Would you marry such a person?

[anonymous]

Brothers and sisters, would you marry such a woman who thinks that some scholars are of opinion that niqab is not necessary? So if you tell her that you'd hope that your wife starts wearing one sooner or later, the potential woman has problems with that?

Moreover, what if she tells you this? "All you have to offer is a life a righteousness. So does a lot of men right here , nearer to my home.Why do I need to travel all the way to another place to seek a life of righteousness."

Would you still marry such a woman?

I am wondering if she does not want a life of righteousness, then what the heck she wants ....? Can I assume from her reply that she does not have a religion in her heart even though she externally shows it by praying 5 times a day etc. Following advice of Prophet, I should run away from her

 

[ardianto]

Assalamu'alaikum

A woman came to my sister in-law friend and told her that there's a man who was looking for a wife, with condition, will wear niqab. She asked my sis in-law friend, if she's interested and agree to wear niqab, she would told him. But my sis in-law friend said, she doesn't want to wear niqab. And that man never came to my sis in-law friend.

Is niqab fard?. There are two opinions. One say "yes", another say "no". The man in that true story hold opinion that niqab is fard, that's why he was looking for a woman who ready to wear niqab, or already wear niqab. But he didn't propose marriage to women who hold another opinion, because he knew, there are two opinion about niqab.

So bro, why don't you follow what that man has done, propose marriage only to a woman who ready to wear niqab, or already wear niqab. Do not force a woman who follow another opinion to wear niqab.

What you should do to the women who mentioned in your post? just leave her and try to find another woman who ready to wear niqab, or already wear niqab.

 

[Scimitar]

Brothers and sisters, would you marry such a woman who thinks that some scholars are of opinion that niqab is not necessary? So if you tell her that you'd hope that your wife starts wearing one sooner or later, the potential woman has problems with that?

Moreover, what if she tells you this? "All you have to offer is a life a righteousness. So does a lot of men right here , nearer to my home.Why do I need to travel all the way to another place to seek a life of righteousness."

Would you still marry such a woman?

I am wondering if she does not want a life of righteousness, then what the heck she wants ....? Can I assume from her reply that she does

...get away, while you can.

Scimi

 

[Alpha Dude]

All you have to offer is a life a righteousness. So does a lot of men right here , nearer to my home.Why do I need to travel all the way to another place to seek a life of righteousness."

This remark gives an insight into her world view. She seems to have a superficial outlook on religion. I wouldn't marry such a person.

The fact that she is saying this to you makes it appear as though you have been persuing her strongly? I mean a woman doesn't just say that to a guy the first time he proposes right (if she did, then that's a definite red flag)?

 

[Scimitar]

The fact that she is saying this to you makes it appear as though you have been persuing her strongly?

Yes, it seems you let her wear the trousers early on... never a good move. I still got my chook jumping and screaming "how high i gotta jump Scimi?"... that's how you wanna play it... keep the girls guessing, coz if you don't - they'll keep you guessing. Just like you are now...

...my advice? Cut your losses and find another chook... and this time, WEAR THE PANTS.

Scimi

 

[جوري]

This doesn't need to come down to some war of the sexes.. I don't think we're meant to oneup the other person it's then not a lifelong partnership is it?
You seem to want different things in life and are in different places it doesn't mean you're a weak person or she's some sort of shrew.. I just don't think she's the one for you but ultimately only you can answer that Q. Marriage is about sacrifices from both parties but if you're the one making all the concessions you won't be happy sane goes also if you're only making demands to be met.
In shaa Allah you'll find the one for you maybe I am absurdly romantic in this day and age but I really do believe Allah swt has a perfect fit for each and everyone of us. If you decide to make something fit and it doesn't fall easy then you need to keep looking.
In sha Allah use this month to ask Allah swt to guide you to what he will also love and chooses!

Fi Aman illah

 

[anonymous]

Alpha:
yes, I've been pursuing her for a while. We have been communicating via means that could be as halaal as possible. The thing is I really like this girl for her other qualities but I think I should come back to ground from cloud 9 and see that she is lacking in religion cuz after all Abu Jahal was an amazing poet/orator and a charming looking man too.

