Muslim boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

  • Thread starter Thread starter Sofia084
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 51
  • Views Views 15K
I thought unless one lived in a cave in tora bora one had to register a marriage as per local Laws
Common law marriage is acceptable in Islam regardless of country, it requires the three listed items of proposal, acceptance, and witnessing. Witnessing can two witnesses or announcement. Going through local license is an administrative procedure that does not invalidate marriage.

you know that because? they took an international vote on it?
Yes, it is something called books of fiqh in case you're interested, it shows schools of fiqh opinion on many matters and mentions if there is majority, or ijmaa amongst them. You would do well to read some before invalidating people's marriages because they didn't file for a license. As for maududi his own journalistic skills notwithstanding, he is more of a political activist than a trained faqih, so whether one likes him or not he does not have the weight to overthrow the 1300 years of fiqh established by the four schools of Sunnah.
 
Last edited:
I am sure I’ll be jumped all over for having the temerity to purport to know anything about Islam but as you are not Muslim I will (and I’m sure I’ll be corrected if I am wrong).

First you should know that Islam allows Muslim men to marry non-Muslims women. You might think that doesn’t need stating but it does as Islam does not allow Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men. The verse of the Qur’an stating such is . . . .
erse 5. 5. . . . . . (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book (Christians and Jews), revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those w ho have lost (all spiritual good). That said there are some who will say that Muslim men can marry non Muslim women but not until they convert; that however (I believe) is not in the Qu’ran but something which is less came later (hadith).

Next thing you need to know is that sex outside of marriage is forbidden and any child from sex outside of marriage is considered illegitimate. So the question about whether you went through a marriage ceremony is important. The question of whether you were married or not is also important as marriage imposes certain duties on a husband and one of those is that he must ‘keep’ you and the child.

If I were you I would get myself round to the Mosque, ask to speak with the Imam, tell him that this man told you he was marrying you and put you through a ceremony and now you are pregnant etc. etc. If they try and fob you off threaten to go to the newspapers. If they don’t sort him out for you he’s not a committed Muslim and so the whole question doesn’t become an issue.
 
This thread was about whether or not its starter would go through with an abortion. As a result of discussion, they decided not to. They are now receiving support from members here.

I urge all members to remain on-topic. Off-topic posts will be deleted.
 
Last edited:
What does Sharia law say about a man obtaining carnal knowledge of a woman by deception (e.g. going through a sham wedding ceremony) would that be rape in Sharia law; is there a crime of rape in Sharia law?
 
Thank you for your kind reply.

There were two muslim witnesses. He said we were going to make our relationship halal by doing this, and I thought that it was an islamic marriage. I believe he said so too. However, now he says that it was not valid enough for some reason - because we didn't go to a mosque, or some other reasons. What does it take for an Islamic marriage to be valid?

If the marriage was a sham you may have been raped in which case you can report it to the police.

The law says . . . . Sexual Offences Act 1956, s1, as amended, and s1 (1) (c) and (2) replace s1(2) of the Sexual Offences (Amendment) Act 1976.

By s76 it is conclusively presumed that the victim did not consent and that the accused did not reasonably believe that he or she consented if (a) the defendant intentionally deceived the complainant as to the nature or purpose of the relevant act;
 
all you need to know Thinker:

Name of Questioner
Muhammad

Title
Islamic Punishment for Rape

Question
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]What is the ruling on the crime of rape in Islam?[/FONT]

