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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 01:32 PM
Asalamu Alaikum:


Yes I know Islam allows men to have more than one wife but what are the rules and conditions?? Let's say he's getting everything from first wife she is completing all his needs but he wants to marry someone else just coz of his desires his high sex drive is it permissible to marry again just because of that reason?? First wives emotions and sacrifices are not considered?
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Kiro
05-11-2016, 01:34 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Asalamu Alaikum:


Yes I know Islam allows men to have more than one wife but what are the rules and conditions?? Let's say he's getting everything from first wife she is completing all his needs but he wants to marry someone else just coz of his desires his high sex drive is it permissible to marry again just because of that reason?? First wives emotions and sacrifices are not considered?
wswrb

it is, it is better to be chaste then not to be chaste

Allah knows best
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 01:43 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Asalamu Alaikum:


Yes I know Islam allows men to have more than one wife but what are the rules and conditions?? Let's say he's getting everything from first wife she is completing all his needs but he wants to marry someone else just coz of his desires his high sex drive is it permissible to marry again just because of that reason?? First wives emotions and sacrifices are not considered?
Never would I allow my future husband to even look at another women let alone marry one. It's just extremely selfish for a man to have more than one wife when you provide him with everything he needs.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 01:45 PM
Originally Posted by Kiro
wswrb

it is, it is better to be chaste then not to be chaste

Allah knows best
No woman would wanna share her husband..so can she ask for divorce if her husband having second wife is torturing her?? The woman has to and does think of everyone so is not mans responsibility to make sure his wife And children are happy?? Coz 2nd marriage does effect the whole family including kids so is it important that he completes his needs with first wife and lower his gaze outside? In this case I'm saying he gets everything from first wife but he's been looking at other women which makes him want to get intimate with them
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 01:49 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Never would I allow my future husband to even look at another women let alone marry one. It's just extremely selfish for a man to have more than one wife when you provide him with everything he needs.
Exactly. A man cannot even have someone look at his wife but he can go having more than one wife. It was different in prophets (pbuh) time and I respect that I'm not against it or anything coz in some cases it should be allowed BUT if it's just for his desires then it is just a selfish act why would he run after someone else when his wife is doing everything to please him
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 01:56 PM
your difficulty in accepting polygamy lies in your weakness or lack of clarity or wisdom to see. Polygamy requires great Imaan, and sacrifice.

So don't blame polygamy, as Allah SWT allowed it.

Don't talk without knowledge, lest you say wrong.

May Allah SWT forgive us for whatever we say of wrong. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 01:57 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Exactly. A man cannot even have someone look at his wife but he can go having more than one wife. It was different in prophets (pbuh) time and I respect that I'm not against it or anything coz in some cases it should be allowed BUT if it's just for his desires then it is just a selfish act why would he run after someone else when his wife is doing everything to please him
Because he is selfish, he is not willing to compromise even a little of his sexual desires. Tell him straight that if he seeks another women you'll divorce him. I'd personally give him an ultimatum, me or a different wife. If he leaves you then clearly he didn't love you as much as he proclaimed and if he does choose you then he will just have to accept only having one wife. It is also extremely unhygienic to have multiple sex partners, ugh makes my skin crawl thinking about it.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 01:59 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Because he is selfish, he is not willing to compromise even a little of his sexual desires. Tell him straight that if he seeks another women you'll divorce him. I'd personally give him an ultimatum, me or a different wife. If he leaves you then clearly he didn't love you as much as he proclaimed and if he does choose you then he will just have to accept only having one wife. It is also extremely unhygienic to have multiple sex partners, ugh makes my skin crawl thinking about it.
Watch your mouth. Polygamy is permissible in Islam.

And it is your own preconcieved thoughts that make you think like this. The Prophet Muhammad SAW practiced polygamy, so did the sahabahs, r.a. They were great men.

And Allah SWT knows best.
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noraina
05-11-2016, 02:06 PM
Just saying....polygamy threads have a colourful (and tragic) history on Islamic forums.

Perhaps we should make a polygamy sticky, and write down all the rulings and conditions and terms of polygamy?
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:08 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Because he is selfish, he is not willing to compromise even a little of his sexual desires. Tell him straight that if he seeks another women you'll divorce him. I'd personally give him an ultimatum, me or a different wife. If he leaves you then clearly he didn't love you as much as he proclaimed and if he does choose you then he will just have to accept only having one wife. It is also extremely unhygienic to have multiple sex partners, ugh makes my skin crawl thinking about it.
I am not married sis, asking on behalf of someone. Answer she gets is "Islam allows it" there are many other things Islam allows why don't men follow them?? (Not saying they don't some do MashAllah) but most focus on this topic. in this day and age there are so many diseases what if catches it off and passes it to his wife??
I know someone who did love marriage they were happily married then the husband married someone else coz he "fell in love with her" so they can go falling in love with anyone and everyone? He takes them both out together says he treats them both same whenever one is pregnant he gets the other one pregnant too, is that what "treating them equally means" that you make them both pregnant?? And guess what he doesn't work he's on benefits!!
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 02:14 PM
I know women can have it hard with polygamy, but that does not justify your condemnation of polygamy.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:14 PM
Brothers and sisters as Iv said b4 I know Islam allows it..but what are the rules and conditions? It's ok for him to let his wife suffer? Just coz he can't lower his gaze outside? She's completing all his needs I mean everything he says she doesn't lack anything but he wants to get intimate with someone else??
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 02:17 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
He takes them both out together says he treats them both same whenever one is pregnant he gets the other one pregnant too, is that what "treating them equally means" that you make them both pregnant?? And guess what he doesn't work he's on benefits!!
Not sure if troll or not ^o)

Regardless, there is no doubt it's allowed, but question is whether your "friend" wants to be with someone who acts on polygamy? Not every Muslim man exercises this, some just have one wife and give her 100% of his love and care :statisfie Others are selfish and want to "spread the love" and it can be extremely hard to accept for the other wives. Impossible to accept in fact.

It would be impossible for me to accept my man with another women, I'd kill him... (figuratively) :P
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:18 PM
Okay let's put it this way..for the mans "happiness" the wife should accept him getting married again? Right?? So he's happy...why can't men do same and stay happy with one woman? But no they rather get married and do whatever while the first wife goes in depression! I love the prophet pbuh and sahabas & teachings, but no man can be like them right? So why don't they focus on other things and become better Muslims, why do they talk about Islam and prophet when it come to marrying again?? I guess people just take advantage..
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:21 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Not sure if troll or not ^o)

Regardless, there is no doubt it's allowed, but question is whether your "friend" wants to be with someone who acts on polygamy? Not every Muslim man exercises this, some just have one wife and give her 100% of his love and care :statisfie Others are selfish and want to "spread the love" and it can be extremely hard to accept for the other wives. Impossible to accept in fact.

It would be impossible for me to accept my man with another women, I'd kill him... (figuratively) :P
lol wallahi not a troll. He obviously doesn't keep them under one roof but that's the truth he's got two wives took them both on holiday together also. Well she has told him not to get married again but he's trying to convince her
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Kiro
05-11-2016, 02:22 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
No woman would wanna share her husband..so can she ask for divorce if her husband having second wife is torturing her?? The woman has to and does think of everyone so is not mans responsibility to make sure his wife And children are happy?? Coz 2nd marriage does effect the whole family including kids so is it important that he completes his needs with first wife and lower his gaze outside? In this case I'm saying he gets everything from first wife but he's been looking at other women which makes him want to get intimate with them
Men and women are different so what they want is different and men seem to loove women generally speaking

anyway, the husband has to do a very good job at treating his wives equally so for example if one goes on holiday then he has to take the other on holiday
you could always ask him to take things that temporary reduce his sex drive

Originally Posted by Regrets1
Exactly. A man cannot even have someone look at his wife but he can go having more than one wife. It was different in prophets (pbuh) time and I respect that I'm not against it or anything coz in some cases it should be allowed BUT if it's just for his desires then it is just a selfish act why would he run after someone else when his wife is doing everything to please him
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ardianto
05-11-2016, 02:22 PM
I never committed polygamy during my married life because I knew that my wife would not happy if I commit polygamy, and I didn't want to make her unhappy.

Unfortunately not every man is like me. There are men who still commit polygamy although they know it would hurt their wives heart.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 02:23 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Not sure if troll or not ^o)

Regardless, there is no doubt it's allowed, but question is whether your "friend" wants to be with someone who acts on polygamy? Not every Muslim man exercises this, some just have one wife and give her 100% of his love and care :statisfie Others are selfish and want to "spread the love" and it can be extremely hard to accept for the other wives. Impossible to accept in fact.

It would be impossible for me to accept my man with another women, I'd kill him... (figuratively) :P
That is your preconcieved thought.

To you, prob, any man who practices polygamy is selfish. Which is not true.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:28 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
I never committed polygamy during my married life because I knew that my wife would not happy if I commit polygamy, and I didn't want to make her unhappy.

Unfortunately not every man is like me. There are men who still commit polygamy although they know it would hurt their wives heart.
SubhanAllah. There should be more men with such thinking.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 02:33 PM
Look, don't make it sound like those who practice polygamy are bad people, they are not. By that you'd say the Prophet SAW, etc. are, audhu billah, bad. May Allah SWT protect us.

So no, those who practice it are NOT bad, polygamy is a sunnah.
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Kiro
05-11-2016, 02:33 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
SubhanAllah. There should be more men with such thinking.
although there are women who gladly accept polygamy as they see it as a beautiful sunnah
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sister herb
05-11-2016, 02:35 PM
At the time of the prophet, polygamy was one way to secure the life and livelihood of widows. How many times at the nowadays men whose are thinking to marry with another women than only one are actually doing same: marry poor widows, whose might be older than they are and maybe have already many children? Or are they only looking for young women whose haven´t been married before?
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 02:37 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
That is your preconcieved thought.

To you, prob, any man who practices polygamy is selfish. Which is not true.
Absolutely not. If you're married and your wife is not paying you enough attention or spending enough time with you or whatever then I guess it's not a bad thing if the husband seeks an additional wife to fill in the gaps that the first wife doesn't. However if your first wife is going to be heartbroken and the thought of it makes her physically sick then you should try to understand her side and both work together to iron out the marriage.

If the wife is totally happy and the husband is totally happy there is no need for a third wheel...

Imagine you have a car, it works perfectly and drives perfectly, you're allowed to buy and own a second car, but would you? This is being greedy...

If however you own a sports car which is great for long distance driving but not for country roads, then you may seek to buy a second car.

My point being is that one should only seek an additional wife if the first wife isn't fulfilling her part of the marriage sufficiently
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ardianto
05-11-2016, 02:38 PM
The only one that can prevent a husband to commit polygamy is himself. If he think it's better for him if he has only one wife, he would not commit polygamy although he has opportunity. But if he intend to commit polygamy, even if his wife and all people around him forbid him, he still would seek opportunity to commit polygamy.

So, the only way that the wife can do to prevent her husband commit polygamy is trying to make him thinking that it's better if he has only one wife. It can be easy, it can be difficult, depend on the husband's view on marriage.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:38 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Look, don't make it sound like those who practice polygamy are bad people, they are not. By that you'd say the Prophet SAW, etc. are, audhu billah, bad. May Allah SWT protect us.

