Will I get cursed by angels for refusing my husband?

[anonymous]

assalamu alaykum

I had my nikah two months ago and will have my wedding in October. Two days ago I went to my husband's home and he wanted to be intimate with me. His family are overseas atm, so it was only both of us together. I refused and said no and I'll only get intimate with you after the wedding. He became angry and told me the angels will curse me. I went back home and he hasn't spoke to me since then.

Should I listen to my husband and lose my virginity before the wedding? Will I get sins and cursed by angels if I refuse my husband?

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

ALLAH Ta'ala forgive me but a very much knowledgeable answer is needed!

Is it allowed before Walima ?giving Walima is necessary ?

Or just nikah is an allowance!?

 

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Asalaam,

If you prefer to wait until the wedding, then you can absolutely do that and no one should force you into anything that you are not comfortable doing until then, especially if there was a mutual understanding of that when your nikkah was done. Both of you should be on the same page in that regard. You can, however, consummate your marriage as it's halal for you to do so, but you have to realize that if you decide to do that then anything can happen from now until the wedding day and it may culturally make things more difficult for you if things don't go as planned. I don't know why your wedding is so far away if you've already done nikkah though.

 

[talibilm]

If Nikah is done with the ESSENTIAL faraids (obligations) Announcement , Mahr, Wali and Acceptance (ask Aalim OR MUFTI for more because am afraid If I make a mistake and invalid Nikah will RESULT IN ZINA) then they are a Islamically married couple.

Qutba or Sermon is it a fardh, Wajib or sunnah muakkada or sunnah ??

Valima is a sunnah muakkada which is normally done after consummation of marriage.

bro @huzaifaIbnAdam

 

[talibilm]

Walaikum Asalaam,

If you prefer to wait until the wedding, then you can absolutely do that and no one should force you into anything that you are not comfortable doing until then, especially if there was a mutual understanding of that when your nikkah was done. Both of you should be on the same page in that regard. You can, however, consummate your marriage as it's halal for you to do so, but you have to realize that if you decide to do that then anything can happen from now until the wedding day and it may culturally make things more difficult for you if things don't go as planned. I don't know why your wedding is so far away if you've already done nikkah though.

Yes, this is a cause of concern for a honorable families.

Really feeling for this Sister, daughter, we have made culturally that only after a feast , wedding marriage is performed and its become widespread further putting the Islamic vaiid nikkah to a lower value. There's been mixup between the Fard & customs & culture which is making the life of muslims difficult & confusion & misleading too & fitna

May Allah guide this ummah

 

[Simple_Person]

Walaikum Asalaam,

If you prefer to wait until the wedding, then you can absolutely do that and no one should force you into anything that you are not comfortable doing until then, especially if there was a mutual understanding of that when your nikkah was done. Both of you should be on the same page in that regard. You can, however, consummate your marriage as it's halal for you to do so, but you have to realize that if you decide to do that then anything can happen from now until the wedding day and it may culturally make things more difficult for you if things don't go as planned. I don't know why your wedding is so far away if you've already done nikkah though.

A question:

Isn't the nikkah already done deal between husband and wife from the perspective of Allah? Isn't the wedding just a announcement to the people that this man and woman are husband and wife so people are aware of it?. It isn't even fardh as far as I have heard about it this wedding announcement. (Do correct me if I am wrong on this). My brother and I yesterday had the same talk and I agreed with him that it is the nikkah that counts from the perspective of Allah not the wedding. Again I could be wrong but I haven't read or heard anything beyond this.

In other words

Nikkah: for Allah
Wedding: for people

(Again please somebody correct me on this I may be wrong in this)

 

[*charisma*]

A question:

Isn't the nikkah already done deal between husband and wife from the perspective of Allah? Isn't the wedding just a announcement to the people that this man and woman are husband and wife so people are aware of it?. It isn't even fardh as far as I have heard about it this wedding announcement. (Do correct me if I am wrong on this). My brother and I yesterday had the same talk and I agreed with him that it is the nikkah that counts from the perspective of Allah not the wedding. Again I could be wrong but I haven't read or heard anything beyond this.

In other words

Nikkah: for Allah
Wedding: for people

(Again please somebody correct me on this I may be wrong in this)

No, you're right. But considering that there's such a long ways until the wedding, there must be some assumptions involved here. For example, maybe the mahr is not yet fully given. Maybe the parents allowed the nikkah to give them some time to get to know each other first. Whatever the case, if they are ready to consummate their marriage, then the wedding should not have been scheduled so far away from that because what's the point? Generally a walimah is meant to show that they are now a couple who has already consummated the marriage, but theirs is so far away. We don't really know all of the details, but you are correct.

I just feel a bit hesitant to tell her to go for it because the threatening nature in which her husband is asking is not sitting well with me. He could very well pressure her into having intercourse and because the wedding is so far away, he could break it off with her before then (ie. divorce). So while we shouldn't give much importance to culture, it's the culture that hits the hardest when the woman is found not to have been a virgin after such an incident. I would hope that there would be more consideration to her feelings and comfort at a time when she assumed that he'd wait until marriage.

 

[AbdurRahman.]

you may not get cursed due to confusion with this new culture of nikah and wedding feast being weeks/months apart, but your husband does seem like an inconsiderate intolerant person if he has said that to you before you both have even lived together! :Emoji46:

 

[Simple_Person]

No, you're right. But considering that there's such a long ways until the wedding, there must be some assumptions involved here. For example, maybe the mahr is not yet fully given. Maybe the parents allowed the nikkah to give them some time to get to know each other first. Whatever the case, if they are ready to consummate their marriage, then the wedding should not have been scheduled so far away from that because what's the point? Generally a walimah is meant to show that they are now a couple who has already consummated the marriage, but theirs is so far away. We don't really know all of the details, but you are correct.

I just feel a bit hesitant to tell her to go for it because the threatening nature in which her husband is asking is not sitting well with me. He could very well pressure her into having intercourse and because the wedding is so far away, he could break it off with her before then (ie. divorce). So while we shouldn't give much importance to culture, it's the culture that hits the hardest when the woman is found not to have been a virgin after such an incident. I would hope that there would be more consideration to her feelings and comfort at a time when she assumed that he'd wait until marriage.

This reminds me of when breaking fast. The moment you are allowed to break your fast and you do it, that you make dua that moment. A very powerful dua at a very critical moment when whole body wants to drink and to eat. This shows your soul being in control and not your body for the sake of Allah.

Why i compared it with this, is that this brother has withhold himself for so long, but these measly 2 months he can't control himself. That is gonna get kind of hard then during Ramadans in the future. Which this reminds me of a hadith of a man coming to Rasullah(saws) and asking him if it is permissible to kiss his wife during Ramadan. The answer being no. Another Muslim comes and asks the same question and he this time says yes it is permissible. The reason being one can control himself and the other not.

However we brothers and human beings in general are always in a hurry. Everything needs to be done now and not a second later. However you indeed gave a logical, rational, reasonable and a PLAUSIBLE VALID argument.

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

Giving waleema is necessary after it ....I guess?