Date
12/Sep/2005

Name of Counsellor

Topic
Crimes & Penalties, Adultery & Fornication, Mischief
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
Answer
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
[FONT=Times New Roman, Times]In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.[/FONT]
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Thanks for your question, and we implore Allah to guide us all to the best and to help us gain insight to understand the teachings of Islam.
Rape is an abhorrent crime and an abominable sin. This heinous crime is forbidden not only in Islam but in all religions, and all people of sound thinking and pure human nature reject it.
Responding to the question, the prominent Saudi Islamic lecturer and author Sheikh Muhammad Saleh Al-Munajjid states the following:
The Arabic word ightisab (rape) refers to taking something wrongfully by force. It is now used exclusively to refer to transgression against the honor of women by force.
This is an abhorrent crime that is forbidden in all religions and in the minds of all wise people and those who possess sound human nature. All earthly systems and laws regard this action as abhorrent and impose the strictest penalties on it.
Islam has a clear stance which states that this repugnant action is haram (forbidden) and imposes a deterrent punishment on the one who commits it.
Islam closes the door to the criminal who wants to commit this crime. Western studies have shown that most rapists are already criminals who commit their crimes under the influence of alcohol and drugs, and they take advantage of the fact that their victims are walking alone in isolated places or staying in the house alone. These studies also show that what the criminals watch on the media and the semi-naked styles of dress in which women go out also lead to the commission of this reprehensible crime.
The laws of Islam came to protect women’s honor and modesty. Islam forbids women to wear clothes that are not modest. In addition, Islam encourages young men and women to marry early, and many other rulings that close the door before rape and other crimes. Hence it comes as no surprise when we hear or read that most of these crimes occur in permissive societies, which are looked up to by some Muslims as examples of civilization and refinement! It is worth mentioning here that in America , for example, Amnesty International stated in a 2004 report entitled “Stop Violence Against Women” that every 90 seconds a woman was raped during that year.
The punishment for rape in Islam is the same as the punishment for zina (adultery or fornication), which is stoning if the perpetrator is married, and one hundred lashes and banishment for one year if he is not married.
Moreover, Ibn `Abdul-Barr (may Allah bless his soul) said
The scholars are unanimously agreed that the rapist is to be subjected to the hadd punishment if there is clear evidence against him that he deserves the hadd punishment, or if he admits to that. Otherwise, he is to be punished (that is, if there is no proof that the hadd punishment for zina may be carried out against him because he does not confess and there are not four witnesses, then the judge may punish him and stipulate a punishment that will deter him and others like him). There is no punishment for the woman if it is true that he forced her and overpowered her. (Al-Istidhkaar, 7/146).
In addition, the rapist is subject to the hadd punishment for zina, even if the rape was not carried out at knifepoint or gunpoint. If the use of a weapon was threatened, then he is a muharib, and is to be subjected to the hadd punishment described in the verse in which Allah says (The recompense of those who wage war against Allah and His Messenger and do mischief in the land is only that they shall be killed or crucified or their hands and their feet be cut off from opposite sides, or be exiled from the land. That is their disgrace in this world, and a great torment is theirs in the Hereafter) (Al-Ma’idah 5:33).
So the judge has the choice of the four punishments mentioned in this verse and may choose whichever he thinks is most suitable to attain the objective, which is to spread peace and security in society, and ward off evildoers and aggressors.
Source: www.islam-qa.com


________________________________________________________

Name of Questioner
Muslimah - Pakistan

Title
Punishment for Rapists

Question
In the Shari`ah, is there a certain punishment for a rapist?

Date
22/Feb/2007

Name of Mufti

Topic
Crimes & Penalties
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
Answer
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]All praise and thanks are due to Allah and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]Dear questioner, thanks for your question, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]Islamically speaking, the raped woman is not guilty of any sin because she was forced to it beyond her control. Stressing this, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said, “Allah has forgiven my Ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” Thus, the raped woman is a victim and all members of her community should deal with her with honor and kindness and should encourage her to obtain her rights through all possible means.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]In an attempt to furnish you with an answer to your question, we would like to cite for you the following fatwa issued by Dr. Ahmad Yusuf Sulaiman, professor of law and Islamic Shari`ah at Cairo University:[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]If a woman is raped, she should press charges against the one who raped her. If it is proved that she was raped, then the court must apply discretionary punishment or ta`zir on the rapist. Such discretionary punishment may reach the death penalty, according to some schools of thought. This is based wholly on the fact that the rape is confirmed through medical tests and court procedures, without the confession of the rapist himself.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]In cases where the rapist confesses the crime, then the penalty for zina (illegitimate sexual intercourse) is to be applied to him. If he is not married, then he is to be whipped 100 lashes. If he is married, then he is to be stoned to death.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica]As for the rape victim, no punishment is to be inflicted on her. She is to be treated with dignity and honor, and all forms of help should be given to her to gain her rights.[/FONT]
______________________________________________