So no, those who practice it are NOT bad, polygamy is a sunnah.
never said they are bad people. And once again id say we can never be like the prophet pbuh and the sahabas we can try our best and follow them and we should. But as I said I want to know the rules and conditions? May Allah forgive me for saying this but did the prophet pbuh married anyone for desires?? As far as I know..no he didn't
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:42 PM
Originally Posted by sister herb
At the time of the prophet, polygamy was one way to secure the life and livelihood of widows. How many times at the nowadays men whose are thinking to marry with another women than only one are actually doing same: marry poor widows, whose might be older than they are and maybe have already many children? Or are they only looking for young women whose haven´t been married before?
Thats what I am saying sis no one can match the prophet pbuh. Iv not really heard about a man marrying a widow or someone poor to provide shelter and security. Most if not all are doing it for desires, they want a young virgin or if she's not a virgin they go for her look whether it's the face or body and that's what makes me cringe.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 02:44 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Absolutely not. If you're married and your wife is not paying you enough attention or spending enough time with you or whatever then I guess it's not a bad thing if the husband seeks an additional wife to fill in the gaps that the first wife doesn't. However if your first wife is going to be heartbroken and the thought of it makes her physically sick then you should try to understand her side and both work together to iron out the marriage.

If the wife is totally happy and the husband is totally happy there is no need for a third wheel...

Imagine you have a car, it works perfectly and drives perfectly, you're allowed to buy and own a second car, but would you? This is being greedy...

If however you own a sports car which is great for long distance driving but not for country roads, then you may seek to buy a second car.

My point being is that one should only seek an additional wife if the first wife isn't fulfilling her part of the marriage sufficiently
Polygamy, if used correctly, can be a source of great good and blessings for the Ummah.

And in a society with illegal sexual intercourse on the rise, and vulnerable women exploited, etc. polygamy will, In shaa' Allah, erase this.

If one is completely satisified with one's wife and seeks another, doesn't necessarily mean he is after his desires. Rather, even if he is satisified, if the intention is for the sake of Allah and to protect the Ummah, who are we to stop people from polygamy?
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:45 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
The only one that can prevent a husband to commit polygamy is himself. If he think it's better for him if he has only one wife, he would not commit polygamy although he has opportunity. But if he intend to commit polygamy, even if his wife and all people around him forbid him, he still would seek opportunity to commit polygamy.

So, the only way that the wife can do to prevent her husband commit polygamy is trying to make him thinking that it's better if he has only one wife. It can be easy, it can be difficult, depend on the husband's view on marriage.
True, but he should think for himself that how his words and actions effect his wife shouldn't he?? How it will effect his children? Knowing he's everything to his wife and she cannot share him why would he take such step?? I'd understand if he didn't have children but they have them and wealth also so what's the of another woman?
SubhanAllah I knew a couple they didn't have kids but the man didn't marry again even though the wife was agreeing but never took that step he said they are enough for each other.
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 02:50 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
And in a society with illegal sexual intercourse on the rise, and vulnerable women exploited, etc.
yeh yeh I see what you did there... not funny. Very immature.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 02:50 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
never said they are bad people. And once again id say we can never be like the prophet pbuh and the sahabas we can try our best and follow them and we should. But as I said I want to know the rules and conditions? May Allah forgive me for saying this but did the prophet pbuh married anyone for desires?? As far as I know..no he didn't
I don't think he SAW did, Allahu alam.

https://islamqa.info/en/14022 - read this. The conditions and rules of polygamy, In shaa' Allah.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:51 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Polygamy, if used correctly, can be a source of great good and blessings for the Ummah.

And in a society with illegal sexual intercourse on the rise, and vulnerable women exploited, etc. polygamy will, In shaa' Allah, erase this.

If one is completely satisified with one's wife and seeks another, doesn't necessarily mean he is after his desires. Rather, even if he is satisified, if the intention is for the sake of Allah and to protect the Ummah, who are we to stop people from polygamy?
No one is stoping it. As we are all different some people get effected more than others. Here we are talking about one individual who is after some pretty "face" or body only should he get married to her and hurt his wife and break the family?? Should he not consider anythin at all but go ahead and fulfill his desires?? And if he does go ahead and get married again even though everything was perfectly fine with his first marriage can the first wife ask for divorce as she she take it??
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 02:52 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
yeh yeh I see what you did there... not funny. Very immature.
What? Polygamy can protect all this, if filthy men hunt after women and rape them, wouldn't it be better for a honourable pious Muslim man to marry such women to protect them?
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 02:55 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
What? Polygamy can protect all this, if filthy men hunt after women and rape them, wouldn't it be better for a honourable pious Muslim man to marry such women to protect them?
Believe me hun, some men are weak compared to other men. There is no guarantee whatsoever that a man can protect himself... one punch and he can be KO'ed.

and sorry I thought you were sliding that comment in on purpose because of what I did... Nevermind.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 02:59 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
What? Polygamy can protect all this, if filthy men hunt after women and rape them, wouldn't it be better for a honourable pious Muslim man to marry such women to protect them?
There are nice and pious men who would get married again for sake of Allah and fulfill sunnah. They'd marry a widow or someone poor..and there are many pious brothers who even if they can afford it they wouldn't even think of getting married again because they care and love the first wife they think about her emotions and feelings they think about their children and how to would effect them. Most people who have got more than one wife are the ones who can't lower their gaze it's just only for desires and not to complete the sunnah
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 02:59 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
No one is stoping it. As we are all different some people get effected more than others. Here we are talking about one individual who is after some pretty "face" or body only should he get married to her and hurt his wife and break the family?? Should he not consider anythin at all but go ahead and fulfill his desires?? And if he does go ahead and get married again even though everything was perfectly fine with his first marriage can the first wife ask for divorce as she she take it??
Read this: https://islamqa.info/en/14022

And Allah SWT knows best.
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sister herb
05-11-2016, 03:05 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
What? Polygamy can protect all this, if filthy men hunt after women and rape them, wouldn't it be better for a honourable pious Muslim man to marry such women to protect them?
It would to be real honourable act to marry the rape victim. But in many societies people don´t understand that woman is a victim of the heinious crime (when she become raped), not quilty for this.

Personally I don´t think that polygamy itself can reduce rape crimes. Men whose haven´t enough incomes, can´t marry at least one woman but, if they have criminal mind, can rape and get sexual desire from it. Actually, some men may rape, even if they would have 4 wives.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 03:08 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
Believe me hun, some men are weak compared to other men. There is no guarantee whatsoever that a man can protect himself... one punch and he can be KO'ed.

and sorry I thought you were sliding that comment in on purpose because of what I did... Nevermind.
I'd much rather, if I could, marry 2-4 sisters to protect them from rape, etc.

One can kill the person in order to protect one's honour, afaik.
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sister herb
05-11-2016, 03:11 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Thats what I am saying sis no one can match the prophet pbuh. Iv not really heard about a man marrying a widow or someone poor to provide shelter and security. Most if not all are doing it for desires, they want a young virgin or if she's not a virgin they go for her look whether it's the face or body and that's what makes me cringe.
So basicly, here are two kind of men: those whose want to marry (with one or more) because it´s sunnah (but unfortunately many of them don´t count widows - although it should be better to them) and those whose want to marry to fulfill their sexual desire (or dreams). We can´t never judge all men as people are different and their intentions are different too.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 03:11 PM
Originally Posted by sister herb
It would to be real honourable act to marry the rape victim. But in many societies people don´t understand that woman is a victim of the heinious crime (when she become raped), not quilty for this.

Personally I don´t think that polygamy itself can reduce rape crimes. Men whose haven´t enough incomes, can´t marry at least one woman but, if they have criminal mind, can rape and get sexual desire from it. Actually, some men may rape, even if they would have 4 wives.
Well said sis. Agree with u 100%. No one goes marrying a rape victim they look down on them or if they don't look down on them still won't marry one. People should follow the sunnah and follow it right by marrying a widow or poor to provide for them but sadly that's not what we get to see then Islam is judged based on what these people do and people get wrong image of it.
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ardianto
05-11-2016, 03:13 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
What? Polygamy can protect all this, if filthy men hunt after women and rape them, wouldn't it be better for a honourable pious Muslim man to marry such women to protect them?
There are many pious men who still unmarried because they still can't get wives. So, rather than those women marry the men who already have wives, it's better if they marry those unmarried men.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 03:14 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I'd much rather, if I could, marry 2-4 sisters to protect them from rape, etc.

One can kill the person in order to protect one's honour, afaik.
Even if the first one loves you dearly and can't share u?? And if you take that step she would want divorce? You'd rather divorce her? And not everyone gets raped so can't really use that as a reason to have more than one wife
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 03:18 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
There are many pious men who still unmarried because they still can't get wives. So, rather than those women marry the men who already have wives, it's better if they marry those unmarried men.

Well ll said brother ardianto. i gave an example b4 of a man who doesn't work he is on benefits but he has two wives I don't think that's right. There is another one that's if his wives stop working he won't be able to provide for them from his own wage
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ardianto
05-11-2016, 03:37 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Well ll said brother ardianto. i gave an example b4 of a man who doesn't work he is on benefits but he has two wives I don't think that's right. There is another one that's if his wives stop working he won't be able to provide for them from his own wage
Polygamy happen because two people, the man who want to take another wife, and the woman who is willing to become his another wife. If there's no woman who is willing to become the another wife, then polygamy would not be happen

So, if we want to reduce polygamy rate, we cannot just tell the husbands to not commit polygamy, but we must assure the single women that it's better if they marry the unmarried men or single men like widower.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 03:46 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Polygamy happen because two people, the man who want to take another wife, and the woman who is willing to become his another wife. If there's no woman who is willing to become the another wife, then polygamy would not be happen

So, if we want to reduce polygamy rate, we cannot just tell the husbands to not commit polygamy, but we must assure the single women that it's better if they marry the unmarried men or single men like widower.
Yeah true.
If The man is thinking of providing for another woman be there for her etc thats cool, but I think he should consider what "his wife" would go through..if she's ok with it then it's all good but if he had to hurt his wife and she starts staying depressed etc because of his actions then he shouldn't go ahead with it.
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ardianto
05-11-2016, 03:47 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I'd much rather, if I could, marry 2-4 sisters to protect them from rape, etc.
There are many brothers here who still unmarried because they cannot get wife. So, rather than you marry four women, and let those brothers still unmarried, it's better if you marry one woman and help three brothers to marry those three other women.

:)
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sister herb
05-11-2016, 04:13 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I'd much rather, if I could, marry 2-4 sisters to protect them from rape, etc.

One can kill the person in order to protect one's honour, afaik.
How do you see that being married protects anyone not to becoming raped? Rapers don´t ask before their victim´s marital status. Or do you think you can guard your wife/wives 24/7 in everywhere?
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 04:15 PM
Originally Posted by sister herb
How do you see that being married protects anyone to becoming raped? Rapers don´t ask before their victim´s marital status. Or do you think you can guard your wife/wives 24/7 in everywhere?
I know..and rather than marrying someone to "save" them from getting raped why not marry a victim and give her the honour and respect as it wasn't her fault she got raped
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 04:20 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
There are many brothers here who still unmarried because they cannot get wife. So, rather than you marry four women, and let those brothers still unmarried, it's better if you marry one woman and help three brothers to marry those three other women.

:)
Provided that these signs haven't taken place yet:

I will narrate to you a Hadith and none other than I will tell you about after it. I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying: From among the portents of the Hour are (the following): -1. Religious knowledge will decrease (by the death of religious learned men). -2. Religious ignorance will prevail. -3. There will be prevalence of open illegal sexual intercourse. -4. Women will increase in number and men will decrease in number so much so that fifty women will be looked after by one man.

