Whats your opinion on arranged marriage?

[krypton6]

See how can you say arranged marriage is better? If I have ever met the girl, how do I know I will like her?

Yes exactly. There risk is much higher for you not to like her than for you to like her, (he).

But what I will not mind, is my parents help me choose the right girl, but then I need some time alone with her, 2 chat cuz I cant just marry someone I met 4 a day or a week!

Or a month (s).

Well in Islam you cannot talk to her personally so .... The only solution is to find a girl from your own life (school and such) that you have noticed is nice, you can then inform your parents and they can ask her parents.

But what if she is christian? How are we supossed to inform her or get to know her, when her culture clearly does not fit my culture, of where the groom informs the brides family and of which the laws and rules are strict during talking and conversations.

Most arranged marriages last a long time, and statistics have shown that most love marriages end in divorce. So yes i support arranged marriages.

Well I trully believe that woman and men in aranged marriages do not know the concept of Love, for I can without a doubt conclude for myself that arranged couples rarely fall in love.

You should also know that divorce in the islamic culture or asian culture is a bit rare. It probably has to do with "honour" in most sittuations, I could imagine the man threatening his wife and saying that divorcing would take his honour and that he would not allow the wife to do to him. (ridiculous for that is not what honour is about).

 

[Omari]

Well I trully believe that woman and men in aranged marriages do not know the concept of Love, for I can without a doubt conclude for myself that arranged couples rarely fall in love.

This is from an article: [click here to view the full article]
Can love grow out of an arranged marriage? Absolutely, and in the same way that love can grow in romance novels from a marriage of convenience. But there’s more to love than finding a suitable match. Love can grow for many reasons, from lust at first sight to friendship that develops over a long period of time. It’s impossible to predict whether a union will be successful. The only two people who can make it work are the bride and groom, the hero and heroine of their own story.

Besides, love marriages are haram, [in most cases] so you dont have much of a choice. lol

 

[ricardo_sousa]

"love" is one of the engines of the world trough the time.. just look at the paintings, music, buildings created in name of "love"... And arranged marriages end with the "true love": where a man and woman cross eyes and "fall in love".. and all the fight to have each other. that fight can really move mountains.

A society who neglects such feeling, is neglecting one of the greatest sources of creativity, inspiration, strength.... And becomes "stagnated".

I am a romantic, I know...lol

 

[Omari]

i agree, the most fundamental thing in human nature is infact love.
Science has been able to explain how love works, I who was interested in the topic decided to do some research. They say it is a chemical "cocktail" that rushes down to your system when you see an attractive person. [the act of hormones and testosterone]
but how does that explain the love for parents? the love for country? the love of peace?
these questions remain unanswered.
But to stick to the topic HERE is a VERY interesting article I found. here is how it concludes

HOW TO FALL IN LOVE (3 steps)
Find a complete stranger.

Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.

Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.

York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love.

He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.

 

[------]

:salamext:

Well, for girls I think it is best if the parents have an arranged marriage. Guys as well. Just my opinion.

 

[ayesha309]

HOW TO FALL IN LOVE (3 steps)
Find a complete stranger.

Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.

Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.

York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love.

He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.

that is very interseting bro!

 

[Omari]

just wanted to prove a point to our brother ricardo...

 

[Woodrow]

Arraigned marriage and forced marriage are to different things. There is nothing wrong with concerned parents trying to find the best spouse for their child. It is wrong for a parent to force their child to accept the choice.

Or in my case there was nothing wrong with my daughter trying to find me a wife. In fact she had found a very good choice. It was only because of outside conditions it was not possible.

 

[snakelegs]

"love" is one of the engines of the world trough the time.. just look at the paintings, music, buildings created in name of "love"... And arranged marriages end with the "true love": where a man and woman cross eyes and "fall in love".. and all the fight to have each other. that fight can really move mountains.

A society who neglects such feeling, is neglecting one of the greatest sources of creativity, inspiration, strength.... And becomes "stagnated".

I am a romantic, I know...lol

you have a point.
but i think that what most of us in the west see as "love" is nothing but sexual attraction and when the excitement wears off, so does the "love", which is why such a huge percentage of marriages end in divorce.
love and sexual attraction are not at all the same thing.