Name of Questioner
Akhtar

Title
Are Raped Women Asked to Bring Four Witnesses?

Question
Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. When it says to bring four witnesses against a woman who has committed indecency, is it for the woman who has been raped or this is for a married woman whose husband is in doubt about her indecency? Please explain in detail.

Date
29/Aug/2004

Name of Mufti

Topic
Misconceptions
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
Answer
trick-1.gif
trick-1.gif
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


Dear brother in Islam, thanks a lot for your question which reflects your care to have a clear view of the teachings of Islam. Allah commands Muslims to refer to people of knowledge to get themselves well-acquainted with the teachings of Islam as well as all aspects of life.

In Islam, we are not allowed to tarnish the honor of anyone. One is required to produce four witnesses when making an allegation of adultery against another person; otherwise, one will be guilty of slandering.

A raped woman is a victim that must be treated with honor and kindness. She is not required to produce four witnesses to prove the crime done against her, nor is she punished for the crime done against her.

In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:


If a person makes an allegation of adultery against another person (male or female) he or she must produce four witnesses to support such an allegation; otherwise, he or she is guilty of slandering, which is a grave offense in Islam, for we are not to tarnish the honor of anyone.

A woman who has been raped cannot be asked to produce witnesses; her claim shall be accepted unless there are tangible grounds to prove otherwise. To insist that she provide witnesses is akin to inflicting further pain on her. If anyone refutes her claim of innocence, the onus is on him to provide evidence, and she may simply deny the claim by making a solemn oath, thus clearing herself in public. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The onus to provide evidence falls on the one who makes a claim, and the one who denies (the same) can absolve himself or herself by making a solemn oath to the contrary.”

As for a spouse who witnesses his or her partner committing adultery and the other party denies it and they are unable to provide witnesses, they are, if they so desire, to part company by repudiating each other by engaging in what is known as a solemn oath and prayer of curse (li`an). It is described thus in the Qur’an: “And those who accuse their wives, and have no witnesses but themselves, then the testimony of each of them shall be a testimony sworn by God repeated four times, that he is indeed truthful. And the fifth (oath) is that God’s curse be upon him if he is lying. And it shall avert punishment from her that she testify a testimony repeated and sworn by God four times, that he is lying. And a fifth (oath) that the wrath of God be upon her, if he has spoken the truth” (An-Nur: 6-9).
Excerpted, with slight modifications, from: www.muslims
__________________________________________________

Name of Questioner Nina Title Are Raped Women Punished in Islam? Date 26/Nov/2007 Question Dear respected scholars,

My question is simply about raped women. I know that Islam doesn't punish a raped woman because simply it’s out of her hands. But some people say that they should be punished.

Can you please tell me the state of the "raped" in Islam.
Jazakallahu khayran
Topic Human Rights, Women's life Name of Counselor Kamal Badr
Answer
Salam, Nina.
Thanks for your question.

As the question mostly revolves around raped women, I would confine my answer to that point, without delving into the issue of punishing the rapist, on which there is no controversy that if it is proven, beyond reasonable doubt, that he is guilty of the crime, he will serve the punishment.

But I would like to make it clear that this crime can be proved either by confession or testimony or even through any modern means, thanks for the great revolution that has taken place in the field of science. This has made it easier for criminal experts to lay their hands on clear evidence that paves way for justice to run its course.

