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Thread: What would you do
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Sis it is your life. When your parents are ok with it, then why shouldn't you go ahead with marrying the one you love? Remember the Prophet's (SAW) saying? There is nothing better than marriage for 2 people that love each other (something like that).

Your wali most likely has doubts in his mind, because he might not know the person as well as you do. But inshallah these doubts will be cleared when he sees you settling in your new home

Also do not forget to make istikharah
 
wa alaykum us-salaam
ask why he isn't comfortable with it...and also leave it to istikhara...
 
:sl:
ok khair inshallah, in which way? religious wise, dunya wise? have you tried discussing ur wali's insecurities about this potential with him? has ur wali prayed istikhara?
 
I dont know what wise, just general wise. When they met they talked and I dont know if this person decided to really tone down to be respectful but he came across as someone who may not be what I'm looking for Deen wise. However I know of another side of him that is not as moderate as he may have seemed.
And as I said, he feels it would be a disaster in the long run (but that could be with anyone right?)
 
:sl:
i mean you seem to be confused i.e you think it's like this BUT in reality it may be like that.
and i think isthkara would make things clear...also, have you done background checks on this brother :? maybe that may help also
 
How uncomfortable is your wali? Was it an angry 'You can marry him and I'm unhappy and won't come to your wedding or support you?" type of reaction or a "You can marry him, and I will help and support you, but I think there are better men our there for you" kind of reaction? Or something in between??
 
Umm ul-Shaheed said:
:sl:
i mean you seem to be confused i.e you think it's like this BUT in reality it may be like that.
and i think isthkara would make things clear...also, have you done background checks on this brother :? maybe that may help also
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the persons personality is not the problem. its down to if he is 'good enough for me'
Istikhara has been made many many times

How uncomfortable is your wali? Was it an angry 'You can marry him and I'm unhappy and won't come to your wedding or support you?" type of reaction or a "You can marry him, and I will help and support you, but I think there are better men our there for you" kind of reaction? Or something in between??
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Before he met him it was I will marry you to him without my blessing, meaning I would have got permission but thats the only role he would play.
After he met him it is I am not completely happy with it but I will give my blessing. He also spoke to the person regarding the first way (without his blessing) and they said if it had come to that, the guy would not have married me. :rollseyes
He has no problem with him as a person but has not spoken to me fully what his issue is, but that he thinks it would be a disaster in the long run ...?
 
AnonymousGender said:
:sl:

If your wali gave you his blessing and permission to marry the one you choose but is not 100% comfortable with it?
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I guess Wali means father?

I would go through with it, and try to make him more comfortable with it overtime. The fact is, it's your life on the line, not his. Yes, he should be worried, but your the one marrying the guy/girl. If you can live with it, and hey, he might get comfortable with it overtime (I'd think).
 
You should take your father's doubts and fears seriously.

Of course things might go wrong even with the most obvious perfect match; it cannot be helped sister and don't fear it too much, take day by day inshaAllah.

But your father is concerned and I think you and your future would appreciate to really talk it through with him about the issues regarding this and give it time to think throughly. InshaAllah things go well.

If I was in your place and to answer your first question, 100% doesn't exist.. Doubts of some sort always come up. But after reading your posts, I do think they are telling to not rush and rather make the wali open up. And to also ask others close to you for advice.
 
Clover said:
I guess Wali means father?

I would go through with it, and try to make him more comfortable with it overtime. The fact is, it's your life on the line, not his. Yes, he should be worried, but your the one marrying the guy/girl. If you can live with it, and hey, he might get comfortable with it overtime (I'd think).
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Yes and that is what i hope and think, but what if it went wrong and he ends up being 'right' from before? It would definitely hurt him because he'd be picking up the pieces...
 
AnonymousGender said:
Yes and that is what i hope and think, but what if it went wrong and he ends up being 'right' from before? It would definitely hurt him because he'd be picking up the pieces...
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I didn't know he made any negative statements, well, I think the best thing for you to do, would get a third party to look at the guy/girl. Maybe a Aunt/Uncle, Cousin or something.