What would you ask a potential partner?

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Gym and Phone is a luxury! You pay monthly subscription! For instance, samsung galaxy cost 49 pound one off payment and then 36 pound monthly payment for two years. Most gyms have monthly contract. So it is dishonest to say that is not a luxury especially if you can go to park for run and push up instead of gym and have simple pay as go phone.. Only mentioned this because most brother here run to term 'low maintenance'. I am giving food for thought.

Yes, marriage is compromise but it tends to be woman that sacrifice the most.
 
Rhubarb Tart said:
It might be his money but it would make a Hypocrite if expect his wife not to work and live simple life whilst he is high maintenance, himself. If you expect your wife to be low maintenance, you should be expected to live the same. Plus, this is just mean and selfish.
Once you get married, it isn't just your money any more.
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If the wife can maintain high maintenance from her own money, I dont have a problem and dont expect her to be low maintenance, just dont ask money from me!! In such case, she can work and make her money if she wants to! but then it would be 50-50 for running the house, feeding the kids, as it is done in majority of marriages in North America.
 
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^ Sounds practicable. I'm sure you would help her out if she runs into financial difficulties.

If I had a fiancee/wife, I would have bought her loads of gifts... :/ Well actually, the gift would be the money and she can spend it on whatever she wants. I wouldn't want her to work.
 
Rhubarb Tart said:
Gym and Phone is a luxury! You pay monthly subscription! For instance, samsung galaxy cost 49 pound one off payment and then 36 pound monthly payment for two years. Most gyms have monthly contract. So it is dishonest to say that is not a luxury especially if you can go to park for run and push up instead of gym and have simple pay as go phone.. Only mentioned this because most brother here run to term 'low maintenance'. I am giving food for thought.

Yes, marriage is compromise but it tends to be woman that sacrifice the most.
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I agree. Going to gym and these phones are luxury. Most people cannot afford this due to low wages. Those that do purchase these items will likely fall into financial difficulties if they continue this spending pattern.
 
GuestFellow said:
^ Sounds practicable. I'm sure you would help her out if she runs into financial difficulties.
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Id' sure try to help her out with necessities if she is in financial trouble. But if shes in financial trouble and still wants to go out with girl friends every other day for food, sorry use your own money.
 
GuestFellow said:
Going to gym and these phones are luxury
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what the?

Gym is not a luxury. it is a necessity for healthy living. Cardio training + strength training = healthiest way to live one's limited life and healthiest way to make the best out of the flesh we are born in.
 
I'm not arguing with anyone here but a phone has become a necessity. Phones have evolved to become essential items in some businesses and in some cases general daily use. Calling it anything less then that would really apply to someone who is largely disconnected with today's world. Maybe school children can live without it but it will become very difficult for adults.

Gym again is not a luxury and a monthly subscription does not count as excessive spending. I can have a monthly subscription for a magazine that costs me £2.99 a month, is this luxury? Definitely not. Good health is praised in Islam and the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are all too evident. Do you really encourage giving up good health for a pot belly?

I know of brothers who have monthly phone contracts, go the gym, pay a fair share of bills and still have enough money left over to pay for their brother's wedding. And being close friends with such people I can tell you that they are on an average income.

Gym is a luxury for the one who lives in extreme financial conditions. For the rest of the people it's cheap but largely effective way of staying healthy.
 
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CosmicPathos said:
what the?

Gym is not a luxury. it is a necessity for healthy living. Cardio training + strength training = healthiest way to live one's limited life and healthiest way to make the best out of the flesh we are born in.
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Asslamu Aliakum,

Ah you don't need to go gym to exercise. You can always jog, do push ups, skip and so on. I know many people that cannot afford to go to the gym because it is expensive.
 
Just get some resistant bands and train at home with wifey ;D
 
'Abd-al Latif said:
I'm not arguing with anyone here but a phone has become a necessity. Phones have evolved to become essential items in some businesses and in some cases general daily use. Calling it anything less then that would really apply to someone who is largely disconnected with today's world. Maybe school children can live without it but it will become very difficult for adults.
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Asslamu Aliakum,

Smartphone are luxury items. I have met many clients who are struggling to meet the bills and would consider these items luxury. I assume your referring to a basic mobile phone that range between £50 to £100.

Gym again is not a luxury and a monthly subscription does not count as excessive spending. I can have a monthly subscription for a magazine that costs me £2.99 a month, is this luxury? Definitely not. Good health is praised in Islam and the benefits of a healthy lifestyle are all too evident. Do you really encourage giving up good health for a pot belly?
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No one said for you to have a big belly. You do not need to go gym to be healthy. If you pay towards a mortgage, bill, taxes, insurance, food, travel, clothes, pension and so on, you will realise all this adds up. Most people struggle with basic necessities now due to the financial crisis. Some even rely on food stamps and this is increasingly common.