Scimi: Could you please translate your second message in English for me bro? I really did not understand it. You mean I should not be sincere in telling her that I want to marry her? And what does hving PANTs on means?

 

[anonymous]

This doesn't need to come down to some war of the sexes.. I don't think we're meant to oneup the other person it's then not a lifelong partnership is it?
You seem to want different things in life and are in different places it doesn't mean you're a weak person or she's some sort of shrew.. I just don't think she's the one for you but ultimately only you can answer that Q. Marriage is about sacrifices from both parties but if you're the one making all the concessions you won't be happy sane goes also if you're only making demands to be met.
In shaa Allah you'll find the one for you maybe I am absurdly romantic in this day and age but I really do believe Allah swt has a perfect fit for each and everyone of us. If you decide to make something fit and it doesn't fall easy then you need to keep looking.
In sha Allah use this month to ask Allah swt to guide you to what he will also love and chooses!

Fi Aman illah

I wish it was as simple as that. I am not sexist but this experience has taught me a great deal about irrationality of women in general in relationships. I do not mean to hurt you or other sisters here, but the hurt I'v gone through, only I know that.

 

[tigerkhan]

well where i agree with alpha dude, i say human being is a complex machine and u cant just understand someone in all her atributes toward life while sitting on laptop and chating. so its difficult to say some thing here about someone personality by only her one statment. seems a bit judgemental.
but since u ask if whether we marry or not such a women, so my answer is no. reason bcz as alpha dude said u both r discusing there about marrige and she seems to be very clear in her wording, which is absolutely not my choice.

 

[جوري]

I am not hurt by your comment- our experiences shape our views of others and the world ..
In shaa Allah it will get better for you..

 

[anonymous]

Thanks ^^.

I am feeling really inadequate in this department. Feeling that how could I let her take the reign and dispose off someone as she pleases after showing interest initially and then attacking everything I stand for in terms of my beliefs and worldviews. Its Ramaadaaan yet these ill feelings are erupting from within.

 

[ardianto]

The thing is I really like this girl for her other qualities but I think I should come back to ground from cloud 9 and see that she is lacking in religion cuz after all Abu Jahal was an amazing poet/orator and a charming looking man too.

She doesn't expect Abu Jahal. She expect a good Muslim who can be a good husband, not only good Muslim who expert in giving Islamic lecture but do not know how to be a husband.

Moreover, what if she tells you this? "All you have to offer is a life a righteousness. So does a lot of men right here , nearer to my home.Why do I need to travel all the way to another place to seek a life of righteousness."

What she meant is, if only righteous, there are righteous men near her who want to marry her. Like I've said, she expect a good Muslim who can be a good husband.


Do you know bro? there are many women who know Islam better than men, there are many women who pious more than men.

 

[tigerkhan]

brother me too made an account on purematrimony but i think it will not work. bcz its v.difficult on marraige sites that u got whole true pic of person u r talking or chatting. or just by discussing whether she blv in polygamy, niqab and blah blah u can understand her. ya i agree atleast u can get some pic of her motives in life and if its matches you, get ready for little (or maybe more lol) compromises bcz she will not be exactly as u think nor you would be exactly she think. so both have to compromise but since the direction, purpose or motive in life is same u can go further. like if a person has same destination as u, u can walk with him even if both have diff speed (both can compromise and adjust) but if someone is moving in other direction, u cant even u compromise alot unless u too chage ur direction and move with him.
so first i dont recomend marrige site (if u u using) for marrige. better way is through family, relative, community, masjid. if u have only choice of website, then see ur prioirities and plan and if someone seems to have same, go for it keeping in mind that u have to sacrifice alot in case she has bit diffrent speed as u.
wish u the best.

 

[anonymous]

tigerkhan, you are right bro. but this was not from matrimonial site. she is friend of my friend's wife. But yes, our communication mostly was via net.

I am feeling lost atm, I wish I was a homosexual and that it was not a sin.

