Would you marry?

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confused

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As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk
 
confused said:
As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk
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Looks don't make you religious, knowledge that you learn and practice makes you religious!

What religious does one have if they don't pray and observe the Islamic obligations?!
 
:sl:
There is a strong possibility this sister might change after marriage you don't know so you cannot judge her now so i would NOT suggest you do not marry a girl like this. i personally met many sisters who came closer to islam after marriage and even after having there first child so i would not rule a potential like this out.
 
Write up a list of things that are absolutely essential to for your spouse to have. I'm not talking pie in the sky, must look like this actress or whatever. Nope, the things that are important to you and that you couldn't live without.

Also, you mentioned the word "despised." If you always despise her, trust me, you won't want to marry her.

Yes, people can change, but it's a long hard road, so why not start out with someone who's traveling the same path as you?
 
as long as she agrees to dress modest after marriage, the rest you can work on
 
true its a long hard road for some people i do agree but ask yourself this bro what makes her attracted to you? it could be your religious commitment that is drawing her near you. she sees something in you that will be good for her. how two people can meet like this is for a reason, one is practicing and the other is not she might get totally inspired by you after marriage. also thats a good idea write everything out on a list what you want in a spouse but do not be to overly picky because being to overly picky you will come out with a girl that dose not exist :hmm:
 
Why not talk to her? Find out whether she is willing to change (without being rude off course). But you say she does lots of things you despise? That doesn't sound too good!Personally I would try and make sure that a propsective life partner ticked all the boxes that I considered essential e.g. prays five times a day, etc.
 
I only want to marry a religious woman, or not marry at all.


Not marrying would actually be fine with me, ive seen lots of marriages turn to crap before my eyes, so i wouldnt mind
 
Aliyah_86 said:
Why not talk to her? Find out whether she is willing to change (without being rude off course). But you say she does lots of things you despise? That doesn't sound too good!Personally I would try and make sure that a propsective life partner ticked all the boxes that I considered essential e.g. prays five times a day, etc.
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I wouldn't recommend that they sit down and talk to each other, specially when this woman isn't religiously commited.
 
'Abd-al Latif said:
I wouldn't recommend that they sit down and talk to each other, specially when this woman isn't religiously commited.
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Forgive me, I didn't mean just the two of them, I meant they could have an informal chat with family member present and the Bro could get an idea about whether she wants to increase in her imaan. However I have also said that for me personally I would not want to marry someone who didn't pray etc, like a brother said above, I wouldn't want to marry someone if they weren't religious from the outset.
 
confused said:
As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray,
likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk
Click to expand...

:sl:

a few Hadeeth from Bukhari

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 3:
Narrated 'Alqama:
While I was with Abdullah, 'Uthman met him at Mina and said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rahman ! I have something to say to you." So both of them went aside and 'Uthman said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rah. man! Shall we marry you to a virgin who will make you remember your past days?" When 'Abdullah felt that he was not in need of that, he beckoned me (to join him) saying, "O 'Alqama!" Then I heard him saying (in reply to 'Uthman), "As you have said that, (I tell you that) the Prophet once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers

from Muslim:

Book 008, Number 3231:
'Alqama reported: While I was walking with 'Abdullah at Mina, 'Uthman happened to meet him. He stopped there and began to talk with him. Uthman said to him: Abu 'Abd al-Rahman, should we not marry you to a young girl who may recall to you some of the past of your bygone days; thereupon he said: If you say so, Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: 0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes from casting (evil glances). and preserves one from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting for it is a means of controlling sexual desire
________________________________________
Book 008, Number 3465:
'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.

:wa:
 
then whts the use of hijab is she's not covering properly, listening to music, other unislamic acts? then its not hijab but just a piece of cloth.

first of all, the iman must be in heart....a heart which fears Allah. which trembles due to fear of Allah's punishment. a soul which tries to obey Allah as much as possible.
 
hold on a minute you are judging the sister now, people are trying to pick on her imaan, how do we know? she probably have very strong faith in her heart.
 
:sl: Brother, take the Prophet's (saw) advice posted by Bro Yusuf.

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
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:wa:
 
there are things that can be over looked but things like neglecting salah- thats too much. thats not being nit picky
 
I wouldn't marry her if she did all those things cos there'd be conflicts all the time. Can you imagine telling her all the time "No music" and she'd probably call you extreme. She could even bring you down with her.

It's hard without talking to her and finding out what her personality is like, some people don't care at all they think " listening to music and not praying doesn't make me a bad person cos I'm not harming anyone"

so you have to find out what kind of personality she has, she may be trying to change and realises that she's in the wrong but is finding it hard.

or she could be the other extreme and doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing and doesn't like to be told she's in the wrong.

I personally wouldn't go no where near a girl like that because I know I wouldn't get on with her as opposed to a praticing girl.

Can you see yourself getting on with a girl who wears tight jeans, shows all her body and all the men stare at her as she's walking down the road like a piece of meat.

or would you prefer a girl who dresses properly and only shows herself to your eyes.
 
Last edited:
confused said:
As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk
Click to expand...

In my opinion one can not be to picky you are going to be with this person for the rest of your life! You must make the right choice. I waited 6 years after converting to get married and I did it after praying and Allah brought me exactly the perfect husband. While if you just settle, which I almost did, it doesnt mean you will be happy and coud mean you will end up divorced.
 
confused said:
As-salamu-alaikum
Ok, nearly ready to get married
but few off puttings things
I'm I being too picky or is it OK to nit-pick?
would you marry a girl, who looks religious (wears a scarf), but doesnt pray, likes loud music, isnt very covered or modest, like tight jeans, and does lots of things which i despise in a womam?
is it better to find another potential?
jzk
Click to expand...

1. Love your username

2. Listen to the hadith

3. You are not nitpicking.

It's true some men/women change after tieing the knot, but are you going to risk your whole future on that? She is missing a lot of the basics, like ahmedindian says, if she's wearing tight clothes then the hijab is just a piece of cloth! There are a lot of alarm bells going off in my mind when I read what you wrote, so you should ask yourself, "if there's this much I 'despise' about her, then why do I want to marry her?"
 
no ones judging ... insha'Allah we're all advising the bro with pure intentions ... but i agree about looking for Piety first ... atleast if she does her obligatory salah ... everything else will fall into place.

I wouldnt suggest you take a risk and hope you can increase her peity because i've seen marriages fall apart due to one wanting the other to act more according to the deen while the other feels yet not ready.

Insha'Allah The Almighty will guide you towards the correct path.
 

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