What does it mean when men say they want a submissive wife

Bhabha said:
Modern culture created and fed on the inferior/superior binaries to make people submissive to one another. Modern culture is the one that does not view equality, but feeds on these binaries.
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I am not sure what this means. I do believe that there are superior and inferior cultures. A culture that sincerely tries to follow God is superior to a culture that worships evil. And it seems to be the natural cycle of cultures that first they worship God (in some approximation), then they become successful as a result, then their wealth corrupts them and they become evil and forget God, and then they decay. Christian culture is now at the end of this cycle.


Do you believe your wife is inferior to you? Then perhaps you are the harbinger of modernity.
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No. But the question of submission is interesting and I don't know the Islamic view on this. Christianity teaches that a wife should submit to her husband. But the Old Testament doesn't teach this at all, and marriage seems more like a partnership. Just look at Rebecca and Isaac. Rebecca wasn't submissive at all.
 
fschmidt said:
I am not sure what this means. I do believe that there are superior and inferior cultures. A culture that sincerely tries to follow God is superior to a culture that worships evil. And it seems to be the natural cycle of cultures that first they worship God (in some approximation), then they become successful as a result, then their wealth corrupts them and they become evil and forget God, and then they decay. Christian culture is now at the end of this cycle.



No. But the question of submission is interesting and I don't know the Islamic view on this. Christianity teaches that a wife should submit to her husband. But the Old Testament doesn't teach this at all, and marriage seems more like a partnership. Just look at Rebecca and Isaac. Rebecca wasn't submissive at all.
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Well the superior and inferior refers to treatment. Modernity, is based on actually using this binary to construct sort of dominant culture regimes that exert their power over others and suppress them.

For example when Spain was governed by Islam, it didn't diminish the status of Christians and Jews by dictating to them the positions of trade, or business or made them feel inferior. Islam was used as the basis for governing of course, but Islam was never used as a weapon to control people and to make them feel as though their self worth was diminished. When Christian Spain emerged, religious doctrine was used to control people and to categorize the Muslims and the Jews as actual problems that needed to be "controlled" and dominated. See that difference ?

If you are indeed superior, you do not need to exert that superiority to control and diminish other people's worth. You used that superiority with wisdom and kindness.

Modernity with the expansion and creation of colonies used a dialogue of superior / inferior to make people feel like their worth was diminished and in order to justify that kind of colonial governance. Islamic expansion never did that, even as it expanded into regions it did not change the actual legal structure of places but was rather lenient. There's of course no denying that there were cases of slavery and things like that still present in the cultural milieu, but people were not mental or emotional "slaves" because they were not constructed as inferior to Islam. If you know what I mean. For example, if people converted to Islam they became free and were able to function in the social context, the racial issue was never used as a means to limit people from political office. This is different in the Christian expansion, where slavery was so abundant regardless of people becoming Christians and where new born Christians were still considered inferior to those who were drawn as "natural" Christians.

This is what I mean [emoji39]

Instead of asking for a submissive wife, ask for a wife who will be kind, respectful and considerate. Just like a husband should be kind, respectful and considerate. Not a dominating husband, not a submissive wife. This is not a master or slave relationship. Both have rights and responsibilities towards each other.
 
:salam:

Look, it is like this.

Assume this:

The husband goes to work 6:00 AM in the morning, and the wife is inside. The husband comes home at 8:00 PM demanding the wife to do some house work. But she doesn't saying "you did nothing! stop ordering me around! you sexist!" the husband not wanting any argument does the whole house - double work.

2nd scenario:

The husband and wife goes to work at 6 AM. They both arrive around 7-8 PM. They have an argument on who's job it is to do the housework. The husband says it is your job, the wife says "I am not your slave"

3rd scenario:


The wife goes to work 6:00 AM in the morning, and the husband is inside. The wife comes home at 8:00 PM demanding the husband to do some house work. But he doesn't saying "you did nothing! stop ordering me around!" the wife not wanting any argument does the whole house - double work.


