Assalamu 3laykum,
Many times we read something from the ulemma and we take it out of context. Keep in mind Shaykh al Islaam ibn Taymiyya was never married. He was a zaahid, a mujtahid mutlaq and a mujaahid. May Allah bestow his mercy upon him.
As for his statement concerning this topic then we need to have husnul dhan and understand ibn Taymiyya's reasoning.
Shaykh al Islaam's statement can apply to anything, not just the love of a woman, it can also apply to the love of one's children, wealth, job, etc. All things which are halal but yet can take you away from the remembrance of Allah.
A classical example is the story of Aatikah bint Zayd al Adaweeyah radiallaahu anha
Full Name: ‘Aatikah bint Zayd ibn ‘Amr ibn Nufayl al Qurasheeyah al ‘Adaweeyah.
Mothers Name: Umm Kareez bint ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Ammaar ibn Maalik al Hadrameeyyah.
She is ‘Umar ibn al Khataab’s cousin and Zayd ibn Yazeed’s sister.
She was amongst those who migrated to Madeenah.
She was extremely beautiful. ‘Abdullaah ibn Abu Bakr as Sideeq married her, he loved her so much that she overwhelmed him, he was occupied with her to the point that he did not participate in any of the battles, so his father ordered him to divorce her saying: ‘She has occupied you from the battles so divorce her.
So ‘Abdullaah said:
“They say divorce her and bring in her place,
someone who would make my me long to dream.
Indeed my separation from Ahl al Bayt,
is due to excessively being with someone magnificent.
His father insisted until he divorced her. One day his father passed by him and heard him reciting:
‘I shall never forget you as long as the sun keeps rising,
and as long as the moonlight covers the confined pigeons.
My heart turns to you every day and every night,
with the hidden affairs that souls are attached to.
I have never seen the likes of me divorce the likes of her,
nor have I seen the likes of her divorced without fault.
She has beautiful manners, is of sound judgment and nobility,
she is beautiful, shy and truthful.’
So his father softened his stance and permitted him to take her back. He said to her:
‘Indeed I divorced you without a doubt,
I resorted to an affair that had to come to pass.
Likewise is Allaah’s decree, it comes and goes,
upon the people with unity and separation.
My heart continues to be perturbed due to our separation,
but is at ease for what Allaah has brought close.
It gives you the tidings that I find no displeasure in it,
and indeed all good traits have been gathered and perfected in you.
That indeed you have a face that Allaah has beautified,
and a face that is beautified by Allaah cannot bear any flaws.’
‘Abdullaah then participated in the battle of Taa-if with the Messenger of Allaah - صلى الله عليه وسلم – and was struck with a spear and later died in Madeenah, ‘Aatikah recited mourning him:
‘I suffered the loss of the best of people after their Messenger,
and Abu Bakr, he was not neglectful.
So I took a pledge upon myself, that my sorrow for him,
shall not detach itself from me, nor the dust from my skin.
For who has seen the likes of such a young man,
who was more energized, heated up and patient in battle.
when the spear head entered him he took it,
to death, until the spear became red.’
‘Umar ibn al Khataab then married her and had a Waleemah where he invited a group of people including ‘Alee ibn Abee Taalib who said:
‘O leader of the believers, let me speak to ‘Aatikah.’
‘Umar responded: ‘You may do so.’
So he stood beside the door and said to her: ‘Where is your saying:
‘So I took a pledge upon myself, that my sorrow for him,
shall not detach itself from me, nor the dust from my skin. ‘
So she started crying and ‘Umar said to him: ‘What caused you to do that O Abul Hasan, all women do this.’
He responded: ‘Allaah said:
O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allaah that you say that which you do not do. [As Saff: 2-3]
She always used to attend the prayers in congregation, and she made it a condition upon ‘Umar to let her do so. When ‘Umar was murdered she recited in mourning:
‘The abundant tears in my eyes and my crying,
are not sufficient for the Imaam.
Tell the people of distress and misery to die,
death has given him to drink from the cup of nations.’
Az Zubayr ibn ‘Awaam then married her with the same condition that she be allowed to pray in congregation
.
She used to go to the Masjid at night and he used to dislike that, she was a woman of excellent mannerisms, when she prepared herself to go the Masjid he would say:
‘By Allaah you are going out while I dislike that.’
So she would say: ‘You may disallow me and I will stay.’
He would respond: ‘How could I do that when you stipulated that I don’t prohibit you from praying in the Masjid.’
So she left one night to the prayer and he left after her, he overtook her and waited for her in a dark place on her way to the Masjid. When she passed by he touched her body, she returned home practicing Tasbeeh and stopped going out after that. He said to her: ‘How come you do not go to the Masjid anymore?’
She responded: ‘O Abu ‘Abdullaah, the people have become corrupt.’
He said: ‘It was me who did that.’
She responded: ‘Aren’t other people able to do what you have done?’
She never went out again until he was killed [in the battle of al Jamal], she also mourned him and recited a poem.
‘Alee ibn Abee Taalib then proposed to her. She sent to him saying: ‘I will refrain O cousin of the Messenger - صلى الله عليه و سلم – for fear that you will be killed.’
It was also said that ‘Amru ibn al ‘Aas and Muhammad ibn Abu Bakr also proposed to her but she refused.
Al Hasan ibn ‘Alee then married her and passed away while she was still alive, he was the last of her husbands and Allaah knows best.
Compiled from:
Ar Riyaad an Nadirah
Usud al Ghaabah and
Al Isaabah fee Tamyeez as Shahaabah.
So we need to understand in some cases, a man can become overwhelmed by his love for his wife whereas he should be overwhelmed by his love for Allah as our purpose here in this dunya is to worship Him.
And Allah knows best
