Wrong timing?

[50cent]

Salaam

I want to know/understand, if it's such thing as perfect situation but wrong timing? And if Did Allah SWT say anything about wrong timing for a person in the Quran. E.g meeting someone perfect but at the wrong time, or being somewhere perfect with family but wrong timing etc??

 

[Ahmed.]

Salaam

I want to know/understand, if it's such thing as perfect situation but wrong timing? And if Did Allah SWT say anything about wrong timing for a person in the Quran. E.g meeting someone perfect but at the wrong time, or being somewhere perfect with family but wrong timing etc??

There is never a wrong timing as everything happens from Allah according to a plan, so nothing happens coincidentally, therefore the timing is never misplaced

 

[Ümit]

I do not understand the question. perfect situation includes perfect timing...if the timing is not perfect, then the situation is not perfect.

so??

please explain us what is really bothering you so we can understand your real question.

 

[50cent]

When I mean perfect girl wrong timing, everything was great however as things got harder with arguments etc she switched up and wanted to get to know other guys. If the timing was later down the line, then maybe she would be old enough and mature enough to handle things and still be with me because if she gets with someone now then she will be able to handle things as she's mature, so the other guy is getting everything that I should of got so perfect girl wrong timing....

 

['Abdullah]

When I mean perfect girl wrong timing, everything was great however as things got harder with arguments etc she switched up and wanted to get to know other guys. If the timing was later down the line, then maybe she would be old enough and mature enough to handle things and still be with me because if she gets with someone now then she will be able to handle things as she's mature, so the other guy is getting everything that I should of got so perfect girl wrong timing....

In your limited view yes it may be a perfect girl and wrong timing but for Allah there is no such thing. He knows everything, not just two of you. There are many who may have been affected because of your relationship and Allah knows what was the best for everyone so I don't think the timing was wrong. It definitely is the right timing in your life to make right decisions and to separate your ways from someone who is not meant to be for you.

 

[keiv]

First and foremost, if this is a boyfriend/girlfriend type of thing, it's already wrong. Secondly, it doesn't sound like she's the perfect girl if she's willing to go guy hopping the moment she gets into an argument with someone. Arguments happen in relationships. It's part of the deal. People's mentalities typically don't change over night unless they experience some sort of traumatic or life changing experience. Don't get caught up with this one girl if her character is bad.

If I misunderstood you in any of this, than I apologize.

 

[50cent]

Jzk but now I'm thinking she's going to be in the same relationship with another guy now but will give him everything she didn't give me , so why wasn't it written for me but was written for him

 

[taha_]

Salaam brother,

Dont think so much about her. Remember that Almighty Allah is Wise, He has infinite knowledge. He is knower of the Unseen. If you think about her outer beauty then that is some problem, because inner beauty is actually better than outer beauty. Lot of beauitful couples like celebrities are divorced.... Marry a woman who has very good inner self and you will feel peaceful and happy and so thankful to Allah for the blessing He gave you...

JazakAllah..

 

[keiv]

Count this as a blessing. Imagine you guys had kids together and all of this happened. There is another thread on here where the brother is struggling to get custody of his kid from a troubled ex wife. Would you want to end up in a situation like that?

Also, you don't know how she will act when she hooks up with the next guy. She might leave him the moment they have a disagreement and move on to the next available guy. I honestly can't see why you would continually think of someone with a mentality like that. Are you attracted to her looks? Either way, it's best to say alhamdulillah and let it go.

 

[Ahmed.]

Jzk but now I'm thinking she's going to be in the same relationship with another guy now but will give him everything she didn't give me , so why wasn't it written for me but was written for him

This is sick way of thinking brother. You come onto an Islamic board with a brtual gangsta rapper name and insinuate that you want haram relationship with a girl and are upset that she's going to 'give it to another guy'.