I agree.
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ardianto
05-11-2016, 04:24 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Provided that these signs haven't taken place yet:

I will narrate to you a Hadith and none other than I will tell you about after it. I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying: From among the portents of the Hour are (the following): -1. Religious knowledge will decrease (by the death of religious learned men). -2. Religious ignorance will prevail. -3. There will be prevalence of open illegal sexual intercourse. -4. Women will increase in number and men will decrease in number so much so that fifty women will be looked after by one man.

I agree.
But at the moment composition of men and women are still balance.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 04:24 PM
Originally Posted by sister herb
How do you see that being married protects anyone not to becoming raped? Rapers don´t ask before their victim´s marital status. Or do you think you can guard your wife/wives 24/7 in everywhere?
Ehm, now I am confused.. Idk where my intentions were, but I didn't mean to say to marry 4 wives to protect them from rape, as in, rapes, i.e. potential rapes. As by that, every female is a potential victim.

Idk, I can't answer your question, as:

A. Idk what my intention was.

So either way, if I told you I meant marry the victim, I'd be perhaps lying to you cuz I forgot what intention I had.

But yeah, (if I could be allowed without lying) I meant marry vulnerable rape-victims. As the victims have no fault of their own, as such, do not deserve any dishonoring, as that'd be unislamic, and unintelligent. Afaik.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 04:37 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
But at the moment composition of men and women are still balance.
At this moment in time, it is close to 1:1

Therefore, it'd make sense that to every man, a female.

If it goes like 1 male: 50 females, then polygamy would be the choice.

If 20 males: 4 females, then.......... Idk.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 05:30 PM
I am left hanging here lol. Is it ok for a woman to demand divorce and leave her husband because he got 2nd wife? Or it's a sin?
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 06:28 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
I am left hanging here lol. Is it ok for a woman to demand divorce and leave her husband because he got 2nd wife? Or it's a sin?
It's her marriage, she can divorce him because for whatever reason she pleases. Obviously in the eyes of Allah one should have patience with their spouse so divorcing for petty things or things which can be resolved is not recommended. Ultimately if the thought of her husband having two or more wives is too much to handle then she can divorce him.

In Islam you can divorce your spouse if the marriage is not working or if one is unhappy. Thus if the husband getting a divorce makes the wife unhappy, she can divorce :)
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 06:40 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It's her marriage, she can divorce him because him for whatever reason she pleases. Obviously in the eyes of Allah one should have patience with their spouse so divorcing for petty things or things which can be resolved is not recommended. Ultimately if the thought of her husband having two or more wives is too much to handle then she can divorce him.

In Islam you can divorce your spouse if the marriage is not working or if one is unhappy. Thus if the husband getting a divorce makes the wife unhappy, she can divorce :)
I think it is wrong to divorce someone just because of whims and desires, as in "I feel unhappy" or whatever..................

I just don't find it acceptable to divorce someone because of some feelings.

Marriage is a commitment, ofc if it becomes waaaaaaay to unbearable then one can divorce, only under extreme circumstances, etc.

Ps. one can marry young women in polygamy, up to their choice.

It is best we don't speak off of our own opinions and desires, and try to direct it to the scholars.
May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 06:51 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
It's her marriage, she can divorce him because him for whatever reason she pleases. Obviously in the eyes of Allah one should have patience with their spouse so divorcing for petty things or things which can be resolved is not recommended. Ultimately if the thought of her husband having two or more wives is too much to handle then she can divorce him.

In Islam you can divorce your spouse if the marriage is not working or if one is unhappy. Thus if the husband getting a divorce makes the wife unhappy, she can divorce :)
yeah true..when wife does try and make things work but the husband is not ready to accept anything then I guess divorce is the last option, even when one is ready to do anything but husband still wants another wife then he should divorce first one for her happiness.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 06:56 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I think it is wrong to divorce someone just because of whims and desires, as in "I feel unhappy" or whatever..................

I just don't find it acceptable to divorce someone because of some feelings.

Marriage is a commitment, ofc if it becomes waaaaaaay to unbearable then one can divorce, only under extreme circumstances, etc.

Ps. one can marry young women in polygamy, up to their choice.

It is best we don't speak off of our own opinions and desires, and try to direct it to the scholars.
May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.
even when everything is perfectly fine with first wife he can still go and get married so he can stay happy (don't know what happiness hel get by having 2nd wife when the first one loves him dearly and have got evrything together) so she can demand divorce so she can be happy don't u think? She's got right to be happy whether she lives alone or gets married again rather than living a depressed life. people should have this in the married contract that the husband cannot marry again while with his first wife or marry again without her consent (il definitely do this)
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 06:59 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I think it is wrong to divorce someone just because of whims and desires, as in "I feel unhappy" or whatever..................

I just don't find it acceptable to divorce someone because of some feelings.

Marriage is a commitment, ofc if it becomes waaaaaaay to unbearable then one can divorce, only under extreme circumstances, etc.

Ps. one can marry young women in polygamy, up to their choice.

It is best we don't speak off of our own opinions and desires, and try to direct it to the scholars.
May Allah SWT forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.
My opinion does not supersede Allah of course. It's just what I personally think, not that it means anything to allah swt.

So do you honestly think that if the Quran said wives can have up to 4 husbands, you would be ok with your wife having a second or a third husband? Think about what it is you're asking of her, it truly must be one of the absolute toughest things for a women to deal with. As a man, you surely must be gracious to your wife and even though it is your right, you should certainly put your wives feelings in to consideration?
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 07:02 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
even when everything is perfectly fine with first wife he can still go and get married so he can stay happy (don't know what happiness hel get by having 2nd wife when the first one loves him dearly and have got evrything together) so she can demand divorce so she can be happy don't u think? She's got right to be happy whether she lives alone or gets married again rather than living a depressed life. people should have this in the married contract that the husband cannot marry again while with his first wife or marry again without her consent (il definitely do this)
We've answered your question several times now. Tell your friend to discuss with her husband how much she dislikes the idea and if she doesn't want that kind of marriage then she will have to play the divorce card. Fact is marriages don't work out a lot of the time... non islamic or islamic marriages... they all have their problems. It's up to the couple to resolve the differences Inshallah it's a smooth process.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 07:05 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
even when everything is perfectly fine with first wife he can still go and get married so he can stay happy (don't know what happiness hel get by having 2nd wife when the first one loves him dearly and have got evrything together) so she can demand divorce so she can be happy don't u think? She's got right to be happy whether she lives alone or gets married again rather than living a depressed life. people should have this in the married contract that the husband cannot marry again while with his first wife or marry again without her consent (il definitely do this)
Afaik, if you stipulate it in your contract that he can only marry once, and if he decides to marry twice, you've the right to divorce. Allahu alam tho.

Of course if things become unbearable, afaik, you can divorce.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 07:13 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
My opinion does not supersede Allah of course. It's just what I personally think, not that it means anything to allah swt.

So do you honestly think that if the Quran said wives can have up to 4 husbands, you would be ok with your wife having a second or a third husband? Think about what it is you're asking of her, it truly must be one of the absolute toughest things for a women to deal with. As a man, you surely must be gracious to your wife and even though it is your right, you should certainly put your wives feelings in to consideration?
https://islamqa.info/en/10991
https://islamqa.info/en/201309

If a woman had 4 husbands, the husbands would proly fight eachother, and out of their jealousy kill eachother or something. Allahu alam.

No man would share their wife.

There is a reason why Allah SWT didn't allow it. It isn't wise to let women have more than 1 husband. Allahu alam.
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EgyptPrincess
05-11-2016, 07:28 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
https://islamqa.info/en/10991
https://islamqa.info/en/201309

If a woman had 4 husbands, the husbands would proly fight eachother, and out of their jealousy kill eachother or something. Allahu alam.

No man would share their wife.

There is a reason why Allah SWT didn't allow it. It isn't wise to let women have more than 1 husband. Allahu alam.
I completely agree with you, which is the point I was trying to make. The men would become jealous and violent and it would not end well.

You think women don't have the same jealousy? I wonder if you took a survey in the muslim community, what percentage of muslimahs would be "happy" to share their husband. Not many I suspect.

Asking your wife to accept another wife is the same as your wife asking you to accept another husband. It is an incredible tough decision for her to accept. We have feelings also...
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Futuwwa
05-11-2016, 07:45 PM
A man with more than one wife has a responsibility to ensure domestic harmony. If he can't get his current wife to accept him taking another, he has already failed at that.
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 08:08 PM
Originally Posted by Futuwwa
A man with more than one wife has a responsibility to ensure domestic harmony. If he can't get his current wife to accept him taking another, he has already failed at that.
Thank youu..just the answer I was looking for. Sorry everyone if I was repetitive b4.
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Serinity
05-11-2016, 08:09 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I completely agree with you, which is the point I was trying to make. The men would become jealous and violent and it would not end well.

You think women don't have the same jealousy? I wonder if you took a survey in the muslim community, what percentage of muslimahs would be "happy" to share their husband. Not many I suspect.

Asking your wife to accept another wife is the same as your wife asking you to accept another husband. It is an incredible tough decision for her to accept. We have feelings also...
If someone doesn't understand the wisdom behind a ruling then one should just say "I hear and obey" ..

Allah SWT didn't make polygamy obligatory. And Allah SWT put challenges in deen for everyone.

Part of the challenge is to show your submission / faith in Allah SWT.

one's opinions may not be in line with The Quran.. Look it is a challenge, it requires great Imaan. It is natural.


A woman’s jealousy concerning her husband is something that is innate and natural, and you cannot tell a woman, “Do not feel jealous over your husband.” If a person dislikes something even though it is prescribed in sharee’ah, that does not adversely affect him, so long as he does not hate the fact that it is prescribed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Jihaad (holy fighting in Allaah’s Cause) is ordained for you (Muslims) though you dislike it, and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you…” [al-Baqarah 2:216]
A woman’s jealousy concerning her husband is something that is innate and natural, and you cannot tell a woman, “Do not feel jealous over your husband.” If a person dislikes something even though it is prescribed in sharee’ah, that does not adversely affect him, so long as he does not hate the fact that it is prescribed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Jihaad (holy fighting in Allaah’s Cause) is ordained for you (Muslims) though you dislike it, and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you…” [al-Baqarah 2:216]

It is a test from Allah SWT, just like Jihad for me would be a test. And remember, we are slaves of Allah SWT, All-wise, All-knowing.

So we have to conform to Allah SWT's laws, etc. and not to our desires. After all, what will following our desires bring us except destruction?

It is in Allah SWT's wisdom that He SWT allowed men to have 4 wives, and women not to have except 1 husband. If one runs back on his heels to disbelief, just because there is a thing that he dislikes, would indicate that he didn't truly believe in Allah SWT anyway.

We may like or dislike a thing, but we are slaves of Allah SWT. We know not, but Allah SWT knows. We aren't slaves of our desires and opinions but of Allah SWT.

And Allah SWT knows best.
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Misbah0411
05-11-2016, 09:45 PM
Originally Posted by Futuwwa
A man with more than one wife has a responsibility to ensure domestic harmony. If he can't get his current wife to accept him taking another, he has already failed at that.
You know the Prophet s.a.a.w had trouble with his multiple wives because naturally the woman feels jealous and for other reasons. Are you going to say he failed at that also? Be careful with your flawed logic. Bottom line, it is permissible for a man to have up to four wives if he can do justly with all of them. This is the law of Allah. When Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter, all we are required to do is say, "we hear and obey".
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Regrets1
05-11-2016, 10:02 PM
Originally Posted by Misbah0411
You know the Prophet s.a.a.w had trouble with his multiple wives because naturally the woman feels jealous and for other reasons. Are you going to say he failed at that also? Be careful with your flawed logic. Bottom line, it is permissible for a man to have up to four wives if he can do justly with all of them. This is the law of Allah. When Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter, all we are required to do is say, "we hear and obey".
.