 

[Omari]

Woodrow, what do you think would be a solution if your daughter, [I apologise for using her as an example], decided to [god forbid] do somthing wrong that is against the shariah and Islam. Would you then use force to stop her?
peace be with you.
[The reason i used your daughter is becuase questions are answered much better when it relates to personal experience]
Omari

 

[ricardo_sousa]

Arraigned marriage and forced marriage are to different things. There is nothing wrong with concerned parents trying to find the best spouse for their child. It is wrong for a parent to force their child to accept the choice.

good point and good way of looking into the question.

In fact, in China"arranged marriages" are rising, because people are too busy working and don´t have time to find a partner! :giggling:

 

[ricardo_sousa]

just wanted to prove a point to our brother ricardo...

lol, I didn´t understand that..

 

[Woodrow]

Woodrow, what do you think would be a solution if your daughter, [I apologise for using her as an example], decided to [god forbid] do somthing wrong that is against the shariah and Islam. Would you then use force to stop her?
peace be with you.
[The reason i used your daughter is becuase questions are answered much better when it relates to personal experience]
Omari

It is impossible for a person to know what they would do in a hypothetical situation. My yougest daughter is 40 years old. I am quite certain my choices now would be quite different than when she was younger.

When she was younger she was quite the individual and to be honest often a very difficult young woman. She did attempt many very discouraged things. Even being non-Muslim at the time I did use all of the force legally permitted to stop her from some of her activities.

So the question of using force, is not a quetion, as my past has shown I would not be hesitant to use it. Now the question is how much force? That is clearly stated in the Qur'an.

I know I am forbidden to personally harm her or cause her pain or to even force her to do anything against her will. However, if worse comes to worse the laws of the land and the courts can be used as long as they are not haram.

 

[Omari]

lol, I didn´t understand that..

how do you not understand something written in English? go back a few posts and read the article, I kinda gave YOU the evidence you need to prove your point about love, but then I said my point which was left unanswered.

 

[sur]

See how can you say arranged marriage is better? If I have ever met the girl, how do I know I will like her?

stats say it, as i mentioned in my post that divorce rate in USA is given to be 40% by Govt. while as 60% by a psychiatry book. as opposed to divorce rate in India which is less than 1%.

Things don't always work according to our logic, sometimes unknown factors make results different than what we expect. We think that logically love marriage should work better BUT ground reality tells the opposite.

In aranged marriages love starts after marriage & persist for life, while in love marriages love starts before marriage & fades away pretty soon(most of times not always.)

 

[qassy!]

the problem is here, everyone is obsessed with statics here, i mean common the generation has changed......arranged marriage cant work anymore in my opinion.

I cant just love some random person, that I only known for a week or no its impossible!

 

[ricardo_sousa]

stats say it, as i mentioned in my post that divorce rate in USA is given to be 40% by Govt. while as 60% by a psychiatry book. as opposed to divorce rate in India which is less than 1%.

and since when that is good measurement? How do you know that many of the marriages in India are not unhappy ones, that people just remain married "to look good"?? Not to talk that India, despite the remarkable last years evolution, still remains a poor country in lots of regions, and women can´t work, so they need their marriage to "survive", not because they like it.

 

[ricardo_sousa]

how do you not understand something written in English? go back a few posts and read the article, I kinda gave YOU the evidence you need to prove your point about love, but then I said my point which was left unanswered.

no, no that. I find the article interesting, but didn´t connect with I have said. Anyway, I found the "fall in love process" too difficult in "simple ways"..

 

[ayesha309]

personally i think arranged marriages are good; not forced marriages. and to answer your questions bro qassy "If I have never met the girl, how do I know I will like her?"; you will like her becuase she is a good Muslim and becuase Allah has asked you to like her. thus if you go for an arragned marriage and love your spouse for the sake of Allah, Insha'Allah your life will be blessed.

 

[Omari]

personally i think arranged marriages are good; not forced marriages. and to answer your questions bro qassy "If I have never met the girl, how do I know I will like her?"; you will like her becuase she is a good Muslim and becuase Allah has asked you to like her. thus if you go for an arragned marriage and love your spouse for the sake of Allah, Insha'Allah your life will be blessed.

Just to contrast that, with your permission ofcourse.
When the parents agree [arranged marriage] often the groom-to-be and the bride-to-be meet, talk and discuss things about them. And this automatically [read the article] brings the effect of love into their ...minds.

So I disagree with qassy! because arranged marriages are still happening today, and they are still proving to be the most successful way of getting married. [of the 3]