 

[tigerkhan]

dear bro dont be so down...i know that very serious issue and stress a person alot, but we r muslims and we blv and trust in Allah SWT who is Al hakeem (with wisdom) and love us more tha 70 mothers. so just be hopeful to HIM. blv me even me sometime feel so depressed but alhumduliah Allah SWT has always shown His mercy where i have no hope for solution.
So even "if" u r leaving her, its just for sake of Allah SWt and importance of deen and commadment u have in ur heart. surely Allah SWt will bless u with much more better for this sacrifice insh.

 

[Alpha Dude]

All you have to offer is a life a righteousness. So does a lot of men right here , nearer to my home.Why do I need to travel all the way to another place to seek a life of righteousness."

Without knowing the context of this it is difficult to make any kind of judgement. Initially, I assumed the implication of her words was that she doesn't look for religiosity or does not consider it of importance.

However, it could also mean that you are persuing her but she, alongside a religious husband, wants someone who is financially standing on his own feet or someone who is good looking or someone who has good personality etc. I.e. other halal permissible qualities that she might want in a husband that you don't match and in that context, her statement is not all that wrong.

I am feeling lost atm, I wish I was a homosexual and that it was not a sin.

I don't see why you would want to turn gay over this though. That's a foolish thought. Seek refuge in Allah from the shaytan.

 

[anonymous]

Without knowing the context of this it is difficult to make any kind of judgement. Initially, I assumed the implication of her words was that she doesn't look for religiosity or does not consider it of importance.

However, it could also mean that you are persuing her but she, alongside a religious husband, wants someone who is financially standing on his own feet or someone who is good looking or someone who has good personality etc. I.e. other halal permissible qualities that she might want in a husband that you don't match and in that context, her statement is not all that wrong.


I don't see why you would want to turn gay over this though. That's a foolish thought. Seek refuge in Allah from the shaytan.

Yes, I wont be arrogant enough to claim I am perfect. She did tell me that I am not "caring" enough. I think it is in that context she said that quote. I dont blame her for expecting a caring partner.

What is making me angry is I cannot think of something else that I could have done which could show I am "caring" enough. The fault is with my mentality I guess. And to realize that the fault is within me is the toughest thing to accept and to live with.

But I am being lambasted for expecting a wife with a niqab, she tells me its not obligatory according to scholars she follows and that I am not caring enough to accept her "interpretation" of it (even though I said I wont force niqab) ... if everyone can think that nothing is obligatory ... what purpose is deen for???

 

[anonymous]

Secondly, that quote however does give the impression that living a righteous life is not a big deal for her ... hwo can be so sure that the men around her would be able to give her the religious life that she could have ad with me? how can she be so arrogant and confident about it?

 

[anonymous]

dear bro dont be so down...i know that very serious issue and stress a person alot, but we r muslims and we blv and trust in Allah SWT who is Al hakeem (with wisdom) and love us more tha 70 mothers. so just be hopeful to HIM. blv me even me sometime feel so depressed but alhumduliah Allah SWT has always shown His mercy where i have no hope for solution.
So even "if" u r leaving her, its just for sake of Allah SWt and importance of deen and commadment u have in ur heart. surely Allah SWt will bless u with much more better for this sacrifice insh.

w salam

thanks for those beautiful words bro. I hope I find some peace of mind ....

many a poets have written ghazals about the unrequited love. Now I know why.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Yes, I wont be arrogant enough to claim I am perfect. She did tell me that I am not "caring" enough. I think it is in that context she said that quote. I dont blame her for expecting a caring partner.

What is making me angry is I cannot think of something else that I could have done which could show I am "caring" enough. The fault is with my mentality I guess. And to realize that the fault is within me is the toughest thing to accept and to live with.

But I am being lambasted for expecting a wife with a niqab, she tells me its not obligatory according to scholars she follows and that I am not caring enough to accept her "interpretation" of it (even though I said I wont force niqab) ... if everyone can think that nothing is obligatory ... what purpose is deen for???

So i assume that you have known her for a while and that is why you are reacting in such a way towards her stance. May i ask how you met and how long you have known her for and are you in a relationship with her?