I dont think he meant it in that way. And brother the prophet pbuh had reasons to have more than one wife one is to show us people that it's ok for a man to marry a non virgin, widow and have interracial marriages etc prophet pbuh didn't even get married the 2nd time when his first wife was alive. No one here is saying it's wrong but the man should consider about his wife and her feelings shouldn't he?? I personally find it wrong if someone wants to marry another woman coz they can't lower their gaze that's his fault not his wives but then he should go to his wife and complete his needs.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 02:58 AM
:salam:

one can marry a virgin in a polygamy marriage, too. Tho one can marry widows, divorcees, etc. And Allah SWT knows best.
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Bhabha
05-12-2016, 04:52 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Watch your mouth. Polygamy is permissible in Islam.

And it is your own preconcieved thoughts that make you think like this. The Prophet Muhammad SAW practiced polygamy, so did the sahabahs, r.a. They were great men.

And Allah SWT knows best.
But I think the prophet also gave his wives the choice to either permit the polygamy or get a divorce. I forgot where, but I saw this somewhere. So yes a wife can ask for a divorce if she will not be able to accept it.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 06:24 AM
Anti polygamists, come I tell ull sum thing straight forward, ull think like kuffaar.

Indoctrination
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Umm Abed
05-12-2016, 07:03 AM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I completely agree with you, which is the point I was trying to make. The men would become jealous and violent and it would not end well.

You think women don't have the same jealousy? I wonder if you took a survey in the muslim community, what percentage of muslimahs would be "happy" to share their husband. Not many I suspect.

Asking your wife to accept another wife is the same as your wife asking you to accept another husband. It is an incredible tough decision for her to accept. We have feelings also...
Your ideas and thinking is unislamic.

Allah's Laws is Supreme, its above the rest and whatever man made laws and personal opinions there are, it means nothing when it comes to what Allah swt has allowed and disallowed.

It is important that you and others like you acknowledge such attitude that you have, belongs to your opinion and it doesnt hold any weight. This, Im telling you nicely and no way mean to be harsh, but I felt the need to say what is right because no one can make haram what Allah has made halal and likewise you cant make halal which Allah has made haram.

I agree with Serinity that the rules and conditions of polygamy be a stickied thread where everyone can refer to. No need for more personal opinions that make a mockery to Islam.

Mods can close this thread now, please.
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Freedom
05-12-2016, 07:26 AM
Originally Posted by Regrets1;2895119[B
]Exactly. A man cannot even have someone look at his wife but he can go having more than one wife.[/B] It was different in prophets (pbuh) time and I respect that I'm not against it or anything coz in some cases it should be allowed BUT if it's just for his desires then it is just a selfish act why would he run after someone else when his wife is doing everything to please him
This is the worst "logic". How did you even make a connection between those two things?
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 07:57 AM
Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Your ideas and thinking is unislamic.

Allah's Laws is Supreme, its above the rest and whatever man made laws and personal opinions there are, it means nothing when it comes to what Allah swt has allowed and disallowed.

It is important that you and others like you acknowledge such attitude that you have, belongs to your opinion and it doesnt hold any weight. This, Im telling you nicely and no way mean to be harsh, but I felt the need to say what is right because no one can make haram what Allah has made halal and likewise you cant make halal which Allah has made haram.

I agree with Serinity that the rules and conditions of polygamy be a stickied thread where everyone can refer to. No need for more personal opinions that make a mockery to Islam.

Mods can close this thread now, please.
Questioning Allah SWT's laws can lead to kufr "why do we have to pray 5 times a day, not 2 times?" "Why do women have to cover more than men?"

we are created differently. And I don't think, that a husband having 4 wives is the same as a wife having 4 husbands. There is no logic in that. If it was the same, Allah SWT would have permitted it, He SWT did not, therefore it is not the same.

May Allah SWT forgive us all for whatever bad we said. Ameen

In conclusion: Polygamy is a sunnah like anyother sunnah. Anyone who insults a sunnah, has insulted the Prophet SAW, and anyone who insults the Prophet SAW, in any way, be it the sunnah or whatever. Has committed kufr, afaik. If someone insults the prophet SAW, he has also insulted Allah SWT.

Both man and woman have jealousy, but that does not justify the condemnation of a sunnah, in this case Polygamy. To question Allah SWT's law and say "how come Allah allowed men this and not for women too?" can be kufr. Allah SWT knows better than us, so to question Allah SWT is blissful ignorance.
And Allah SWT knows best.
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Umm Abed
05-12-2016, 08:08 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Questioning Allah SWT's laws can lead to kufr "why do we have to pray 5 times a day, not 2 times?" "Why do women have to cover more than men?"

we are created differently. And I don't think, that a husband having 4 wives is the same as a wife having 4 husbands. There is no logic in that. If it was the same, Allah SWT would have permitted it, He SWT did not, therefore it is not the same.

May Allah SWT forgive us all for whatever bad we said. Ameen

In conclusion: Polygamy is a sunnah like anyother sunnah. Anyone who insults a sunnah, has insulted the Prophet SAW, and anyone who insults the Prophet SAW, in any way, be it the sunnah or whatever. Has committed kufr, afaik. If someone insults the prophet SAW, he has also insulted Allah SWT.

Both man and woman have jealousy, but that does not justify the condemnation of a sunnah, in this case Polygamy. To question Allah SWT's law and say "how come Allah allowed men this and not for women too?" can be kufr. Allah SWT knows better than us, so to question Allah SWT is blissful ignorance.
And Allah SWT knows best.
Thats what I dont get, like why question Allah's laws? If they dont want to do it or not doing it then fine, but to question and find fault, that is wrong. It is true that having 4 husbands is not the same as 4 wives. Allah has set out laws which are pure in precision, there is wisdom in every shar'i ruling, but many cannot comprehend.

May Allah save us all from blasphemous statements and guide us all, ameen.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 08:15 AM
Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Thats what I dont get, like why question Allah's laws? If they dont want to do it or not doing it then fine, but to question and find fault, that is wrong. It is true that having 4 husbands is not the same as 4 wives. Allah has set out laws which are pure in precision, there is wisdom in every shar'i ruling, but many cannot comprehend.

May Allah save us all from blasphemous statements and guide us all, ameen.
May Allah SWT guide us all. Ameen.

And ameen.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 08:16 AM
Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Thats what I dont get, like why question Allah's laws? If they dont want to do it or not doing it then fine, but to question and find fault, that is wrong. It is true that having 4 husbands is not the same as 4 wives. Allah has set out laws which are pure in precision, there is wisdom in every shar'i ruling, but many cannot comprehend.

May Allah save us all from blasphemous statements and guide us all, ameen.
Salaam

Ameen.

Its kuffaar on here trying to mislead Muslims, one of the battles they fighting, media warfare.


Anyway, ALHAMDULILLAH, I was driving to work just now and heard a precious saying of Umar r.a. regarding muslim and kuffaar,.on a bayaan. Gona open a thread just now, please read and encourage all to read. InshaALLAH.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 08:17 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
May Allah SWT guide us all. Ameen.

And ameen.
Ameen
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 08:18 AM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
.

I dont think he meant it in that way. And brother the prophet pbuh had reasons to have more than one wife one is to show us people that it's ok for a man to marry a non virgin, widow and have interracial marriages etc prophet pbuh didn't even get married the 2nd time when his first wife was alive. No one here is saying it's wrong but the man should consider about his wife and her feelings shouldn't he?? I personally find it wrong if someone wants to marry another woman coz they can't lower their gaze that's his fault not his wives but then he should go to his wife and complete his needs.
If you are muslim, u are misguided. Please go and seek proper knowledge from authentic books.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 08:19 AM
Originally Posted by Freedom
This is the worst "logic". How did you even make a connection between those two things?
Lol, she either ignorant or a spy
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Umm Abed
05-12-2016, 08:20 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
Salaam

Ameen.

Its kuffaar on here trying to mislead Muslims, one of the battles they fighting, media warfare.


Anyway, ALHAMDULILLAH, I was driving to work just now and heard a precious saying of Umar r.a. regarding muslim and kuffaar,.on a bayaan. Gona open a thread just now, please read and encourage all to read. InshaALLAH.
Wassalam.

I just hope that if they are new to Islam then they should make an effort in learning its teachings, so, if something is said out of context which is against Islam then it must be corrected, insha'allah we all make effort.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 08:23 AM
One lesson:

Absolute equality is, afaik, unwise, unintelligent, and unislamic. men and women are different, therefore different rulings to both gender, etc. Afaik.

Every man and woman will be dealt justly, and none will be judged based on gender.

May Allah SWT forgive us. Ameen.
And Allah SWT knows best.
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Umm Abed
05-12-2016, 08:28 AM
Another lesson: Allah's laws and rulings is based on justice. Non can find fault.

Each ruling is there for a purpose and it is a common knowledge that men and women are created differently, so the needs are different.

But as for piety, one can be higher in status than the other, and Allah alone is the sole Judge. Subhanallah!
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noraina
05-12-2016, 08:39 AM
I haven't been through this entire thread but as I said on the first page we should just make a sticky a very detailed post on the authentic rules, terms and conditions of polygamy which inshaAllah everyone can refer to clarify any questions or misunderstandings.

I think this would really help. I have seen so many polygamy threads asking similar questions.
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Muezzin
05-12-2016, 08:45 AM
Islam permits men to have up to four wives concurrently. They must all be treated equally and justly.

To have more than one wife is a very individual decision based on various factors. In the case of this thread, it would be wise for the man to see what impact the decision to have another wife will have on his existing one, and for them both to privately discuss any issues which may have led to this decision. Inshallah this will lead to greater understanding and peace of mind among them, whatever decision is reached.
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ardianto
05-12-2016, 08:45 AM
Few of my youth friends came from polygamous families. I knew personally with their fathers, and I had no problem with them. Now few of my other friends commit polygamy, and I have no problem with them. We respect each other.

But unfortunately nowadays there are few people who provoke monogamous men like me. They call us westernized, anti-sunnah, anti-Islam. This is what I don't like. This is what I don't understand. Why they accuse us like this?. Why they make takfir on us?. Why can't they respect Muslims who choose monogamy?.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 09:29 AM
Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Wassalam.

I just hope that if they are new to Islam then they should make an effort in learning its teachings, so, if something is said out of context which is against Islam then it must be corrected, insha'allah we all make effort.
My main objective here is to make Muslims aware that they should NOT learn on the net, go to authentic sources rather and favourite other objective is to anger the kaafir pigs
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Umm Abed
05-12-2016, 09:37 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
My main objective here is to make Muslims aware that they should NOT learn on the net, go to authentic sources rather and favourite other objective is to anger the kaafir pigs
I understand that not everyone have access to scholars personally, so it makes a difference to learn from reliable sources.

Internet can be a blessing when used in the right way so therefore, if we have access to good links that will help a great deal, insha'allah.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 09:52 AM
Originally Posted by Umm Abed
I understand that not everyone have access to scholars personally, so it makes a difference to learn from reliable sources.

Internet can be a blessing when used in the right way so therefore, if we have access to good links that will help a great deal, insha'allah.
There's too many yahoodi sites oosing as Islamic site ( like this site, trust me, lol )

In todays times even the mufti and so called big shuyookh that's giving us bayaan from the mimbar could be munafiq.

