and looks for to treat us both equal.
That is his aim and actually i am convinced that he can do that, because he is a wise man, and Allah knows best.
So we three would strive to work for al akhira seeing this world just as a passage and go through it with the blessing of Allah.

 

[humbleheart]

if it was a case of him doing it behind my back and then telling me after (and this does happen) id hate him.

otherwise, its not opposed to it, it depends on how its done

so long as the guy can be fair to both you and his other wife then...and also, dont make her your enemy. you dont have to be best friends with her, but to have you both in some kind of mutual understanding will make both your lives easier inshaAllah. speak to her before you marry this guy and hear her out, does she mind? is she going to leave him if he marries again etc?

Yes i also strive to get along with her first wife as good as i can, even if we both will have a certain age difference, I want to be with her like she is my bigger sister and insha Allah will Allah help me to make myself comfortable to her and that she likes me.

 

[humbleheart]

^ ;D ;D ;D

Well my wife has already made it very clear that if I think of another wife I will wake up and will be missing major parts of my anatomy.

I am just feared that she will think like this, too and will divorce when she heard her husand wants to marry another girl.

 

[humbleheart]

if I am married for emotional support not financial or physical support, and the man I am with is in love with another, then in all fairness I would extricate myself out of that situation rather than try to fix it.. ...

No i dont think he wants to marry me because of this, I have good education, but still i dont work and i might want to study after finishing A-level insha Allah , that means i wouldnt be much supportive in financial issues, but i will make myself completey independent insha Allah that he doesnt need to care for my financial needs, the only thing i want from him is to love me, to love me much, not lesser than his other wife...

 

[cat eyes]

Assalam alakum
InshaAllah you all are able to comment.
What do you women and men think about having a husband(as for the woman) and share marriage with another woman;or for the men , how is the idea having more than one wife?
of course we will discuss islamically way , see it as like the marriages of our Prophet sallalahou alayhi wassalam.
Im 20 years old, and consider polygamy because, I love a person who already has a wife ,if Allah grants me this wish , so we both (he and me) look to get married.
Seeing good answers inshaAllah.

salaam sister

is he good with his deen? did he meet you with a mahram before? mean did he do all the right things according to the sunnah? as far as i know its not stated anywhere that he has to ask permission from his first wife but he has to let his wife know he is seeking for another wife, did he do this before he found you? if he did everything on his wifes back and fell in love with you then its wrong..
if he is good like you say he is and you are confident he can do justice between the two of you. i just notice that your 20years old. you are still young and you will get other offers from other young good single men so just keep that in mind sister. keep your options open and be sure you know what your doing. if you love him and you sure he loves you then go through with the marriage but just be sure he is the right man for you.. id honestly prefer you get to know him first before making this big step.
I Honestly don't know if id be able to go through with something as big as this. i don't know how i would handle him sleeping with another woman and enjoying with her and then enjoying me afterwards.. it would be pretty tough.

 

[cat eyes]

the other side to it is the financial side. what about when the two of yous start having kids? marriage is not all roses all the time and spending time in the bedroom. imagine when the years go by, you have kids for him, he is in tension, he has to care for a big family. in anger he might say to either one of you, i don't know why i took you on as a second wife. it was just lust. now you are in a miserable position. your love turns to hate..
im probably thinking to far ahead but this is what Allah means by justice. he cannot divorce either one of you when the going gets tough because Allah will punish him so sister don't think that financial part of it is not a big thing, it really is! this is a test to see how greedy a man actually is when it comes to women

 

[humbleheart]

salaam sister
if he is good like you say he is and you are confident he can do justice between the two of you. i just notice that your 20years old. you are still young and you will get other offers from other young good single men so just keep that in mind sister. keep your options open and be sure you know what your doing. if you love him and you sure he loves you then go through with the marriage but just be sure he is the right man for you.. id honestly prefer you get to know him first before making this big step.
I Honestly don't know if id be able to go through with something as big as this. i don't know how i would handle him sleeping with another woman and enjoying with her and then enjoying me afterwards.. it would be pretty tough.

Alhamdoullilah he is a very very pious man Masha Allah, and i really have confidence in him, i know him since 4 years , we used to say that the time Allaah gives us the chance to get married we will do so, but time passed by so quick and he needed to marry so he got introduced to another woman and she was also seeking a muslim who was steadfast in his deen, but this woman was able right away to afford marriage so they got married, but we both still have feelings to each other, and i believe him, when he described and often tells how pious his wife is and that we would like each other if she agreed to his second marriage.

