What would you ask a potential partner?

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GuestFellow said:
:sl:

I remember I was told to get ready and look smart. I was not interested in getting married but my family kept pestering me.

I came into the living room and sat down. I saw my potential wife. She was sitting next to her dad. I was asked questions like what kind of work I do.

After her dad left the room, we were alone. To break the awkward silence, I asked her what she was studying. She said she was studying Psychology. Then there was awkward silence. Again to break the awkward silence, I said whether she wanted to watch TV. She said she was alright. I decided to put the television on and...we watched the news. Her dad came back with his family and I met the rest of them. My cousin sister turned the TV off and made this face... ^o) Yeah
Everyone was talking whilst I was sitting there...bored out of my mind.

Then afterwards, I heard she broke down in tears when she came back home. :skeleton: Apparently she thought I didn't like her or something and that I wasn't interested or not taking it seriously.

Weird.
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why would you turn on the TV during the moment where your potential wife obviously wants to get to know you better during your first ever meeting.


loooool bro seriously
 
Maybe he was nervous, it's normal.. people do strange things under duress.
 
:sl:

IbnAbdulHakim said:
why would you turn on the TV during the moment where your potential wife obviously wants to get to know you better during your first ever meeting.


loooool bro seriously
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It was really hard. I wanted her to relax and I thought watching TV would help.

شَادِنُ;1547449 said:
Maybe he was nervous, it's normal.. people do strange things under duress.
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Yeah I was nervous. She is very pretty and I found that intimidating. :skeleton:

The offer is still open for her to accept. She hasn't made up her mind yet.
 
Is it wrong to 'rule out' potential suitors simply because they dont have a beard?

Ive refused to even meet such guys (much to the disappointment of my family/ friends, etc).

I feel that a beard is the 'hijab' for men......and that if a man is not willing to follow the sunnah of the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam), then perhaps we are not on the same page......

Or am I being too harsh? ;/
 
What if they simply can't grow one? some people aren't naturally hairy!
 
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^ If there was some medical reason for the lack of a beard, I could understand this.

But thus far, this has not been the case..... :/
 
well people don't usually advertise such things.. I know one very religious person who had numerous problems with his ears and parotid glands and had several botched surgeries unfortunately, his beard simply doesn't grow.. also there are many religious people who don't have beard whatever their reasons maybe.. I also read in a biography of the sahabas that Moath Ibn Jabal didn't have a beard and he was a sahabi (Allah swt knows best about this).. Also if you meet them you can tell them that you've a preference for beards they might consider their position? Sometimes people just need a nudge!


:w:
 
^^ just logged in to like this.

~Zaria~ said:
I feel that a beard is the 'hijab' for men.
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Hijab for men is from navel till knees. As for it being obligatory, yes, major fuqaha agree taht a man should have some sort of beard, a goatie or some thing to denote facial hair.
 
Jazaka Allah khyran... one should make 70 excuses for a Muslim.. I read that here somewhere :haha: not sure where would love to see it again...I do prefer beards myself but you can't force the issue on people!
 
:w:

LOL. I can just imagine this as a scripted comedy. Poor sister :\

GuestFellow said:
:sl:

I remember I was told to get ready and look smart. I was not interested in getting married but my family kept pestering me.

I came into the living room and sat down. I saw my potential wife. She was sitting next to her dad. I was asked questions like what kind of work I do.

After her dad left the room, we were alone. To break the awkward silence, I asked her what she was studying. She said she was studying Psychology. Then there was awkward silence. Again to break the awkward silence, I said whether she wanted to watch TV. She said she was alright. I decided to put the television on and...we watched the news. Her dad came back with his family and I met the rest of them. My cousin sister turned the TV off and made this face... ^o) Yeah
Everyone was talking whilst I was sitting there...bored out of my mind.

Then afterwards, I heard she broke down in tears when she came back home. :skeleton: Apparently she thought I didn't like her or something and that I wasn't interested or not taking it seriously.

Weird.
Click to expand...
 
It is really not a bad idea.. takes the edge off a little no?
 
~Zaria~ said:
Is it wrong to 'rule out' potential suitors simply because they dont have a beard?

