Who has the finaal say islamically on the marriage of their kids. Husband or wife?

[anonymous]

I'm talking about the final decision. The reason i ask is because the father is a typical pakistani man who says things like if they marry a certain relative I will kill them so hes talking about killing the children. All he thinks about is bringing another one of himself to this country. Wife is afraid he will not have the daughters best interests at heart. If he is not practising or religious and the wife is fully practising can the wife have the final say. Can she be the Wali? What is the job of a Wali is it to have the final say?

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

I'm talking about the final decision. The reason i ask is because the father is a typical pakistani man who says things like if they marry a certain relative I will kill them so hes talking about killing the children. All he thinks about is bringing another one of himself to this country. Wife is afraid he will not have the daughters best interests at heart. If he is not practising or religious and the wife is fully practising can the wife have the final say. Can she be the Wali? What is the job of a Wali is it to have the final say?

The wali is the father but the mother should be able to have a say but at the end the father has final chose

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

I'm talking about the final decision. The reason i ask is because the father is a typical pakistani man who says things like if they marry a certain relative I will kill them so hes talking about killing the children. All he thinks about is bringing another one of himself to this country. Wife is afraid he will not have the daughters best interests at heart. If he is not practising or religious and the wife is fully practising can the wife have the final say. Can she be the Wali? What is the job of a Wali is it to have the final say?

The wali is the father but the mother should be able to have a say but at the end the father has final chose
and daughter has a say in islam it is not allowed to force you daughter
also if a pious man comes and ask for a mans daughter the father shouldnt refuse

 

[ardianto]

The right question is : Who has the final say islamically on the marriage of their daughters.

A male does not need wali.

 

[piXie]

One of the conditions of the wali is that he must have the best interests of those under him (i.e. his daughters) in mind. If he doesn't, he can lose his wali rights according to Islam. As far as I know, if the father loses his rights then it becomes the responsibility of the son... then grandfather.. then brother... then uncles....then cousins. And if none of them fit the criteria of a wali then it goes to the Judge (Muslim) or Calipha. But a mother or another woman can never be a wali.

Btw... as far as I know only an Imam or someone in authority like a Judge can decide whether the father here is fit to be a wali or not. It is best that you consult a scholar regarding this situation and ask them to help this sister.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

try asking an imam. someone should try speak to the father and advise him in a kind and gentle manner trying to appeal to his worry over his daughters --->however the parents treat thier daughters, then thier husband will treat them the same. so if a guy sees that his father in law gives away his daughter forcefully, i doubt that the husband will treat her with respect. he might not even take her seriously either or respect her rights (eg flirting with other women).

whatever happens, even if the daughter disagrees, she should do so in a respectful manner, not "raising" her voice over her parent.

try this: http://islamqa.com/en/ref/60/mother marriage

 

[CosmicPathos]

"The reason i ask is because the father is a typical pakistani man who says things like if they marry a certain relative I will kill them"

What do you mean by that? Get a cure for your ignorance before seeking advice.

 

[Snowflake]

Only the son/daughter has the final say because there is no marriage without his/her consent. As for approving of potential spouses and acting as wali for his daughter, if the father is genuinely disregarding his daughter's best interests then as sis Ummu Sufyaan said the mother should take the maslah to an imaam. It is best the imaam is stranger to both parties.

 

[cat eyes]

I'm talking about the final decision. The reason i ask is because the father is a typical pakistani man who says things like if they marry a certain relative I will kill them so hes talking about killing the children. All he thinks about is bringing another one of himself to this country. Wife is afraid he will not have the daughters best interests at heart. If he is not practising or religious and the wife is fully practising can the wife have the final say. Can she be the Wali? What is the job of a Wali is it to have the final say?

it would not be fair the wife making the decision either just because shes practicing. i would just go straight to a trusted imam on this. also things can be sorted out too with patience and kindness towards one another and not judging each other.