akhi I am going to tell you this advise and you may take it or leave it..
you can't spend all your life dwelling on what you've lost, you'll never move forward.. we all have miserable failures and terrible losses, we can't recover, and senseless years that we got nothing out of but if we don't move on we risk losing what is to come too?
Consider this a random example of a girl I knew in Undergrad, she was studying to be a pharmacist.
1-her father was a convict
2-her mother was trailer trash who beat her on occasion
3-she has muscular dystrophy
4-she was completely socially inept, she used to walk up to people and ask them to be her friend.. in fact that is how I became her friend.. because I saw how people made fun of her all the time, she had a hump and was always bent forward with difficulty walking and everyone still made fun of her for her disabilities if you can imagine such cruel human beings
she tried very hard in pharmacy school to make it, but no matter how hard she tried she failed her courses, she had to work for personal money, thankfully due to her condition she managed some financial aid, but she had many expenses, transportation, books food, clothes, etc which she used to work lowly jobs for only for her deadbeat mother to take the money from her...
she also unfortunately was under the disillusion that one of the teachers had a crush on her, and she had all these wedding plans in mind, until one day he realized when she approached him and luckily he let her down easy -- but you can imagine how defeated she was.. I mean one day she got her grade with a smiley face next to it from him and on that she based a whole life time with children-- yes she was different and had many believe me many challenges, that sometimes when life becomes too much for me, I think of her and it makes me feel like I am such a wimp..
Anyhow she managed to change her career path to speech therapy, and was very successful at that, she also and after many doomed relationship enrolled in one of those matchmaking and found one she addresses as the love of her life..
she now teaches handicapped children, has a wonderful full life, is happily married throughout all the yrs, I have always known her to have a smile on her face. I have lost touch with her since under-grad, but she truly was an inspiration to me.. though she wasn't Muslim, and I couldn't be happier for her.. she truly beat the odds...
Now I ask you, because from what appears to me, you are very sociable, you have endeared yourself to many brothers and sisters here, you speak and write in proper terms, your thoughts flow.. I sense from several of your threads that you want to get your life back on track.. I just don't understand what it is that is holding you back?
Do you have as my friend did, a miserable family? a physical handicap, serious emotional problems that everyone truly can pick on and inability to concentrate on course work to the point where you'd hit rock bottom and have to start all over again?
from where I am sitting.. I think you have true and proper ability to get your life back on track.. I assure you most severely depressed pts, don't even have energy to sit on the computer and engage others the way you do.. in fact part of the many reasons many antidepressants were linked to suicide is because, once the depressed pts take them, they get enough energy to commit suicide but don't have enough of it in their system to actually correct the chemical imbalance .. also if depression is on and on for years, it is no longer considered depression, rather what we call dysthymia and unlike major depression, people are able to carry on normal function, even if they are down all the time..
I think if you want to change your life you can set a date and start.
you think to yourself, by this time next year I'll be 1/3 of the way toward my course work
by this time next year I'll have a wonderful wife
by this time next year I'll have a part time job
and then go after it
my two cents
and Allah swt knows best
lol I used to be a social butterfly in college, but now that I'm uni I'm more into my studies so limit going out to days off.
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