I went a long time without writing before recently, so many of my old questions are inaccessible, and even if they were, it would take a long time to pull up the questions asking about this.....I apologize, mods, but I really don't remember what advice was given to me, and new things have come up, so I feel it is important for me to discuss them....
My father just saved me from approaching zina yesterday...
I had a girl's phone number from earlier this school year, but I decided I was done with girls and dating, and I hadn't called her in a long time....however, ive been feeling very stressed out at school lately, and keep getting sick, and I called her, and chit chatted with her, and asked her out on a date, and we arranged to meet at a specific location, and my liberal Muslim mother agreed to drive me at such and such time......I felt very guilty about it after receiving my college entrance exam scores, (92nd percentile) and after thinking of what my father and other Muslims would think....sadly, I was not afraid of Allah, but rather I was afraid of people's judgement....I told my father, and he told me he forbade me from going out with her, and I texted the girl telling her.......this constantly happens, and I have a lot of trouble lowering my gaze......and because I am attracted physically to feet, looking down at the floor often does not help, because then I see girls in sandals, short skirts, etc. and I often am forced to look down anyway, due to my autism (I have trouble making eye contact), and fasting isn't working because I haven't even made up my missing 4 days for Ramadan, because my mother does not let me fast on school days, and when it is the weekend my medicines often make me very sleepy so I do not wake up, and my mother either does not wake me up (she doesn't get up, not even for fajr), or she tries a little bit to wake me up but I continue to sleep and she gives up, and when I tell her, "why didn't you pour water on me," she says she'll do it next time but she doesn't....I set my alarm, leave my phone far away from my bed, and set the volume all the way high and let it run for 2 and a half hours, but oi either still sleep, or, half asleep, go to the other side of the room, almost out of control, and turn off the alarm.....(usually I still sleep), and I have missed every weekend fajr for the past several months, with the exception of Ramadan....and a couple of days, perhaps.....my ibadah is at an all time low, as is my imaan....what should I do?
My father just saved me from approaching zina yesterday...
I had a girl's phone number from earlier this school year, but I decided I was done with girls and dating, and I hadn't called her in a long time....however, ive been feeling very stressed out at school lately, and keep getting sick, and I called her, and chit chatted with her, and asked her out on a date, and we arranged to meet at a specific location, and my liberal Muslim mother agreed to drive me at such and such time......I felt very guilty about it after receiving my college entrance exam scores, (92nd percentile) and after thinking of what my father and other Muslims would think....sadly, I was not afraid of Allah, but rather I was afraid of people's judgement....I told my father, and he told me he forbade me from going out with her, and I texted the girl telling her.......this constantly happens, and I have a lot of trouble lowering my gaze......and because I am attracted physically to feet, looking down at the floor often does not help, because then I see girls in sandals, short skirts, etc. and I often am forced to look down anyway, due to my autism (I have trouble making eye contact), and fasting isn't working because I haven't even made up my missing 4 days for Ramadan, because my mother does not let me fast on school days, and when it is the weekend my medicines often make me very sleepy so I do not wake up, and my mother either does not wake me up (she doesn't get up, not even for fajr), or she tries a little bit to wake me up but I continue to sleep and she gives up, and when I tell her, "why didn't you pour water on me," she says she'll do it next time but she doesn't....I set my alarm, leave my phone far away from my bed, and set the volume all the way high and let it run for 2 and a half hours, but oi either still sleep, or, half asleep, go to the other side of the room, almost out of control, and turn off the alarm.....(usually I still sleep), and I have missed every weekend fajr for the past several months, with the exception of Ramadan....and a couple of days, perhaps.....my ibadah is at an all time low, as is my imaan....what should I do?
