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Thread: **Your Advice - Self Harm**
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I posted a thread a couple of days ago about Self Harming, which can be found here. (http://www.islamicboard.com/general-chat/47824-cut-cut-yes-no.html)

The results were a bit higher than I expected, so I decided to create a thread in whicih people can give advice to brothers and sisters on:
  • How to stop self harming
  • The short/long term effects of self harming
  • And anything else people find relevant to give advice on.

Jazaak Allaah Khayr in advance :thumbs_up

P.S. I posted in the Member Support thread, and brothers and sisters can give advice via the Anonymous Account if they need to
 
remember that Allah doesnt like those who harm themselves, and Allah will take into account anything which you find to be injust so have patience
 
I've been told Allah won't giveus a burden too heavy. So why are people pushed to harm themselves? Actually, does anyone have the evidence about Allah not given a burden too difficult?
 
Walaykum salaam wa rahmatullaah,

I thing one thing that is really important for people who self-harm is the need for support and encouragement in giving up. They need someone who is very dedicated to helping them overcome it and helping them find another focus as most of the time, people who self-harm know what they are doing is not desirable...

One thing that many people who engage in this kind of thing want is to 'hide' what they are doing, which is understandable but can prevent them getting the help they need, especially if they are only very young.

Professionals may be ok, but a good (sensible, trustworthy adult) friend in my opinion, is much better.
 
Semi-professional opinion. although clinical psychology was not my forte I did have to do some practice in it as part of my internships.

One thing i did learn is that many people that engage in self harm are not aware of the reason they do so. Quite often they are not even fully aware they are doing it at the time and do not feel any pain until after they stop the immediate action.

I have never met one person who had pre-thoughts they were going to harm themselves.

Remember we are essentially creatures of comfort and do not tend to repeat an act unless it is bringing us comfort or relief from pain.

Now with that said there seems to be at least 2 types of people who seek to do continuous elf harm.

One type is the true masochist, who actually does perceive and feel pleasure and enjoyment at things most of us find to be painful. They are difficult to reach as they can not understand how something that feels nice can be harmful. to be honest a true masochist is rare and the chances of knowing somebody who is one is not very likly.

The most common person who engages in such behavior normally suffers from a neurosis or personality disorder. Condemnation of their action is seldom constructive and often leads to an increase, that usually is then done in secrecy and often to not readily visible areas of their body.

The first step in dealing with the person is to avoid acting shocked or impressed by the visible injuries. Attempt to only mention them nonchalantly with non threatening comments such as "That looks like it may become infected. You should have it cleaned and bandaged."

Once you see that a person is engaged in self injury the goal should be to encourage the person to speak of their feelings and fears. Those are probably the cause. With young people it can usually be traced to things like: school difficulties, rejection by peers, parental problems(ie: Parents frequently fighting) any type of physical and/or emotional abuse, feelings of guilt over something they did or did not do.

Encourage the person to talk, if not to you, to somebody they trust. encourage them to pray often and to seek the aid of Allah(swt). Allah(swt) will give more relief than they can gain on their own.

Once you have gained the person's trust sufficiently that they admit to self damage and they express a desire to stop. Encourage them to sign an agreement that they will stop and state a specific penalty they must pay if they repeat the action. Such as washing and moping all the floors daily until they go 5 days without self damage, paying their allowance or spending money to a stated charity in any month they have injured themselves, banned from TV or games during any week in which they injury themselves. Any thing can work, but it must be enforceable and not an idle threat.

If none of the home treatments work. Seek professional help, both spiritual from the Imam and from medical sources.
 
Alpha Dude said:
:sl:Perhaps those people who resort to self-harm could give us an insight into why they do this, first and foremost? The feelings, thoughts and emotions which run through their heads?

I think then we'd be in a better position to advise, knowing the why aspect of it.

I think it'd be a good idea to make a thread specifically for that purpose, where members who self-harm can all post anonymous...somebody care to create it?
Click to expand...

When I went through self harming the reasons behind it were a little confusing.

I dont really know how to explain it ,when I cut myself I would feel pain but the pain from the cut would just distract the pain I felt in my heart and to a extent I would do it a couple times a day so that I didnt have to deal with the emotional pain.

