Whats your opinion on arranged marriage?

[qassy!]

Hello All,

This is a just a topic on arranged marriage, now thankfully my parents will not be forcing me into an arranged marriage. (Im 17 and I dont going to be married until 22-25) Nor my sister is going to be forced into an arranged marriage I wont let it happen

BUT here's a few questions:

Do you mind an arranged marriage? (If your not married yet)
Would you force your daughter into an arranged marriage?

I said daughter because you here stoys like the one below about Muslim sisters being murdered or committing suicide because they dont want an arranged marriage.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article3171311.ece - I think her parents killed her!

It really gets to me why parents force there daughters into arranged marriage!

And now I want your views on it and if you force your daughters into it why?

Notice I said daughters because I know quite a few Muslim sisters who have been forced into arranged marriages, and one of them killed them selves or the mother killed her daughter in Pakistan (Her parents took her 2 Pakistan as a holiday then told her about her getting an arranged marriage)

Also is arranged marriage you have 2 do in Islam? Because its always Muslim people!

 

[Ali.]

Hello

Do you mind an arranged marriage? (If your not married yet)
Would you force your daughter into an arranged marriage?
!

First question: Umm..I think when I'm older my parents said they will try to look for a wife for me, but not force me into it. That, I don't mind.

Second question: If I had a daughter, then NO WAY!

 

[qassy!]

Hello





First question: Umm..I think when I'm older my parents said they will try to look for a wife for me, but not force me into it. That, I don't mind.

Second question: If I had a daughter, then NO WAY!

Yeah when I get abit older my parents will look for a wife, but I dont mind they wont force me either nor my sister

 

[------]

:salamext:

Do you mind an arranged marriage? (If your not married yet)

Nope.

Would you force your daughter into an arranged marriage?

Nope.

However, arranged marriages make sense, as you are not supposed to know the other gender intimately before marriage anyway. Just my two cents.

 

[mohsen1985]

I believe a person should be able to choose their own spouse, and listening to your parent's advice on marriage and whom you're marrying helps a lot.

I'm fully against arranged marriages!

 

[جوري]

Marriages happen whatever way they happen..
the idea of a match maker is an ancient craft and exists in the west as well, all you need to do is turn on yout TV to see commercials for
eharmony, or match.com or matched in manhattan.. for centuries people have been happy being brought together by a third party..
I don't know anyone that has been arranged into a marriage personally, though I have seen folks make recommendations to one another..

 

[qassy!]

I don't know anyone that has been arranged into a marriage personally, though I have seen folks make recommendations to one another..

I do
her parents where taking her on holiday and then a sudden shock 2 her she was going to get married..........The next day she was burnt alive her parents said oil caught her clothes......i know her brothers killed her because she didn't want arranged marriage she..was very close 2 me.............she was only 17...........

That's why this topic really gets 2 me I want to know someone who WILL force there daughter into arrange marriage so i can understand WHY they do it idiots...

 

[------]

:salamext:

Personally, I think arranged marriages are recommended in Islam.

- Note, I said Arranged, NOT Forced. They are 2 different things.

 

[islamirama]

I do
her parents where taking her on holiday and then a sudden shock 2 her she was going to get married..........The next day she was burnt alive her parents said oil caught her clothes......i know her brothers killed her because she didn't want arranged marriage she..was very close 2 me.............she was only 17...........

That's why this topic really gets 2 me I want to know someone who WILL force there daughter into arrange marriage so i can understand WHY they do it idiots...

She was very close to you?

Perhaps this is the issue. Many pakistani families go into west for whatever reason they see fit. And many of these desi have cultural mentality and cultural upbringing. There's very little islam and more culture in their life. As if that is not bad enough, more than 1/2 the culture is hindu based. So these families go to west and then the parents start working like crazy to support the family or daddy works hard and mommy busy socializing in community. Either way, the children are left in the hands of the school and the society they live in now. Children grow up in a whole new culture with a whole new mentality without being taught Islam or anything.

So when the parents see their daughters wanting to dress in skirts and western clothing and have guy friends and some even go into dating, the parents start panicing and guess what is the only logical reason for them to do? Let's get her married to a decent guy from back home so she stops all this haram way of life she starting to copy. Or the parents think their daughter thinks the same way as they do, or she can enjoy her life but when marriage comes then it will be MY way (cultural mentality).

