Muslim boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

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Hi,

As a mother, I would say follow your maternal instincts. Haraam child? We're talking about a human being. It isn't this poor baby's sin. The baby has done nothing wrong. So if he's feeling guilty about his sins, he needs to face up to his responsibilities and repent to Allaah, not blame it upon this poor baby and order you to have an abortion!
 
Thank you all for support and advices.

I am now sure that an abortion, based on him and his inconsistent rules and views of how things are supposed/not supposed to be, is not an option.

I feel that there is so much positive about islam, and I feel really supported here amongst all of you.

If any of you happen to speak arabic and would like to have a chat with my man, alternatively write something in arabic, then I would be ever gratefull. I think that by talking to someone speaking my side of the story to him, in his own language, maybe could get him to understand. We do communicate in my language, but i feel that only to a certain degree do we really understand eachother..
 
Greetings sister

I really appreciate that u chose to seek advice and Allah willing, you will obtain the best of solutions

For sure whatever is in your womb is (haram) forbidden, but abortion also is forbidden, forcing people to accept Islam is forbidden and more than that, for a male to even touch a female stranger is forbidden; so your "muslim" boyfriend has certainly done a lot of forbidden things. please remind him about those.

I don't know about your boyfriend, perhaps he regrets his action or it may be he is running from his responsibility of bringing up the child, you have to find out as quickly as possible.

You said you were invited to his home to make your relationship halal (permissible), the only way for a permissible relationship between a male and a female stranger is through marriage and there need to be 2 witnesses, but the latter are chosen by the female and not the male, so either your boyfriend didnt know the the marriage process in Islam or it may be he was fooling you; please keep note fooling, betraying, lying, all of them, are forbidden in Islam

The child in your womb is the result of the actions of both of you, so u two have to take your responsiblity as it should be, i may ask you "what's the fault of the child?", others are telling you if you abort, you'll regret all your life, it's very easy for us 2make a decision 4u because we are not in your situation but remember, your last choice is always yours, please make sure you decide wisely without being influenced by others. Moreover seek advice from people of your surroundings, those who know you, those who understand you and not to forget, your parents - parents always support their children in any circumtances

Other than that, please dont become a muslim just because your boyfriend said so or because of the child but do become a muslim when you are
convinced that none deserve to be worshipped except Allah

You're a Christian, I suppose you have great considerations for Jesus (peace be upon him) and the virgin Mary (peace be upon her); the Qur'an (the divine book upon which the muslims practise) speaks of Jesus (peace be upon him) more than 100 times and the title of chapter 19 of the Qur'an is "The Virgin Mary". You may consider looking for them perhaps after your problem, increasing your knowledge about Islam, it will help you undoubtedly

2 elements are very essentials in life, gratitude and patience, sister you need to have a lot of patience right now

It's really sad all the time the females are the ones who are affected the most in these situations, remember you females, your most sacred part is your entire body, so please dont allow anybody to touch it except your husband

I apologise if ever I said something that in some way or the other have hurt you, that was not what I intended, please overlook those parts
any good that may be in it is from Allah and any bad is from me, please correct me

brotherly yours
 
fadil said:
For sure whatever is in your womb is (haram) forbidden, but abortion also is forbidden, forcing people to accept Islam is forbidden and more than that, for a male to even touch a female stranger is forbidden; so your "muslim" boyfriend has certainly done a lot of forbidden things. please remind him about those.
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What would be concidered more haram in your eyes, keeping a haram child or having an abortion?

And what if I didn't know that the conceiving of this child was haram? I was not aware that this "marriage" of ours was not valid, untill now. We had two witnesses, but you say they had to be chosen by me?

Thank you for your reply, it's highly appreciated.
 
Sofia, I would advise against abortion, no matter what your man thinks. Abortion is a big part of life, and must be taken into consideration before making any choice.

I hope you work the situation out, you have got some good advice here. I wish you luck in your problem.
 
Faizah said:
Hi,

As a mother, I would say follow your maternal instincts. Haraam child? We're talking about a human being. It isn't this poor baby's sin. The baby has done nothing wrong. So if he's feeling guilty about his sins, he needs to face up to his responsibilities and repent to Allaah, not blame it upon this poor baby and order you to have an abortion!
Click to expand...

Exactly! No child is haram. The actions that led to the child may be, but the child doesn't carry the sins of the parents.

