Wife forced into marriage. Askin for seperaion. I love her. How to convince her???

[pointsma]

Assalamu-Alaikum,

I am an Indian Muslim.
I got married to this beautiful and amazing girl last year. She is very nice and I am madly in love with my wife. I thank Allah for giving me such a wonderful life partner.

Our relationship had a bumpy beginning though. Our engagement was broken initially because of some misunderstanding. But after a lot of efforts from both sides we ended up marrying each other . I was very happy.
But the happiness was short-lived as I realized that my wife was never in the favor of this alliance and was forced by her parents.
My in-laws are highly religious, educated and open-minded people. I never expected that they would force their daughter. I was devastated on knowing it.

Even though our marriage had happened against her will my wife tried her level best to make up. Her behavior towards me and my family is good. During the initial days of our marriage we shared a very good chemistry (at least i felt so.). But since she has been hurt badly by her family she is often disturbed and sad. The past events haunt her all the time. She is finding it difficult to cope up.She is in depression and seeking psychiatric counseling for her condition. But nothing seems to work so far. She is now asking for a separation as she thinks that is the only solution for her problem.

All this has left me heart broken. I love my wife as much I love my parents. She has become integral part of my life. Initially seeing her condition I agreed for a separation.
But the sheer thought of separation itself is killing me now. I have realized that I have a lot of affection for her and can't imagine my life without her.

Even my family has no problems with her. In fact they are fond of my wife.And they too are very sad with these developments.

From last few months our relationship is not like a normal married couple (no physical intimacy). We are living like friends. In fact I think we are very good friends. We have a very healthy communication, we cook together, we eat together and enjoy doing many activities together. But whenever I try to talk to her about marriage she gets sad and gloom.

I tried to understand the reasons for her rejection of this relationship. Out of the many other factors she has some problem with my behavior as well. I am a straight forward and honest person. I rarely think before making any comment and try to be honest every time. Because of this habit I have hurt many people unintentionally especially my wife on few occasions. She tried to explain me but I never understood. This has made a bad impression on her and she feels we are incompatible enough to part away. I tried to assure her that I will change and I am trying very hard. But she is more than convinced that I wont change and the relationship is doomed.

I love her very much and I am ready to do anything for her. How do I convince her???

Also how do I handle this situation.
On one hand I love her and on the other hand I cant see her suffer. And she is suffering because of our marriage.

Please guide me. I request for dua!!

Asslamu alaikum brother,

I pray you are well.

I am messaging because I came across this post. I pray things are well.

I hope you receive this message and take the time out to reply.

I am currently going through the exact same situation you described in your post. I am really depressed about the situation and don't know what to do.

I wanted to find out what happened with your situation in the end? Did you make things work or not?

And is there any advise you can give me?

I will really appreciate you taking the time out to reply. May Allah reward you and bless you.

Jazakallah Khair

 

[xboxisdead]

Yes offer salat istekhara as the sister says


Bear in mind that The act of forced marriages is something that is not good, nor fruitful whether it is man being forced or woman being forced into marriage , because its foundation is corrupt, and whatever stands upon a corrupt foundation shall eventually falter and will not have a good ending.


Aa'ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, "My father married me to his brother's son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it]." ?Aa'ishah said, "Sit here until the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women." (Reported by al-Nisaa'i, 3217).

So as you can see, a lady came to Aisha informing her that her father had forced her to marry someone she did not want, Aisha called the prophet Muhammad to see what his ruling on the matter would be, and as you can see the prophet then sent for her father, and gave the girl a choice in the matter, as to whether she wanted the marriage to remain intact or get a divorce.

Hence this makes it all clear that forced marriage is not allowed, . Another hadith records the prophet Muhammad saying:

So whenever the prophet Muhammad makes a ruling on a matter, we must follow it, and we have no right to contradict it, to do so is to commit a major sin, hence any Muslim who thinks its okay to force a person into marriage is committing a major sin since they are disobeying God because he called on us to obey the prophet.

So therefore forced marriage is not allowed, it is corrupt, and a corrupt foundation does not have a fruitful ending. Last but not least, here is what Allah says concerning this matter:

004.019
YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.

Allah the most high forbids the act of forced marriage, so therefore this act is a sin and against God's true teachings
.

I HATE FORCED MARRIAGES...I feel like a monster..like the most evil human being that walked the face on Earth if I knew that my wife is married to me by force.... I would so ask her (as form of respect to her) if she wants a divorce and I will give it to her i wants it.....I AM NOT SOME OPPRESSIVE MASTER and my wife is my slave...NO..she is my wife. If I knew she is forced marry to me...I would be sooo angry to the people who forced her on me and would have nothing to do with them.

 

[innocent]

Maybe a trial separation may help. May give her time and space to sort her feelings out.

 

[HisServant]

Asslamu alaikum brother,

I pray you are well.

I am messaging because I came across this post. I pray things are well.

I hope you receive this message and take the time out to reply.

I am currently going through the exact same situation you described in your post. I am really depressed about the situation and don't know what to do.

I wanted to find out what happened with your situation in the end? Did you make things work or not?

And is there any advise you can give me?

I will really appreciate you taking the time out to reply. May Allah reward you and bless you.

Jazakallah Khair

:wa:

It's a very strange thing that someone would be forced into a marriage. It seems only fair that someone would be married because of agreeing to that individual. Arranged marriages are different from forced ones; these are not acceptable in Islam. Unless some reasons for this occurring included (1) individuals not being aware of their rights and duties (2) having complete trust in one's guardian/wali.

Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”

He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)

​

http://www.therevival.co.uk/forced-arranged-love-secret-marriages

So, I'm going with the above poster on this, give the person in question some time and space. Make lots of duas (and efforts) for reconciliation and changing of heart, may Allah help you in this matter. Ameen. An advice given to strengthen my heart (during a particular time and trial) was the recitation of Surah Yaseen.

Best wishes,

- - - Updated - - -

Rewards and Benefits of Recitation/Memorization of Surah Yaseen

 

[Abz2000]

Maybe watch
hum dil de chuke sanam
With her.