Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?

[Ali_008]

^^ Then it all comes down to what was agreed upon in the marriage contract. If the marriage contract specified that the husband would need to take permission from the wife for a second wife then he just can't go for it.

On the other hand, if it wasn't specified then either the husband can choose to respect his wife's wishes, or the wife can do the same for the husband, or regrettably, it may be the end of the path for the marriage.

 

[Iceee]

it may be the end of the path for the marriage.

Inshallah this is not the case.

 

[Indian Bro]

Let's just agree that it is a matter of preference. Most men don't take multiple wives, that is their preference. Most women don't want their husbands to have more partners, that is their preference. Islam does justice to both men and women.

As-salamu alaykum

Brother, I agree with what you say, but from what I understand a woman may not disallow her husband from marrying another. It is in the nature of women to not feel comfortable around this idea, it becomes a fitna for them. I know parents who do not wake their children up for Fajr because they do not feel "right" to disturb their children's sleep. At the end of the day we just have to accept that when Allah (s.w.t.) declares something halal, we cannot oppose it or think it unfair or whatever, there is a wisdom behind it that we may or may not know or comprehend, so we must just treat it as a trial.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best

Salam 3laikum

 

[Iceee]

As-salamu alaykum

Brother, I agree with what you say, but from what I understand a woman may not disallow her husband from marrying another. It is in the nature of women to not feel comfortable around this idea, it becomes a fitna for them. I know parents who do not wake their children up for Fajr because they do not feel "right" to disturb their children's sleep. At the end of the day we just have to accept that when Allah (s.w.t.) declares something halal, we cannot oppose it or think it unfair or whatever, there is a wisdom behind it that we may or may not know or comprehend, so we must just treat it as a trial.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best

Salam 3laikum

Salaam.

So let's say the husband marries another woman which is halal. The first wife doesn't agree and files for divorce. Who's at fault?

 

[Ali_008]

^^ We don't need to worry so much about it, because the wives' aren't wrong either if they dislike it for their husbands. Plus, it is not fard, it's just flexibility in our deen. In this matter, we can actually say "to each his own." Neither are we at a crisis where a number of women would be left unmarried if men stopped taking multiple partners. If there comes such a crisis then women would be wrong to refrain their husbands from adopting this choice.

Salaam.

So let's say the husband marries another woman which is halal. The first wife doesn't agree and files for divorce. Who's at fault?

Nobody. The divorce is a result of incompatibility then. The divorce of Zayd ibn Harithah and Zainab bint Jahsh (RadhiAllahu Anhuma) took place because there was incompatibility between them.

 

[Indian Bro]

Salaam.

So let's say the husband marries another woman which is halal. The first wife doesn't agree and files for divorce. Who's at fault?

As-salam alaykum

I do not possess the level of knowledge to decide on such matters with limited information.

Salam 3laikum

 

[Iceee]

Salaam.

So let's say the husband marries another woman which is halal. The first wife doesn't agree and files for divorce. Who's at fault?

Neither are we at a crisis where a number of women would be left unmarried if men stopped taking multiple partners.

Salaam.

In this case if the divorce does happen, the man loses a wife. The wife will then be "unmarried."

Lose-Lose situation tbh.

 

[Indian Bro]

^^ We don't need to worry so much about it, because the wives' aren't wrong either if they dislike it for their husbands. Plus, it is not fard, it's just flexibility in our deen. In this matter, we can actually say "to each his own." Neither are we at a crisis where a number of women would be left unmarried if men stopped taking multiple partners. If there comes such a crisis then women would be wrong to refrain their husbands from adopting this choice.

Firstly, no one is saying wives are to be blamed for not feeling comfortable with the idea.

Secondly, you say its not a "fard" to do so, but you're fine with a woman denying this right to a man. Allah (s.w.t.) knows more than all of us, why can you guys accept that and just agree that polygamy is something part of our religion and it's the HUSBANDS choice, not the wife. The husband will be questioned if he does injustice and the wife will be questioned if she disallows her husband from doing something which Allah (s.w.t.) made halal.

Thirdly, are you implying that this particular law of Islam is only applicable at the time of a particular crisis? Please correct me if I have misunderstood anything.

Salam 3laikum

 

[Mustafa2012]

Assalamu Alaikum

Yes I would. I used to be a little open about it before anyways, but I feel moreso now.

