Will I ever find a pious husband because of what I did?

[regretfulgirl]

Salam,

[FONT=&quot]I’m in no way making excuses for what I’m about to disclose. I shouldn’t have done it.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Long story short, I’ve reached a very low point in my life, to the point of having suicidal thoughts. To cope with this, I downloaded a dating app and linked 3 guys just to be held by someone.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I'm still a virgin[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]This was all during Ramadan too. Prior to this, I’ve avoided haram relationships my whole life even though I’ve had many opportunities. I feel like I no longer hold any honour and respect.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have two questions:[/FONT]

• Will I ever be able to marry a pious husband? Will he be able to accept my past? Or will hearing this information drive him away? I’m still a virgin.
  
• How do I cope with the guilt? I know I can repent sincerely to Allah and never do it again. But how do I look at my family in the eye? I’m very close with them but I don’t think I could ever disclose this information to them as I am very ashamed and they would never look at me the same again. I don’t know how to live along side them anymore, as I feel like I’m constantly lying to their face by not telling the truth… What do I do?

 

[Eric H]

Salam, and welcome to the forum, I hope you are able to peace,

Will I ever be able to marry a pious husband? Will he be able to accept my past? Or will hearing this information drive him away? I’m still a virgin.

Only the man you hope to marry can answer that. No one here can answer that question on his behalf.

How do I cope with the guilt? I know I can repent sincerely to Allah and never do it again.

You can't change the past, but as you say, you can repent sincerely to Allah and never do it again. When you study and reflect on the 99 names of Allah, he is merciful, but he can only be merciful to those who need mercy shown to them. Four times he says his name is the forgiver and the pardoner, he can only forgive those who need forgiving.

When we reflect on who Allah says he is, we have to fully put our trust in who he says he is. Pray that Allah will help you with the wisdom, strength and the peace to do his will. Never give up hope in Allah, he wills good for his creation.

May Allah bless you on your journey through life,
Eric

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Salam,

[FONT="]I’m in no way making excuses for what I’m about to disclose. I shouldn’t have done it.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#1A1A1B][FONT="]Long story short, I’ve reached a very low point in my life, to the point of having suicidal thoughts. To cope with this, I downloaded a dating app and linked 3 guys just to be held by someone.[/FONT]
[FONT="] I'm still a virgin[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#1A1A1B][FONT="]This was all during Ramadan too. Prior to this, I’ve avoided haram relationships my whole life even though I’ve had many opportunities. I feel like I no longer hold any honour and respect.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I have two questions:[/FONT]

• Will I ever be able to marry a pious husband? Will he be able to accept my past? Or will hearing this information drive him away? I’m still a virgin.
  
• How do I cope with the guilt? I know I can repent sincerely to Allah and never do it again. But how do I look at my family in the eye? I’m very close with them but I don’t think I could ever disclose this information to them as I am very ashamed and they would never look at me the same again. I don’t know how to live along side them anymore, as I feel like I’m constantly lying to their face by not telling the truth… What do I do?

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I had to edit out the graphic information you provided in your post which was totally unnecessary and inappropriate. Why do you feel the need to share such graphic information both here and you mentioned about telling family and potential suitors? As Muslims we do not reveal the graphic nature of our sins. If you need to share it with anyone for getting advice then keep it vague.

Also you must not reveal your sins to your family and any future potential suitors. Keep it between you and Allah and repent unto him sincerely and know that he is most forgiving. If Allah covers our sins then why should we unravel and reveal them? If you are specifically asked by potential suitors then just say you have moved on from your past and that Alhamdulillah you are still a virgin.

Sister I think the real issue here is that you need to really reflect on why you felt the need to do this in the first place. You mentioned it is very out of character of you. Ask yourself why you became so self destructive like this in the first place. Reflect on what is it that made you go such to such extremes? Surely you must realise that meeting random men on dating apps is highly dangerous as you don't know what they are capable of. They can seem the nicest people but they can potentially cause you serious harm. So you must never put yourself in such a dangerous position again.

Also you should consider getting therapy as it can really help you to cope with and overcome what you are going through. Look for a good female Muslim therapist/counseling as they will be able to give you an Islamic perspective to overcome and cope with your issues.

Look we are all capable of doing many wrong things. But the best of us sinners are those of us who repent the most. Allah loves those who repent and he loves to forgive. As long as our seeking forgiveness is sincere and with remorse and firm resolve never to repeat such sins again.

So this is the best opportunity for us to go back towards Allah and enter into the Deen fully. Surely Allah is the matchmaker and if we begin pleasing him and put him first in our lives then surely he will help is in every aspect of our lives. Sister if you immerse yourself fully into the Deen, and start fulfilling all your obligations unto Allah and try your best to do everything to please him then surely he will find you someone similar. Look at this as a sign that you became negligent and that you must be very careful not to allow yourself to ever get into such a situation again. We must not do that in which we would not want to die whilst doing.