I'd say the best scholars to learn from would be the Yemeni ulema ( Rasulullah SAW praised the Yemeni people in authentic ahaadith ) and those that are fisabilillah. Other methods are the 6 authentic hadith books, rather read these than reading books from scholars who could be munafiq.
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Futuwwa
05-12-2016, 09:56 AM
Originally Posted by Misbah0411
You know the Prophet s.a.a.w had trouble with his multiple wives because naturally the woman feels jealous and for other reasons. Are you going to say he failed at that also? Be careful with your flawed logic. Bottom line, it is permissible for a man to have up to four wives if he can do justly with all of them. This is the law of Allah. When Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter, all we are required to do is say, "we hear and obey".
When the Prophet realized that his wives had started competing for his affection and were immorally scheming against each other, he didn't lay back and enjoy the easy life, like a selfish man might have done. Instead, he denounced all his wives for their immorality, declared that none of them would have him until they'd all change their ways. He went to proverbially sleep on the couch of his own accord. After a month, his wives were repentant, playing nice, and begging him to come back. The Prophet restored domestic harmony by not tolerating immoral behaviour and by making his wives confident that they could act in good faith towards each other.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 10:25 AM
:salam:

Those who want a polygamous marriage should not be shamed or whatever. Those who want monogamous marriage, shouldn't be shamed or whatever, either.
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Misbah0411
05-12-2016, 10:41 AM
One of the problems is that we as Muslims have let the kuffar define what is right and wrong, what is moral or immoral, what is acceptable or unacceptable due to us living in their societies for generations and not living under the Law of Allah. We have become like them in our mentality and our behaviors. Which is why I see in some of these posts, Muslims reacting the way they do to polygamy or dating or showing loyalty and affiliation to the disbelievers even when it contradicts the Law of Allah and His Messenger s.a.a.w. The Prophet s.a.a.w said: "Whoever keeps intimate relations with a disbeliever and resides with him, then he is just like him." (Abu Dawood) Ibn Taymiyyah said:

"The state of a place reflects the state of a person. It is possible to be sometimes a Muslim and at other times a disbeliever; sometimes sincere and at other times hypocritical;sometimes good and pious and at other times rotten and corrupt. Thus, a person becomes like the place of his abode. The migration of a person from a land of disbelief and profanity to one of faith and probity is an expression of repentance and of his turning away from disobedience and perversion to belief and obedience. This is so until the Day of Resurrection."
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 10:42 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
Lol, she either ignorant or a spy
SubhanAllah. Your a bit too quick to judge your fellow Muslims aren't you?
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 10:54 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
Anti polygamists, come I tell ull sum thing straight forward, ull think like kuffaar.

Indoctrination
No one said its wrong! Allah swt knows best and whatever He has ordered is right no doubt. Being a Muslim is submission to the will of Allah but I'm sure we all got questions right? That doesn't mean we are against what Allah has said (Astagferullah) there are many things I don't know and all I can say is they Allahs rules and orders so no doubt they are right I don't overthink about them. But here we are talking about men who don't consider about the woman, when I was little and heard my parents arguments I always heard my dad saying "il get married again to a 16,17 year old young virgin girl" if they wanna follow the sunnah follow it right why say such things to your wife?? The one who has your children raises them cooks and cleans for u which isn't even her duty or responsibility that's how you repay her??
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 11:17 AM
Originally Posted by Futuwwa
When the Prophet realized that his wives had started competing for his affection and were immorally scheming against each other, he didn't lay back and enjoy the easy life, like a selfish man might have done. Instead, he denounced all his wives for their immorality, declared that none of them would have him until they'd all change their ways. He went to proverbially sleep on the couch of his own accord. After a month, his wives were repentant, playing nice, and begging him to come back. The Prophet restored domestic harmony by not tolerating immoral behaviour and by making his wives confident that they could act in good faith towards each other.
Iv said b4 aswell no man can ever be like the prophet pbuh, any woman would want to be with nabi of Allah even if they felt jealous they were blessed to have him as a husband. This might sound stupid but the prophet didn't have 2nd wife when his first wife was alive so why don't men nowadays do same? Stupid but yeah..

Some people here have said its kuffar way of thinking don't know what gave them that idea. I don't think think iv said its wrong it is allowed and should be Allah knows best..but when your happy with your wife and kids there is no need to marry again, you can BUT if you care about your wife and kids how it would effect them tthen you wouldn't..if she's not doing what she should then you can go ahead but still warn her first.

*nowhere Iv said its wrong so don't want anyone attacking me*
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 11:37 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
:salam:

Those who want a polygamous marriage should not be shamed or whatever. Those who want monogamous marriage, shouldn't be shamed or whatever, either.
Walaikum Salaam:

Yep, but Iv not seen people doing it for the right reasons:) I guess you think it's fine..
Allah has allowed it so I'm sure there are best reasons behind it but what people nowadays do is not right..there are reason which I agree with Alhamdulillah even if I didn't know of any I'd be fine coz Allah is never unjust. Islam was and still is prefect religion for me SubhanAllah just because I'm not happy with what people are doing or potraying it il not let it affect my imaan in sha Allah.

Only thing I'm saying is when your happily married u got perfect wife then there is no need for such step you should "think" about her health I'm sure that's not too much to ask for.

Like one brother said some sisters happily accept it and SubhanAllah that's really good, they accept it and their husbands go ahead with it same like that why can't men take a step back when the wife is not happy..we all know many women suffer from depression but the husband being the reason for depression is not right is it? That too when the relationship lacks nothing
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 11:58 AM
I just want to make things clear here I Am not against what Allah has said (Astagferullah) I am a Muslim I cannot even let such thoughts come in my mind. I haven't said its wrong I just wanted to know some things and they are still unanswered (rules and conditions) I wasn't even saying its wrong But men who do not think about first wife are wrong (some brother do I guess not judging anyone) if she is not completing his needs or is a bad person then go ahead with it..only point I was trying to make was if she's a good person she only lives for you then don't hurt her think about her feelings and emotions. How would you feel your wife falls in love with someone outside marriage? She leaves you and married him?? I know men can and do keep the first wife but how do u expect her to share you?? And I really don't want no answers from anyone now some people are just attacking me here things can be said nicely and in good manners without making fun out of someone. I dont just get the information from Internet and believe everything..I know where to learn from "Quran and Hadith" and that's what il do, feel like and idiot starting this thread..I hope people don't go to non Muslims with harsh comments and tone..yes tell them exactly what Allah and prophet pbuh have said Islam doesn't change for no one but there is a way to get your point across. Thank you for your time:) May Allah bless you all.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 12:04 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
No one said its wrong! Allah swt knows best and whatever He has ordered is right no doubt. Being a Muslim is submission to the will of Allah but I'm sure we all got questions right? That doesn't mean we are against what Allah has said (Astagferullah) there are many things I don't know and all I can say is they Allahs rules and orders so no doubt they are right I don't overthink about them. But here we are talking about men who don't consider about the woman, when I was little and heard my parents arguments I always heard my dad saying "il get married again to a 16,17 year old young virgin girl" if they wanna follow the sunnah follow it right why say such things to your wife?? The one who has your children raises them cooks and cleans for u which isn't even her duty or responsibility that's how you repay her??

K, lets put things into perspective regarding paying a person back,

Can you repay ur parents ? If not, then why get married and move out of the house and spend less time with them and help them less ??
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 12:09 PM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
K, lets put things into perspective regarding paying a person back,

Can you repay ur parents ? If not, then why get married and move out of the house and spend less time with them and help them less ??
No comments. Iv got a lot to say but I won't..have a good day:)
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 12:47 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
SubhanAllah. Your a bit too quick to judge your fellow Muslims aren't you?
No, u just wont listen. How many posts have people been explaining to you.

If u are a muslim then I apologise for calling u ignorant.

I'm gona start a thread just now regarding Umar r.a. InshaALLAH , please read and comment also. One of his sayings.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 01:01 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
No comments. Iv got a lot to say but I won't..have a good day:)
Okay
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 01:03 PM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
No, u just wont listen. How many posts have people been explaining to you.

If u are a muslim then I apologise for calling u ignorant.

I'm gona start a thread just now regarding Umar r.a. InshaALLAH , please read and comment also. One of his sayings.
i read everything posted here..and I keep repeating I know it's allowed in Islam but I was talking about men who don't consider about their wives feelings and no one here said yeah a man should consider about his wives feelings it's like she's not worth it:) all I know is women trust men, hardly anyone has this as a marriage contract condition that he won't marry again while they are together because women don't even think hel do that, wallahi I'd be jealous if my husband has another wife so this definitely will be in my marriage contract anyway will end the topic here now.

no hard feelings..

Asalaamu Alaikum.
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Muezzin
05-12-2016, 01:04 PM
Does anyone else think this thread has run its course?

If not, please can we discuss the topic, not the person who posted it or the people commenting on it?
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nadinesauriol
05-12-2016, 01:05 PM
Salam Walikum

Not Good for second wife.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 01:07 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Walaikum Salaam:

Yep, but Iv not seen people doing it for the right reasons:) I guess you think it's fine..
Allah has allowed it so I'm sure there are best reasons behind it but what people nowadays do is not right..there are reason which I agree with Alhamdulillah even if I didn't know of any I'd be fine coz Allah is never unjust. Islam was and still is prefect religion for me SubhanAllah just because I'm not happy with what people are doing or potraying it il not let it affect my imaan in sha Allah.

Only thing I'm saying is when your happily married u got perfect wife then there is no need for such step you should "think" about her health I'm sure that's not too much to ask for.

Like one brother said some sisters happily accept it and SubhanAllah that's really good, they accept it and their husbands go ahead with it same like that why can't men take a step back when the wife is not happy..we all know many women suffer from depression but the husband being the reason for depression is not right is it? That too when the relationship lacks nothing
some men marry again, cuz the first wife isn't enough to satisfy his desire. So yes, the relationship lacks if the intimacy is not enough.

The reason to marry is to do a sunnah, but also to satisfy one's desire in a halal way. What is wrong with that?

If one becomes miserable because he has to suppress his desires.....

Sorry, but I won't follow your advice. If someone wants polygamy let him have it.
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Muezzin
05-12-2016, 01:13 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
i read everything posted here..and I keep repeating I know it's allowed in Islam but I was talking about men who don't consider about their wives feelings and no one here said yeah a man should consider about his wives feelings it's like she's not worth it:)
Said this earlier: If a man intends to marry a second wife, it would be wise for him to consider the impact this would would have on his first wife. In the case of this particular thread, it would be wise for the man to discuss privately with his first wife why he is considering polygamy, as this would promote greater understanding and peace of mind between them, whatever decision is made.
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 01:19 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
i read everything posted here..and I keep repeating I know it's allowed in Islam but I was talking about men who don't consider about their wives feelings and no one here said yeah a man should consider about his wives feelings it's like she's not worth it:) all I know is women trust men, hardly anyone has this as a marriage contract condition that he won't marry again while they are together because women don't even think hel do that, wallahi I'd be jealous if my husband has another wife so this definitely will be in my marriage contract anyway will end the topic here now.

no hard feelings..