All in all, there is plenty of blame to go around in this. Parents are to blame for the most part of failing to give their children proper upbringing and teach them about Islam. They themselves have limited knowledge and resort to cultural practices when they think girl is getting out of hand and honor of their family is on the line. It's children's fault as well. Many of these people may grow up in the west, they are not stupid (or are they?). They learn western education and even if they don't even have a clue about islam, they should have a clue about their family and it's mentality and values and norms, that alone should give them an idea of to stay way from the haraam stuff.

Of course, there are some daughters who are completely innocent and their parents are just too traditional with back home culture and has promised some brother/sister back home to marry to their kids when the daughter grows up.

all in all, arrange marriage is not bad but very good, islamic, and safe. There are two kinds of arrange marriage. There's the islamic way and then there is the hindu way where the girl doesn't have a say in the matter. Many pakistanis follow the hindu way. So don't blame the arrange marriage concept but rather the people for their lack of knowledge on Islam, they cultural mentality and their close mindedness in following something even if it's against Islam and yes blame the kids too as i said, plenty of blame to go around.

 

[Al-Zaara]

Do you mind an arranged marriage?

No.

Would you force your daughter into an arranged marriage?

If she's my daughter, she'd probably run away or make the husband-to-be hate her, or make his life a true living hell. So for the sake of remaining sane, I wouldn't do it.


On a more serious note, I would never force. I wouldn't want it to be done to me, so neither will I do it to somebody else.

 

[جوري]

I do
her parents where taking her on holiday and then a sudden shock 2 her she was going to get married..........The next day she was burnt alive her parents said oil caught her clothes......i know her brothers killed her because she didn't want arranged marriage she..was very close 2 me.............she was only 17...........

That's why this topic really gets 2 me I want to know someone who WILL force there daughter into arrange marriage so i can understand WHY they do it idiots...

That is horrific, I can't begin to imagine that...

Al-Khansaa’ bint Khidaam complained to the Prophet that her father wanted her to marry someone she didn’t want, saying “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” The Prophet said, “Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” Al-Khansaa’ said, “I have actually accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters” (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fath Al-Barî Ibn Hajr, Sunan Ibn Mâjah)

 

[qassy!]

She was very close to you?

So when the parents see their daughters wanting to dress in skirts and western clothing and have guy friends and some even go into dating, the parents start panicing and guess what is the only logical reason for them to do? Let's get her married to a decent guy from back home so she stops all this haram way of life she starting to copy. Or the parents think their daughter thinks the same way as they do, or she can enjoy her life but when marriage comes then it will be MY way (cultural mentality).

Parents are to blame for the most part of failing to give their children proper upbringing and teach them about Islam.

It's children's fault as well. Many of these people may grow up in the west, they are not stupid (or are they?).


Of course, there are some daughters who are completely innocent and their parents are just too traditional with back home culture and has promised some brother/sister back home to marry to their kids when the daughter grows up.

Arranged marriage is fine if both parties ARE HAPPY

But she was a decent girl....see in London life is different, I have travelled alot been Pakistan etc etc and its totally different in London, girls in London well Muslim girls do not where skirts they dress decant ok there clothes are tight though e.g tight jeans etc etc
but you cant not talk 2 the oppsite gender its hard, almost impossible because of the way London is

but
still does mean you have 2 FORCE your daughter in marriage does it?

It was just on news saying put your daughters wealth before tradition or culture

Parents ARE 2 blame full stop.

You cant blame the kids


You cant blame anyone

If ther parents know daughters going out with boys etc etc
they need 2 speak 2 her not send her back home 2 get married you cant force ur own daughter / sister / cousin 2 get married its wrong
Is that what YOU would do?

 

[جوري]

May I ask what is wrong with wearing skirts?
I know I am not the most religious of people, but half my wardrobe is composed of skirts.. any Islamic clothing store sells skirts.. is there some sort of law against them?

http://www.shukronline.com/womens-skirts.html

 

[qassy!]

May I ask what is wrong with wearing skirts?
I know I am not the most religious of people, but half my wardrobe is composed of skirts.. any Islamic clothing store sells skirts.. is there some sort of law against them?

http://www.shukronline.com/womens-skirts.html

there fine I think
But skirts 2 girls in London is different! its short

 

[wildkat]

hey, why is everybody saying pakistanis?? its asians in general no just the pakistanis!