Ive refused to even meet such guys (much to the disappointment of my family/ friends, etc).

I feel that a beard is the 'hijab' for men......and that if a man is not willing to follow the sunnah of the prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam), then perhaps we are not on the same page......

Or am I being too harsh? ;/
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my sister was the same lol and my whole family supported her.


now shes married to a lion whos soft gentle and caring and strong like a lion when it comes to shariah and islam.

it worked out :D
 
SubhanAllah :exhausted

Before I got married Iknew my husbands answer to around only 50 of these questions, a lot of people look at this list and think :skeleton: but in all honesty it's nowhere near enough, at times there are questions you would only think of after having lived with a person, you can't possibly ask everything so if anybody is looking to get married I'd recommend this list and more.

And if you're wondering what more is, ask yourself what the must-have qualities are that you want in a potential spouse and the must-not-have traits and go from there, and those really differ from person to person, e.g. I know of a sister who asked her husband for a divorce because she felt the marriage was decreasing her Imaan...So if you're that kinda person one of your questions should definately be 9 and 10.

Random post but it just came to mind.

Assalamu 'alaykum

...FLaWeD... said:
  1. What is your concept of marriage?
  2. Have you been married before?
  3. Are you married now?
  4. What are you expectations of marriage?
  5. What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
  6. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
  7. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
  8. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
  9. What is the role of religion in your life now?
  10. Are you a spiritual person?
  11. What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
  12. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
  13. What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
  14. Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
  15. What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
  16. What is the role of the husband?
  17. What is the role of the wife?
  18. Do you want to practice polygamy?
  19. What is your relationship with your family?
  20. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
  21. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
  22. Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
  23. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
  24. If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
  25. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
  26. How did you get to know them?
  27. Why are they your friends?
  28. What do you like most about them?
  29. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
  30. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
  31. What is the level of your relationship with them now?
  32. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
  33. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
  34. What are the things that you do in your free time?
  35. Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
  36. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
  37. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
  38. Do you travel?
  39. How do you spend your vacations?
  40. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
  41. Do you read?
  42. What do you read?
  43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
  44. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
  45. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
  46. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
  47. Do you like to write your feelings?
  48. If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
  49. If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
  50. How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
  51. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
  52. Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
  53. Do your friends use foul language?
  54. Does your family use foul language?
  55. How do you express anger?
  56. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
  57. What do you do when you are angry?
  58. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
  59. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
  60. Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
  61. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
  62. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
  63. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
  64. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
  65. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
  66. How do you support your own health and nutrition?
  67. What is you definition of wealth?
  68. How do you spend money?
  69. How do you save money?
  70. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
  71. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
  72. Do you use credit cards?
  73. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
  74. What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
  75. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
  76. Do you support the idea of a working wife?
  77. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
  78. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
  79. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
  80. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
  81. Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
  82. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
  83. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
  84. Do you believe in abortion?
  85. Do you have children now?
  86. What is your relationship with your children now?
  87. What is your relationship with their other parent?
  88. What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
  89. What is the best method(s) of raising children?
  90. What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
  91. How were you raised?
  92. How were you disciplined?
  93. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
  94. Do you believe in public school for your children?
  95. Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
  96. Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
  97. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
  98. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
  99. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
  100. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
;D love the 3rd ques ;D I havnt read em all btw :p
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Nobody get married just based off a CV, please :skeleton:

You're going to be living with this person, it's not like the relationship you have at home with your parents and siblings, argue one day and make up the next or just ignore them till you need a favour. Marriage is a relationship that needs constant work and even a little bit of neglect can take it the wrong way. Marry somebody who can really work with you on it and wants it just as much as you do.

This really isn't the place for it but I actually feel like I could write a whole book on marriage now based on the past few months alhamdulillah :D
 
whilst we reserve the right to ask questions obviously I think the best thing to do is get recommendations.


for example if my Mursheed was to recommend someone based on what he understood of her and that family's hal (spiritual state) then that would be enough for me inshaALlaah.



would we say no for example if someone like imam ibn qayyim was to recommend someone? I think not :)
 

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