So what I am trying to say is that, contrary to what some Westerners claim, the issue is not just "bring four witnesses or set the accused free". Shari`ah is not a legal system that keeps itself away from realities of life. Rather, it is practical in the sense that its mechanism of justice operates in a quite flexible way that makes all its precepts and rulings applicable at all time. Anyway, as I have said, I will not go into details on that now.

Moving to your question. Yes, sister, raped women are not punished in Islam. What punishment? This is like saying that a person robbed of his property should be punished.

It is a fact that, to be absolved from guilt, the raped woman must have shown some sort of good conduct, in the sense that what befell her must be something beyond her control. This is where Islam excels.
In dealing with a certain issue or addressing a certain problem, it brings forth a comprehensive panacea that uproots the problem and eliminates its causes. Rather than stipulating a temporary measure that will act as sedatives, Islam gets down to the root of the problem itself with the aim of uprooting entirely.
It sets noble codes of conduct that should prevail in the society; it addresses women to maintain their modesty, as not to open the door for evils:

*{… be not too complacent of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire: but speak ye a speech (that is) just.}* (Al-Ahzab 33: 32)

The above verse, despite addressing the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) actually, in an implicit way, calls upon Muslim women in general to preserve their dignity and modesty, just to save themselves from any harassment.

This injunction sounds more explicit in the following verse:
*{O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad): that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.}* (Al-Ahzab 33: 59)

This is Islam. As we have reiterated before, it does not hunt for crimes just to punish; rather, it works towards the means of blocking the avenues of crimes. Even when it punishes, it does not punish blindly; rather, it strikes the guilty hand.

So, for a rape victim to be absolved from guilt, she must not be the one that opens her house for robbery and her dignity for deflowering. If, after trying her best to resist the attack, she gets overcome by the assailants, she is totally absolved from punishment.

Muslim scholars are unanimous on this. They maintain that any woman, who, despite doing her utmost to resist these thugs and their ilk, is raped, is not guilty of any sin. This is since the situation is beyond her control, and anyone who is forced to do something is not guilty of sin. This is even in the case of disbelief, which is worse than zina (sex out of marriage), as Allah says what means:

*{… except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with faith}* (An-Nahl 16: 106)

The Prophet said: "Allah has forgiven for my Ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do."

In showing reaction to this heinous crime, Islam takes into consideration the terrible effects it has on its victims. Most rape victims have their self-esteem diminished after an assault or abuse, driving them to be hunted by frequent shame, humiliation and loss of control.

This situation may even exacerbate to the point of making rape victims find it difficult to be intimate with others. That is why Islam lays down certain strategies, which all in all, aim at soothing the rape victim, opening for her new channels of hope and survival.

That is why Islam makes it clear that any Muslim woman who falls prey to a rapist will be rewarded for bearing this calamity with patience, if she seeks Allah's reward for the harm that has befallen her.
The Prophet says:
"No stress or exhaustion befalls the Muslim, nor worry or distress, even a thorn which pricks him, but Allah will forgive his sins because of that." (Al-Bukhari)

The society also has a role to play in rehabilitating the rape victim. Instead of deserting her or considering her a person non grata in the society, for the crime she has no hand in, Islam calls upon the society to rush to assist her in modifying and improving her life. We should show her the way out the pain of abuse.

Thus, many Muslim scholars, led by Sheikh Al-Qaradawi, have maintained that young Muslim men should hasten to marry women who fall as rape victims, so as to reduce their suffering and console them, to compensate them for the loss of the most precious thing that they possess. This reflects mutual love, rapport and altruism that prevail in the Muslim society.

This is, in brief, how Islam caters for raped women. Please keep in touch.
_________________________________

hope that takes care of all your q's
you can always pose your questions to them directly or search their data base islamonline.net

all the best
 
Greetings sister

Apologies for replying very very late indeed

To be honest, I did not think the marriage is valid until “Hopeful” pointed it out, thanks to you “Hopeful”. Verily Allah is the greatest.