Gym is a luxury for the one who lives in extreme financial conditions. For the rest of the people it's cheap but largely effective way of staying healthy.
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CosmicPathos said:
Id' sure try to help her out with necessities if she is in financial trouble. But if shes in financial trouble and still wants to go out with girl friends every other day for food, sorry use your own money.
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I would still use the money (if I have any) to keep her happy.
 
:w:

Hmm interesting. I wouldn't define high maintenance materially but rather as a mindset and personality/character traits. Material possessions are dependent on the capacity of a person and what is considered extravagance for one is not necessarily extravagance for another.

It's a mindset and/or character traits. High-maintenance would be someone who:

0) Requires way toooooo much attention, emotionally needy, or always over dramatizes situations, narcissistic
i) buys significantly more than they need in order to stay up to date with the latest trends. Keyword: significantly
ii) someone who is shallow and material - we all are to an extent, but someone who always wants the latest of everything, someone who wouldn't wear the same clothes twice in a week etc
iii) Someone who isn't chill - always stressing about whether her clothes match perfectly, someone who would expect their man to always be in line with the latest fashion. nothing wrong with a well dressed man, but she shouldn't pester him on whether his socks don't match his shirt collar
iv) someone who takes a few hours to get ready to go to the grocery store - over obsessed with looks. again this is a good quality when it's in moderation
v) who values her needs more than her man's and wants him to succumb to her every wish, expects her man's life to revolve around her, self-centered

To the sisters: Please don't be that girl.

Rhubarb Tart said:
:sl:

If a brother was to ask and expect me to be low maintenance. I would ask what phone he has, whether he attends gym weekly and goes out with his friends to nice restaurant. If his answer is sumsung galaxy three or iPhone 5 plus tablet, does attend gym and goes with his friends. I would run a mile.....


Because he would be a Hypocrite.


And if he was to mention how he is the leader of the household WITHOUT mentioning that he would ask your opinion and consider it. I would run a mile.

:)
I can't believe someone has 99 question. Most of you need more then one meeting.
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CosmicPathos said:
Is it possible to marry a woman who does not want to be loved? If yes, let me know where she lives!
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I'm only in the marriage business for 2 things, to love a woman and to gain half my religion, it's as if they were created to be loved and cherished.

Don't think of them to be the enemy, never have that mindset.

The way of the prophet in terms of dealing with his wives = rational

I dont want to love my wife and she should not expect love = irrational.
 
I think sister Rhubarb Tarts point is that if a brother is expecting his wife to live a certain lifestyle, then he too should be living the same.

Perhaps the examples of samsung galaxy/ iphone 5/ gym are not the best to use (as there are many people who can afford these items and live simply in all other respects).
One may rightfully argue that we dont need the best mobile phones on the market, but neither are these items haraam in themselves (unless one is incurring debt in order to obtain it).

In the past, ive had 2 'higher-ranged' phones (of which ive lost both through pick-pocketting ; ( ), and i also go to a ladies-gym.
Yet, i live very simply in all other aspects......which is honestly, the best way to live. Alhamdulillah, the less you own, the better life gets : )


CosmicPathos said:
Is it possible to marry a woman who does not want to be loved? If yes, let me know where she lives!
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One of the most painful things in marriage, has got to be feeling unloved by the other - esp. for a woman.
Women are emotional beings, and while (some) men may not require the loving words and romantic gestures, most women do.

To love and be loved is such a beautiful part of life - why would you want to deny yourself and someone else this amazing feeling?

If one does not experience love within a marriage, then where should he/ she expect to find it?

The purpose of marriage is to Love..... (apart from other things).

Its not a business contract - a contract just between 2 minds.
Marriage is a contract between 2 hearts and souls.
 
Cabdullahi said:
I'm only in the marriage business for 2 things, to love a woman and to gain half my religion, it's as if they were created to be loved and cherished.
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To love a woman or women? You fo real brah, you changed?

Did Prophet pbuh, whose example you so quickly machine gunned us with, equally loved his wives? You did not live with Prophet, do not claim to know what was in his heart.
 
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Ibn Abi Ahmed said:
Why would anyone even want something like that?
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I was joking btw.

But even if someone wanted that, I do not see much wrong with it. Some people are not good at loving nor do they want to be loved. They just want some biological needs met in a way prescribed by God. What do you say about them? Dont say fasting.
 
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~Zaria~ said:
The purpose of marriage is to Love..... (apart from other things).
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"if it is true that there are as many minds as there are men, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts." --Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina.

We dont even know if love between two spouses means same thing to both or not and it should not as love means different things to different hearts. I wouldnt base any relationship solely on such an undefined feeling thence. Nor should any Muslim brother/sister.
 
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