Asalaamu Alaikum.
mmmm u see if u putting it in ur marriage contract, how can you do it as a Muslim ? Say ur husband wants a second wife, he will be restricted by a kuffaar contract to do a halal thing. How can u use a kafir contract to prevent a Muslim, while u are a Muslim? This is a grave sin

trust me, I am a man, think like a man, have male friends, I've seen things ( a long while back, the fitnah is gone worse ), things as Muslim people in swingers parties, make and female married and attending as singles ( without partners knowing )


Im telling you, we Gona stop people from halal, they Gona fulfil with haraam
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 01:37 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
some men marry again, cuz the first wife isn't enough to satisfy his desire. So yes, the relationship lacks if the intimacy is not enough.

The reason to marry is to do a sunnah, but also to satisfy one's desire in a halal way. What is wrong with that?

If one becomes miserable because he has to suppress his desires.....

Sorry, but I won't follow your advice. If someone wants polygamy let him have it.
cool.. And I never said follow my advice everyones free to do what they wish...a woman should ask for divorce and marry another if she's not happy with her husband. She should ask for divorce if she's not satisfied with her husband. She should ask for divorce if she falls in love outside marriage and wants to marry him she should get divorce if the 2nd wife is too much for her to handle.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 01:41 PM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
mmmm u see if u putting it in ur marriage contract, how can you do it as a Muslim ? Say ur husband wants a second wife, he will be restricted by a kuffaar contract to do a halal thing. How can u use a kafir contract to prevent a Muslim, while u are a Muslim? This is a grave sin

trust me, I am a man, think like a man, have male friends, I've seen things ( a long while back, the fitnah is gone worse ), things as Muslim people in swingers parties, make and female married and attending as singles ( without partners knowing )


Im telling you, we Gona stop people from halal, they Gona fulfil with haraam
As far as I know it's halal but il do my research, may Allah forgive if I am wrong. And if it's not halal I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who wants another wife so he can enjoy can love life while I'm miserabl. And let's say I get married and he wants to marry again just for desires then by all means he can go ahead but must divorce me. Not only men but women too should lower their gaze..most go out see people and they feel they should get intimate with them or they watch stuff online which they shouldn't which makes them want to have another woman..if your partners sex drive is really low etc then one can take that step but when everything's is normal then I don't find it right but yeah we all got own opinions..
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 02:00 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Said this earlier: If a man intends to marry a second wife, it would be wise for him to consider the impact this would would have on his first wife. In the case of this particular thread, it would be wise for the man to discuss privately with his first wife why he is considering polygamy, as this would promote greater understanding and peace of mind between them, whatever decision is made.
Thank you brother. Doesn't take much other than to show consideration just so she knows someone does love and care for her, appreciate what you said unfortunately not many men think like that.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 03:04 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
cool.. And I never said follow my advice everyones free to do what they wish...a woman should ask for divorce and marry another if she's not happy with her husband. She should ask for divorce if she's not satisfied with her husband. She should ask for divorce if she falls in love outside marriage and wants to marry him and she should get divorced if the 2nd wife is too much for her to handle.
Explain this. Cuz tbh, I disagree, and I think that it is unjust. So you're just going to divorce your husband if you see another Muslim guy you suddenly love more? will you continue like this?
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 03:22 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Explain this. Cuz tbh, I disagree, and I think that it is unjust. So you're just going to divorce your husband if you see another Muslim guy you suddenly love more? will you continue like this?
Talk about double standards! Disagree all you like. It's ok for a man to marry someone he likes and wants to complete his needs and desires with her but if a woman likes someone and wants to make it halal with him people disagree wow her "desires and satisfaction" doesn't matter?? Yes people should love the one they are married to but as we are talking about men can marry whoever they want for their desires then I'm sure a woman can marry another so he completes her needs
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 03:26 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Talk about double standards! Disagree all you like. It's ok for a man to marry someone he likes and wants complete his needs and desires with her but if a woman likes someone and wants to make it halal with him people disagree wow her "desires and satisfaction" doesn't matter??
u don't understand.

If everyone was to follow their desires solely, there'd be divorces through the roof.
Tbh, I'd never marry a woman who'd jump from man to man.
Polygamy is permissible for men only. Silk is permissible for women only.
May Allah SWT forgive me if I said wrong. Ameen.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 03:29 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
u don't understand.

If everyone was to follow their desires solely, there'd be divorces through the roof.

a woman can marry whomever she wants, but to just go from man to man like that? I disagree. It is frankly unintelligent and unwise to just divorce, marry, divorce, marry.

May Allah SWT forgive me if I said wrong. Ameen.
Yeah your right men should follow their desires and woman should stick to one man even if they aren't happy. Never said they should keep marrying and divorcing or keep changing men..
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 03:37 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Yeah your right men should follow their desires and woman should stick to one man even if they aren't happy. Never said they should keep marrying and divorcing or keep changing men..
It seems like you don't get it.

Polygamy is permissible for men, but impermissible for women. That is how Allah SWT put it. So I don't care about your opinions when it contradicts what Allah SWT says

Anyways,

Ruling on plural marriage and conditions thereof:

https://islamqa.info/en/49044
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 03:43 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
u don't understand.

If everyone was to follow their desires solely, there'd be divorces through the roof.
Tbh, I'd never marry a woman who'd jump from man to man.
Polygamy is permissible for men only. Silk is permissible for women only.
May Allah SWT forgive me if I said wrong. Ameen.
Yeah same like that I wouldn't marry a man for whom one woman is not enough. No woman should and I don't think they do jump from a man to man your blowing things out of proportion here..I said it in general if a man can marry another woman coz of his desires he wants them completed with another woman then a woman can too ask for divorce and marry someone who'll satisfy her needs and that too by marrying and having a halal relationship I'm sure there is nothing wrong in that.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 03:45 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
It seems like you don't get it.

Polygamy is permissible for men, but impermissible for women. That is how Allah SWT put it. So I don't care about your opinions when it contradicts what Allah SWT says

Anyways,

Ruling on plural marriage and conditions thereof:

https://islamqa.info/en/49044
when did I say she should have 2 or more husbands?? It's not allowed but if he's not satisfying her then she CAN marry another person and that too after getting divorce from first. And as I said b4 doesn't bother me whether u agree or not whether my opinions matter to u or not. Peace.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 03:54 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Yeah same like that I wouldn't marry a man for whom one woman is not enough. No woman should and I don't think they do jump from a man to man your blowing things out of proportion here..I said it in general if a man can marry another woman coz of his desires he wants them completed with another woman then a woman can too ask for divorce and marry someone who'll satisfy her needs and that too by marrying and having a halal relationship I'm sure there is nothing wrong in that.
Beware of what you say.

Don't discourage polygamy just because you dislike it.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:03 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Beware of what you say.

Don't discourage polygamy just because you dislike it.
How am I discouraging it?? And I didn't even say I don't like it people can do all they want but I wouldn't want a man who does that. Just because I said a woman has rights too you couldn't take it.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 04:04 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
How am I discouraging it?? And I didn't even say I don't like it people can do all they want but I wouldn't want a man who does that. Just because I said woman has rights too you couldn't take it.
I know women have rights.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:06 PM
@Serenity

Dont want no argument with you..you keep saying "you don't understand" well I guess even you don't understated what I am saying, we won't agree and that ain't no problem.

Asalamu Alaikum:
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 04:25 PM
Wa alaikum salam,

Lets forgive eachother. OK? I forgive, even if you hate me. :D I think we misunderstood eachother. if one can't handle polygamy, one can divorce, afaik. Sorry.

May Allah SWT forgive us. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.
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EgyptPrincess
05-12-2016, 04:30 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
i read everything posted here..and I keep repeating I know it's allowed in Islam but I was talking about men who don't consider about their wives feelings and no one here said yeah a man should consider about his wives feelings it's like she's not worth it:)
You must be a troll... I told you umpteen times that is depends on the man. Some men will obey their woman with every command they issue because their love for them is so great they don't even want a feather to hurt them. Other men might consider her feelings and decide to marry another wife anyway. Then some men may not even discuss it with their wife and demand that they accept another wife.

Men are different, people are different. Tell you "friend" to discuss it with her husband and if she doesn't like it then she'll have to either deal with it or divorce him. Allah swt knows best our intentions and he will be the judge of this action.

Now please.. stop asking. Thank you.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:30 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Wa alaikum salam,

Lets forgive eachother. OK? I forgive, even if you hate me. :D

May Allah SWT forgive us. Ameen.

And Allah SWT knows best.
Don't hate you and I forgive you too:)

Ameen.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:34 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
You must be a troll... I told you umpteen times that is depends on the man. Some men will obey their woman with every command they issue because their love for them is so great they don't even want a feather to hurt them. Other men might consider her feelings and decide to marry another wife anyway. Then some men may not even discuss it with their wife and demand that they accept another wife.

Men are different, people are different. Tell you "friend" to discuss it with her husband and if she doesn't like it then she'll have to either deal with it or divorce him. Allah swt knows best our intentions and he will be the judge of this action.

Now please.. stop asking. Thank you.
Troll?? You keep saying that but Allah knows best I'm sure you wouldn't like anyone talking to you in such manner..that comment was not for you. People can go having different threads asking things right? But can't take when someone else is asking a question and you don't even have to answer simple as.

Asalamu Alaikum.
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 04:34 PM
Afaik, one has the right to divorce if one can't handle it.

A reminder: There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.

I am not married, so Idk what'd I do. But I'd take my wife's standpoint into consideration.

I'm not trying to act mean, I just don't want to hear any bad or kufr. Or stuff contrary to Islam. :/
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:36 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
You must be a troll... I told you umpteen times that is depends on the man. Some men will obey their woman with every command they issue because their love for them is so great they don't even want a feather to hurt them. Other men might consider her feelings and decide to marry another wife anyway. Then some men may not even discuss it with their wife and demand that they accept another wife.

Men are different, people are different. Tell you "friend" to discuss it with her husband and if she doesn't like it then she'll have to either deal with it or divorce him. Allah swt knows best our intentions and he will be the judge of this action.

Now please.. stop asking. Thank you.
Nowhwre have I said they are all same don't know what you have been reading..have few examples of people who love Their wives dearly and also gave examples of who don't care about their spouses.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:40 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Afaik, one has the right to divorce if one can't handle it.

A reminder: There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.

I am not married, so Idk what'd I do. But I'd take my wife's standpoint into consideration.

I'm not trying to act mean, I just don't want to hear any bad or kufr. Or stuff contrary to Islam. :/
Finally I agree with you. Never have said all men are same or all don't care about their wives I was just talking about the ones who don't and they should.
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EgyptPrincess
05-12-2016, 04:41 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Nowhwre have I said they are all same don't know what you have been reading..have few examples of people who love Their wives dearly and also gave examples of who don't care about their spouses.
You've repeated the same question a dozen times.. The answer has been provided a dozen times. What more do you want or need to know?
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 04:44 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
As far as I know it's halal but il do my research, may Allah forgive if I am wrong. And if it's not halal I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who wants another wife so he can enjoy can love life while I'm miserabl. And let's say I get married and he wants to marry again just for desires then by all means he can go ahead but must divorce me. Not only men but women too should lower their gaze..most go out see people and they feel they should get intimate with them or they watch stuff online which they shouldn't which makes them want to have another woman..if your partners sex drive is really low etc then one can take that step but when everything's is normal then I don't find it right but yeah we all got own opinions..