Now. The maintainer and the one who brings in the food and works, etc. Should be the husband. The wife should be the one doing the houseworker.

Lets take out all our opinions aside, and see what Allah SWT says, cause I am sure that Allah SWT didn't create us equal in our abilities.

Men are better at working, women better at their emotions and with the kids.

Did Khadeeja r.a. work? yes (afaik) . Did she compete with men? I don't think so.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said any wrong. Ameen.
Anyone?
 
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Scenario number 4. Husband and wife hire a maid to come and clean their home while they are both away and someone to come and cook for them. They both come home and find a clean house and food ready to eat.

Scenario 5. They both get up in the morning and help clean each other's mess and to help in the kitchen to cook. Husband makes coffee, wife makes the eggs. Both get dressed and don't live like pigs and make sure that where they make a mess, they clean. Husband and wife come home and husband cuts the vegetables, while wife makes the pasta and puts out the dishes. Wife makes the salad and puts the food on the table. Husband washes dishes. Both are happy and can sit and talk with some nice tea and read a book. :)

See how both are partners? Caring for each other? See how both help each other? If the wife works and the husband works both help. If the wife works and makes more money, she can hire a maid to clean with her and her husband can be the maintainer of the home. If husband doesn't have enough money to help with a maid, why would he prevent his wife to work in order to help? If husband has enough money to lessen the load of the wife at home, why would he not hire a maid to come clean and lessen the load?

do you know how exhausting it is for a woman to care for children, clean the house, cook dinner AND STILL have energy to be sexually active with her husband? If the main duty of the wife is sexual gratification as Angels will be upset with her, how on earth can you expect her to do ALL and still have time for that?

She is doing the job of four people. Nanny, cook, cleaner and teacher. But she is still required to drop everything and sexually satisfy her husband. See how much you would have to pay for all of those four jobs and I guarantee you and the emotional, physical and mental burden where she can become restricted and depressed at home. A woman still has friends, hobbies and things she likes to do and enjoy.
 
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:salamext:

To be fair, me and my husband both work full time. I go home and cook and clean and wash dishes - if I ask my husband for help, he will help me.

Sometimes when I don't ask, he will still help me. Other times if he is really tired then he won't, that's understandable. :thumbs_up

Both husband and wife need to work it as to not hurt the other person's feelings. :love:
 
~ Sabr ~ said:
:salamext:

To be fair, me and my husband both work full time. I go home and cook and clean and wash dishes - if I ask my husband for help, he will help me.

Sometimes when I don't ask, he will still help me. Other times if he is really tired then he won't, that's understandable. :thumbs_up

Both husband and wife need to work it as to not hurt the other person's feelings. :love:
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السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Wow sis that's amazing to hear, you're like superwoman allahuma barik. :)

I don't think it's feasible to stay as a stay at home wife in the west.... Even though loads of people do it, I'm not sure... Living in the west I think it's kinda important for survival. Everything is so expensive nowadays, Allahu alam.
 
ConcealedGem said:
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Wow sis that's amazing to hear, you're like superwoman allahuma barik. :)

I don't think it's feasible to stay as a stay at home wife in the west.... Even though loads of people do it, I'm not sure... Living in the west I think it's kinda important for survival. Everything is so expensive nowadays, Allahu alam.
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Also..... Why waste talent or your education xD
 
When it comes to marriage, it is best to look at how the Prophet Muhammad SAW treated his wives.
He was kind to them, helped with the housework, and listened to their arguments and opinions.
The wives of the Prophet SAW were very straight forward and unafraid to argue with him SAW, to the point where Umar RA scolded his daughter (who was one of the wives of the Prophet SAW) for arguing with the Prophet SAW. In that instance Umar RA was in the wrong, and his daughter was in the right.

Anyway, heres a video about the greatest love story ever told:

youtube.com/watch?v=vHTPLFUwEl4

[still not a full member :( ]

Also serinity, I am not sure what you mean by competing with men?
Khadija RA was an incredibly good business woman, and she became very wealthy from her trading.
Women in Islam are of course allowed to work and hold occupations.
I am not sure where competing with men comes into this.
 