I know that i am relatively young, and Allah knows best what other offers i will get; but i dont want any other offer, even the most intelligent or most good-looking or richest or any other famous attributes on other men do not attract me like him,it is also because i myself am a hater of people who are objective, who seek material gaining,or who want to boast with their husband.
I love him from my heart and for his heart, that is for what i am yearning so much, to someone who can beat the arrogance and ignorance of this world and is so pure in his heart, i just cant describe its beauty Masha Allahu Kaan

 

[S_87]

Alhamdoullilah he is a very very pious man Masha Allah, and i really have confidence in him, i know him since 4 years , we used to say that the time Allaah gives us the chance to get married we will do so, but time passed by so quick and he needed to marry so he got introduced to another woman and she was also seeking a muslim who was steadfast in his deen, but this woman was able right away to afford marriage so they got married, but we both still have feelings to each other, and i believe him, when he described and often tells how pious his wife is and that we would like each other if she agreed to his second marriage.

SHE was able to afford marriage financially???

 

[humbleheart]

SHE was able to afford marriage financially???

Yes she was more than him

 

[Al-Zaara]

Yes i also strive to get along with her first wife as good as i can, even if we both will have a certain age difference, I want to be with her like she is my bigger sister and insha Allah will Allah help me to make myself comfortable to her and that she likes me.

I wouldn't go thinking to form that deep of a relationship, 'cause you'd be sleeping with one and the same man. (!!) It's good enough if she's not mean to you.

He should ask his wife first and if you two have any contact right now, better stop that. If she agrees, great for you. If not, he will be the one to decide either with her or with you. Don't keep contact during that time, he is married and is unlawful to you, it would be pretty much cheating. You cannot go speaking about eachothers' feelings like before he was married.

 

[cat eyes]

Alhamdoullilah he is a very very pious man Masha Allah, and i really have confidence in him, i know him since 4 years , we used to say that the time Allaah gives us the chance to get married we will do so, but time passed by so quick and he needed to marry so he got introduced to another woman and she was also seeking a muslim who was steadfast in his deen, but this woman was able right away to afford marriage so they got married, but we both still have feelings to each other, and i believe him, when he described and often tells how pious his wife is and that we would like each other if she agreed to his second marriage.

I know that i am relatively young, and Allah knows best what other offers i will get; but i dont want any other offer, even the most intelligent or most good-looking or richest or any other famous attributes on other men do not attract me like him,it is also because i myself am a hater of people who are objective, who seek material gaining,or who want to boast with their husband.
I love him from my heart and for his heart, that is for what i am yearning so much, to someone who can beat the arrogance and ignorance of this world and is so pure in his heart, i just cant describe its beauty Masha Allahu Kaan

there is other men out there who are good with there deen.. they are everywhere sister.just don't rush into anything, you see when we are young we tend to run after every shining thing that we see. we get attached thats all i am saying. of course famous attributes dose not matter and no pious religious person wants to seek material gain but surely every girl wants that her husband should have a fairly good paying job to support the two of you innit?:><: and when the two of yous get pregnant.:-\ i mean the two of yous can work but when yous will be full time mothers, that will not be possible.
I am only about a year older then you but i have seen sisters making mistakes because they did not perform the istikhara prayer and having patience.. i believe you should do this prayer first sister and thats my final advice to you. however if you did do this prayer and Allah gave you answer that you should go through with the marriage then you should inshallaah.
But this prayer is really important for guidance you know especially when your young and naive

 

[jannat]

salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.

 

[Aisha20]

Well if the man has a good financial situation that can maintain two at the same times then its ok for him. But he should talk with his first wife first and ask her what she thinks about it :S

 

[Humbler_359]

salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.

^ I agreed same thing. I still don't get it. It looks like this girl (20 years old) who know this guy four years (she was 16 year old) while his first wife didn't probably know. This girl refused to open other options because she already developed relationship deeply with this married man.

I have to be honest, why not wife may have a second husband just in case? I know, it is not allowed in Islam but only husband allow up to 4 wives > (well, this world is different).

I give you example of this Lucky Man who married Twin Sisters ;D, click here He is lucky now.... Just wait when they both start demanding and ofcourse the nagging. Then he wouldn't feel so lucky, lol. Obviously lust.