The reasons are because I love Allah more than myself, and I love my husband more than I love myself. I also know that it's something that I can handle inshallah. Jealousy is not something my husband has ever made me feel, nor my family, and it's not an easy emotion for me to feel because I'm thankful for everything I have. Emotions change overtime, I don't want a little emotion to be in the way of something that could be good for me or lead me into jannah inshallah. I know that if it ever came down to him wanting a 2nd wife it wouldn't be for a frivolous reason, and I know his character is the type that honestly would be a person who would be capable of doing it the right way mashallah. The only thing I want from my husband is for him to remain as he is or become better than the way he currently is in piety, kindness, respectfulness, etc.

I also think sometimes if a woman can accept being a 2nd wife, then maybe she is in more need of having a husband than my husband is of having a 2nd wife. There are things we humans can only see on the surface of a situation, but Allah let's things happen the way they do because he knows the entirety of the situation and the pureness of the people involved, and how could I ever argue against what I can't see??

Before marriage, I'd play with the idea of actually having someone there who'd be like my sister, and we'd help each other in our iman, and raise our kids together, etc. I think positively of it all because it's a part of Islam that is halal, and I'd prefer this over my husband doing something haram. Plus, my husband did marry me, so if he married anyone other than me, I'm sure she'd be just as awesome

Scenario: If I had a husband who let's say just wanted a wife for his own personal reasons, I'd still be open to it simply because I'd assume there's something that I could not fulfill that he was able to find in someone else, which I'd be ok with because I'm not perfect. As long as my husband is pious and pleasing Allah, that is more than I could ever ask for because I'd know he'd fear Allah to wrong either one of us.

Scenario: If I had a husband who was not all that pious (kind of difficult to think of), I would not mind him to marry a 2nd wife with the sole possibility that she would help increase his piety. However, if this did not happen, then I would not want to be with my husband anymore.

Inshallah khair wa allahu a'lem.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

:salamext:

:ma:

:jz:

You have a good understanding of polygany and the needs of a husband.

I pray the Allaah :swt1: guides more sisters to a better understanding of this topic so that we can be a more united Ummah for the sake of Allaah.

Even though the wives of the Prophet had jealousy which is understandable, I am not aware of any one of them stipulating that if he took a 2nd wife, they would want a divorce.

And I know that most people are far from the level of The Prophet :saws: but there are some good brothers out there who I believe :ia: can do justice if they were in a position to take on a 2nd wife.

Nowadays, in many cases, having a 2nd wife can quite a challenge which is why the chances of it happening are low.

However it's good for a man to have the option if he ever decides to have a 2nd wife in the future.

Of course, this is something that should be discussed before marrying the 1st one.

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

wow subhanallah, this thread is reminding me of the old days when there was a marriage section--hot topics about marriage and not much experience being married

All I can say is we can sit here and talk about the "what if's" which is really shaytan's way of making you stray away from the truth because really everything is in Allah's hands and He can flip the switch on your heart later on if He subhanahu wa ta'ala so chooses to no matter what your opinion is of the unknown/future. For example, when I was younger, I would never have imagined myself finding anyone with a beard attractive, but Allah has beautified it in my eyes as I grew older, and there was a time where I never thought I'd be able to wear the hijaab forever, and alhemdulilah after making the efforts to try it, Allah increased the love for it in my heart and I have never taken it off. Do not forget that the mercy of Allah sometimes lies with you trying something for His sake, despite who is there to harm you or discourage you. I'm sure we can relate to doing something for the sake of Allah that we were afraid to do and it turned out as one of the best choices in our lives.

Even your spouse can make you fall in love with the deen more and make you a stronger person, and through this your outlook on life can change tremendously--and I say this towards both sides. Our desires for something before it is fulfilled is much stronger than it is after it's fulfilled (like the idea of our husbands all to ourselves before we're even married, or in the case of men, wanting and fantasizing about more than one wife before marriage). Plus as the time goes on, you will understand each other more, and you will know what kinds of responsibilities you can take on and what your spouse can handle. I don't think that if a husband truly loves and understands his wife, he will want to make her feel burdened and vice versa. At the end of the day, it's between that specific individual couple.

The right thing to do is to--here comes the magic word--communicate.

Know what you want and communicate it to your potential spouse before marriage.