U don't have to do research, it's sunnah so it has to be halal, cum on man, stop playing games.


men will always love women ( besides the ones who are gone astray/ gay ), that why we get the hoor al ayn.

dont worry ur husband won't just marry just after he marries you, unless he is wise and has marital experience, then he mite do it lol.

dont fight it, ALLAH won't make something halal if it's Gona hurt a believer, think about it.

coz of our stupid actions we get hurt
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abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 04:45 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
You've repeated the same question a dozen times.. The answer has been provided a dozen times. What more do you want or need to know?
InshaALLAH she is a Muslim, the repetition of the same thing over and over can be a possible spy.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:46 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
You've repeated the same question a dozen times.. The answer has been provided a dozen times. What more do you want or need to know?
Females did say stuff how a man should consider about his wife but Other than one or two males here others didn't really talk about how a man should think about his wives feelings but now even brother serenity have said he would take his wives "standpoint into consideration" so that was the point for being repetitive coz not many men here were considering the wives feelings.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:49 PM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
InshaALLAH she is a Muslim, the repetition of the same thing over and over can be a possible spy.
Think whatever you like..your saying as though only a spy, troll or kafir would be repetitive?? Muslims aren't perfect even we can ask questions and be repetitive until we are satisfied with the answers. Your words can easily hurt people.
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 04:49 PM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
U don't have to do research, it's sunnah so it has to be halal, cum on man, stop playing games.


men will always love women ( besides the ones who are gone astray/ gay ), that why we get the hoor al ayn.

dont worry ur husband won't just marry just after he marries you, unless he is wise and has marital experience, then he mite do it lol.

dont fight it, ALLAH won't make something halal if it's Gona hurt a believer, think about it.

coz of our stupid actions we get hurt
Why shouldn't I?? I will do my research to make things clear for myself.
i know it's sunnah men can have 4 wives I was talking about the marriage contract..
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Serinity
05-12-2016, 04:51 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Finally I agree with you. Never have said all men are same or all don't care about their wives I was just talking about the ones who don't and they should.
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives, and when your companion dies, leave him alone."

http://sunnah.com/urn/637830
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Regrets1
05-12-2016, 05:04 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives, and when your companion dies, leave him alone."

http://sunnah.com/urn/637830
SubhanAllah.
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EgyptPrincess
05-12-2016, 05:06 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Females did say stuff how a man should consider about his wife but Other than one or two males here others didn't really talk about how a man should think about his wives feelings but now even brother serenity have said he would take his wives "standpoint into consideration" so that was the point for being repetitive coz not many men here were considering the wives feelings.
I apologise for being harsh with you. You have to remember though that this is an internet forum and it doesn't really matter how the members of this forum treat their spouses. They can all be amazing husbands or they could all be terrible husbands, it makes no difference to the question you posted :)

If your friend is not happy or her husband is not happy, there is no obligation to carry on with the marriage. Again I say that Allah knows best our intentions. There was a brother on another forum who rushed into marriage with an unattractive women and now he is unhappy, he can divorce her if he wants... simply because she is a dog. Again Allah will be the judge of this action.

When it's all said and done, a happy marriage is a healthy marriage and a happy marriage requires communication, compromise, love and care.

Sorry again for being harsh.
Reply

Serinity
05-12-2016, 05:10 PM
Beauty fade, love fade.... There has to be mercy and there is!

Allah SWT said that He SWT will instill love AND mercy in marriage. Afaik. May Allah SWT forgive me if I said wrong. Ameen.
Reply

Regrets1
05-12-2016, 05:13 PM
Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess
I apologise for being harsh with you. You have to remember though that this is an internet forum and it doesn't really matter how the members of this forum treat their spouses. They can all be amazing husbands or they could all be terrible husbands, it makes no difference to the question you posted :)

If your friend is not happy or her husband is not happy, there is no obligation to carry on with the marriage. Again I say that Allah knows best our intentions. There was a brother on another forum who rushed into marriage with an unattractive women and now he is unhappy, he can divorce her if he wants... simply because she is a dog. Again Allah will be the judge of this action.

When it's all said and done, a happy marriage is a healthy marriage and a happy marriage requires communication, compromise, love and care.

Sorry again for being harsh.
SubhanAllah. This is what I love about Muslims (non Muslims also) who without holding any grudges apologise and do consider about others..it's ok sister no problem at all and no hard feelings may Allah swt bless you:) sometimes we all keep being repetitive saying stuff in different words with same meaning just to get answers.

I wasn't judging anyone and I don't want to know about anyone's personal life..I generally said that men should care about women (I know some do) just talking about the ones who don't. May Allah swt guide us all. Ameen
Reply

Serinity
05-12-2016, 05:21 PM
:salam:

The wife should also be understanding and not jump hastily to conclusions.

As long as both parties understand eachother, there is no need for drama. May Allah SWT forgive me if I said wrong. Ameen. And Allah SWT knows best.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-12-2016, 05:25 PM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Think whatever you like..your words can easily hurt people.
Yes I do have a very sharp tongue, I sum times hear a plane flying over my house, I read the kalima not knowing if its a drone, lol

i welcome shahadah though, love it.

now I'm trying to get to a level higher, as siddique. Shukr the kuffaar create these sites, makes it easier to achieve this rank,


lol beat them at their own game, the fools.

u get an answer and u ask the same thing, Over and over again.

read 2 Ralasts of salaah and ask ALLAH for guidance for u, me and the ummah
Reply

Regrets1
05-12-2016, 05:34 PM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
Yes I do have a very sharp tongue, I sum times hear a plane flying over my house, I read the kalima not knowing if its a drone, lol

i welcome shahadah though, love it.

now I'm trying to get to a level higher, as siddique. Shukr the kuffaar create these sites, makes it easier to achieve this rank,


lol beat them at their own game, the fools.

u get an answer and u ask the same thing, Over and over again.

read 2 Ralasts of salaah and ask ALLAH for guidance for u, me and the ummah
May Allah guide you. He alone knows your intentions..

"Hudhaifa RA narrates: My tongue was sharp on my family; i used to rebuke them. I said to Rasulullah saw: i fear that my tongue will take me to hell. Rasulullah saw said: Then where has repentance gone? (why do you not tender repentance, so that your tongue may be reformed?). I repent to my Rabb (Sustainer) a hundred times a day (Musnad Ahmad)

"Umme Habiba RA, wife of Nabi saw narrates that Nabi saw said: The speech of the Son of Adam is a burden upon him (a reason to be held accountable for) except Enjoining Good,Prohibiting Evil, or remembering Allah"


Thank you for praying for us may Allah accept your dua and may he guide us all. Ameen.
Reply

Bhabha
05-12-2016, 05:57 PM
Guys there is a huge difference between equality and between difference.

In Islam men and women are equal in terms of their right to learn, to be educated, to earn, to raise children, etc.

We are physically different and thus we are each afforded different positions so that we can both as the husband and wife can balance that difference.

No one is inferior and no one is superior. But understanding out inherent differences in terms of our physical attributes and our emotional dispositions allows us to understand why things are the way they are.

We are equal but different. To those who say women and men are not equal in Islam, that is a misguide because you inherently do not know the WESTERN construction of the word and as such it's complete polar opposite, which is unequal and it is riddled in the inferior and superior binaries.

Difference should be used because is allows for variety as opposed for homogeneity. Muslims are not homogenous, we are all different and Allah created male AND female for us to know one another, not for us to be dominated by one another. But to learn and support each other.
Reply

Serinity
05-12-2016, 06:18 PM
:salam:

I am all for polygamy, provided there is justice, etc.

One should not see his wife as a slave, but as a companion - a best friend.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-13-2016, 06:38 AM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
May Allah guide you. He alone knows your intentions..

"Hudhaifa RA narrates: My tongue was sharp on my family; i used to rebuke them. I said to Rasulullah saw: i fear that my tongue will take me to hell. Rasulullah saw said: Then where has repentance gone? (why do you not tender repentance, so that your tongue may be reformed?). I repent to my Rabb (Sustainer) a hundred times a day (Musnad Ahmad)

"Umme Habiba RA, wife of Nabi saw narrates that Nabi saw said: The speech of the Son of Adam is a burden upon him (a reason to be held accountable for) except Enjoining Good,Prohibiting Evil, or remembering Allah"


Thank you for praying for us may Allah accept your dua and may he guide us all. Ameen.
Sharp tongue against the kuffaar that are mocking Islam is virteous
Reply

Serinity
05-13-2016, 06:51 AM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Talk about double standards! Disagree all you like. It's ok for a man to marry someone he likes and wants to complete his needs and desires with her but if a woman likes someone and wants to make it halal with him people disagree wow her "desires and satisfaction" doesn't matter?? Yes people should love the one they are married to but as we are talking about men can marry whoever they want for their desires then I'm sure a woman can marry another so he completes her needs
I can't pin point exactly, but please take back those words. I fear they are kufr. It is in Allah SWT's infinite wisdom that He SWT allowed polygamy for men, and not for women.
Reply

Freedom
05-13-2016, 07:22 AM
Hearing and reading the opinions of women, including Muslim women, I can safely say that a very good number have a mindset that is focused on equality. This is not a shock, because this mindset is prevalent in the modern world, especially in the west. Women are not ashamed to say that they will take more than 1 husband if the husband takes more than 1 wife. Nowadays women have power - they can choose to have a career and work to earn money, and most do. No verses from Qur'an, or narrations, will cause women to change their mindset. Advocating for multiple wives is a lost cause. It's one of those things that we Muslims should give up on. It's in the category of discontinued because no one wants to accept it, just like slavery.
Reply

ardianto
05-13-2016, 08:07 AM
Polygamy has existed since the civilization began, long time before the era of Islam. So, polygamy is not the product of Islam, but product of civilization that permissible in Islam. What the product of Islam is limitation that a man can have maximum four wives. Rasulullah and sahaba commited polygamy, and their enemies, the mushrikeen, commited polygamy too. Because polygamy was very common in their culture.

Since polygamy is not the product of Islam, then status of polygamy is mubah, permissible, and not wajib or obligated.
Reply

Serinity
05-13-2016, 08:19 AM
Originally Posted by Freedom
Hearing and reading the opinions of women, including Muslim women, I can safely say that a very good number have a mindset that is focused on equality. This is not a shock, because this mindset is prevalent in the modern world, especially in the west. Women are not ashamed to say that they will take more than 1 husband if the husband takes more than 1 wife. Nowadays women have power - they can choose to have a career and work to earn money, and most do. No verses from Qur'an, or narrations, will cause women to change their mindset. Advocating for multiple wives is a lost cause. It's one of those things that we Muslims should give up on. It's in the category of discontinued because no one wants to accept it, just like slavery.
1st, polygamy is not obligatory, secondly, their jealousy does not justify their condemnation of polygamy.

I don't care what women say when it goes against the Quran, and Allah SWT is never wrong. So their analogy that if a husband has 4 wives, then a wife can have 4 husband, does not, and will never work. Cause by Allah SWT no real man will share their wife, ever. It goes against the Quran.

It is haram, afiak, for a woman to have more than 1 husband. I don't care about equality as it isn't just equality if it goes against the Quran.

Shall we now allow men to go into women's change room? Take a bath with them after sports? No. There is no such thing as absolute equality. afaik.

Any woman who says if a husband can take 4 wives, then I can take 4 husbands, Are going against Allah SWT, and are being defiantly disobedient. Ignorant or/and arrogant.

A man and a woman are not the same.

And may Allah SWT forgive us for whatever we say of wrong. Ameen. And Allah SWT knows best.
Reply

Regrets1
05-13-2016, 09:37 AM
I seriously don't want this to drag.
no one said a woman should have 4 husbands BUT if she's not happy with her husband she can and should leave him and marry someone else that too obviously after getting divorce from first one.