Cpt.America said:
The wives of the Prophet SAW were very straight forward and unafraid to argue with him SAW, to the point where Umar RA scolded his daughter (who was one of the wives of the Prophet SAW) for arguing with the Prophet SAW. In that instance Umar RA was in the wrong, and his daughter was in the right.
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It was more like warning Hafsa r.a. and reminding her that be careful with your friend Aisha r.a., since she is held more in esteem than you so don't be complicit in giving the Prophet s.a.a.w a hard time with her because you may be the one divorced.
 
Idk where I was at.

But I don't see why a woman can't work provided she observes the Shariah. And holds her duties and rights.
 
Oh how the tide is turning. Women are becoming more independent and I guess some men are worried that we'll be less reliant on them. Imagine you marry a man, he is the successful worker, he brings in the food, the clothes, the rent, the bills etc and then your marriage doesn't work out and you end up divorcing. The wife is left with nothing lol... she is completely at the mercy of her husband because she is like a child in terms of security. I wonder how many women tolerate physical abuse at the hands of their husbands because they have no choice but to accept it because they have nothing to fall back on. Madness.


Here's a question, when you have nikah can you then "get married" legally in your country, not at a church or anything, just at a registry office so that at least you now have some financial security? If the marriage doesn't work out 5 years down the line you get a divorce and now the woman is allowed some of the man's assets and money, usually half.

I guess some women like saying "yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir" but respect is extremely important and without respect or appreciation the husband will get the backhand ^o) :D
 
I've noticed sometimes when women start talking about their rights they get shouted down as feminists, lol. Well, if being a feminist is to support women's education and their right to get a career and contribute positively to the ummah, then I am one. ;)

Of course, the primary duty of the household expenses belongs to the husband, however if his wife wishes to and can help to support the house and children then that's amazing and she should. Sometimes it comes across that men can feel threatened if their wife is more educated than them and earning a higher wage - it shouldn't be that way because then it creates competition between a husband wife, marriage should be co-operation and teamwork. The idea of having more 'authority' or who is more important immediately creates divisions, when without either the house would be equally incomplete.

Nothing wrong with being a housewife, of course. :) My mother has never worked in her life, and I suppose if she did have a career she would never have been able to home-educate us. I suppose in future if I decided to home-school my kids I'd make the same decision, or work from home (which I want to anyway, lol).
 
noraina said:
I've noticed sometimes when women start talking about their rights they get shouted down as feminists, lol. Well, if being a feminist is to support women's education and their right to get a career and contribute positively to the ummah, then I am one. ;)

Of course, the primary duty of the household expenses belongs to the husband, however if his wife wishes to and can help to support the house and children then that's amazing and she should. Sometimes it comes across that men can feel threatened if their wife is more educated than them and earning a higher wage - it shouldn't be that way because then it creates competition between a husband wife, marriage should be co-operation and teamwork. The idea of having more 'authority' or who is more important immediately creates divisions, when without either the house would be equally incomplete.

Nothing wrong with being a housewife, of course. :) My mother has never worked in her life, and I suppose if she did have a career she would never have been able to home-educate us. I suppose in future if I decided to home-school my kids I'd make the same decision, or work from home (which I want to anyway, lol).
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Your mother has never worked a day in her life? Are you kidding me? She raised you from birth, fed you, washed you, washed your clothes, took care of the house, took you to and from school, nursed you when you were ill, make you favourite food, changed your bed and made you into the woman you are today :) She's probably [worked] more than her husband.

Of course if none of this is true then I take my statement back hehe. I totally agree with what you said though, there should be no "authority" over each other, both contribute to a healthy stable household / family and both should treat each other with respect and dignity ;)
 
EgyptPrincess said:
Oh how the tide is turning. Women are becoming more independent and I guess some men are worried that we'll be less reliant on them. Imagine you marry a man, he is the successful worker, he brings in the food, the clothes, the rent, the bills etc and then your marriage doesn't work out and you end up divorcing. The wife is left with nothing lol... she is completely at the mercy of her husband because she is like a child in terms of security. I wonder how many women tolerate physical abuse at the hands of their husbands because they have no choice but to accept it because they have nothing to fall back on. Madness.