Please don’t get me wrong, I had reasons to think as such and I still can’t figure it out what was the need to get married just in the presence of 2 persons only and why not inviting some close relatives, friends and others, sharing with them all one of our best moments, this doesn’t happen often…

Well sister, below is a brief note on marriage, please do consider it:

In Islam, marriage is an act of worship; a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom.

Both parties mutually agree and enter into a marriage contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.

Primary Requirements

1. Mutual agreement by the bride and the groom
2. Two adult and sane witnesses
3. Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately or deferred, or a combination of both

Secondary Requirements

1. Legal guardian representing the bride
2. Written marriage contract signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3. Muslim judge appointed by State or a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony
4. Sermon to solemnise the marriage

If the procedure of making the relationship halal agrees with at least the primary requirements mentioned above, then Islamically you are a married woman, and by the permission of Allah you have not committed any sin by having intimacy with your husband, on the contrary, a couple is rewarded even when they have sexual intercourse – All praise to Allah – and certainly, the child is not haram or illegitimate. It is well and truly the child of both of you and it is obligatory upon your husband to provide you with all the necessary support; it is essential that he assumes his responsibility correctly else he will be held responsible in the sight of Allah.

But if the marriage does not meet the primary requirements, never mind, deliver the baby, then you two get married after the delivery, you have made a mistake, knowingly or unknowingly, so what, after all we are human, we are bound to make mistakes, we have been created weak; we are not angels (angels do not commit mistakes), but the wiser is the one, after committing a mistake, repents sincerely to Allah and has firm belief that Allah, the most merciful, the One who accepts repentance, will accept his/her repentance and will absolve him/her of the sin. Also we should try our best not to repeat the same mistakes again; we can only do that by seeking the help of Allah.

Sister, never will this brother of yours advice you to have an abortion except:
• continuing with the pregnancy would be a greater risk to your life than would ending the pregnancy
• continuing with the pregnancy would involve a greater risk of injury to the your physical or mental health than would ending the pregnancy
I have read a bit about the risks associated to abortion, sincerely speaking; please don’t even think about abortion, it has many implications, such as breast cancer, handicapped newborns in later pregnancies and others.
Please do your own research work concerning abortion in the medical perspective.
If the marriage is not valid and you did not know about that, you are not held responsible since you are in this situation only because you thought he was your husband, but that does not mean you should not repent to Allah, on the contrary do so, it is for our own benefit, just to remind ourselves, the beloved prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to repent 70 to 100 times per day, so we have to repent more than that, if it is thousand times, it’s good for us, more than that, it’s better for us.

You may consider following the steps:

1. Get to know whether the marriage is valid or not
2. If yes, convince your husband that you are his wife
If no, never mind, talk to him saying “We made a mistake, so let’s correct it together”
3. Take good care of yourself and the baby
4. Deliver the baby and you two get married in case the marriage is invalid

I say it again sister, the choice is yours, think profoundly and then decide, without being influenced by anybody.

If there is anything I said you did not appreciate, do let me know please and I apologise for all, I only wanted to help, not to hurt you in any way, but I’m human, I err, so please point out my shortcomings and excuse me if you can.

Anything good in it is undoubtedly from Allah, the Exalted in Might and anything bad is from me

Remain in the protection of Allah
Brotherly yours
 
It's ironic that your boyfriend is not behaving like a muslim, nor is he observing the laws of islam. It sounds more like he is afraid of becoming a father, becoming responsible, and stepping up to the plate like a man. At this stage, I'd say single motherhood is the better option. Your desire for male attention may cost you a lifetime of misery with this "man." There is no compulsion in islam to become a muslim. No true Muslim would compel you to have an abortion or become a muslim. Something else is at work here.
 
I say dump him because he does not seem like responsible good muslim. However if he can fix things then thats ok.. Dont have an abortion like evryone said its not the childs fault. Its nice u came here for some advice but do try and get some help physically as in see a person, doctor or family
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top