But in general, men need to understand that women are emotional creatures and they can't help but want attention and feel prideful and protective over what they have (which is why men may not want to hurt her feelings and discuss these personal things)...and women need to understand that men are sexual creatures and would be delighted to have more than one partner if that door was open for them (and some men don't really think it through as if it's a complete desire without logical thought, which is often why women have negative views of polygamy because those kinds of men make that kind of lifestyle seem very difficult). But this is how Allah 3azawajjal has made us, and you will learn that marriage is about being selfless and finding a middle ground, and not about feeling like you have to sacrifice your happiness or asking for an ultimatum.

fi aman allah
w'salaam

 

[Qurratul Ayn]

:salamext:

wow subhanallah, this thread is reminding me of the old days when there was a marriage section--hot topics about marriage and not much experience being married

Agreed, milady

Scenario: If I had a husband who was not all that pious (kind of difficult to think of), I would not mind him to marry a 2nd wife with the sole possibility that she would help increase his piety. However, if this did not happen, then I would not want to be with my husband anymore.

:alhamd: that you don't have this situation, my dear, beloved Sister *charisma*, but I'm quite intrigued as to why (if this scenario were true) you may not want to be with your husband anymore if his piety did not increase? Would you not want to still aid him to become a better Muslim whether he took a second wife or not??? I'm not having a go at you or being negative towards you, I'm just intrigued as to your reasons why.

Please don't mind my questions

 

[Mustafa2012]

Sister Charisma...

:ma:

:jz:

That is excellent advice.

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Even that I am the Western sister, I was before the second wife. It didn´t bother me at all - but to the first wife of my husband it was as insult against her. She threatened to kill me if she ever meets me. Our husband is now dead but still I think I never want to meet his first one.

:embarrass

 

[Qurratul Ayn]

^ Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Eelayhi Raji'un

Oh my dear Sister sister harb... *BIG HUG*

I'll protect you, don't you worry.

It might have been a culture thing with her to have her think it was an insult to her position. Some cultures are strange like that

You have been super brave to be a second wife! Masha'Allaah!

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

to you

To her culture it was normal if his husband wants to marry the second, not mine.


Thanks about hug, dear.

 

[Qurratul Ayn]

You are very welcome, my lovely.

To her culture it was normal if his husband wants to marry the second, not mine.

OK, Sister harb but do you know the reasons as to why she took it as an insult to herself?

 

[*charisma*]

Wa'alaikum asalaam wa rahmatallahi wa barakatuhu

:salamext:

Wow. This thread has been very active. :alhamd:

:alhamd: that you don't have this situation, my dear, beloved Sister *charisma*, but I'm quite intrigued as to why you may not want to be with your husband anymore if his piety did not increase? Would you not want to still aid him to become a better Muslim whether he took a second wife or not??? I'm not having a go at you or being negative towards you, I'm just intrigued as to your reasons why.

I should have made it more clear, but it would be very difficult for me to be with someone who is not religious to begin with, but I would try my best to help him in his imaan for as long as I could. If I had married this person, but they still did not improve after some time, I don't think I would desire to be with this person anymore because it would be difficult for me to spend my life with someone who's sole focus is not on pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, regardless of whether a 2nd wife is present or not. I would lose attraction for him in my eyes. I also believe there comes a point in most people's lives where they just don't change and they remain in the same mindset for years. I could try and try to help him and he would not change because he simply does not want to, it would be so disheartening.

If you have kids, you'd want your husband to be on the same page as you are in raising them, and you'd want him to be an example of what a good muslim is to them. If you have a shortcoming in your iman, you want to be able to lean on your husband for help. You'd want him to desire paradise and meeting Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala as much as you and to show it by working for it. You want to be able to look at him and automatically think of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala because of how precious he is to your life. If I were not married to someone pious, I would feel alone in the most important aspect of my life, and what's the point of being married if that were the case? I can find wealthy, handsome, intelligent men to marry, but iman is something special that is given by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that will outlast the length of time and outweigh the benefits of all this world and what's in it. I could tolerate being with someone who's not religious, but the benefits of being with someone who is religious will outweigh the benefits of being with someone who's not religious in my personal opinion. This is all hypothetically speaking of course, because as I said, it's very difficult for me to even imagine accepting someone to marry who was not religious.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

 

[sister herb]

You are very welcome, my lovely.