If you're Muslim then you should repent and acknowledge that having girlfriend and lusting over girls is haram

 

[Studentofdeed]

Ahmed. Take it easy, we shouldnt judge anyone...
But do listen to the other words of other brothers 50cent. Because trust me, right now you are thinking with emotions and not rationally. You said this woman is married so that means she is now haram for you. Besides she is not the woman you want, you would be feeling even more worse has she left you while you were married. Trust me, Allah exposed her or revealed her true colors and that is a blessing. This is could be way of Allah calling you back to islam. Trust me, focus on allah and you will feel much better. Even though I have really bad depression, I swear by Allah, practicing islam has saved me and given me so much. Allah has blessed me with good company rather than the company of bad people. Allah loves you 70 times more than your real mother. So if your mother planned your life, wouldn't she give you the best and want what's best for you? Allah wants something better for you. Stay off social media as that's another reason for depression and it's useless. Improve on islam and that should help with the pain. Cry to allah if you have to. He WILL listen. And stop listening to music....music is nothing but more pain and completely useless

 

[*charisma*]

There's no such thing as a perfect girl or perfect timing that went wrong. Get your head out of the clouds.
Seek refuge from shaytaan. Being fixated on a girl who is not married to you, and furthermore feeling jealous over something which is clearly haram, will ruin you in this world and the hereafter.

Subhanallah..where are the men these days lol. Many of you are saps. Guard your heart and your modesty. Girls who are ready for marriage don't want someone who is wishy washy, that's why your hearts are getting broken so easily; you give it up easily to someone who doesn't care to really have it in the first place.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Subhanallah..where are the men these days lol. Many of you are saps. Guard your heart and your modesty. Girls who are ready for marriage don't want someone who is wishy washy, that's why your hearts are getting broken so easily; you give it up easily to someone who doesn't care to really have it in the first place.

Please do describe the "men". Are they ones who mess around destroying women or the one who pretend to be good but abusive to their spouse? You shouldnt mock others because Allah SWT could relieve them of their affliction and afflict you. May Allah soften your heart. The prophet saw himself was so kind and sensitive with Khadijah. He used to get emotional when he was reminded about her. The prophet Muhammad saw was even good with Aisha. He should play games and be sweet and kind with her. Drinking from the side of the cup from where she drank from. The prophet saw said the BEST of you are those who are best to their wives.

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Guys should be sensitive and take care of women in regards both physical and emotionally. They should not just be a brute who works and grunts and takes care of them physically. THAT is not a man but an animal.


I apologize if I come across attacking you but this is a point that needs to be driven across

 

[*charisma*]

Please do describe the "men". Are they ones who mess around destroying women or the one who pretend to be good but abusive to their spouse? You shouldnt mock others because Allah SWT could relieve them of their affliction and afflict you.

This isn't about masculinity. It's about chastity. The strength of a man is not about his bruteness towards a woman, it's about how disciplined he is with himself. You have to look at the bigger picture. The more baggage you allow yourself to carry the more it will affect your future. If a girl can do this much damage, imagine going through it again and again and then getting married with all of those misconceptions, prejudices, sadness, etc. If you don't protect your heart, no one is going to do it for you bro.

The sad thing is, women are intuitive. They will make mistakes and have weaknesses as well, but even in the midst of their weakness they already know that the guy in front of them is not the right person for them, so that's why your hearts get broken and you don't know why. Or some guys are just so fixated on someone with their heads in the clouds. Lower your gaze. That's Allah's commandment. If you don't have discipline with yourself, you cannot raise a family. You just simply can't. If you don't lower your gaze, guard your chastity, place importance on building your taqwa and iman, you will not put the same standards on your potential wife that you have put on yourself so you end up with a terrible person, OR if by allah's blessing your wife is better than you, she will not find peace in being with you because you did not build yourself up to be a good husband (regardless of your love for her). The youth do not understand the implications of what a premarital relationship does. You are untarnished and that one person that you allow into your life can tear you apart and take away what was meant for your wife. I totally understand that not everyone knows what they're doing is wrong when it happens, but MOST of them do and continue on anyway.