This life is so short so we must learn from our mistakes and move forward with our lives. The past does not define us. What defines us is the effort and determination to better ourselves. So ask of Allah sincerely and beg and cry unto him and make a firm commitment and resolve to go fully into the Deen and that you will try your best to fulfill all of your obligations unto him and put him first in everything that you do.

May Allah forgive us for our short comings and enable us to enter the Deen fully and put him first in everything that we do.Ameen

 

[Murid]

:wasalam:

:bism:

Dear regretful sister,

In addition to the above advices,

You should consult also a muslim psychiatrist.

Do not despair or lose hope in the forgiveness and mercy of Allah.

https://quran.com/39/53?translations=19,20,22

You repented now. It is needed that you stay away in the future out of the way of such sins and not come near zinna (lesser or greater).
In such relationships people start to do the greatest zinna and it counts and counts as one of the greatest sins to our souls.

Please do not disclose the sin to your parents.

It is most important you do not repeat such sins, especially during Ramadan.

It is a more complicated situation nowdays with the phones, with the cameras, on public places with boyfriends, especially different ethnicity, religion etc. They can ruin you life and life of your family.

But, instead thinking negatively, from now on focus on beeing more productive in both deen and dunya, healthy, altruistic (helping others), voulounteer (you will feel a lot better), enroll into fitness, studies online, courses, increase daily salawat (like ibrahimi from namaz/salat), estegfar: estagfirullah al adheem alladhee la ilaha illa huwal hayyul qayyumu wa atubu ilayh, tasbeh: subhanallahe walhamdulillahe wa la ilaha illallahu wallahu akbar wa la hawla wa la quwwata illa billahil aliyyil adheem, grattitude: shukrulillah.

Give daily sadaqah, even small.

Try to fast after Ramadan every second day. Watch your hygiene, bath everyday.

Read mornings and evenings duas from Hisn al Muslimi or Ad Dua Divine help by shaykh Palanpuri and this dua book:
https://www.nooresunnat.com/Audio/Zikr/Morning_and_Evening_duas.pdf

There are some OTC supplements like Rhodiola Rosea, Sage, Ashwagandha, St. Johns wort, Curcumine, Bacopa, Co Q10, Pygnogenol, or combined formulas like Mindlab Pro or Vitabiotics Neuromind. Inform about them with pharmacist.
They are useful fighting negativity, depression, lack of faculties and zeal in doing good deeds.

Drinking daily 500 mL 100% orange juice is helpful as 200 mL Pomegranate 100% juice.

Cook only with olive oil. Use nigella sativa oil.
Saffron, Crocus sativus is very helpful too, inshaAllah.

Use coconut oil or Bulletproof coffee.

Use everything with besmellah and dua for barakah, like:
https://www.pakrush.com/2020/08/dua-prayer-for-barakah-in-food.html?m=1

Try reading a book a week.

Speak with your relatives about every problem you face and ask for a sincere advice.

Incorporating everything above will inshaAllah improve a lot your mental and physical health and wealth and a lot increase chances getting a good husband and living happy forever after (in akhirah too).

 

[Murid]

PS

Not only Allah (absolute shaheed, witness), but also malaika, qarins, shaytaan, jinns, other people, our devices witness to our sins and sometimes a sinn can leave great consequences and to alter the situation a great wonder (like after a lot of increasing ibadah, like salat tahajjud, inthousands of salawat, eategfar, dhikr, dua etc.) Is needed.

Some sufis or jamahs have their records etc.

But, do not lose hope or zeal gor good deeds, inshaAllah, everything can be improved.

 

[IslamLife00]

Wa'alaykumussalaam and Ramadan mubarak

Ukhti, don't despair of the mercy of Allah. If you repent sincerely and take all the precautions not to fall into sin, Allah is ArRahmanirRahim, Al-Afuww, At-Tawwab inshaAllah your repentance is accepted
No one alive can say they have not committed any sin. This is why we ask forgiveness all the time. The Prophet asked forgiveness more than 70 times a day (Sahih Bukhari)

As for sharing the sins you have committed with someone else, be it family or friends or future relationship or anyone else, I would suggest don't bring up a sin that you don't commit publicly especially a sin that you have repented from
If Allah has accepted your sincere repentance, why are you bringing it up again, and it will bring you more harm than good. Your family may be willing to conceal it, but how can you be sure what your friends or future husband will do?

I will share some info I found about this inshaAllah you will find them helpful :


https://islamqa.info/en/answers/27190/what-is-the-ruling-on-one-who-discloses-secrets

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/2021/asking-about-a-persons-past

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/159398/her-fiance-made-her-tell-him-about-her-past

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/127587/he-said-to-his-fiancee-if-you-conceal-anything-from-me-you-will-be-haraam-to-me-after-marriage

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/201...-matter-that-is-subject-to-further-discussion