I didn't wanna say this but I will coz I'm satisfied with it :D


"If a woman does not feel that she could allow her husband to marry than one woman at the same time, then Islam allows her the right to refuse him permission to do this outset of their marriage, however she must indicate this preference in the prenuptial agreement or she will forfeit this right under the Islamic law. If she is uncertain as to whether or not oppose to her husband marrying a second wife second wife later on, then she could include that in the agreement and thus make it binding upon her husband that he must consult her at that time and that he must then abide by her wishes"

"Praise be to Allaah.The basic principle with regard to the conditions stipulated by both partners in the marriage contract is that it is a valid condition that must be fulfilled, and it is not permissible to break it, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The condition which most deserves to be fulfilled is that by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2721) and Muslim (1418).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The basic principle with regard to conditions in the marriage contract is that they are valid, unless there is proof to show that they are not valid. The evidence for that is the general meaning of the evidence which speaks of fulfilling covenants:
“O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations”
[al-Maa’idah 5:1]
“And fulfil (every) covenant. Verily, the covenant will be questioned about”
[al-Isra’ 17:34]
and in the hadeeth narrated from the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) it says: “The Muslims are bound by their conditions, except a condition that forbids what is permissible or permits what is forbidden.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1352). And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever stipulates a condition that is not in the Book of Allaah it is not valid, even if he stipulates a hundred times.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2155) and Muslim (1504).
To sum up, the basic principle with regard to conditions is that they are permissible and valid, whether they are to do with marriage, buying and selling, renting, pledges or mortgages, or awqaaf. The ruling on the conditions that are stipulated in contracts, if they are valid, is that they must be fulfilled, because of the general meaning of the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations”
[al-Maa’idah 5:1].
End quote.
Al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 5/241 (Egyptian edition).
For examples of that ,see the answers to questions number 20757 and 10343
With regard to the woman stipulating that the husband should not take a second wife, the opinion of some scholars is that this condition is permissible, and if the husband breaks it, the wife has the right to annul the marriage and take her dues in full.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If he stipulates that he will not take her out of her house or her city, or that he will not travel with her or will not take another wife, then he is obliged to fulfil that, and if he does not do so, then she has the right to annul the marriage. This was narrated from ‘Umar, Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas and ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allah be pleased with them). End quote.
Al-Mughni, 9/483
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If she stipulates that he should not take another wife, this is permissible. Some of the scholars said that it is not permissible, because it is restricting the husband in something that Allah has permitted to him, and it is contrary to the Qur'aan in which it says (interpretation of the meaning): “then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four” [al-Nisa’ 4:3]. It may be said in response to that that she has a reason to ask him not to marry another wife and she is not transgressing against anyone. The husband himself is the one who is giving up his right; if he has the right to marry more than one, he is giving it up. So what is to prevent this condition being valid?
Hence the correct view with regard to this matter is the view of Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him), which is that this condition is valid. End quote.
Al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 5/243
It should be noted that if the husband breaks this condition, his wife does not become divorced as a result of that, rather she has the right to annul the marriage, and she may either annul it or give up the condition and accept what her husband has done, and remain as his wife.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allah preserve him) said:
Among other conditions that are valid in marriage is if she stipulates that he should not take another wife. If he fulfils the condition (all well and good), otherwise she has the right to annul the marriage because of the hadeeth, “The condition which most deserves to be fulfilled is that by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you.” Similarly, if she stipulates that he should not separate her from her children or parents, this condition is valid and if he breaks it, she has the right to annul the marriage. If she stipulates that her mahr should be increased or that it should be in a specific currency, the condition is valid and binding, and he has to fulfil it, and she has the right of annulment if it is broken. In that case she has the choice and may decide any time she wants and may annul it whenever she wants, so long as there is nothing on her part to indicate that she accepts it if she knows that he has gone against what was stipulated; in that case she would no longer have the option.
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him) said to the one who he ruled was obliged to fulfil what his wife had stipulated, when the man said, “Divorce us in that case,” ‘Umar said: It is a must to fulfil the conditions, because of the hadeeth, “The believers are bound by their conditions.” Al-‘Allaamah Ibn al-Qayyim said: It is obligatory to fulfil these conditions which are the most deserving of being fulfilled. This is what is implied by sharee’ah, reason and sound analogy, if the woman did not agree to become a man's wife except on these conditions, and if it were not obligatory to fulfil them, then the marriage contract would not be based on mutual agreement, and it would be making something obligatory upon her that Allah and His Messenger have not made obligatory. End quote.
Al-Mulakhkhas al-Fiqhi (2/345, 346)
And Allah knows best.


Reply

Regrets1
05-13-2016, 09:38 AM
Please close this thread.

Asalamu Alaikum:
Reply

Serinity
05-13-2016, 10:12 AM
Alaikum wa salam,

May Allah SWT forgive us, Ameen.

I see that we might have misunderstood eachother. Nvm, I forgive. .............. many things can be misunderstood. As long as what you do doesn't go against the Quran, then ok. I'm not trying to attack you.
Reply

Regrets1
05-13-2016, 10:40 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Alaikum wa salam,

May Allah SWT forgive us, Ameen.

I see that we might have misunderstood eachother. Nvm, I forgive. .............. many things can be misunderstood. As long as what you do doesn't go against the Quran, then ok. I'm not trying to attack you.
Ameen.

no Muslim would go against the word of Allah that's what makes us Muslims " submission to the will of Allah swt" we all know men and women both have rights Allah is not unjust..we just neejd to study as much as we can about Islam not just for ourselves but for others too so we can clearly answer their questions with proof, if we just talk about mens right or just women's rights not many people would wanna accept Islam. Here we spoke about a man can have four wives and he must treat them equally, women can't have 4 husbands but if she's not happy she can get divorce and marry someone else, if a woman does not want her husband to have another wife while they are together they can have an agreement..I don't think many women know about this and they should know it its must.
Reply

abumuslim82
05-13-2016, 10:51 AM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Ameen.

no Muslim would go against the word of Allah that's what makes us Muslims " submission to the will of Allah swt" we all know men and women both have rights Allah is not unjust..we just neejd to study as much as we can about Islam not just for ourselves but for others too so we can clearly answer their questions with proof, if we just talk about mens right or just women's rights not many people would wanna accept Islam. Here we spoke about a man can have four wives and he must treat them equally, women can't have 4 husbands but if she's not happy she can get divorce and marry someone else, if a woman does not want her husband to have another wife while they are together they can have an agreement..I don't think many women know about this and they should know it its must.
K do what u want to do, u came here for advice with ur mind already made up? and u not even married.

Ur agreement u mentioned is a kuffaar agreement, go ahead, its ur imaan, ur life. If u feel the kuffaar system is better for you, then u know what u are.

Done, mods please close thus thread, its pointless explaining any further
Reply

Serinity
05-13-2016, 10:51 AM
Originally Posted by Regrets1
Ameen.

no Muslim would go against the word of Allah that's what makes us Muslims " submission to the will of Allah swt" we all know men and women both have rights Allah is not unjust..we just neejd to study as much as we can about Islam not just for ourselves but for others too so we can clearly answer their questions with proof, if we just talk about mens right or just women's rights not many people would wanna accept Islam. Here we spoke about a man can have four wives and he must treat them equally, women can't have 4 husbands but if she's not happy she can get divorce and marry someone else, if a woman does not want her husband to have another wife while they are together they can have an agreement..I don't think many women know about this and they should know it its must.
I am single, and not married, and I've not read so much into rights, etc. so Idk much about my wife's right or my rights, (some I do).

The wife should read on husband's rights, and the husband on wife's rights. That way one is not ignorant of what obligations one has to fulfill, and it will, In shaa' Allah, reduce tension and misunderstandings.

What I am saying is, if I only know my rights, and the wife only knows her rights, then we don't know eachother's rights, and that is not ok.

There is wisdom in allowing the husband and not the wife. Pls be careful ok?

Allahu alam.
Reply

Regrets1
05-13-2016, 11:02 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I am single, and not married, and I've not read so much into rights, etc. so Idk much about my wife's right or my rights, (some I do).

The wife should read on husband's rights, and the husband on wife's rights. That way one is not ignorant of what obligations one has to fulfill, and it will, In shaa' Allah, reduce tension and misunderstandings.

What I am saying is, if I only know my rights, and the wife only knows her rights, then we don't know eachother's rights, and that is not ok.

There is wisdom in allowing the husband and not the wife. Pls be careful ok?

Allahu alam.

Yeah I agree and that's what I meant men shouldn't just know about their rights only but about women's rights too and women should know mens right aswell as her own.

"There is wisdom in allowing the husband and not the wife. Pls be careful ok?" Don't wanna argue over this again Iv said it many times I know why a man is allowed and women isn't but it's not obligatory and if a woman knows she won't be able to be with someone who will have another wife then they should have an agreement because it is allowed and a man who doesn't wanna agree by all means he can find someone who will happily accept his other wives.
Reply

Regrets1
05-13-2016, 11:15 AM
Originally Posted by abumuslim82
K do what u want to do, u came here for advice with ur mind already made up? and u not even married.

Ur agreement u mentioned is a kuffaar agreement, go ahead, its ur imaan, ur life. If u feel the kuffaar system is better for you, then u know what u are.

Done, mods please close thus thread, its pointless explaining any further
oh oh. I think you need to study more coz it's not kuffar agreement just because many people don't know about it or don't talk about it don't mean it's not in Islam. We don't have to agree you can kindly leave this thread I know anyone can reply but you are a stubborn person you keep going on about men's rights but can't handle that a man and woman can have an agreement and maybe some people do coz not all men wanna have 2 or 4 wives. I'm not married but I can still learn about my rights can't I? Since Youv started sending comments here all you keep saying is "kuffar" how can u even think I'm not a Muslim ok it came in your mind how do u keep writing it here?? Fear Allah..he alone knows what's in my heart and yours too but using that word again and again isn't making u a better Muslim showing hate towards me doesn't mean you love Islam more.
peace
Reply

Serinity
05-13-2016, 11:15 AM
I don't want to discuss this. If the man has a high sex drive, and the first way doesn't or can't satisfy that, it is better for him to find another wife. Better than committing adultery.

One of the reasons to marry in the first place: desires. If one can be just, and has uncontrollable desires, and has the means, then why not?
Reply

Regrets1
05-13-2016, 11:43 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I don't want to discuss this. If the man has a high sex drive, and the first way doesn't or can't satisfy that, it is better for him to find another wife. Better than committing adultery.

One of the reasons to marry in the first place: desires. If one can be just, and has uncontrollable desires, and has the means, then why not?
i know what I wanted to know..this thread needs to be closed.

Yeah...we spoke about this b4 too and someone did say if the first wife can't handle the second 1 she can ask for divorce. And I did say if a woman isn't satisfied she can ask for divorce and marry someone else as even you said marriage is for desires (and il make it clear she shouldn't jump from a man to man)..People can do whatever they wanna and il do what I wanna as long as its halal..we all think different..gonna end it here.

Asalamu Alaikum
Reply

Serinity
05-13-2016, 11:46 AM
Alaikum wa salam.

Close thread.................
Reply

Marina-Aisha
05-13-2016, 12:44 PM
I hope one day i have the strength say yea u can have second wife...but at moment i don't but i applaud the women who are co wives i thinks amazing that they have ability to do that.
Reply

MuslimInshallah
05-13-2016, 01:36 PM
Assalaamu alaikum,

(smile) Thread closed due to popular request. Alhamdullillah, that most were able to express themselves and come to some understanding of one another's positions.


May Allah, the Giver of Honour and Dishonour, Reward all those who strive to restrain themselves to Please Him.



  • :threadclo
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