Salaam Wa Alaikum Brother Yousef,
Truly an inspiring post! Thank you for sharing. She gives me hope, especially realizing maybe I need some consoling, but I am afraid to actually go through with it. She is a wonderful women and it seems like I can truly benefit from keeping her in my mind.... Always remembering such a strong spirit. SubhanAllah!
Allah always bless you and you're family, and always give you the best!
I believe you two were made for each other. Allah broight you together, Alhamduillah to always keep your head high and to catch each other before falling. I wanted to help young girls who were raped, it is just hard to get grants... I hope one day to be someone like you wife, an amazing women!
Allah bless her and you in the best ways! May Allah always keep you in good health and full of bliss and bless all your prayers! Ameen!
Brother, I don't know you very well, but your my friend... and I keep you and your family in my prayers
:wa:
it was the WRAP group that saved my wife. like most Muslims, i kind of "poo-poo"ed the idea thinking all that you need is Qur'an. the WRAP was the most gut-wrenching course she ever took. she had to face everything, and she had alot of obstacles: raped at 14, date-raped at 16, her mom fed her hash brownies at 3, despite being a straight A student, her mom belittled her extensively. she was in so much emotional pain that she dabbled in heroin. just when she finally found her "soulmate" an unfortunate series of events led to her "temporarily" leaving him. she never saw him again, she learned a few years ago that he died within a month and she blames herself. she came as close to recovery as she could and then ended up in that awful DV situation. the trauma of the "old girlfriend" situation brought back her PTSD worse than before, so she settled for the DV situation as better than nothing. she has survived a suicide attempt and loves herself at least enough where she won't do that again [she was actually saved by a miracle from Allah, and she now knows this.]
i have seen her put the WRAP into use in our relationship. just after she cooked, she explained some of it's concepts and i then realized that she was using what she learned with me. because of her hyper-sensitivity, i can accidentally "trigger" her depression or even her PTSD. you can witness her "nose-dive" and it is heartbreaking to see. i'll be horrified and in anguish and 15 minutes later, SHE is trying to make me laugh! she told me, "no matter what you do, your forgiven the instant you do it [even if i DID something stupid-and i have], just give me a few moments to recover, that's all i need." last night i said something she misunderstood and she was very hurt. we talked about it and she understood. and 10 minutes later she did something that made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt for hours.
from her point of view, she can do it because of me. i DO try to make her happy and Allah allows me unbridled success in this area, and i adore her. YET she thinks that SHE is the one who is Blessed because she IS so happy and she feels more loved than ever before. she actually says that she feels Allah kept her "perfect plan" suicide from working so that she would be alive to meet me. i survived a heart attack and congestive heart-failure and pretty much feel the same way. my ex-wife left me last year, told me when i was nearly dead, that she wasn't coming back from her visit to Yemen. THAT story was one of the things that bonded my wife's heart to mine [i used to drive her to some of her classes]. we BOTH see Allah's design in our marriage.
had she either not taken her courses or not explained her past, many of our "incidents" could have ended any "normal" relationships. it is BECAUSE of those courses that she can be so effective helping others. yes, Muslims will tell you [sincerely] that you don't "need' help. the truth is that NONE OF US know what you need. we CAN'T know how what happened to you affected you. you have to work this out yourself, BUT if you get help, then you can help others,
my wife just finished a PEER counseling course. now imagine some poor distraught woman has listened to my wife teaching. they are awestruck, my wife is very beautiful and the women imagine her to be a professional counselor. when they one on one, she tells them some of the things from her past and they are dumbstruck! my wife shows them pictures of herself from 3 years ago and she looked like a different person. the hope that they get when she tells them that they have the power to be just like her is unbelievable! she is truculently working on a project to help people when the meet that moment of despair and they'll either use drugs or commit suicide or allow their abusive mates to kill them. just last Sunday she asked that if one of those women were at a breaking point, could we go and rescue them.
from her point of view, "as a Muslim, would you refuse a doctors help if you were sick? wouldn't you be denying the help that Allah has provided for you? the WHY oh WHY would you deny someone "mental" first aid or assistance?'
DANG GOOD QUESTION!
i leave you that as food for though.
:wa:
Yusuf
It is my opinion that it should be equal work, I will be a working women as will the man I marry being a working man. When marriage comes, and I come home from work; I will plan on resting for 15 minutes and starting on the dinner... but when husband comes home I would prefer him helping in a bit... not with the whole dinner, just being understand! And I am sure many good Muslime men, will help! Just like money, I won't be careless to my husbands money, and ask for a bunch of nonsense stuff... The marriage I want is caring for eachother and seeing each others need. When I need help he will help as much as he can, when he needs help I will be there doing my best! In the end, both man and women need food so hey why not feed your family- man or women. My father cooks when my mom is tried.