While it is hard to be a single mother, you'd be better off dumping this guy and starting anew on a straight path, raising your child in a loving home with a loving mother.
 
Hello Sofia,
I am surprised that people here have said the marriage is not valid! According to the Islamic Law, a marriage is valid ( in case of adults) if there are two witnesses and they proclaim it allowed, the aceptance of both of the otehr as a spouse and a gift ( mahr) to the bride. It is obligatory to publicise the marriage afterwards but it is not a condiion for the validity of the child.


As far as being a christian is concerned, it is permissible in Islam for a muslim man to marry a jewish or christian woman, so that excuse is gone too.

As for the baby he is a halal baby, coming after an islamic marriage ahs been made.

As far as your muslim husband is concerned I think he is not sincere with you ehnce giving you trouble. I am ging to now post here authentic references for my replies.

This is about the validity of the marriage: ( note that for adults the wali /guardian bit is not necessary)

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/12283/Marriage

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/106429/marriage contract

This is about the abortion:

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/40269/abortion

What i would say is that if there were two wtinesses ( sheikh and mosque arent necessary theya re cultural things, wali is necessary if it is a part of the culture), you two are husband and wife. You are pergnant with you HALAL child and it is forbidden to abort it even if the marriage wasnt proper, let alone in this case it is completely unfair and not justified.

He is playing games with you, perhaps he is insincere. Decide what you have to do but it is a halal child and a proper marriage although it should be publicised, but if it was even publicised i.e you two told people you are married and openly started living together then there is nothing wrong about it at all although keeping marriage secret doesnt nullify the marriage

Wallahu A'lam.
 
Everybody is entitled to their own point of view, i think that the marriage is valid, I have always heard/read that if there are two adults and they make the promise infront of two witnesses that fulfill the conditions, ( two male muslims, or two women and one man) then the marriage is valid.

In that case the baby is halal and the man is her husband.

In case I am wrong, I would like to know how. it is not a competition, we should all strive to know the truth, someone should give refernces here on why her marriage is not valid/valid.

JazakAllah brother.
 
in my limited opinion, i would say her intention would make the marriage valid in this case
 
I know some men like your boyfriend. They always runing from any responsibilty, and they never be a good husband. Do you want to have a husband like that ?.

Sister, I know is hard to be a single mother, but don't have an abortion. All baby is inocence, don't kill a baby even if a baby is birth yet.

I hope someday you can find a man who can accept you as a wife, no matter what religion is he. May Allah gives you a good man, ameen.
 
I'm currently in the same situation as yours. Having a child ( in my womb) from an irresponsible muslim man. I understand that it is really difficult to "break up" with him especially if you had lived together for a long time like husband and wife, also, bearing a baby inside your body. But you need to be strong. You definitely have to prepare yourself of the BEST and the WORST things to happen.

Before, I was so confused and almost wanted to jump out of the window to kill myself because I don't have anybody to turn to and to talk to regarding my situation. But slowly, I tried to think deeper. I prepared myself for the best and for the worst. I also tried to seek advices from this forum which I really searched, and thank God, this forum really helped me a lot. It's not necessarily that you need to follow everything what our brothers and sisters are telling you or advising you, but the thing is, it would give you confidence along the way. Still, the final decision is yours.

Our religion does not allow abortion although the baby is through a sinful act. We cannot correct the wrong thing by doing another wrong thing. Instead, face your fault, sincerely ask for forgiveness and stand up from where you fell. Be responsible enough for your baby. Keep in mind: A wrong thing is wrong even if everyone else is doing it; a right thing is right even if your the only person doing it.

I'm on my 7 1/2 month now and so excited to see my baby. Even if I will be a single mother, I don't care, as long as I have my baby with me. He's my new life and my new hope.

I hope that you'll find the real love and happiness in your life. Don't waste your time for somebody whose not giving you care, love and just. Don't think you don't have a choice. YOU HAVE A CHOICE. And if ever it doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to start anew. Let there be God in everything that you do. Good luck!!
 
Sofia084 said:
He is muslim, I am Christian, we live in a Christian country. We have been together for 7 years. 3 years ago I was invited to his home to make our relationship halal, and two muslim men were there to do the procedure.
Now, I am pregnant 6-7 weeks. My boyfriend says that what is in my stomach is haram, because we were not properly married.
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I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way - please don't take offence but it might be the reason your husband/boyfriend believes that the marriage was not valid. While in Islam Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian and Jewish women this is one the condition that the woman is chaste, and has not had a physical relationship while unmarried before. I don't know the extent to which physical contact would have had to occur though for this to be applicable.