The prophet saw himself was so kind and sensitive with Khadijah. He used to get emotional when he was reminded about her. The prophet Muhammad saw was even good with Aisha. He should play games and be sweet and kind with her. Drinking from the side of the cup from where she drank from. The prophet saw said the BEST of you are those who are best to their wives.

Apples and oranges. You can't compare a haram relationship that lead you to zina and damn you to hellfire to one that is blessed by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Be kind to your wives, be soft with your wives, be vulnerable with your wives. Your wife will be your best friend. But if the girl is not your wife, turn away and never give someone that position before you both have earned it in marriage by Allah's decree. So why is it the heart is given up so easily?

I apologize if I come across attacking you but this is a point that needs to be driven across

Feel free to express what you want, I don't get offended.

May Allah soften your heart.

Ameen.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Yes I understand. There is a difference between haram and halal. But I belive that if he didnt know then it shouldnt be his fault as this these things are test from Allah. But i do genuinely belive the woman was not a good at all. There are so many male and female predators who prey on people with good hearts but then they destroy them and marry a chaste person themselves. If the person did know , we shouldn't chastise, as we all make mistakes and those people need our support rather being judged. My hearts really goes all to those poor victims. Allah make it easy for them

And honestly if a someone has no intention of marrying someone , and still gets involved then that's just cruel and sick. Which is what that girl did. So I really do feel for the guy. No one deserves this and I would not wish this on anyone. May allah bless him with a good wife.
And I absolutely agree with charisma. There has to be a strong stance on relationships and interactions between men and women. The fact that most people do not know or are ignorant or parents dont care leads to issues like this. I myself honestly had no idea and in my small muslim community of like 60 people, all the kids my age had girlfriends...when everyone is doing it , and no one says anything you will naturally think it's okay. There seriously should be more information and knowledge spread about the fitna of opposite gender

 

[*charisma*]

Yes I understand. There is a difference between haram and halal. But I belive that if he didnt know then it shouldnt be his fault as this these things are test from Allah. But i do genuinely belive the woman was not a good at all. There are so many male and female predators who prey on people with good hearts but then they destroy them and marry a chaste person themselves. If the person did know , we shouldn't chastise, as we all make mistakes and those people need our support rather being judged. My hearts really goes all to those poor victims. Allah make it easy for them

And honestly if a someone has no intention of marrying someone , and still gets involved then that's just cruel and sick. Which is what that girl did. So I really do feel for the guy. No one deserves this and I would not wish this on anyone. May allah bless him with a good wife.
And I absolutely agree with charisma. There has to be a strong stance on relationships and interactions between men and women. The fact that most people do not know or are ignorant or parents dont care leads to issues like this. I myself honestly had no idea and in my small muslim community of like 60 people, all the kids my age had girlfriends...when everyone is doing it , and no one says anything you will naturally think it's okay. There seriously should be more information and knowledge spread about the fitna of opposite gender

You gotta move on. Even if your heart was literally pulled out of your chest and stomped on. Leave it there, walk away, rebuild yourself.
If you've made a mistake, then your bigger mistake is to carry the effects of all of it. Don't keep victimizing yourself. Everything happens for a reason.

If you can excuse your own ignorance, then when someone takes advantage of you or harms you you have to realize that they are too in a state of ignorance and they have not realized it. For whatever reason, Allah has not guided them. That is who I feel sorry for. NOt you. You've figured out what you've done wrong, you've repented for it, and inshallah Allah will bless you for your patience, but you're really screwing yourself by holding on to the past and giving a loud voice to its monsters. One day you're going to be like "Wow I wasted my time on that."

 

[Studentofdeed]

You gotta move on. Even if your heart was literally pulled out of your chest and stomped on. Leave it there, walk away, rebuild yourself.
If you've made a mistake, then your bigger mistake is to carry the effects of all of it. Don't keep victimizing yourself. Everything happens for a reason.

If you can excuse your own ignorance, then when someone takes advantage of you or harms you you have to realize that they are too in a state of ignorance and they have not realized it. For whatever reason, Allah has not guided them. That is who I feel sorry for. NOt you. You've figured out what you've done wrong, you've repented for it, and inshallah Allah will bless you for your patience, but you're really screwing yourself by holding on to the past and giving a loud voice to its monsters. One day you're going to be like "Wow I wasted my time on that."