Here's a question, when you have nikah can you then "get married" legally in your country, not at a church or anything, just at a registry office so that at least you now have some financial security? If the marriage doesn't work out 5 years down the line you get a divorce and now the woman is allowed some of the man's assets and money, usually half.

I guess some women like saying "yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir" but respect is extremely important and without respect or appreciation the husband will get the backhand ^o) :D
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Even in a situation like this where the wife is a home maker, she (is supposed to) have a family and a community to fall back on for support. Unfortunately in most cases culture supersedes religion for people, and instead of looking at how the Prophet SAW and his Sahabah lived and instead of consulting the Quran and sunnah, most communities urge women to stay in abusive relationships with nonpracticing cruel tyrannical men who call themselves Muslim.

Straight up, if my sister's husband is a man who doesn't pray salaat (same if her were abusive etc) I would advise her to divorce him.
Religious reasons aside,
A man who has no fear of Allah, has no guarantee to treat his spouse with her due respect and rights if he should 'fall out of love' or become enraged at her or bored for whatever reason.
But a man who has love and fear of Allah, will always treat his spouse with her due rights and respects no matter what frustrations come up for a moment between them, and no matter how annoyed they are at one another.
A man who loves Allah, loves His Prophet SAW, and will seek to emulate his SAW's life,

[FONT=wf_segoe-ui_light]The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined kind treatment and honouring of one’s wife, and he described the best of people as those who are best to their wives. He said: “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895[/FONT]


sunnahonline.com/library/purification-of-the-soul/194-best-of-the-best-the

islamqa.info/en/41199

Wives have a right upon their husbands and husbands have a right upon their wives, it is fine for us right to remind our better halves of the rights we are due, but we should remember the rights that we owe them first.

And as for the men amongst us who pray salaat but abuse others, we must remember that praying salaat doesn't make us good Muslims, it simply makes us the most basic level of Muslim.

[FONT=wf_segoe-ui_light]Ibn Maajah (4245) narrated from Thawbaan (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I certainly know people of my ummah who will come on the Day of Resurrection with good deeds like the mountains of Tihaamah, but Allaah will make them like scattered dust.” Thawbaan said: O Messenger of Allaah, describe them to us and tell us more, so that we will not become of them unknowingly. He said: “They are your brothers and from your race, worshipping at night as you do, but they will be people who, when they are alone, transgress the sacred limits of Allaah.”
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islamqa.info/en/135707


A mans piety is the most important thing for a woman to consider when deciding to get married (same vice versa)
And the best clue to how a man will treat you is to see how he treats his mother and his sisters.
 
EgyptPrincess said:
Your mother has never worked a day in her life? Are you kidding me? She raised you from birth, fed you, washed you, washed your clothes, took care of the house, took you to and from school, nursed you when you were ill, make you favourite food, changed your bed and made you into the woman you are today She's probably [worked] more than her husband.
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Lol, so true sis. I should have worded it differently, ;) alhamdulillah my mother has worked 24/7 without a day off in her life, she is such an inspiration and role model, and I just pray I can be a fraction as good as she was as a mother and teacher and friend. I did an exam today and I come back and she's made me my favourite meal for working so hard :cry:, yep that so made me cry.

Tis' true, why heaven is at the feet of your mother subhanAllah, may Allah swt give all mothers the highest station in Jannah.
 
Cpt.America are you married? Excuse my random question [emoji39]
 
Well, in a family there should be a head, an authority. No authority? No head, no structure.
 
What does it mean when men say they want a submissive wife
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As far as I understand this, it means they don't want someone who is argumentative.

EgyptPrincess said:
Just do everything the husband says? ^o)
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There is a huge difference between obeying/respecting your husband and being a door mat. ^o)
 
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