Good thread.
I don't have a problem with a sister that is bashful. Now, what you're describing in my opinion is a level above that as I understand it, and borderline timidness.
And my reasoning is that Allaah in the Qur'an described one of the two women from Madyan who Musa (alayhis salam) helped out in getting the water from the well as bashful and having shyness.
{
Then one of the two women came to him walking with shyness.}[al-Qasas; 25]
The Tafsir says that she walked like a free woman, with the proper covering and all obviously. As I understand it, she was confident, yet had shyness, i.e. there was a balance between the two. And what happens after?
{
She said, "Indeed, my father invites you that he may reward you for having watered for us."}[al-Qasas; 25]
My point is that, this is proper shyness and adab and hayaa'. She spoke to him straightforward and she said her
father is inviting him not herself. This is shyness in the proper way.
The way the brother described the sister in the first post, it gave me an impression of a sister who mumbles, mutters and squeaks. That's not modesty... That inconfidence and utterly pathetic.
That's exactly what I understood from it too. There's a difference between shyness and not being able to articulate yourself.
But if a girl is not shy by nature( like me for example
), it doesn't mean that she's not modest. Modesty can be portrayed in various ways, not only in speech. And let's say she is not shy in speech, this doesn't mean she's ..erm..what's the word i'm looking for...ostentatious/immodest. It simply means she is a good public speaker, it does not mean she talks too much/about unimportant things,she might simply know how to answer and keep a conversation going when required.
Exactly. Shyness isn't only in speech. Shyness is part of who someone is and people are of different levels. It can show up in different ways, for some it shows up in speech, others in actions, and others elsewhere. As long she has modesty in whatever she does, then her personality type (such as bubbly or shy) is secondary.
And going back to the original point of this thread, for myself it's a case by case thing. At the same time, I mean if I went to a sister and I see her as a potential spouse for me, I would expect her to be able to speak to me and converse freely. I'd want her to be able to hold a conversation with me. Firstly, this is a life changing decision in the process, and being quiet or hardly speaking through it is hardly helpful! And also, I mean, I haven't kept myself from speaking unnecessarily to women all this time only so as to have to face the same from my wife after marriage!
and also, what you-as a bro- advice us shy sisters how to handle it and be relaxed and talk to him, not just answer his questions.
Be yourself. Be who
you are. What you're doing in that meeting is halal. Brother's are there to talk to you because they already think you have what they're looking for in a spouse and you're there because you think the same about them, so don't sell yourself short. That's what brothers, or myself at least, would expect and want to see: genuineness. You're not going into that meeting like you would for a job interview or to discuss some business prospect. Be genuine. From what I know, during these meetings you're allowed to make a joke and laugh and be chilled (obviously with obvious limitations) and show your personality. Brothers love a sense of humor, and if you have one, show it. We want our wives to have a great personality, deen wise and dunya wise. Talk about what's important to you, what you like, what you don't like etc. Don't be shy; it's normal to be nervous because the other party's just as nervous as you are. Then when you're discussing serious matters, be serious. Just open up and speak. You're a making life long decision here and it's really not worth being silent because you feel shy, because in reality that isn't shyness, it's lack of confidence in yourself. You can have hayaa' and still speak properly and confidently.
:
. Talk to him more like a friend and less like a potential partner. Actually, try to forget completly the situation you are in, picture him as a classmate or a family friend whom you are simply getting to know better. Once you get the stress off the initial situation, it is going to be easy to talk to him. 
h,that seems interesting, why did you choose that? 