Anyways, there is nothing wrong with having an arranged marriage, I've seen plenty of my cousins go through it and they're all happily married now - can I also point out that they all had a say in the matter too!!!
My parents are also looking for someone for my sister to marry, shes currently finishing a phd at the mo and plenty of potential hubbys have come her way.. but shes refused all of them so far, why, it doesnt matter, its her choice my parents dont pressure her to say yes even if they liked "that one."
I realise that that forced marriages are quite common in south asian countries, and its so sad to hear all the stories, but people dont understand that its peoples backwards mentality that influences their decisions and not islam. Being a bit of a feminist.. I have read up everything I can in this area and I know that forced marriages in Islam are totally forbidden. If a girl is not happy to marry nobody has the right to force her, and if she is forced into making a decision the marriage is null. I was going to quote a hadith but sister Purest Ambrosia got there first!!

 

[------]

:salamext:

ok there clothes are tight though e.g tight jeans etc etc

Exactly.

but
still does mean you have 2 FORCE your daughter in marriage does it?

Force isn't even allowed in Islam.

Parents ARE 2 blame full stop.

I think the kids are to blame as well. When the parents dont pay attention to the kids, the kids end up being 'westernised', and the parents want to get them married off. Both parties are wrong.

If ther parents know daughters going out with boys etc etc
they need 2 speak 2 her not send her back home 2 get married you cant force ur own daughter / sister / cousin 2 get married its wrong
Is that what YOU would do?

I would speak to my daughter, but foremost I would bring her up Islamically, Inshaa Allaah, so she doesn't be 'westernised' in the first place.

 

[جوري]

there fine I think
But skirts 2 girls in London is different! its short

Not to beat a dead horse but I purchase most of my skirts from a store in England called tall and all


since I am 5'9 and many skirts come up slightly shorter than I'd like, I have no reason to believe that the ladies in England couldn't find proper length skirts if they wanted to..
It is a choice to wear short skirts, but I don't think England only makes short skirts.. aside from that I have lived there for a few years and have an idea about what is being sold..

 

[Danah]

well the arranged marriage has some advantages I guess.
for our family if there is a man come to us and wanna married a girl from our family without seeing her (he will at least has a picture of her in his mind by discription)
at the end, it will go the the girl decision if she agrees or not. no one can force her to it.

arrange marrige in my opinions avoiding the useless interaction between the two genders who almost take a long time doing nothing but knowing each other better (as they claimed).
but at the end many of them after the marriage discover that the other side was different that what he/she looks like before the marriage.

what I disagree about the arranged marriage is forcing the man or women to it. it need to be at the end by their decision.

 

[islamirama]

May I ask what is wrong with wearing skirts?
I know I am not the most religious of people, but half my wardrobe is composed of skirts.. any Islamic clothing store sells skirts.. is there some sort of law against them?

http://www.shukronline.com/womens-skirts.html

Skirts as in those above the ankle. Those long skirts are fine, even then some sisters get the real thin ones and they don't quite do the job :X

Arranged marriage is fine if both parties ARE HAPPY

But she was a decent girl....see in London life is different, I have travelled alot been Pakistan etc etc and its totally different in London, girls in London well Muslim girls do not where skirts they dress decant ok there clothes are tight though e.g tight jeans etc etc
but you cant not talk 2 the oppsite gender its hard, almost impossible because of the way London is

but
still does mean you have 2 FORCE your daughter in marriage does it?

It was just on news saying put your daughters wealth before tradition or culture

Parents ARE 2 blame full stop.

You cant blame the kids


You cant blame anyone

If ther parents know daughters going out with boys etc etc
they need 2 speak 2 her not send her back home 2 get married you cant force ur own daughter / sister / cousin 2 get married its wrong
Is that what YOU would do?

Parents AND kids are to blame for in many instances. Anyways, my last answer was clear enough on all this.

I would do arrange marriage the islamic way where there is no forcing involved. Parents dig up a guy, do research and background check on him and present him to the daughter, if she likes then move to step 2 and if not then back to step one and dig up another guy

 

[snakelegs]

i actually think arranged marriages may have positive sides. (only when they aren't forced, of course).
i would be interested to see divorce rates among people in the west whose marriage was arranged vs. those in western style marriages.
i think there is something to be said about marrying and then growing together to love each other as your share your lives over the years vs. big hollywood rush and unrealistic expectations and when it wears off, divorce.
but of course, if you don't come from that kind of culture, it would be impossible to introduce. also, even though arranged marriages are not supposed to be forced, i think force, or at least heavy pressure, is used too frequently by parents.