I was suffering from "love" which was a new experience for me and some times I wished it would just go away but it didnt and made me deeply depressed

Harming myself was a way of avoiding and discrating myself from emotional pain

One day I woke up and decided I just didnt want to do it anymore and that it wasnt really helping me,so i just stopped I started talking to my best mate for hours a day about how I felt.The more I spoke about the issue(LOve) the more I dealt with the issue.

(Refer to my pervious post called love in cyber counselling.)

I dont know why I started and how i stopped
I just did but the past year and half seem like a blur and i cant really remember anything
 
Alpha Dude said:
:sl:Perhaps those people who resort to self-harm could give us an insight into why they do this, first and foremost? The feelings, thoughts and emotions which run through their heads?
Click to expand...
I am a cutter, myself. People cut to get away from the pain of depression. The emotional pain is so bad, so unbearable that an escape is needed. Physical pain in contrast to emotional pain is much better. Cutting is a form of release. The sight of blood helps too. Cutting helps you cope.
The physical pain helps a lot. It makes you realise that there is something else to feel, besides the emotional pain.
If you have a friend as a self harmer, dont tell them it is haram. Just listen to their problems. Let them know you care. Hug them, if they are comfortable. This is much more effective than any lecture. Go out of your way to be kind to them.
Many can't understand why people harm themselves. But they don't know what its like to truly be depressed.
 
A lot of us do know what depression is like. But instead of harming ourselves we turn to our lord. The short sense of relief only encourages you to harm yourself more
 
:sl:

Loneliness often causes depression I would like to remind them that Allah(SWT) is closer to them then their jagular vein and loss of hope also causes depression and they should not lose Hope in Allah(SWT) as he what he says is true and he keeps his promises.

At times it sounds like it can be be due to loss of control, and as others have mentioned the person is not aware that they are harming themselves. I used to do things out off anger or frustration such as punching something to vent my anger only to suffer the pain later. I believe fasting will help those finding it difficult to control themselves and find themselves lacking patience.
 
I am a cutter, myself. People cut to get away from the pain of depression. The emotional pain is so bad, so unbearable that an escape is needed. Physical pain in contrast to emotional pain is much better. Cutting is a form of release. The sight of blood helps too. Cutting helps you cope.
The physical pain helps a lot. It makes you realise that there is something else to feel, besides the emotional pain.
If you have a friend as a self harmer, dont tell them it is haram. Just listen to their problems. Let them know you care. Hug them, if they are comfortable. This is much more effective than any lecture. Go out of your way to be kind to them.
Many can't understand why people harm themselves. But they don't know what its like to truly be depressed.
Click to expand...

:sl:

ur right, thts exactly hw i feel....but no one understands....they just give lecture upon lecture upon lecture instead of trying to understand.

to everyone out ther: WE KNOW ITS WRONG, WE KNOW WE SHOULDN'T BE CUTTING OURSELVES, but we need a from of release...and for us, that is the form of release...
 
AnonymousGender said:
:sl:

ur right, thts exactly hw i feel....but no one understands....they just give lecture upon lecture upon lecture instead of trying to understand.

to everyone out ther: WE KNOW ITS WRONG, WE KNOW WE SHOULDN'T BE CUTTING OURSELVES, but we need a from of release...and for us, that is the form of release...
Click to expand...

:w:

Have you tried other forms of release, such as Punching a bag, or kicking the ball on the wall as hard as you can in both cases? Run as fast you can that also helps vent.
 
Jazakallah for the advice. It was helpful. I appreciate it. But when people cut, they don't think about anything. Only the pain. It only hits us that we've done something wrong and we should've vented in a different way AFTER we cut.
 
Alpha Dude said:
My advice is to proactively strive to stop yourself from doing such a thing and make it a goal to get into sajda immediately, cry to Allah, first and foremost.
Click to expand...

Great advice. The best thing to do in times of hardship is turn to Allah. He created you. He is the most compassionate. If you need help, you NEVER have to suffer alone
 
:sl:

that was cool advice brother Alpha. Masha'Allaah :thumbs_up