OK, Sister harb but do you know the reasons as to why she took it as an insult to herself?

Salam alaykum

Hers society (Palestinian) is chaging and taking more than one wife might not be accepted with educated people. His mom was the first wife and then his father took second from other country and his sisters too disagreed our marriage.

But we loved each others.

 

[Qurratul Ayn]

taking more than one wife might not be accepted with educated people.

Unfortunately, that seems to be the case for majority of cultures, societies and what have you. People are making that more important than Islam, it's very sad to see. The western views are penetrating people all over the world.

his sisters too disagreed our marriage.

It is sad to hear that. Were his parents OK with your marriage?

But we loved each others.

Aaawww!!! *BIG HUG*

 

[Qurratul Ayn]

I should have made it more clear, but it would be very difficult for me to be with someone who is not religious to begin with, but I would try my best to help him in his imaan for as long as I could. If I had married this person, but they still did not improve after some time, I don't think I would desire to be with this person anymore because it would be difficult for me to spend my life with someone who's sole focus is not on pleasing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, regardless of whether a 2nd wife is present or not. I would lose attraction for him in my eyes. I also believe there comes a point in most people's lives where they just don't change and they remain in the same mindset for years. I could try and try to help him and he would not change because he simply does not want to, it would be so disheartening.

I understand your point

If you have kids, you'd want your husband to be on the same page as you are in raising them, and you'd want him to be an example of what a good muslim is to them. If you have a shortcoming in your iman, you want to be able to lean on your husband for help. You'd want him to desire paradise and meeting Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala as much as you and to show it by working for it. You want to be able to look at him and automatically think of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala because of how precious he is to your life.

Of course, absolutely

it's very difficult for me to even imagine accepting someone to marry who was not religious.

I did and I didn't even suspect it, I just assumed that he would be pious. The naivety

Basically, it's coming up to five years of my marriage, :alhamd:, I married very young, was in 6th Form. In the early days of our marriage, I picked up on the fact that he didn't read his Namaaz, nor his Qur'aan, whenever I would ask him he would always have an excuse.

He was and is the most patient, caring, big-hearted man I've ever had the privilege to meet, despite the fact he never used to read his Namaaz or read the Qur'aan.

I always woke up for Fajr and read Salaah by myself and in my Du'as every day, I would cry my heart out to :Allah: to give me Sabr, to guide my Husband onto the true path, to give me the strength to help in guiding him and to increase my Imaan so I can be strong for my Husband. This went on for 3 long, long, years and a bit, I would still ask him to read with me but he again he would make excuses, I noticed he would always keep his fasts during Ramadhaan and read his full Salaah then too.

One day, I woke up for Fajr and began reading my Salaah, the next thing I know, he lays a Salaah mat next to mine and begins to read his Fajr!!! After I had finished my Salaah, the waterworks turned on full blast then, I couldn't stop! My beloved Husband held me and then we had a long, long, long chat about the past, present and the imminent future that we can face together with the strength of our love in Allaah, Islam and for each other. He repented then and is always repenting as am I, for we should always ask for forgiveness for everything. Obviously, there will be times when one of us go down, or be faced with a trial that truly tests us but now we know we have each other and with :Allah: in our hearts we can never fail

The joy, happiness and the peace that filled me then is always with me now, you don't understand the amount of tears, hurt and suffering I endured because he would not read his Salaah or Qur'aan. Now he reads his 5 Salaah, Qur'aan every morning with me, goes to the Masjid regularly, does charity runs and events too It has been worth every tear, pain and hurt that I endured.

The hardest test I had faced without a doubt in my life.

:Allah: truly blessed me with Sabr and strength, I had never lost hope. Now, he's the one who wakes me up for Fajr!!! The cheek! Lol! I'm truly happy now and will be now knowing he's there for me and I'm there for him (he said so himself! Yippee! )

I must say I thought of it as a challenge after I found out his attitude towards Salaah, even though I knew I would suffer a tremendous amount of hurt and pain, and it may not end positively and I might have had to face up to the reality of it not working out :skeleton: However, it has all worked out, :Allah: is truly the best.

So, there's always hope even for a lost soul, one should never give up and with :Allah: always there to guide and help, one can never fail

Y'all keep making Du'a and always be optimistic (my husband taught me optimism - haha!)

:salamext: