I loved your response to my post.
But its so hard to remain hopeful and postive.
I mean say i like person X and this person heart has turned away from me despite me praying isthikhara it just seems unfair. He seems like the perfect guy for me.
Why don’t we always get what we want? Sometimes i think why has allah written him for someone else and not me???
I am of age 30 now and so many times i thought yes ive met the one something goes wrong and it doesnt work out. I have been praying and making lots of dua to Allah to give me a spouse that i will love but to no avail
I think your super positive but sometimes when i see everyone around me getting what i want .. i cant help but think if only i was more confident, more beautiful, more out there and more more more etc.
[emoji30]
Asalaamu Alaikum,
My sister I understand the desire to find a life partner for companionship is a part of our natural inclination. Allah has made us in pairs and for us to find comfort in one another in the form of marriage. We all want to be happy with a like minded person whom we find physically and characteristically attractive. However we must realise that Allah only wants the best for us and whatever boundaries he has ordained upon us is only to protect us for surely our creator knows what is best for us. Therefore if we cross those boundaries and get hurt in the process then who can we blame but ourselves?
So firstly you must not get to know anyone privately without your mahram present in your interactions. This is because in every private interaction between an unmarried man and woman (who are not mahrams) then shaythan is the third party to such interactions:
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: "No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” (Al-Tirmidhi;1171)
So the danger here is that by having private interactions then we risk going towards zina and Islam ordains that we avoid every possibility of going anywhere near zina. In fact I would say you are very lucky up until now because there are countless examples of men taking advantage of women by promising them marriage and a future whereby they soften the woman's heart towards them so they can get what they want, and after that they leave the woman. This can ruin a woman and even scar her for a long time whereby she has no trust left. This can even cause issues in future relationships.
So because you got to know these guys privately and therefore began developing feelings for them whereby you had a desire to have a future with them then this has then led to you developing an obsession for them to the point that you want no one else but them even though they have rejected you. These feelings have clouded your thinking sister. How can we want anyone who does not want a future with us? Do you think such a relationship would lead to a successful marriage? If they don't want you now do you think they will continue to want you in marriage and beyond when things get much harder?
So my sister you have no one to blame but yourself for putting yourself in such a predicament. You seem to be very naive about these matters hence why it is absolutely necessary that you must never get to know any guy without the presence of your mahram in your interactions. This way you will not develop any feelings for anyone except the person you marry. You have now experienced the consequences of developing feelings for someone outside of marriage because if things don't go further then it will result in the pain and anguish that you feel right now. But if you had kept within the boundaries of our Deen then you would not be hurt as you are now.
My sister we must be very careful particularly in this day and age. There are many predators out there looking for easy pickings and they know the right things to do and say to eventually get what they want, so you have been very lucky up until now. In fact rather than feel angry that you are not getting the guys that reject you then you should thank Allah that he has saved you from getting far more hurt than you could have been. Unfortunately many people are not so lucky.
So the first thing you must do during these blessed days and nights is to ask for forgiveness of Allah for any private interactions that you may have had and for developing feelings for and getting obsessed with someone you are not married to. You must make a firm resolve to go about getting married within the boundaries of our Deen which means no private interactions without your mahram present. This is only for your safety sister for surely Allah only ordains on us what is best for us as he knows us better than we know ourselves. Secondly thank him profusely for saving you from far worse a situation. It maybe he saved you from a terrible marriage.
Surely my sister if a person rejected you or things did not work out how you wanted then surely it was because they were never meant for you. You say you made isthikhara then if things did not work out after that then surely the isthikhara worked as Allah did what was best for you. It may be that if things were pursued with such a person then you would have had a miserable marriage or the guy would have cheated on you or left you etc. Therefore have trust in Allah that if things don't work out then it is because it was best for you. Never question Allah or be angry at him but be angry with yourself for developing feelings and obsession with a guy before marriage.
So my sister never say to Allah that "Why have you done this or that". We should thank Allah and never question his wisdom because we do not know what is best for us for only he does. We think we know what is good for us but we have a very narrow scope of knowledge whereas Allah's knowledge encompasses everything.
Therefore If we go about these matters in a way that pleases Allah then surely he will bless our pursuit of marriage. So make the necessary effort to find the right partner in a way that pleases Allah and put your trust in him and never question his wisdom because surely he saved you from far worse. Many people will tell you that they learnt the hard way. We must be patient in these matters and persevere with full hope and trust in Allah. These are best days and nights whereby Dua's are accepted so ask of Allah particularly just before breaking fast and at Tahajjud time before Suhur ends.
May Allah enable us to go about every matter in a way that pleases him and may he find you a good pious partner. Ameen