Again I apologize if I am done something to offend you...

I know to you this may seem small or annoying to you...
But this is something close to me. I don't understand why you are so cold about this and judge me as if you never sinned before. Some people are different and have different personalities. People like me, I know I am sensitive and i dont like how you look at me like I'm so school boy who got his candy taken away. Something like this destroys people, it can cause people to kill themselves...islam saved me and stopped me from killing myself. Yet you say you feel sorry for the oppressors and not the victims? This isnt even a joking matter to screw around people lives with. Yes I was a VICTIM and I have to remind myself this so I can not go blindly trust others. When I told others, no one believed me because I was slandered and cast as a bad guy. Not only are invalidating the victims, you are support the oppressed. Yes I agree with you, we need to move on, but making rude and hurtful remarks and declaring about chasteness and not mascularity, while you are the one remarking where are the real men?? I am going to defend this because i strongly dislike those who support those shameless people and victim shame the victims. You are in position of power and are a moderator. You have more knowledge about islam than me, you should be more softer and not so harsh. This should make you more softer.

And dont tell me if someone (may allah forbid) did this a loved one of yours, are you not going to be kind and gentle and tell them it wasnt their fault. That it was a punishment and shame on them and humiliate them even more? Being abused in any way or form leaves its residue, it is almost the same case as telling someone who got raped to get over it. Please consider my words...may allah soften your heart and make it easy for you

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I apologize...I got carried away. I just dont like it when people always defend those who destroy others while the whole spotlight is on the poor people picking up their pieces...yes it was our faults but at same time rubbing it in our faces will not help.

 

['Abdullah]

Again I apologize if I am done something to offend you...

I know to you this may seem small or annoying to you...
But this is something close to me. I don't understand why you are so cold about this and judge me as if you never sinned before. Some people are different and have different personalities. People like me, I know I am sensitive and i dont like how you look at me like I'm so school boy who got his candy taken away. Something like this destroys people, it can cause people to kill themselves...islam saved me and stopped me from killing myself. Yet you say you feel sorry for the oppressors and not the victims? This isnt even a joking matter to screw around people lives with. Yes I was a VICTIM and I have to remind myself this so I can not go blindly trust others. When I told others, no one believed me because I was slandered and cast as a bad guy. Not only are invalidating the victims, you are support the oppressed. Yes I agree with you, we need to move on, but making rude and hurtful remarks and declaring about chasteness and not mascularity, while you are the one remarking where are the real men?? I am going to defend this because i strongly dislike those who support those shameless people and victim shame the victims. You are in position of power and are a moderator. You have more knowledge about islam than me, you should be more softer and not so harsh. This should make you more softer.

And dont tell me if someone (may allah forbid) did this a loved one of yours, are you not going to be kind and gentle and tell them it wasnt their fault. That it was a punishment and shame on them and humiliate them even more? Being abused in any way or form leaves its residue, it is almost the same case as telling someone who got raped to get over it. Please consider my words...may allah soften your heart and make it easy for you

Take it easy guys. Not everyone has same level of Imaan. We are not perfect, people do make mistakes. We just need to listen, empathize and advise them without making any judgement. At the end of the day, whatever has happened is between that person and Allah who loves those who truly repent and show their remorse by doing actions which pleases Allah SWT.

 

[Studentofdeed]

I apologize charisma...when people make statements and it invalidates my pain and suffering. Alhamdullah I am grateful allah saved me from the wrong one, but it brings out the painful memories when everyone called me crazy and slandered me and didnt belive me. So please understand why I am so sensitive and emotional about this. I apologize again

 

[*charisma*]

I don't know why you keep thinking I have an agenda against you. I'm just going to leave you to your peace. Nothing is getting to you. It gets misconstrued in your brain and I really don't want to waste either of our time or hurt your feelings.