Again, please don't take that personally, I'm not implying that you were involved in anything inappropriate outside of marriage!
 
This leads me to another question.
What does a girl have to do to prove her chastity towards her husband? The hymen is not always intact whether or not the girl has had intercourse before. This can be broken for various reasons.
What if the husband does not believe the girl when she says he was the first to have been physical with her?
 
Sofia084 said:
This leads me to another question.
What does a girl have to do to prove her chastity towards her husband? The hymen is not always intact whether or not the girl has had intercourse before. This can be broken for various reasons.
What if the husband does not believe the girl when she says he was the first to have been physical with her?
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And why do you have to prove? If a person loves you, he/she will accept you for who you are and what you are.

"The person meant for you is the person who'll stay even when there's no more reason to love you..."
 
Strange opinions being flung and I guess schools of jurisprudence is not actually on the line here as much as it is whatever was heard in this lecture or the next.

Sophia let me put your mind at ease a bit and go through a few points:

1- As per the consensus of the Islamic scholarly community, a valid marriage happens with proposal, acceptance, and witnessing. A groom should give a gift of anything, but the prophet married some people with simply a few chapters of Quran that they knew, nothing else. A judge or leader of marriage is for local administrative requirements and you are required to go through such procedures, however the marriage is not invalid due to the lack of such procedure. Egyptian courts have held up marriages carried out with less conditions than yours. There aren't even necessary declarations more than "this man wants to marry you, is that ok?" and your answer of yes validates it. If you were a muslim then you should have gone through a guardian, if not available your guardianship is assumed by the judge or the senior witness of the marriage.

2- Being chaste means not to have illicit relations with other men behind your husband's back that you CONTINUE to have at marriage and after. THAT invalidates marriage only if it is proven adultery by four witnesses or your and your alleged illicit partner's confession. You are assumed chaste until proven otherwise. Khalifa Umar Ibn Al-Khattab was asked if a father has to tell a suitor of his daughter's earlier mistake and Umar asked if she is having an affair, and the man said she stopped and repented, so Umar jumped on the guy and held his clothes shouting "who are you to uncover what God has deemed covered?"

3- There is a haraam relationship and an acceptable one, yours was ok after the marriage, which is valid. Even if it wasn't, there is no such thing as a haraam child who needs to be aborted or killed!! A child is a child even if a *******, and his or her blame in this is absolutely zero. You are correct to completely rule out that option. Islamically the child is in your care and custody (obligated for him to spend on you) until the age of puberty if a boy, or until married or adulthood if it's a girl.

The above is your situation from an Islamic point of view as per the majority of opinions of moderate and correct scholars. The rest below is personal opinion and advice for what you can do:

Your child is yours and if this despicable example of a man is copping out (and apparently according to you he did that before) then that is your situation pure and simple. If you live in a country with a shariah court, a judge can rule in your favour and force the witnesses of the procedure to come forward and hear their testimony, upon which it will officially validate the marriage and back-date it to when it has happened. If there is no such access, seek the local masjed where this guy attends and try to speak to an Imam there to get answers, go with a sympathetic friend to speak on your behalf and try to get something to boost credibility, you might face skeptics. As a christian you have more options for you and you may wish to use the local court of law of course and explore DNA tests to force his financial obligations being met under supervision.

Other than that, get a job, repent to God for your mistake of playing around before the marriage, and be wiser for not having a proper family involvement in the relationship and not getting an official ceremony at the registry. Seek a good life with your child, and maybe find a true husband who wants to be with you for life and for real. No I do not think you should patch things up with this guy because he seems to be a deceptive dirty pathetic coward based on the situation, him being a muslim is irrelevent.
 
^^ I thought unless one lived in a cave in tora bora one had to register a marriage as per local Laws

forgive my earlier "erroneous" posts "based on lecture, I might have heard" (even though those posts were words of Maududi and another (neither of them a Sufi) verbatim.

they are all deleted now so that you can give your "scholarly opinions" freely

wasalam

As per the consensus of the Islamic scholarly community
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you know that because? they took an international vote on it?
 
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