Muslim boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

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Sofia084

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Salam Alaikum. I have a problem I hope someone can help me with...

He is muslim, I am Christian, we live in a Christian country. We have been together for 7 years. 3 years ago I was invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure.
Now, I am pregnant 6-7 weeks. My boyfriend says that what is in my stomach is haram, because we were not properly married. And he wants me to become muslim. If not, he would rather I have an abortion.
I respect him and his religion, but I wont convert to Islam. This means I am left with the horrible choice of either becoming a single mother, or to have an abortion. I don't want either. I am in an awful situation, and I really didn't think my boyfriend would want me to have an abortion. I thought that muslims were against abortion, and am quite shocked that he said he'd want that.
What I think frightens him is the fact that he has a child from a past relationship, where the mother was not muslim, and he has a few problems now with that child.

I really don't know what to do, so I am seeking advice from you.
Thank you for reading.
 
I am so fuming, I will reply later lest I say something improper!! :raging:
 
What do you mean by 'invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure'. Did you get married Islamically or not?

Either way, your boyfriend should not try to coerce you to become a Muslim ... Islam does not teach that.
There is no reason why he cannot be married to a Christian woman and raise a family with her.

How many children does he have from previous experiences?

If you have to make your own choice between becoming a single mother or having an abortion, what does your own heart tell you?

I hope things work out for you! It must be so tough!!
Do you have friends and family to support you through this?
 
sister u must have ur baby, u will regret it for the rest of ur life if not, dont let any man tell you what to do with ur baby or body, and I really dont think there are many muslims that would order you to have an abortion. If you cannot cope with the baby then I promise you this in the sight of Allah, my wife and I will bring up your child, so dont think there are no options. Now go get some proffessional help whether it be dr or social worker, and dont allow yourself to be manipulated or forced by anyone, this child is Gods gift and as such only God can remove the baby. We are praying for you sister.
 
The fact that he is musliim and has a girlfriend, which is completely forbidden regardless of the excuse, I am not surprised that he wants you to have an abortion. We are told over and over in Islam that whoever forms a boyfriend/girlfriend will burn in hell, unless he repents from it.
He wants you to have an abortion so that he doesn't have to take care of a child, i.e. no responsibilities.
I am sorry to say this, but I don't think he wants to have a long-term relationship with you. It's better to know it now then later. Seriously, find yourself another man that will care for you. Be patient. I hope you find the right person for you.
Do not settle for such a creature. I am disgusted.
 
Abortion is haaram in Islam.
 
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if she is real and telling the truth then the "muslim" man is a deviant, a conman, an abuser of trust, abuser of women, a fornicator if not a rapist

:w:
 
my advice would be to avoid abortion as much as possible, and he's lying, if you married-unofficially yes, but it is still marriage from a Muslim POV if not the state then nothing is haram/forbidden, least of all an unborn child~!
he might be freaking out or something because of the baby, let him calm down first then have a long talk, best of luck
 
He didn't think of the relationship being haram all these years but when it comes to pregnancy oh It's all haram!


He should be a man and acknowledge the child and take care of both you.

And you also don't have to become muslim for him.
 
Thank you for your kind reply.

glo said:
What do you mean by 'invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure'. Did you get married Islamically or not?
Click to expand...

There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?

He has one child from the previous relationship.
 
Sofia084 said:
Thank you for your kind reply.



There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?

He has one child from the previous relationship.
Click to expand...

Well here is the basic overview of an Islamic marriage:

1. Consent of both parties.

2. Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.

3. 2 witnesses

4. The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

That is troubling. He has one child from a previous relationship...
 
Sofia084 said:
Thank you for your kind reply.



There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?

He has one child from the previous relationship.
Click to expand...

There should have been a third party,a sheikh, to marry you,along with the two witnesses.And i don't think a mosque is obligatory here.
And i'm sorry to hear that by the way.
 
one thing is absolutely clear little sister, u will get support and advice here, i think i speak for all in that were here for you :D
 
doorster said:
it is to be done according to Law of the land you are living in (i.e if registration of marriage is required by your State Law, then that is what you must do) but nominal Muslims might tell you different for whatever reasons
Click to expand...

Then our marriage was not valid. But how was I supposed to know that then? Surely I trusted my muslim boyfriend to know best of how a muslim marriage is carried through? And to tell me now, after 6-7 weeks of pregnancy that this unborn child is haram, and that he would rather not have it. He told me that this afternoon, after some telephone call to a muslim man, who doesn't know me or our situation. Just this morning he was asking me when we would know the sex of the baby, and that he would rather want a boy. He's giving me mixed signals, and I am really getting confused. Even though he is several years older than me, he is not acting very responsible.
 
Want my advice RUN FAR AND FAST, THIS SMACKS OF SOME VERY OUTDATED BELIEFS AND PROCEDURES CONSCERNING THE BIRTH OF GIRLS. You need to get some legal advice and go see a midwife or familly planning unit. You can get a lot of support thru your GP if england or surgery elsewhere
 
Don't get me wrong, he also said that the sex of a baby is in the hands of Allah, and that it must be appreciated no matter what. The most important thing is that it has got good health.

The point is that he's giving me mixed signals..
 
Everything is in the hands of Allah, if u truly believe in God then u already know what is right sister, I really hope it goes well and please keep us informed and we will try to help you
 

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